Please i will advice you to go for prayers, for prayers changes things.

Meanwhile, i want to create a topic on nairaland, how do i go about it as the "CREATE TOPIC" heading is no longer visible on the home page of nairaland forum

I also have this tendency. Its some kind of emotional and psychological detachment behaviour. Its not a natural tendency but developed knowingly or unknowingly over time.

It can be beneficial when one needs to leave toxic people 'behind' or forget them. But its definitely detrimental generally in other circumstances.

Just like me, try to invest emotionally into your relationships and you will develop stronger bonds to people,

samysmoothfresh:



i'm so so nonchalant about most things.........things that normal people other people would worry about or take serious............things like, when someone dies, a breakup (bad or not), when thieves attacked my lodge one time, when i lose money or valuable things, calling, texting or trying to reach people etc.



I think that @ bolded is what's wrong with me.

same thing happening here. Been living like that for five years counting now.

sparog:
Just learn to be patient and try not to react to what people do to you hastily


Only u can help u, since you one that u don't like d way u "quit people", try to stop yourself from doing it.

Do not delete numbers and try to keep in touch with those that have hurt your feelings when your anger subsides

Plus it seems u have anger issues

He doesn't, because he can't even get angry.

krissconnect:
Hy, sorry to bother you, I don't know if anyone of you here is peculiar with my situation. I tend to give up on people easily, like a minor misunderstanding with the person, I clear their memory from my head instantly and it never comes back.

My 5 yrs old gf broke up with me earlier this year and I acted like nothing happened, I didn't even reply her breakup WhatsApp message.

I have a friend today and next day, I quit them and it doesn't even bother me. Since I'm growing older, it's started to bother me and I'm deeply worried prior to my relationship life.

I met a girl last week and cos she couldn't reply me on time on WhatsApp, I deleted her number and everything. It happens to me every time.

Pls I don't think this is normal, I need help.

my brother dis is me point blank

samysmoothfresh:



i'm so so nonchalant about most things.........things that normal people other people would worry about or take serious............things like, when someone dies, a breakup (bad or not), when thieves attacked my lodge one time, when i lose money or valuable things, calling, texting or trying to reach people etc.



I think that @ bolded is what's wrong with me.

What’s normal? Normal is so subjective.
Some people are expressive regarding how they process emotional distress , some take their time, and do things in segments while others just absorb things until they are saturated and then implode. We are not the same and you feeling that you are “abnormal” is you being hard on yourself unnecessarily. There is no need to feel odd. We are not the same you have been conditioned to think feeling and thinking a certain way is standard. It’s not.

TheWalkingMind:
He doesn't, because he can't even get angry.

Maybe d fact dat he doesn't get angry makes it easy for him to let go

I wished this was me then I wouldn't be this depressed �

Hector09:
the op aint working alone mine is even worst, there is a time i delete my parents number, its demonic as u said

lol

krissconnect:
Hy, sorry to bother you, I don't know if anyone of you here is peculiar with my situation. I tend to give up on people easily, like a minor misunderstanding with the person, I clear their memory from my head instantly and it never comes back.

My 5 yrs old gf broke up with me earlier this year and I acted like nothing happened, I didn't even reply her breakup WhatsApp message.

I have a friend today and next day, I quit them and it doesn't even bother me. Since I'm growing older, it's started to bother me and I'm deeply worried prior to my relationship life.

I met a girl last week and cos she couldn't reply me on time on WhatsApp, I deleted her number and everything. It happens to me every time.

Pls I don't think this is normal, I need help.

We on the same ship.
Quote me your solution, incase you find any

MissRaine69:

What’s normal? Normal is so subjective.
Some people are expressive regarding how they process emotional distress , some take their time, and do things in segments while others just absorb things until they are saturated and then implode. We are not the same and you feeling that you are “abnormal” is you being hard on yourself unnecessarily. There is no need to feel odd. We are not the same you have been conditioned to think feeling and thinking a certain way is standard. It’s not.

actually i don't feel abnormal in any way..........i literally don't give a fvck TBH...............i've cared less about more important things and this wouldnt count even count as "important"


I just saw your comment and thought maybe that's the reason i'm like this..


Thanks anyways.

MissRaine69:
It is a defence mechanism. You have learnt to cope with life disappointments and other unpleasant things in life by choosing not to deal with them in a confrontational way or process the emotional aspect that would be associated with such things instead you compartmentalise and be
have as if it never occurred. This leaves you vulnerable and also makes people think you are callous and cold. It’s not easy to find a way around this because this is the way you cope with things unless you can afford to explore other ways via psychotherapy for example . I would not be so hard on myself if I was you.

Great analysis.

Are you into psychotherapy or do you by chance know anyone who renders online services?

peacebe1815:
Read books on how to build relationship. I recommend you read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Am sure you will improve after you are through with the book.

Does those friends really wanna win you

TheWalkingMind:
same thing happening here. Been living like that for five years counting now.

feb 14th would mark my 8years anniversary living like this.


Sometimes this feeling is great cos when others are worrying (most times unnecessarily), i'm as cool as a monk but other times, e just still get as e be.


I myself would start wondering why the fvck i aint bothered about something that should freak me the hell out.

alveene:


Great analysis.

Are you into psychotherapy or do you by chance know anyone who renders online services?

Part of my job does involve psychotherapy but it’s focused on issues related to fertility and associated matters.

MissRaine69:
It is a defence mechanism. You have learnt to cope with life disappointments and other unpleasant things in life by choosing not to deal with them in a confrontational way or process the emotional aspect that would be associated with such things instead you compartmentalise and behave as if it never occurred. This leaves you vulnerable and also makes people think you are callous and cold. It’s not easy to find a way around this because this is the way you cope with things unless you can afford to explore other ways via psychotherapy for example . I would not be so hard on myself if I was you.

Seriously what's your profession? Your thought process is so so different from other ladies in this forum. I admire that

[This is my girlfriend we dont talk about our problems. She just wants to sleep and pretend it does not happen. Just recently we had an issue i complained that we have been dating for three years and she has not made one single sacrifice she acknowledged it and said she has not been in a situation to make. Since she is stil in school law school quote author=kingkuntaval post=74746860]

Spot on.[/quote]

Mac2016:

I am seeing someone like me after many years. Nothing in the world look so real to me even people and relationships. When you are near I feel strong connection when far away I fell strong disconnection, not hatred, but to me i just assume you are fine and good and shd not be bothered.
To relationship, once it ends with us, I may miss you dearly at first but later i get very used to your absence in my life that to me the person becomes more of a myth than reality.
It is well!

This is so me. Its difficult to forget when you see the person often, but once there is a consistent disconnection it becomes too easy.

MissRaine69:
It is a defence mechanism. You have learnt to cope with life disappointments and other unpleasant things in life by choosing not to deal with them in a confrontational way or process the emotional aspect that would be associated with such things instead you compartmentalise and behave as if it never occurred. This leaves you vulnerable and also makes people think you are callous and cold. It’s not easy to find a way around this because this is the way you cope with things unless you can afford to explore other ways via psychotherapy for example . I would not be so hard on myself if I was you.

He doesn't appreciate such a wonderful trait

Well it's not that bad as far as you're still in good terms with your parents and siblings....

Wish you the best

BTW i have a luxury watch for sale...check my signature

bro we gather dey nio ah swear...and most people tenk its pride and believe me,i might be everything but pride is not one of em.....
so i think its jst our ways of moving on with things,like we are tired of fights we will never win and so on.
it might be a good thing buh its also bad cuz we can neva ave a healthy relationship...i dont even argue or fight with pple,i jst give em space

You actually exhibit the trait of someone who is self-seeking, self-absorbed, conceited, withdrawn, self-interested and self-loved(narcissistic), simply put you lack self self-confidence. A confident person allows occasional criticism, openly allow himself to be corrected and inculcate or assimilate viable lessons from those experiences. In your case you disallowed and undermine these instrument of growth and development and therefore became stunted. You are however at the mercy of time as you are already wishing for a permanent relationship for which you are uncertain of its successes because of your past experience. However if you adhere strictly to this one rule you'll get out faster than you think. And the rule is this, start doing exactly opposite the things you've been doing before. For instance, If you feel like not caring, tell yourself I will care, if your expectations are not met and you feel like getting offensive don't withdraw just say to yourself, they are Human after all. Start reaching out to positive people you ignored in time past, learn to say, am sorry to some of them. Don't be afraid to have good people around you because of demand, just learn to handle them. Whenever friends come calling with their numerous demand just learn to say: o.k i can afford that or not available at this time or I will get back. Sometimes attend friends wedding even if not invited, pay surprise visit to some old friends you've ignored and who've shut you out of their life in return. Mend fences but don't be sticky or compromise your worthy and lifelong principles. Most importantly don't go clubbing as that may be counter-productive, maintain a regular spiritual diet let that be your forte.

mexzony:
Hmm. Omo this guy describe me except I don't forget people who really were good to me as I keep them in my heart but if you are the opposite ha wo you can even be in front of me and still feel invisible because I won't even acknowledge that you exist. The thing with me is that I can stay indoors for months without coming out and I won't even feel a thing. My mum's friend has tried to get me out of the house so once in a while I go visit her son since we are cool but then I am so comfortable being on my own eh to the point that she uses it to tease me like which kind human being is this. The thing with me is I hate drama eh especially unnecessary drama and I feel so irritated when people start their unreasonable behaivour especially when there is an obvious solution but you just want to be difficult. I love my peace of mind so much I don't joke with it.you and I can be in the same compound and you will think i travelled on an indefinite vacation cos you no go see my face. Its not a curse just make sure you are good to people who are good to you too and respect everyone humbly but let everyone stay in his or her lane unless we strike a very good friendship where we have proven to be loyal to each other.

Exactly describes who I have found myself to be. Only problem is the lonely feeling that comes with it once in a while. What helps is immersing myself in work. . Work makes me forget about the loneliness.

alexola20:
And my own weakness is forgiveness.
I too dey quick forgive the asshats.

lol, Because keeping a grudge is too much emotional stress ba?

I never give up on people that are close and important to me i only give up on people that fell the relationship is a burden to them those that fell like they are doing you a favour

As for the chatting stuff op continue to do what you do once you detect useless behaviour quickly delete the number and if possible block them. Most people are not worth it. Matured people dont play games!

Frustration is the price we pay for unrealistic expectations. Dont expect too much from people.

You mentioned you just quited your relationship of five years, how have you been in that relationship till up-to five years? that means your gal has been the one suffering it, you need to learn how to be a little bit emotional, don't be too proud of what you can do, learn to have human feelings, show care and sympathy and forget about being cold cuz you can't live alone, like me that am very emotional, I go just die be that having your kind of person around. I know people can Bleep up but give them second chance.

MyGeneration:
Mine is even worst, if I meet a girl and go through the stress of wooing her and she finally agrees to date me, immediately I loose interest. I stop calling or picking up her calls and start avoiding her, even though we have not had sex. It's really demonic

my brother very correct, Mine is that I can't keep a relationship for long I easily lose interest for no good reason

Almost Similar experience only difference is that my interest is lost after sex..

MyGeneration:
Mine is even worst, if I meet a girl and go through the stress of wooing her and she finally agrees to date me, immediately I loose interest. I stop calling or picking up her calls and start avoiding her, even though we have not had sex. It's really demonic

krissconnect:
Hy, sorry to bother you, I don't know if anyone of you here is peculiar with my situation. I tend to give up on people easily, like a minor misunderstanding with the person, I clear their memory from my head instantly and it never comes back.

My 5 yrs old gf broke up with me earlier this year and I acted like nothing happened, I didn't even reply her breakup WhatsApp message.

I have a friend today and next day, I quit them and it doesn't even bother me. Since I'm growing older, it's started to bother me and I'm deeply worried prior to my relationship life.

I met a girl last week and cos she couldn't reply me on time on WhatsApp, I deleted her number and everything. It happens to me every time.

Pls I don't think this is normal, I need help.

non attachment, you don't attach yourself to people and things, because there is a part of you that's closed up, you expect people to 'be humans'
now the question is, do you want to become attached??