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How Do Wives Whose Husbands Live Abroad Or Faraway Cope Without Sex? / Dying Husband Leaves House, Cars For Wife, Gifts His Company & $726m To His Maid / How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? (2) (3) (4)
|How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by bukatyne(f): 10:12pm On Jan 15, 2019|
Good evening house,
The Topic already explains itself.
In Lagos of today, how do a working couple with kids survive without a maid?
Practical examples pls.
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|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by thorpido(m): 10:25pm On Jan 15, 2019|
bukatyne:I think it depends (more) on the type of work the wife is doing.If she is self-employed, she arranges her work schedule around her kids.
She drops them in school,goes to her work,picks them up after school,they go to her place of work together,she closes and takes them home.
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|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by Rosarie(f): 10:30pm On Jan 15, 2019|
I just see you breaking down
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|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by ImaIma1(f): 10:49pm On Jan 15, 2019|
Everyone needs help whether from domestic staff or family. I met someone who said she wakes up by 3.30am latest to prepare her kids for school and cook before going to work.
How will someone like that get enough sleep and not break down. Help is necessary
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|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by TheClulssHomakr: 10:50pm On Jan 15, 2019|
Two words, Routine and cooperation.
It's only in Nigeria that we see maids as par for the course. Try that abroad and quench from the bills nah.
It's not easy but it is doable once the couple is willing to tackle things as a team. Not just one person carrying the whole house. E.g hubby can iron clothes while mum sweeps.
Establish a routine of sorts.
Specific shopping days for groceries. There are even IG shoppers that can deliver meat and stuff to the house.
Certain days for major cleaning.
Bulk cooking, none of that fresh soup every night palaver
Use appliances. Microwave, washing machine etc.
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|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by keepingmum: 10:54pm On Jan 15, 2019|
It depends on the jobs of the spouses. Early on in my marriage i was home with our 1st child. from 9 months old (when i resumed work) , i left early to work, dropped the lo with the childminder till ans picked him up till he started regular sch.
Oga was responsible for getting lo ready for sch from 3yrs - 9yrs. He bath, fed wore his clothes and diapers etc dropped him in sch in the morning because hes work was more flexible whilst i picked lo from sch after work.
When lo turned 10yrs, we got him a phone, he got on the bus and will ring/text once he got to sch and then i pick him up from sch.
However with lm, oga has become busier now so i work part time and do the sch runs then work. But at the weekends, Oga is responsible for the kids 100% whilst i do the cooking, laundry....oga dries the clothes and I iron them. He makes the bed cos i am rubbish in makings beds, he washes the bathroom and toilets whilst i do the kitchen cleaning and food shop
Its all about division of labour, mutual understanding and love for one another. We have done this over 15years and Oga is a decade older than i am.
But if you are married to an archaic patriarchal type of spouse who believes that his job is to shag you, drop money, eat food and snore then sorry na im get you
Rather than spending time doing housechores in your boyfriend's house, showing how much of a wife material you are, sit down and have these conversations to avoid stories that touch the anuss in marriage. Discuss finances, number of children, domestic roles, views on househelps/relatives visitings because trust me, when the cake and jollof rice you ate from the wedding party has digested, reality will hit and resentment may set in.
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|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by goat22: 10:56pm On Jan 15, 2019|
You Go chop beans? Hot one for mama talkndo corner under tree? The beans hot well well
|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by CaptainMitch: 7:42am On Jan 16, 2019|
No be lie, women dey try, e no easy to watch kids, most of them are bustling with too much energy. I like the idea of maids to help out.
|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by JoannaSedley(f): 8:55am On Jan 16, 2019|
thorpido:The op said couple not wife alone.
Imagine a wife working in the island going back to pick her kids in mainland then returning to work in the island then going back to mainland at the end of the day. That's like how many hours of shuttling to and fro ....kikikiki. Most of the time this is done on a public transport while Oga goes to work with the family car. Taking your kids to your place of work ...I wonder how many bosses can accept that.
The wife will do all this things then come back wash, cook and clean and then be expected to fvck all night long. Marriage is becoming less appealing as the days go by. This is no longer the era when you have relatives from all angle flooding your house.
|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by babythug(f): 9:44am On Jan 16, 2019|
From my own experience I can assertively state that it’s hard but achievable!
One commenter here already put it aptly if there’s cooperation between the couple it’s easier and certainly achievable.
When I did it I had a husband who didn’t believe in joining forces to raise the children and run the home. He believes the man’s duty is to provide and that’s that!
Again like I said it was very tough. In hindsight perhaps I could have been better organized - ie bulk cooking, used a wash man for laundry and get a weekend cleaner to ease the pressure? But then again affordability comes to mind with these extras!
If we had better traffic conditions and stable power supply it’d work better anyway . One can bulk cook and freeze with no worries as well as do laundry on the go etc etc . Also one can plan movements better and so on
Most important to achieving this is a cooperative spouse anyway and good organizational skills ie time management
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|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by imnotconfused: 9:49am On Jan 16, 2019|
I don't know if this counts as I don't live in Naija but I don't have househelps.
What makes the difference is shared burden/ shared work.If it lies on one person, there will be burn out.
DH and I work full time ,Monday to Friday and some weekends.
5:30 or max 6am alarm goes off.
DH does his brushing and co while I shower
I finish showering and do minimal dressing up and he enters to bathe.
I wake the kids and hand tooth brush over to them.
After that quick bath for one,DH comes over and bathes the second one.
We split the kids,I ensure one is dressed up,DH does the other then takes them downstairs to have breakfast while I finish my make up and co.
I go down and take over when I'm done then DH dresses up properly.
After breakfast,final dress up and shouting and we pile out.Dh drops us off- me at train station,kids in school and nursery.
I rush from work for school run ( they stay in after school club till 5:00),get home prep dinner for the kids,do some homework then shower for the night.I do this Monday to Wednesdays,DH school run Thursday and Friday.
19:00 Read to them,DH usually is back at this time.He comes up to do the goodnight and once they're tucked in we prep.our dinner,i heat the food while he does any dishes.
We chat about the day,eat and go to bed and then repeat same cycle.
We usually have a food plan for the week or at least an idea of what we will eat and put in fridge to defrost while at work.
Weekends if not working:
If no food,we cook.DH cooks some meals,I cook some eg he may cook stew while I cook porridge.We just subconsciously split who cooks what.
DH does laundry,I do ironing and planning outfits for the week for the kids.
I scrub bathrooms,he vaccums the rooms.
Sunday is eat out day.I can't be bothered to have extra stress.
It's not easy at all..very stressful but bearable with a partner who is hands on
Married 8 years plus
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|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by itiswellandwell: 10:01am On Jan 16, 2019|
Marriage is sweet if it's a helpmate to helpmate marital relationship and not slave to master kind.
Lalasticalala. Let's take this to Frontpage for new wedded couples and upcoming ones to learn.
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|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by AFONAMARO: 10:16am On Jan 16, 2019|
Planning, understanding and sacrifice.
I and my better half are engaged in a 7am - 5pm job. Kids (twins) are 2 years and 3 months at the moment, and are in Prenursery.
I leave the house 6am daily so as to beat traffic and drop them in school before settling down for my day's job. I pick them up by 5pm daily.
Practically, since my position at my place of work can permit me to close at exactly 5pm or so, I pick them, bath them when we get home, dress them, feed them play/baby seat them till they are ready for bed and turk them in to sleep.
Here is the division of labour. Wifey cooks during weekends, prepare their breakfast/launch daily, while I take them to school to and fro daily, feeds them dinner, bath them, baby seat them and make them sleep daily. I do the dishes daily after work to enable wifey rest a while after work since I return before her.
Note: We all wake by 4am daily and everybody knows their duties. Hence my ascertain about PLANNING, UNDERSTANDING & SACRIFICE
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|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by thorpido(m): 10:23am On Jan 16, 2019|
JoannaSedley:You have to read well. Not everyone works for people or live on the mainland working on the Island.
I wrote that specifically addressing the woman who has her own business. I also said wife because it's easier to handle for women.
It's not in every home that the woman does the cooking,cleaning and washing ALL by herself.
The sex issue.....she is not one like a bottle of beer where the one who drinks enjoys the beer but the bottle itself gains nothing. It's love making........not just for the man.
Choose the right man to marry.
|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by imnotconfused: 10:30am On Jan 16, 2019|
Hello thorpido,please can you expand on the bolded?I mean the easier bit?I hope you don't mind me asking.
|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by ImaIma1(f): 11:08am On Jan 16, 2019|
Well you cannot compare an organized environment to Nigeria especially Lagos. If I work in VI and I stay on the mainland. I drop my kid off at the creche, close work at 5or 6, and hubby closes same time. When do we get to the creche to pick child up considering Lagos traffic that could last hours.
In Lagos, you can't live by the clock like in organized countries. There are no tankers or trailers lined up on the roads in Calgary for instance that will cause traffic that would make you get home at 10pm.
And maids are not expensive as it is abroad. So the situation is quite different and you cannot advise someone in Lagos according to how someone in Maryland US lives
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|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by thorpido(m): 11:25am On Jan 16, 2019|
imnotconfused:Maybe easier is not the word to use.
Women are better at multitasking.
|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by ImaIma1(f): 11:46am On Jan 16, 2019|
I for one work very close to my house and my baby's creche is beside my office. So it is convenient and hubby has a flexible schedule at the moment which could change anytime now.
Still I feel stressed with chores and all even with help from him. He has already said we are getting a maid ASAP so that I can relax a bit.
My sis on the other hand works in a bank, closes late and doesn't get home till 11pm a lot of times. He husband works on a ship and is away for up to 4months at a go. How does such a woman cope without help.
The factors are different for different people. When I see people that have maids, I don't judge or blame them. If you can afford it, it's fine
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|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by alBHAGDADI: 2:56pm On Jan 16, 2019|
A woman's place is in the home just as a fish's place is in the water, but una no go hear.
Every woman wants to work and earn her money without knowing the much damage such is doing to her family especially the kids. You leave your kids at the mercy of a maid who might be possessed or simply wicked just because you want to be civilized and make your own money. That's why kids of today lack home training and are becoming horrible creatures. Look at all the young girls becoming twerkers on Instagram and running after Yahoo boys which the young boys have become.
A working wife doesn't only create problems for their kids but also for themselves. That's why many wives of today are looking ugly and old due to the stress at work. You wake up as early as 5am to beat traffic which you still meet. You stay cramped up in a dirty bus sweating with different people with germs only to get to work and still be ordered around by your boss in ways your husband can't even try. By the time you are 35, you are already looking like a 50 year old and unattractive. This can make the husband to start cheatin with campus girls. All of these for the love of money which never brings happiness.
Yes, I quite understand that some families need the woman to be working so as to support the husband, but it is wise to get a job close by and very conducive. And when you get that job, don't go chasing career or you will hurt your loved ones. Aspiring to be the MD or the GMD will only make you neglect your wife duties. A Husband is suppose to eat his wife's food, not a maid's. Same maid gets maltreated by these frustrated wives who are living a confused life. That job makes you neglect yourself, your kids, your Husband and God.
The sad part is that most of these ladies were raised by mothers who devoted time for them and sacrificed ambitions that would have made them selfish.
Since you've gotten the job, whatever it gives you be it positive or negative, just face it till you realize that career chasing and ambitions that make your family suffer is not worth it.
1 Timothy 6:9-11 (KJV)
9 But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.
10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
11 But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.
|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by keepingmum: 4:25pm On Jan 16, 2019|
Oga dont twist the bible to suit your myopic views please. If the man provided comfortably for his wife, she wont have to work. If the man wasnt such a broke ass, he would open a business of his wife's preference closer home, where she is her own boss and that limits the stress she undergoes as well as allows her more time for the kids.
If we go with your analogy, any wife could divorce her husband on the basis that he cannot fend for his family after all the bible says I Timothy 5:8 - "But if any provide not for his own, especially for those of his own household, he hath denied the faith and is worse than an infidel
Its not the woman's sole responsibility to raise the children. Its a joint responsibility by the couple
Finally, no matter how rich or poor you are/may be, its a foolish decision to have a housewife or poorly paid teacher/admin staff as a wife (for a lifelong career).
What if you die? how does the family survive on her 18K pm salary? especially after you have birthed 3 or 4 children with her? My dad died when i was barely 7, thank GOD my mum had a career and a good paying job to shoulder the responsibilities of the family.
It was a well publicised national disaster that claimed my father's life. Sadly, today, several families like mine who lost their breadwinner at that incident havent recovered. Some of the children dropped out of school and were never able to go back, some other families, their kids were sent as helps to people's homes where they were subject to all sorts of abuse.
So please miss me with the bullshiiitt!!, quoting bible to justify your archaic views!!
How about you also quote the bible that says though shall not commit adultery, abi is that not in the 10 commandments? Exo 20: 14 Thou shall not commit adultery so since when is a man allowed to sleep with another woman because his wife did not sleep with him?
Prov 31 talks of a hard working woman who works whilst looking after her home. Even buying vineyards (investments) and she gets national praise/award for her work - Is it from your kitchen or from her career that she gets the award
vs 31: Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
vs 24 : She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
vs 16 - 18 : She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable
please show me where the bible says a woman shouldnt work.!!
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|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by alBHAGDADI: 5:24pm On Jan 16, 2019|
You read my post but anger didn't allow you understand it. Did I condemn women working or was it not career chasing women?I condemned? I clearly stated that a woman ought to get a work that is conducive in such a way that he wife duties are not neglected. That way she can take care of her husband and kids and e sure her home is well kept.
You speak of the dangers of a woman not working i.e how she will suffer if her husband died prematurely. If such happens, which is very rare, then she can get a job. If a woman wants to work, then I see nothing wrong with taking up a job as a teacher which is more lenient and provides her the opportunity to have time for her kids because the closing hour is conducive. But I'm surprised you condemned teaching job which even men are using to raise godly kids.
Some times in our quest to prevent the unwanted, we end up creating problems for ourselves. Just cos you don't want your a wife to be stranded when her husband dies, you subject her to work and to chase careers to the detriment of the kids who get deprived of proper home training. The sad part is that you won't die but live to see those children grow up into miserable beings such that all the money you worked for won't be able to put them back in order.
You quoted a Bible passage to support wives working but failed to understand it just as you failed to understand my previous post. The passage is not talking about a woman who is getting Bossed about. It is speaking of a woman who is her own boss meaning she has her own job no matter how little it is. She works with her hands. And notice how the job doesn't prevent her from her duties as a wife and mother.
Look at the passage below. Notice how she gets praised even for that little job she does. The Bible calls her a virtuous woman.
Also notice that the passage in verse 15 praised her for rising early in the morning to cook for her household, a thing all the women on this thread are complaining about saying it is tiring. It will be tiring because all their time has been dedicated to a career Job.
10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13 She seeketh wool, and
flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14 She is like the
merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her
candle goeth not out by night.
19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth
girdles unto the merchant.
25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates
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|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by JoannaSedley(f): 5:37pm On Jan 16, 2019|
alBHAGDADI:Your post are always divisive. From compulsory tithing to this.......what the hell is wrong with you. Because a woman is working to help herself and family you are quoting and writing unreadable epistles. If we didn't, you call us unprintable names at the same time quoting proverb 31.
|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by redsocks(f): 6:04pm On Jan 16, 2019|
Op you have enough answers already.
Co- operation : balancing, compromise from both spouse.
Whatever the peculiar circumstance, there is a MIDDLE GROUND. With the above mentioned in place, FIND IT!
|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by alBHAGDADI: 6:05pm On Jan 16, 2019|
I'm sorry dear, I dont mean to be divisive.
My post is simply an advice for women who are working, telling them not to complain about how difficult it is to play their roles as wife and mothers alongside their career.
They shouldn't complaint and also they shouldn't abdicate their duties to maids.
|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by bukatyne(f): 6:15pm On Jan 16, 2019|
This only caters to dropping them off.
How does she really care for the kids?
I am talking about a full working wife.
|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by bukatyne(f): 6:15pm On Jan 16, 2019|
|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by bukatyne(f): 6:16pm On Jan 16, 2019|
Is she a single mum?
|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by bukatyne(f): 6:18pm On Jan 16, 2019|
OK, how do they handle/ keep the kids while @ work?
|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by bukatyne(f): 6:22pm On Jan 16, 2019|
Wow! The synergy is amazing.
|Re: How Does A Working Couple Cope Without A Maid? by bukatyne(f): 6:25pm On Jan 16, 2019|
Great, considering you are even the daddy.
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