₦airaland Forum

Welcome, Guest: Join Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 2,251,049 members, 4,932,308 topics. Date: Sunday, 19 May 2019 at 05:38 PM

Advice For A Sister I Love So Much - Family - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Advice For A Sister I Love So Much (1523 Views)

I'm About Losing The Man I Love And Being Pressured To Marry The One I Never Did / 4 Things To Do After You Are Engaged To Him (Advice For Ladies) / “I Married My Boyfriend Who Infected Me With HIV Because I Love Him” —woman Says (2) (3) (4)

(1) (Reply) (Go Down)

Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by Distintion: 1:33pm On Feb 03
Happy Sunday to you all.. please I need an advice, have been a guest for a while here, decided to join and seek this advice for my elder sister, she’s in her early 30, a graduate looking for a good job, and also believing God for a life partner, she met a guy early last year on social media, within few months he engaged her and they started planning a wedding, which was supposed to hold last December, we met the guy and he was an ok guy, In his mid 30 also, few months to the wedding we discovered the guy has not been working for months before he met my sis, he is stil living with his elder brother, a school cert holder, no savings, no business, no handwork, no nothing, he’s not even looking for a job, he is praying for funds to start a business, so he is just believing God for a miracle, my problem is will God come down from heaven and help him? Why can’t he just look for jobs in his level and start somewhere, he’s just busy applying for loans and grants and hoping to succeed so he can rent a hus and marry my sister , he seem to love her very much, but can love provide for the necessary things only money can buy They had to postpone the wedding last year cus of fund, now they are planning for this year December hopefully, it even seem she is the one giving him small small money for upkeeps as it is. Now my question is, should she continue waiting for him or she should start looking for alternatives cus time they say waits for no one
Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by madridguy(m): 1:37pm On Feb 03
Tell her to follow her heart.
Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by femidejulius(m): 1:39pm On Feb 03
Let your sister decide. That's why marriage is not for the young like you. Anyone planning to marry must be mature enough to be able to make critical decisions. No matter your age, if you're not matured enough to take these decisions, you are young and not ready for marriage.



Do you know why he is not looking for jobs? Do you think jobs are easy to come by these days? Even how secured are the jobs when you get them? How do you know he isn't applying? You think applying for jobs means you must go up and down these days? If he met your sister online, then he surely knows how to apply for jobs. The poor guy even has a business plan and wants funding! Even you claim he has a genuine plan to settle down with your sister.

If he eventually gets the funds and become somebody in the future, you will be the one who goes to their house and ask him for money.

You may look for the son of Dangote who will marry your sister if you don't want him.

9 Likes

Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by Kalashnikov102(m): 2:02pm On Feb 03
Jus pray let the will of God be done in their life.. The miracle breakthrough might be close!

1 Like

Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by Acidosis(m): 2:10pm On Feb 03
She's over 30, allow her make her decisions.
Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by Acidosis(m): 2:11pm On Feb 03
She's over 30, allow her make her decisions.
Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by adorablepepple(f): 4:07pm On Feb 03
Does the man support her success, is he trustworthy?? Is he God fearing And above all do they love each other? Because he is nothing today doesn’t mean he can’t be someone tomorrow... speak to him to know the plans he has for the future. Some people are not successful yet because they haven’t met their helper. Who knows your sister might be his angel. I have seen situations where a woman helps and encourages her husband to be a graduate and a successful person.
Most importantly is she convinced in the place of prayer??
Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by Nobody: 4:59pm On Feb 03
.

3 Likes

Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by ogawisdom(m): 7:15pm On Feb 03
Leave your sister alone and go and find your own husband. She is old enough to know what she wants
Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by Biglittlelois(f): 8:44pm On Feb 03
Ahhh, what kind of comments abi advice are all this one's above, how will they survive after the wedding? Why is no one saying that?? The lazy ass man is sitting at home not hustling, waiting for miracle and loan, Op talk sense to that your sister, is she high? He should get a job or something doing before the wedding, abi they don't mind suffering after the wedding ni, nawa ooo.

14 Likes 1 Share

Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by bobobooge: 8:52pm On Feb 03
TheWhiteBox:
He needs the right help and guidance to push him in the right direction. At the same time, he's in his mid-30s and shouldn't continue to stay idle, expecting a miracle to drop from heaven. He should get any job he can《 as long as it's legal 》to be earning income and he just might be exposed to better opportunities or meet his helper that way. God helps those who help themselves.

What is inside the whitebox?
Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by ImaIma1(f): 8:54pm On Feb 03
It is your sister's choice. But a man should have a job before he thinks of getting married. Marriage is not the most important thing.

1 Like

Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by Nobody: 11:38am On Feb 05
.
Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by Nobody: 12:38pm On Feb 05
Mid thirties
No Job
No savings
Not looking for a job
Waiting for loans to sponsor his business
Sister is the one supporting him?

Well, each to their own.

6 Likes

Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by lilmax(m): 12:55pm On Feb 05
that guy isn't ready for responsibility

he just realize he's getting old,so he wants to get married

tell your sister to RUN

this is what happens when you look for husband late

3 Likes

Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by Rosarie(f): 2:20pm On Feb 05
She should decide .most men don't forget that times u stood by them.

1 Like

Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by mydavidorf: 6:05pm On Feb 05
Marriage is a personal race. let your sister decide for herself. mind ur own business

1 Like

Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by Esthered: 6:56pm On Feb 05
Dear OP, I'll speak from first hand experience of a relative of mine. She was under pressure to settle down since she was in her 30s, she settled with a guy she met in one of her social groups (all those southern meeting groups). She was independent prior to the marriage and has been the bread winner since they got married upon empowering the man to support him so that he can play his role but unfortunately my guy doesn't support materially in the running of the house not even house rent, he refuses to be serious in his transport business but carries himself with pride as a 'big man'. I presume she put pressure on him to marry her to save her face from prolonged singleness. My relation is unhappy as her only source of joy in the marriage is her child. She hasn't experienced growth of any kind but rather retrogression as her building project prior to the marriage has been stalled with no hope of completion. The man is ambitious in words but no action to bring it to fruition.
As your sister has started supporting him, it'll continue that way and he may end up having an entitlement mentality to her money even when they get married. Find out if she's the one pushing for the marriage with the hope that things will get better and advice her appropriately. Those telling you to leave her will not be there when she calls you repeatedly in future to solicit for funds for her home when she would have had a rethink now. There is an age a guy gets to even if he isn't wealthy, he must have attained a level of success of which I know the term success is relative but love is never enough mbok.
I used to look up to this relation of mine when I was much younger but now I pity her each day as I see no hope of redemption of the man and I swore that my man even if he has little for a start and he's ambitious, there must be an underlying framework he has and works with in bringing his vision to reality and I'll support him. Sorry for my long epistle but I'm pained.

9 Likes

Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by bobobooge: 7:33pm On Feb 05
TheWhiteBox:

tongue tongue tongue tongue tongue tongue

Why did you edit your post? grin grin

You are shy and sensitive to what you post. Maybe I should send a PM then. grin grin
Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by Jman06(m): 11:52pm On Feb 05
madridguy:
Tell her to follow her heart.
All these talks about following one's heart are deceptive o. Follow her heart now only to start expecting the guy to give what he doesn't have tomorrow.

Before she continue in the marriage she has to make up her mind to be the breadwinner of the family. If the guy makes it on the long run, good and fine. But for now she needs to prepare her mind for the worse.

3 Likes

Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by StPete: 4:33pm On Feb 06
This is pure evil. DO NOT LET HER MARRY A MAN WITHOUT A VIABLE SOURCE OF INCOME. Talk sense into her head before she goes into ontold debt. because at the tail end, your family would bare the brunt of his inability to support his family

1 Like

Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by luba9876: 5:02pm On Feb 06
Your fears may be right. But i advice you let her decide. I know of a sister who refused to marry a wealthy man, instead an average business man. In the course of time things began to fall apart and he became poor. Yet she will always profess her love for him even in the public. According to her, she always say HE WAS MY CHOICE AMONG ALL THE MEN THAT CAME FOR MY HAND IN MARRIAGE. and she is always looking happy and cheerful. Just like others have advised that the guy in question may not be a serious guy, yes I agree, yet every decision is in her hands. SOME GOLDS MAY APPEAR IN ROUGH WRAPPINGS
Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by TimiRume: 9:38pm On Feb 06
Hmm, at the end of the day potentials would not put a roof above your heads, food on your table, pay bills, etc. And what about when you have kids?

The man may not even love her, i know many men in cases like this who just settle for lack of choice. Let her be smart, i know she feels pressured but there are some things that are more important than ''what will people say'' Like they say, don't be another struggle, ride or die bitch.
Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by cococandy(f): 6:29am On Feb 07
Their marriage won’t be a problem if he agrees to be the domestic partner while your sister focuses on the bread winning. (If that’s what she wants too).

But if he’s the kind of guy who when he’s not bringing the bacon, he will still expect to be catered to while contributing nothing to the home front in order to make life easier for the bread winner, then your sister is in for one hell of a ride.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by faithfull18(f): 12:31pm On Feb 07
The situation is dicey. God help ladies oh but how will someone just be, no formal education, no skills, no trade and he is hoping for funds to come, for how long The description seems like that of someone I know and he is in his late thirties.
Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by aanuoluwami14: 1:56pm On Feb 10
Distintion:
Happy Sunday to you all.. please I need an advice, have been a guest for a while here, decided to join and seek this advice for my elder sister, she’s in her early 30, a graduate looking for a good job, and also believing God for a life partner, she met a guy early last year on social media, within few months he engaged her and they started planning a wedding, which was supposed to hold last December, we met the guy and he was an ok guy, In his mid 30 also, few months to the wedding we discovered the guy has not been working for months before he met my sis, he is stil living with his elder brother, a school cert holder, no savings, no business, no handwork, no nothing, he’s not even looking for a job, he is praying for funds to start a business, so he is just believing God for a miracle, my problem is will God come down from heaven and help him? Why can’t he just look for jobs in his level and start somewhere, he’s just busy applying for loans and grants and hoping to succeed so he can rent a hus and marry my sister , he seem to love her very much, but can love provide for the necessary things only money can buy They had to postpone the wedding last year cus of fund, now they are planning for this year December hopefully, it even seem she is the one giving him small small money for upkeeps as it is. Now my question is, should she continue waiting for him or she should start looking for alternatives cus time they say waits for no one


hummmm, let them wait till the man is financially OK, but I would not advise a woman to carry all the burdens.

1 Like

Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by ednut1(m): 2:22pm On Feb 10
Life has no manual. She doesnt marry him and she no see another guy. Parents and relatives no go let her rest. She marries him and things dont improve same poo. This her case is dicey. She go dey alright last last. There are men who lost their business or jobs after marriage.
Re: Advice For A Sister I Love So Much by Smile4mee01: 3:28pm On Feb 10
Life can be hard on ladies after 30...

Your sister still has a man willing to marry her. Some ladies in that age group have no man in sight. I see many of them in the corporate world.

Well, let her follow her intuition. It never fails.

(1) (Reply)

Can I Meet U Single Mummys / . /

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (0) (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2019 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 139
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.