phorget:
Just say "HELLO" to most Nigerian girls then you've automatically started to owe them.

MariaLavina:
That's because a typical Nigerian man says hello with money. From trying to look dope and classy yourself before you can approach a Lady to trying to get a lady's attention by offering to take her out.

The question is how many Nigerian guys can handle an independent lady? or How many Nigerian guys can get a woman's heart without spending? None! You spoil them yet complain? If you guys can detach your masculinity/ confidence from money, then women will learn and only want what you can offer.

MariaLavina:
That's because a typical Nigerian man says hello with money. From trying to look dope and classy yourself before you can approach a Lady to trying to get a lady's attention by offering to take her out.

The question is how many Nigerian guys can handle an independent lady? or How many Nigerian guys can get a woman's heart without spending? None! You spoil them yet complain? If you guys can detach your masculinity/ confidence from money, then women will learn and only want what you can offer.

Omoge87:
Dear OP.

I don’t really understand this philosophy myself. I am a Nigerian lady. I currently work, I bought and drive my own car. Have almost completed my MSc which I paid for myself. My point being as a Nigerian lady I have never cared about what material thing a guy has. What girls think a guy can provide for them- they can actually provide for themselves if they work hard.

I have only been in two relationships in my life - but in those relationships I never cared about anything material. I cared about their long term vision and goals etc... I remember my first ex didn’t drive. I am the one that would drop him home after church etc.. When they had a need I would help. When I had need they would offer to help and I would politely decline - if it was monetary - simply cos I don’t want any guy to be saying he did xyz for me. Also I noticed Nigerian men associate helping their girlfriends with sex - so far as they are gifting you and giving you money they expect sex in return and as I am not a prostitute - I decline such things. I would rather ask my parents if I had any monetary needs. I don’t believe boyfriend should become your driver or your bank when courtship and vice versa. When you are husband and wife - then yes I can accept financial assistance from my husband - but not boyfriend. Why should a boyfriend be paying my fees or rent? I just don’t understand it at all. A girl should learn to be self - sufficient - when she has her own she won’t care if a guy has BMW or plenty money. She will rather want someone who is compatible with her vision and life long goals.

Bottom line my philosophy is if a girl works hard she won’t have to rely on a man for anything- she will not care if he has a car or money as her first port of call. She will be interested in - does he have a Job, is he a Christian, family background etc... because she wants someone likeminded and compatible with her also.

I think it is laziness that makes some girls want to live off a man. I just don’t understand it at all. My brain cannot comphrend the thought. There is nothing like having your own independence as a woman. I am not a feminist oooo. I just believe in hard work so you don’t have to rely on anyone or beg anyone for anything in this life.

On this same forum there was a post that asked would you rather a rich husband that cheats but provides or a poor husband that is faithful but can’t provide. I just shook my head. Why can’t one just have a hardworking husband and a hard working wife who are both faithful and provide for each other’s needs ?

Omoge87:
Dear OP.

I don’t really understand this philosophy myself. I am a Nigerian lady. I currently work, I bought and drive my own car. Have almost completed my MSc which I paid for myself. My point being as a Nigerian lady I have never cared about what material thing a guy has. What girls think a guy can provide for them- they can actually provide for themselves if they work hard.

I have only been in two relationships in my life - but in those relationships I never cared about anything material. I cared about their long term vision and goals etc... I remember my first ex didn’t drive. I am the one that would drop him home after church etc.. When they had a need I would help. When I had need they would offer to help and I would politely decline - if it was monetary - simply cos I don’t want any guy to be saying he did xyz for me. Also I noticed Nigerian men associate helping their girlfriends with sex - so far as they are gifting you and giving you money they expect sex in return and as I am not a prostitute - I decline such things. I would rather ask my parents if I had any monetary needs. I don’t believe boyfriend should become your driver or your bank when courtship and vice versa. When you are husband and wife - then yes I can accept financial assistance from my husband - but not boyfriend. Why should a boyfriend be paying my fees or rent? I just don’t understand it at all. A girl should learn to be self - sufficient - when she has her own she won’t care if a guy has BMW or plenty money. She will rather want someone who is compatible with her vision and life long goals.

Bottom line my philosophy is if a girl works hard she won’t have to rely on a man for anything- she will not care if he has a car or money as her first port of call. She will be interested in - does he have a Job, is he a Christian, family background etc... because she wants someone likeminded and compatible with her also.

I think it is laziness that makes some girls want to live off a man. I just don’t understand it at all. My brain cannot comphrend the thought. There is nothing like having your own independence as a woman. I am not a feminist oooo. I just believe in hard work so you don’t have to rely on anyone or beg anyone for anything in this life.

On this same forum there was a post that asked would you rather a rich husband that cheats but provides or a poor husband that is faithful but can’t provide. I just shook my head. Why can’t one just have a hardworking husband and a hard working wife who are both faithful and provide for each other’s needs ?

Omoge87:
Dear OP.

I don’t really understand this philosophy myself. I am a Nigerian lady. I currently work, I bought and drive my own car. Have almost completed my MSc which I paid for myself. My point being as a Nigerian lady I have never cared about what material thing a guy has. What girls think a guy can provide for them- they can actually provide for themselves if they work hard.

I have only been in two relationships in my life - but in those relationships I never cared about anything material. I cared about their long term vision and goals etc... I remember my first ex didn’t drive. I am the one that would drop him home after church etc.. When they had a need I would help. When I had need they would offer to help and I would politely decline - if it was monetary - simply cos I don’t want any guy to be saying he did xyz for me. Also I noticed Nigerian men associate helping their girlfriends with sex - so far as they are gifting you and giving you money they expect sex in return and as I am not a prostitute - I decline such things. I would rather ask my parents if I had any monetary needs. I don’t believe boyfriend should become your driver or your bank when courtship and vice versa. When you are husband and wife - then yes I can accept financial assistance from my husband - but not boyfriend. Why should a boyfriend be paying my fees or rent? I just don’t understand it at all. A girl should learn to be self - sufficient - when she has her own she won’t care if a guy has BMW or plenty money. She will rather want someone who is compatible with her vision and life long goals.

Bottom line my philosophy is if a girl works hard she won’t have to rely on a man for anything- she will not care if he has a car or money as her first port of call. She will be interested in - does he have a Job, is he a Christian, family background etc... because she wants someone likeminded and compatible with her also.

I think it is laziness that makes some girls want to live off a man. I just don’t understand it at all. My brain cannot comphrend the thought. There is nothing like having your own independence as a woman. I am not a feminist oooo. I just believe in hard work so you don’t have to rely on anyone or beg anyone for anything in this life.

On this same forum there was a post that asked would you rather a rich husband that cheats but provides or a poor husband that is faithful but can’t provide. I just shook my head. Why can’t one just have a hardworking husband and a hard working wife who are both faithfulwou and provide for each other’s needs ?

Omoge87:
Dear OP.

I don’t really understand this philosophy myself. I am a Nigerian lady. I currently work, I bought and drive my own car. Have almost completed my MSc which I paid for myself. My point being as a Nigerian lady I have never cared about what material thing a guy has. What girls think a guy can provide for them- they can actually provide for themselves if they work hard.

I have only been in two relationships in my life - but in those relationships I never cared about anything material. I cared about their long term vision and goals etc... I remember my first ex didn’t drive. I am the one that would drop him home after church etc.. When they had a need I would help. When I had need they would offer to help and I would politely decline - if it was monetary - simply cos I don’t want any guy to be saying he did xyz for me. Also I noticed Nigerian men associate helping their girlfriends with sex - so far as they are gifting you and giving you money they expect sex in return and as I am not a prostitute - I decline such things. I would rather ask my parents if I had any monetary needs. I don’t believe boyfriend should become your driver or your bank when courtship and vice versa. When you are husband and wife - then yes I can accept financial assistance from my husband - but not boyfriend. Why should a boyfriend be paying my fees or rent? I just don’t understand it at all. A girl should learn to be self - sufficient - when she has her own she won’t care if a guy has BMW or plenty money. She will rather want someone who is compatible with her vision and life long goals.

Bottom line my philosophy is if a girl works hard she won’t have to rely on a man for anything- she will not care if he has a car or money as her first port of call. She will be interested in - does he have a Job, is he a Christian, family background etc... because she wants someone likeminded and compatible with her also.

I think it is laziness that makes some girls want to live off a man. I just don’t understand it at all. My brain cannot comphrend the thought. There is nothing like having your own independence as a woman. I am not a feminist oooo. I just believe in hard work so you don’t have to rely on anyone or beg anyone for anything in this life.

On this same forum there was a post that asked would you rather a rich husband that cheats but provides or a poor husband that is faithful but can’t provide. I just shook my head. Why can’t one just have a hardworking husband and a hard working wife who are both faithful and provide for each other’s needs ?

SyberKate:
So about 2 years ago when I was still dating my now ex I got a call from a family friend in the US, towards the end of the call she asked me if I was married yet and I said no but was dating someone and she was like "oh that's nice, what does he do" and I replied saying he's an accountant. She went on and said "wow that's great, and is he working" to which I replied yes. And she congratulated me and says "I hope it works out for you two"

Fast forward to today, I was at a Meetup with some old friends and one of my friends, lets call her ladyA was trying to hook up another of our friends ladyB who was single.

So ladyA says to ladyB that she has this friend who is single and searching and she believes ladyB will like him. The first thing ladyB says is "him get money" and I was shocked. Him get money, seriously that's the only thing that concerns you. You don't care if he has a job or a career, or a Christian or Muslim. If from a good family background you didn't ask any of that. But it didn't end there, so I forgot to mention we are 4 in ladies in this Meetup. So the forth lady, I'll call her ladyC now cuts in and says "what car does he drive? because me too I'm interested"

And I started doing some maths, we are 4 in a group and 2 of them only cared about material things to mortivate them to date a guy, that's 50%. Is that 50 percent or even more of Nigeria ladies think this way.

Now compare this to what I said in the beginning, my family friend in the US only cared about my guy potential, what he does.

I think I have said enough for now so my question is Nigerian ladies why don't you care about the guys with potential anymore?
Why do you think so much about material things and not what are more important.

The floor is open, oya start dropping your comments or excuses

Omoge87:
Dear OP.

I don’t really understand this philosophy myself. I am a Nigerian lady. I currently work, I bought and drive my own car. Have almost completed my MSc which I paid for myself. My point being as a Nigerian lady I have never cared about what material thing a guy has. What girls think a guy can provide for them- they can actually provide for themselves if they work hard.

I have only been in two relationships in my life - but in those relationships I never cared about anything material. I cared about their long term vision and goals etc... I remember my first ex didn’t drive. I am the one that would drop him home after church etc.. When they had a need I would help. When I had need they would offer to help and I would politely decline - if it was monetary - simply cos I don’t want any guy to be saying he did xyz for me. Also I noticed Nigerian men associate helping their girlfriends with sex - so far as they are gifting you and giving you money they expect sex in return and as I am not a prostitute - I decline such things. I would rather ask my parents if I had any monetary needs. I don’t believe boyfriend should become your driver or your bank when courtship and vice versa. When you are husband and wife - then yes I can accept financial assistance from my husband - but not boyfriend. Why should a boyfriend be paying my fees or rent? I just don’t understand it at all. A girl should learn to be self - sufficient - when she has her own she won’t care if a guy has BMW or plenty money. She will rather want someone who is compatible with her vision and life long goals.

Bottom line my philosophy is if a girl works hard she won’t have to rely on a man for anything- she will not care if he has a car or money as her first port of call. She will be interested in - does he have a Job, is he a Christian, family background etc... because she wants someone likeminded and compatible with her also.

I think it is laziness that makes some girls want to live off a man. I just don’t understand it at all. My brain cannot comphrend the thought. There is nothing like having your own independence as a woman. I am not a feminist oooo. I just believe in hard work so you don’t have to rely on anyone or beg anyone for anything in this life.

On this same forum there was a post that asked would you rather a rich husband that cheats but provides or a poor husband that is faithful but can’t provide. I just shook my head. Why can’t one just have a hardworking husband and a hard working wife who are both faithful and provide for each other’s needs ?

ednut1:
That is why they keep getting bleeped and dumped. If u have nothing to offer urself that is what awaits u most times.

funmisticqueen:
we dont care about potential anymore, because potential is just empty promises until it yields results. I cant gamble my happiness on a future possibility. I will rather have something i can work with

funmisticqueen:
we dont care about potential anymore, because potential is just empty promises until it yields results. I cant gamble my happiness on a future possibility. I will rather have something i can work with

SyberKate:
So about 2 years ago when I was still dating my now ex I got a call from a family friend in the US, towards the end of the call she asked me if I was married yet and I said no but was dating someone and she was like "oh that's nice, what does he do" and I replied saying he's an accountant. She went on and said "wow that's great, and is he working" to which I replied yes. And she congratulated me and says "I hope it works out for you two"

Fast forward to today, I was at a Meetup with some old friends and one of my friends, lets call her ladyA was trying to hook up another of our friends ladyB who was single.

So ladyA says to ladyB that she has this friend who is single and searching and she believes ladyB will like him. The first thing ladyB says is "him get money" and I was shocked. Him get money, seriously that's the only thing that concerns you. You don't care if he has a job or a career, or a Christian or Muslim. If from a good family background you didn't ask any of that. But it didn't end there, so I forgot to mention we are 4 in ladies in this Meetup. So the forth lady, I'll call her ladyC now cuts in and says "what car does he drive? because me too I'm interested"

And I started doing some maths, we are 4 in a group and 2 of them only cared about material things to mortivate them to date a guy, that's 50%. Is that 50 percent or even more of Nigeria ladies think this way.

Now compare this to what I said in the beginning, my family friend in the US only cared about my guy potential, what he does.

I think I have said enough for now so my question is Nigerian ladies why don't you care about the guys with potential anymore?
Why do you think so much about material things and not what are more important.

The floor is open, oya start dropping your comments or excuses

funmisticqueen:
we dont care about potential anymore, because potential is just empty promises until it yields results. I cant gamble my happiness on a future possibility. I will rather have something i can work with

pryme:


Why did you leave your ex?

SyberKate:

My dear see your life.
And what is potential again?
When you say you want something to work with, then that thing has potential
I think you just contradicted yourself

pacifik:


And that's the problem with our country, we're always praying... Even the Bible says that " God shall bless the works of our hands"... If I keep on praying without working then how will the riches come... Even in the Bible men like David, Solomon and Abraham compromised at some point in their walk with God just to survive...
.
.
My Brother when you find yourself in a country like this one, a country where "survival of the fittest" is the watch word then you've got to wisen up..
.
.
You talk about legal means of obtaining wealth, the word legal is outdated in the Nigerian parlance, it's only effective in the dictionary.... Even your president doesn't make legal decisions anymore... It's a lawless nation where you have to get lawless to survive...

MariaLavina:
That's because a typical Nigerian man says hello with money. From trying to look dope and classy yourself before you can approach a Lady to trying to get a lady's attention by offering to take her out.

The question is how many Nigerian guys can handle an independent lady? or How many Nigerian guys can get a woman's heart without spending? None! You spoil them yet complain? If you guys can detach your masculinity/ confidence from money, then women will learn and only want what you can offer.

ubunja:
how very true. Social Media wrecked women. Now they are holding out for that better guy who never comes. Too many choices is as bad as having no choices. It is until women hit the mid-30s and their looks start fading together with their power in social media that they wake up from this trance. By then they are useless as a wife. They have addicted themselves to male attention in the form of Likes and having enjoyed the worship of hundreds of men they can't really be satisfied with the worship of 1 man. They have been psychologically crippled.

ghettochild:

simply cos I don’t want any guy to be saying he did xyz for me.
What kinda mentality u been exhibiting?
No wonder u are not yet married...
Just continue doing things for you self n pushing men away from you by declining their help....
Maybe d degree dey winch or d fact u feel financially comfortable..
U go buy husband las las

Omoge87:


Yes I will continue being self-sufficient until God brings my husband my way and even then I will still be self- sufficient - but in a different way. I shouldn’t have to be disturbing my husband for money to buy pant and bra or for aso ebi money for my friends wedding. What’s his own with my friends wedding abi? If I want to waste £150 on my friends aso ebi - why should I be disturbing my husband for such things. Did he send me? If I am working and earn my own salary I can take from it and use it to buy the material - rather than disturb him. And that is what I meant when I speak about independence as a woman. I don’t wish to be a liability on my husband and vice versa.

Things like bills, family holidays, school fees, maybe he has an urgent need or I have an urgent need yes that is different - I can ask him for such things.

The Proverbs 31 wife is the yardstick that they tell use for us women - she was a credit to her husband. She was an asset.

My declining financial help from a boyfriend is personal to me - on this forum a girl having accepted assistance from a guy who has paid her tuition for her education- she has now graduated and is now asking should she marry him even if God has not said just because he helped her ? As in.... and for this very reason is why I will not. If I know I cannot marry a man or I am not sure about him - why then allow him to spend money on me lavishly- invest his time and energy- deprive himself of things for my sake - knowing I may not even marry him. If that is not wickedness then I don’t know what is. Also she may now feel indebted to marry someone she doesn’t want to because he helped her with her education. It is unfair for both of them.

Hence why if you read clearly I said my husband I can accept financial assistance from but Boyfriend I will not. I am not talking about let’s say he wants to help me fuel my car or we go out and he pays for the meal ... that’s fine - I am talking of big financial assistance like him buying me a car, school fees that’s a no no for me- husband yes ... boyfriend no etc....

In reference to your comment about me buying a husband - I don’t know which market they sell husband - but I won’t be going there. My not being married is simply because I am not in a haste. You can rush into marriage but you cannot rush out. Better take your time because divorce costs more than the wedding day ...

Peace out and remain blessed.

funmisticqueen:
this is toxic femninity at its peak. Bob the builder type of woman. I hail you.

Omoge87:
Dear OP.

I don’t really understand this philosophy myself. I am a Nigerian lady. I currently work, I bought and drive my own car. Have almost completed my MSc which I paid for myself. My point being as a Nigerian lady I have never cared about what material thing a guy has. What girls think a guy can provide for them- they can actually provide for themselves if they work hard.

I have only been in two relationships in my life - but in those relationships I never cared about anything material. I cared about their long term vision and goals etc... I remember my first ex didn’t drive. I am the one that would drop him home after church etc.. When they had a need I would help. When I had need they would offer to help and I would politely decline - if it was monetary - simply cos I don’t want any guy to be saying he did xyz for me. Also I noticed Nigerian men associate helping their girlfriends with sex - so far as they are gifting you and giving you money they expect sex in return and as I am not a prostitute - I decline such things. I would rather ask my parents if I had any monetary needs. I don’t believe boyfriend should become your driver or your bank when courtship and vice versa. When you are husband and wife - then yes I can accept financial assistance from my husband - but not boyfriend. Why should a boyfriend be paying my fees or rent? I just don’t understand it at all. A girl should learn to be self - sufficient - when she has her own she won’t care if a guy has BMW or plenty money. She will rather want someone who is compatible with her vision and life long goals.

Bottom line my philosophy is if a girl works hard she won’t have to rely on a man for anything- she will not care if he has a car or money as her first port of call. She will be interested in - does he have a Job, is he a Christian, family background etc... because she wants someone likeminded and compatible with her also.

I think it is laziness that makes some girls want to live off a man. I just don’t understand it at all. My brain cannot comphrend the thought. There is nothing like having your own independence as a woman. I am not a feminist oooo. I just believe in hard work so you don’t have to rely on anyone or beg anyone for anything in this life.

On this same forum there was a post that asked would you rather a rich husband that cheats but provides or a poor husband that is faithful but can’t provide. I just shook my head. Why can’t one just have a hardworking husband and a hard working wife who are both faithful and provide for each other’s needs ?

Omoge87:


Like I said in my post... I am not a feminist...you can be independent and self- sufficient as a woman without being a feminist. Is a lady supposed to sit down on her butt till her husband arrives to provide for her - her knight and shining armour.
One should be developing themselves whilst waiting on the person God has for them ... so yes I will continue to be Bob the builder with God being the main architect of my life till he brings the person I can build with and he and I can build together. We will take what he has built and what I have built and put it together.

I have a friend that does not work and relies on her husband for even just the basics. This man beats her up like there is no tomorrow. She endures because if she leaves him she won’t be able to survive financially. He is her source of income literally for her and her immediate family also. Why does he abuse her- because he feels she is a liability and he knows without him my friend will not be able to ‘survive’. When I see her I wonder ‘can this really be life?’. What drove her to this - is exactly what the original posted about - does he have money? Does he have car? If she had her own she wouldn’t have bypassed the person that didn’t have a car or 30 billion in his account - but had character and was God fearing - because her focus would have gone beyond materialistic thinking.

I hate to use this example- but it’s like DavidO and his GF - she has remained with her boyfriend that has fathered two children by two different women in the course of their relationship- my brain can’t comprehend why she has stayed (husband I can understand as marriage is till death do us part - but boyfriend?) However, I can only deduce that is simply because of his status (I may be wrong as I don’t really follow their gist) If she was self- sufficient would she have remained in such? (I don’t know - maybe yes, maybe no.) -However I know being independent comes with some kind of self - respect and self-esteem for a lady and vice versa for a man.

So my dear sister my post has nothing to do with feminism, but everything to do with as a woman just have your own independence- doesn’t mean you can’t respect or submit to your boyfriend or husband -

Remain blessed.

ImaIma1:


I agree with the social media aspect. The things we see on Instagram, FB, etc forms a lot of ideas in the heads of many ladies.

They want to be able to travel out and take pictures in different shops as they as shop and splash the pictures on IG for their high school and university mates to see that they are living the life.