Need some advice and name changes for this

My parents who are first generation migrants to the UK want to start a business in their country of origin and want me to lend them the money to start that business to the tune of around 20000. It’s not entirely enough to cover the whole cost but what is needed to start off but what would essentially be a franchise. The franchise is within the running of an petrol station.

My parents have never been good with money.... rent arrears, been declared bankrupt for other reasons, owe me from previous money which is now a ‘gift’ to them in the tune of thousands btw as well as my elder brother. The amount owed includes paying off other debts they have accrued including rent arrears for a property they primarily lived in but struggled to pay rent whereas I was living and working over 100 miles away. My brother and I have just written off all these amounts as money we are helping are parents with as they are our parents and we don’t necessarily want, need or expect it back. We currently help them with amounts here and there to prop them up.

Said parents though always manage to travel to home country once sometimes twice a year for often at least a month. They are close to retirement age with sketchy retirement fund plans except two properties in home country and what they would get from pension here so see this “business” as an opportunity to retire in home country.

They want me to lend them the money with stipulation that when they sell one of their properties I would get this money back. I’m not entirely sure if the worth of this property nor have I seen the paperwork to confirm that and any financial arrangement. I think they are just hoping I take their word for it. They realise for me to do this I would have to remortgage as I have savings elsewhere that will be needed for other things imminently.

I don’t want to remortgage and am anxious about implications of this but parents have become quite nasty such as threatening no contact because I don’t want to help them.

They have generally been controlling and manipulative to me over the years which has affected previous friendships/relationships and shaped the person I am today. I thank them for supporting me to be in the high profession I am today (which I am constantly reminded of) and has included some financial contribution from them. They paid for me to attend a private tuition college for 6 months (£4000) when I was 18 to improve my Alevels and get the university course they wanted me to. I did not go to private school however and they have never really “paid” for my education prior to that as such which is fine. I’m constantly reminded of this amount 18 years later.

I’m now really unsure how to handle this matter. Sorry it’s long but of course don’t want to drip feed.

Sorry I posted this elsewhere so might sound as if so

Blackeyez09:
Sorry I posted this elsewhere so might sound as if so

You haven't told us your home country so how are we supposed to know if the business plan is good or not.

Anyway, you run the risk of continually and perpetually having your parents run to you every time to "loan" money from you to prop up their investment.

If they are bad at managing money, you can be sure that that investment is going to become a black hole sucking all your resources.

You can sit them down and discuss their plans for retirement and what they can do that won't be too stressful as per old age.

Then maybe you and your bro can help set them up with something in your home country and employ a manager for them who will oversee to the financials and the stressful part of the job and report back to you as you'll tell your parents the business belongs to all of you in the family.

This will keep the business from draining your purse.

But no matter what, I think it's always a good idea to place your parents on a monthly stipend if you can afford it.

All the best.

Thank you for your reply

The business is in Nigeria

Yes I do give my parents a monthly stipend

What does your brother say to this?
You can help by getting involved if you so wish but I don't think anything good is coming outta it.
Sorry to say that.

No matter what you do, pls DONT remortgage your home and DONT give out your life savings. DONT!!!

you could become incapacitated tomorrow and your earnings affected, this could greatly impact your ability to keep up your payments and might result in you loosing your home.
Its a herculean task saving £5K in the UK much more loaning £20k.

Dont allow your parents guilt trip or bully or coerce you into going further in debt.
£20k is a verrrrrruyyyyyyy huge amount to loan and unfortunately your parents have a track record of not honouring their debts to family.
Besides, the number one rule with money is NEVER LOAN AN AMOUNT YOU CANNOT DO WITHOUT IF NOT REPAID.

You need strangers to give you advisory on how to handle your parents? Your parents did a bad parrntig job, obviously.

Re: Give them what you can afford, not a loan but gift.

I don’t usually ask strangers but given the circumstances I wanted unbiased opinions (ie not family, not friends both Nigerian and Non-Nigerian). Lots of topics about family advice so do not see the point of your catty and unhelpful comment but thanks anyway.

If you're a little bit free and have the time, why not get involved in the business with them by helping them set it up and ensure a smooth start up? Cos from what you've written, it's as though they are not careful with money and don't invest wisely, so I suggest you get involved.. You and your brother.

Don't do it.
Tell them you are equally in debt, and you've been trying to pay it off, and haven't been able to.
I say this because you know them. They are not financially prudent, and after giving them the 20k, you will still be expected to send feeding money to them monthly.
I would advice you to just make it a priority to send them feeding money.
They have no idea of the business environment in Nigeria. Even those that do are struggling. Most businesses are run down within the first 5 years.
Don't fall for anyone's blackmail

Give them if you can afford it. But make sure you make it clear to them that what you're giving them is their gratuity and they should not expect you to give them any other serious fund apart from maybe their monthly upkeep (if you wish to give them)

Make them understand the money you're giving them is a loan you acquired on their behalf which you will have to pay back. Hence they should manage the money well because you have alot of debt to settle.

eyinjuege:
Don't do it.
Tell them you are equally in debt, and you've been trying to pay it off, and haven't been able to.
I say this because you know them. They are not financially prudent, and after giving them the 20k, you will still be expected to send feeding money to them monthly.
I would advice you to just make it a priority to send them feeding money.
They have no idea of the business environment in Nigeria. Even those that do are struggling. Most businesses are run down within the first 5 years.
Don't fall for anyone's blackmail

@ eyinjuege, what gives you the impression that most businesses fail within 5 years in Nigeria? Many businesses fail because of different factors. Businesses fail all over the world. Not in Nigeria alone. There are businesses that are equally doing well in Nigeria. It is because you have not read about this businesses and their owners. I am just trying to tackle your hasty generalization .

As for the OP, I think he/she should do research about viable businesses in Nigeria that the parents can engage in. At their age, it would be better to open a business like Frozen Fish Store, Supermarket ( where you can send down even used items for them to sell there, alongside Provisions etc ) or help them set up a Poultry business they can manage. And you should try and travel down once in a year to checkup on the business they are running. You are in a very tough situation. I wish you the best. Cheers.

DO NOT GIVE THEM THE MONEY! Grow a spine, and stop being such a puppet!

The fact that they are your parents doesn't give them the right to your life's savings, so better stand up to them now and tell them you don't have the money.
They should manage the monthly stipend you send them, somebody that can't pay back 500 pounds won't pay 20000 pounds, and there will be nothing you an do about it.

Redman44:


@ eyinjuege, what gives you the impression that most businesses fail within 5 years in Nigeria? Many businesses fail because of different factors. Businesses fail all over the world. Not in Nigeria alone. There are businesses that are equally doing well in Nigeria. It is because you have not read about this businesses and their owners. I am just trying to tackle your hasty generalization .

As for the OP, I think he/she should do research about viable businesses in Nigeria that the parents can engage in. At their age, it would be better to open a business like Frozen Fish Store, Supermarket ( where you can send down even used items for them to sell there, alongside Provisions etc ) or help them set up a Poultry business they can manage. And you should try and travel down once in a year to checkup on the business they are running. You are in a very tough situation. I wish you the best. Cheers.

It's definitely not only in Nigeria that most businesses fail within 5 years. That figure quoted is generalised and holds true for majority of businesses worldwide. I doubt Nigeria is the exception. However, circumstances in Nigeria is even worse with all the palms you have to grease.
It's obvious OP is a busy woman/man. It's not practicable to expect OP to come to Nigeria, do feasibility studies and supervise the business he wants to open for his parents. Where will he get the time and energy to do that?
It's easier to build a business as a younger man than a retired person. Even if you're going to retire and face a business, you should have been doing it before retiring from your job.
Now, the OP has the advantage of knowing his parents even better than everyone on here. I don't expect them to suddenly become financially prudent in their old age, and I'm sure he would agree with me.
Particularly if they really expect their offspring to go remortgage his/her home in order to build their own retirement plan/business dream.
Being under the shackles of mortgage payments is like being an indentured servant. It's a lot of stress financially, psychologically and even physically. It would be unfair to put such a burden on one's child, and expect them to continue the servitude.

not to sound harsh, I will advise you get a solicitor to advise you properly.
1. u can give them the loan if and only if the sign over the property they wish to sell over to you.
£20k is not small money and if the money fails which I know it will, you will be left in the lurch and they will not be in a rush to sell the property.
also after giving them the loan and before the sale of the property, don't give them an allowance as u need the money to offset any loan and recover financially.

may God grant you wisdom.