keepingmum:
Your child has been supported since birth by her grandparents.
They provide shelter, feeding, clothes and education for her yet you are on a sosha media doing instagram daddy, buying ribena, biscuit and indomie once in 2 years and you think that makes you a daddy??


Whether you are in good terms with the mothet or not, your child will eat everyday, her diapers will be changed everyday, the house will need electricity and she will use water to bath, drink , for her clothes to be washed.
She ll need vaccines, coughs and colds which children often contract need to be treated yet you are sitting on your high horse, as a proud anambra man: complaining that they didnt respect you.
Please does respect pay those bills above?

Why didnt you use your highly regarded state respect to pay her delivery bills in hospital? Or use it for her feeding?

Did you take over paying her tuition in the Sept following April she started sch since your gross is the timing?

Have you bern supporting financially with bank records to proove it monthly since she was born? Or because the mother didnt dance to your tune as the self crowned Anambra Prince that you are , a child you call your own should starve and be homeless cos daddy aint happy with mummy and her grandparents?

Oga go and see your lawyer ohh, cos you have a long way to go and proof before you ll be considered fit enough for joint physical custody

Didn't read his post but from what you wrote, as he is from anambra, he seems not to know the laws which govern child custody in the state.
That child belongs to the girl's family. Period.
That is the law.
As long as he didn't pay the bride price. Take it to higher court, they will refer him to the customary court.
He should know the law.
Any child born out of wedlock in anambra belongs to the girl's family.

I disagree with your view point. Were you had out of wedlock? If no,then why will u subscribe to that? If yes, then it's not too late to change your mind set & accept God's standard of producing children,which is in holy matrimony. Thank u!

Elder0001:



This is the funniest shît I’ve read on nairaland this week.

People like you see marriage as an achievement .

You mustn’t be married to have kids

No thank you


I’m fine

Earthbound:
Saffi, would you do me the honors and let me rent your womb for 10 months?



Shebi you are seeing all these weird Nairalanders?

[quote author=faithfull18 post=75154042]Why do you men always do this, you think the woman isn't good enough for you to marry but she is always good for you to have sex with.


Even if you start a court process, I doubt you will win the case.

From all indications, she can duly take care of the child without your input.
You talk as if u don't know ur fellow women.....
How u explain when women pretend to be all good n godly n after marriage they show their true colour..
So shut up there o ye daughter of Jezebel..
U even talking premarital sex... As if u r a virgin..
May amadioha shut that ur Brain

Elder0001:



This is the funniest shît I’ve read on nairaland this week.

People like you see marriage as an achievement .

You mustn’t be married to have kids

Nope. I don't see marriage as an achievement if I did I'd have been married a long time. That said, whether or not it's an achievement, men should learn to zip up or use protection.

ifyalways:
Communication break down. All this problem started because of how you told her you don't have money . Since the child stays with the mother, there are some concessions you'd have to make (even if you don't really like it) just for peace to reign. example, the incident of starting school much earlier than agreed. You could have handled it better by either sending them a token of whatever u have or gently tell her you are broke for now but will send whatever u have later as opposed to sticking your feet down and insisting on September. It's not stupidity, it's called wisdom aka stooping to conquer.

From your story, the lady and/or her family can comfortably take care of the toddler. I don't know any court that will grant you custody of the child but you'd get visitation rights for sure if that's what you're fighting for. And also the mandatory monthly child support that you'd have to pay.

Im not sure going to court now is the best idea. Can you take a back seat from visiting and communicating with the lady directly and have either or both of your parents visit hers and have a chat with her parents( not her) i believe your parents will be calm and handle hers well no matter the level of provocation,if any, by the girls Mother. Please don't send only your mom o, we women are known to be petty.

No mother will like you or support you after you knocked up her daughter and refused to marry her so don't be surprised the mom did not caution the daughter while she was exchanging words with you. If you married her properly, her reaction to that incident would have been the opposite. I'm not making excuses for her moms behaviour Please, just trying to see things from a typical Naija moms angle.

If that fails then head to court. Since they stay in Delta, I presume the issue can only be sorted at family welfare courts in Delta state. Obviously,The lady wanted marriage from you and since that is not forthcoming, she's acting out.

In as much as ur advice seem nice n a lil edgy.... From d look of this.. If the op married this lady n starts having issues n come here to ask for advice..
Am sure u will blame him for marrying her n not seeing the signs..
We will be better people at judging others when we first try n psychologically put ourselves in others shoes/situation and u feel what they been going thru... Then u will know how best to judge or advice others...

Melian:


Nope. I don't see marriage as an achievement if I did I'd have been married a long time. That said, whether or not it's an achievement, men should learn to zip up or use protection.

Holy mary, mother of God
I hope u r zipping up too..
Our dear virgin Mary..

Melian:


Nope. I don't see marriage as an achievement if I did I'd have been married a long time. That said, whether or not it's an achievement, men should learn to zip up or use protection.

Holy mary, mother God
I hope u r zipping up too..
Our dear virgin Mary..

[quote author=ghettochild post=75172006][/quote]

And you with no brain, what should amadioha do?

Last time I checked, one of my rights was freedom of speech.

Ghettochild or whatever, take several seats down since you don't have anything reasonable to say.

TEYA:

Me? "Such circumstances"? Nope! I am happily married. But judging from the anger you are radiating, it is easy to tell youve been used and dumped several times like the girl in the story.

happily married indeed. it shows from ur unrealistic opinion that u av been used and dumped. I don't actually have time to be angry.u ar just upset am speaking my mind

Op is just an egoistic man. anambra men are full of egos. despite being a lady from imo I can't date or marry a man from there. they are just one specie of a kind. my first love was from there it was after he had his way that he told me he can't marry me because they don't marry from outside. op u need to work on ur ego. take it slow slow and steady wins the race. look for a mediator to come into this matter because u can't pray that your sister should experience this . no girl in her right sense will pray to be a baby mama except the foolish ones but it has happened beg the girl settle it amicably because from all indications the girl has gone through trauma.

ghettochild:

You talk as if u don't know ur fellow women.....
How u explain when women pretend to be all good n godly n after marriage they show their true colour..
So shut up there o ye daughter of Jezebel..
U even talking premarital sex... As if u r a virgin..
May amadioha shut that ur Brain

And you with no brain, what should amadioha do?

Last time I checked, one of my rights was freedom of speech.

Ghettochild or whatever, take several seats down since you don't have anything reasonable to say.

You can't even quote a post successfully, painment everywhere.

chrisj2:


There is no real evidence that the OP does not want to be responsible for the child... of course, he has made mistakes not the part about getting the woman pregnant because that takes two to tango.

* The OP is in a real pickle because the woman does not even need his money; I will also doubt she wants to marry him - perhaps? Nja and marriages as if that is all it takes to have a happy home or happy family - even a separated one...

He does not need to stress about birth certificate to set up a 'trust fund' - he can just open and account and not touch the money until the child is 18 or independent or wants to relate to him as child and parent.

I will advice him to move on and see whether the woman can come round or otherwise just move on; however, he can still try to communicate in whatever way he wants through third parties if need be. Access to the child is good but it has to be agreed and going to court and having forced access is not going to be beneficial to either party and the child. Women have main access and they can frustrate easily and the man might not even be able to make all access, so he will be labelled as irresponsible.

Just move on! If she wants to marry you or want you in her life, she might come back and you can then negotiate otherwise, it is what it is. You cannot win against a woman when it comes to children.

u sure have a valid point here.

Bonjelomo:


Violence usually involves more than one party.
We have to hear the other side of the story.

initially u claimed that ur baby father isn't responsible, and I suggested that u move the case to Family Court, via the Child's Rights Office.
If the Welfare office isn't taking ur matter serious, walk down to the Office of the Public Defender, Surulere, beside the National Stadium.

The case will not only be charged to Court, u will be given a lawyer if u desire, AT ZERO COST.

Peace be unto you

ok.thanks

Op, take the legal way but I can assure you that you will end up wasting your money and time

Melian:


Nope. I don't see marriage as an achievement if I did I'd have been married a long time. That said, whether or not it's an achievement, men should learn to zip up or use protection.

This is why the poster said the woman banging on about impregnating a woman is so in the past. Women can also put themselves in the Baby Mama position - some even steal sperms... It takes two when it comes to sex - was she forced? Could she have used the pill or insist on a condom. Whether the man was going to marry her or not is not that relevant: she got an unplanned pregnancy. I think marriage between the two is now too late - he does not love her and she is independent and strong enough (apparently) to be a single mother. Welcome to the 21 century!

iloputaife:


What I wrote up there is merely what I consider a brief summary so as not to make the story unduly long...

I will have you know that I paid a significant portion of the medical expenses despite the fact that she knew of the medical condition she had but chose to hide it from me.

You certainly do not expert me to give you a rundown of all the moneys I spent on my daughter but if you must know I bore the costs of her diapers, naming ceremony, birthday parties, clothes, shoes etc.

Please do not make hasty assumptions and refrain from calling me names otherwise you would find out that this forum is not as anonymous as you think!

Shut up !
Dream crusher !
All you Anambra men are the same !
ndi mmanyi si na mpanyi YOU ALL HAVE NO MINDS OF YOUR OWN !

chrisj2:


This is why the poster said the woman banging on about impregnating a woman is so in the past. Women can also put themselves in the Baby Mama position - some even steal sperms... It takes two when it comes to sex - was she forced? Could she have used the pill or insist on a condom. Whether the man was going to marry her or not is not that relevant: she got an unplanned pregnancy. I think marriage between the two is now too late - he does not love her and she is independent and strong enough (apparently) to be a single mother. Welcome to the 21 century!

My point exactly. He has moved on without the mother. Let him learn to move forward without the daughter too. He's a sperm donor. Let him accept that.

ghettochild:

Holy mary, mother God
I hope u r zipping up too..
Our dear virgin Mary..

Naaa it's not about that. It's just what it is.

Lexusgs430:



Rather than go down the legal route, creating more enemies along the way...... Your best bet is to seek a mediator (not a family member & not a pastor)..........

This bit you did not mention, you said was paid for by members of her family ......

Must he be involved in the child's life? He said the family take care of her. He's just looking for a weapon to use on the woman and it would seem the child is a tool of his vengeance. He's only interested in annoying the woman. It's obvious she doesn't want his involvement because nothing will come out of it, so why does he keep pushing and pushing to be included? There's something he's not saying.

He said the woman takes care of the child herself, now he says he does that. Let him pick a side of the fence.

If he has made things so bitter it is best he gets another family with whom he's ready to provide a stable family structure and not this caricature he presents while looking for sympathy and support.

Tellemall:


Must he be involved in the child's life? He said the family take care of her. He's just looking for a weapon to use on the woman and it would seem the child is a tool of his vengeance. He's only interested in annoying the woman. It's obvious she doesn't want his involvement because nothing will come out of it, so why does he keep pushing and pushing to be included? There's something he's not saying.

He said the woman takes care of the child herself, now he says he does that. Let him pick a side of the fence.

If he has made things so bitter it is best he gets another family with whom he's ready to provide a stable family structure and not this caricature he presents while looking for sympathy and support.

The ideal situation for a child, is to have both parents involved (if they are both alive)......

He must have handled some situations, in the wrong manner in the past, possibly hoping he would still win the battle with his attitude. It seems he has realised that the longer he left the issue, things are going from bad to worse......

What he needs is resolution, through the right channels............. Not litigation........

Lexusgs430:


The ideal situation for a child, is to have both parents involved (if they are both alive)......

He must have handled some situations, in the wrong manner in the past, possibly hoping he would still win the battle with his attitude. It seems he has realised that the longer he left the issue, things are going from bad to worse......

What he needs is resolution, through the right channels............. Not litigation........

It's ideal, but believe me when I say that some of such children do not care about the missing parent.

Sometimes not both parents must be there. He doesn't need to force himself there and try to be included. He sounds so full of ulterior motives.

He hates the mother, there is no way the child will not pick up on that. He hates the grandparents, too. What is he forcing himself there for? Why did he not take the child from birth since he wanted her so much? It seems like Vengeance.

He should settle it peacefully (and it seems it's only a marriage or disappearance from their lives that is the solution). Why he will not move on is a sign that he does not really love this child. The child is just a tool for him.

Or he can take it to court. He will lose even if he gains custody of the child. He will lose by depriving her of a loving family.

He should move on like the woman has.

His only claim on the child is DNA not fatherhood.

realtalk19:


happily married indeed. it shows from ur unrealistic opinion that u av been used and dumped. I don't actually have time to be angry.u ar just upset am speaking my mind

Tellemall:


It's ideal, but believe me when I say that some of such children do not care about the missing parent.

Sometimes not both parents must be there. He doesn't need to force himself there and try to be included. He sounds so full of ulterior motives.

He hates the mother, there is no way the child will not pick up on that. He hates the grandparents, too. What is he forcing himself there for? Why did he not take the child from birth since he wanted her so much? It seems like Vengeance.

He should settle it peacefully (and it seems it's only a marriage or disappearance from their lives that is the solution). Why he will not move on is a sign that he does not really love this child. The child is just a tool for him.

Or he can take it to court. He will lose even if he gains custody of the child. He will lose by depriving her of a loving family.

He should move on like the woman has.

His only claim on the child is DNA not fatherhood.

Let's give it to him, he is at least trying to be involved in his child's life (albeit many burnt bridges later)......

To every problem, a mutually agreed solution is always available........

Melian:


My point exactly. He has moved on without the mother. Let him learn to move forward without the daughter too. He's a sperm donor. Let him accept that.

The sperm donor part is way off - OMG! If he truly moves on without a second thought about the child, people will say he is irresponsible. At least, he is trying to contribute. Like I said, small mistakes can easily escalate into big issues and in fact, the small mistake might also be just an excuse.

The OP thinks he is acting as a father and making decisions when he is not in the position to make those decisions. The funny thing is that if he were married to the lady, she will probably have accepted that the child goes to school in September and the father's family will be making decisions too.

We men learn the hard way sometimes but it is not always about Ego... Why is the child starting school in April? Is it about child care issues or the mother think that it is better to start really early. I would have questioned that decision too as a father even if it is not based on money. * I think we are fixated too much about classroom learning and going to school in Nja - children are bundled off to school in uniforms at the age of 2+ in Nja. Does that make us better educated than the Scandinavians that start after 5 or 6?

I dont get Nigerian to be honest but this is a universal problem all over the world. Both parties should zip up if they do not want unplanned pregnancies. And marrying someone you do not love just because that person got pregnant is not the solution.

chrisj2:


The sperm donor part is way off - OMG! If he truly moves on without a second thought about the child, people will say he is irresponsible. At least, he is trying to contribute. Like I said, small mistakes can easily escalate into big issues and in fact, the small mistake might also be just an excuse.

.

He can't love her but he can Bleep her. Is this how we want to reason?

Melian:


Naaa it's not about that. It's just what it is.

Great! The women do not have to zip up - they can just lie there and get pregnant for anyone. if this man was so bad, why did she want to marry him? Another thing is that we do not know exactly what the woman is thinking or feeling - we are just taking sides and labelling and generalising.

Someone said the man wants to use the child as a tool? How is that? It is actually easier to be single-mother than an absent father trying to carry on in a man's world (it is for all its fault) and yet try his best for his absent children. There is nothing more emasculating than being a caring and loving absent father; especially one that has to bend to all the whims of his ex without being able to make contradicting decisions - he just has to take things easy all the time.

Melian:


He can't love her but he can Bleep her. Is this how we want to reason?

Stopping using terms like 'bleep' because you make it sound like she was being taken against her will. Do women not enjoy casual sex? Does it have to be love all the time? Come on! What are you saying here?

He might even have loved her at some point and falling out of love and it works both ways. Some women get married and soon regret it - despite all the mutual bleeping and the bride price and the rest... I will not advice my sister to stay in an unhappy marriage if she has tried to work it out and could not bear it.

I find you kinda of funny because I have lived a sheltered life and have never met anyone that thinks like that...

chrisj2:


Great! The women do not have to zip up - they can just lie there and get pregnant for anyone.

Lol. I already addressed this in my previous posts.

chrisj2:


Stopping using terms like 'bleep' because you make it sound like she was being taken against her will. Do women not enjoy casual sex? Does it have to be love all the time? Come on! What are you saying here?

..

That is why he should have used a condom. Responsible men wear condoms!!!!!! Foolish women let themselves get bleeped without protection.

chrisj2:


He might even have loved her at some point and falling out of love and it works both ways. Some women get married and soon regret it - despite all the mutual bleeping and the bride price and the rest... I will not advice my sister to stay in an unhappy marriage if she has tried to work it out and could not bear it.

I find you kinda of funny because I have lived a sheltered life and have never met anyone that thinks like that...

I'm a very objective person and don't take sides. I've addressed this too earlier.

Ok o. You win! LOL.

* BTW, the woman moving on just like that without the man can also have repercussions for the child especially a female child in Nja.

I think you women should also keep the man on side because you never know when you will need them.

Fast forward to a new relationship - many questions about where the dad of a her child is, who is going to give consent for this and that. You might need to prove full parental responsibility and so on.

Everything in a relationship takes two