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Stats: 2,232,691 members, 4,886,012 topics. Date: Tuesday, 23 April 2019 at 11:09 PM
|Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by bukatyne(f): 12:46pm On Feb 10|
Happy Sunday NLers!
Contradictory topic innit?
Well, I have come to the conclusion that the greatest breeding ground for unsaved Christian husbands is the Church.
What do I mean?
We teach wives to be patient, submissive, obedient, forgiving, especially tolerant etc.
Now this is not bad in itself: after all, they are Christian virtues we should all emulate.
My problem is when you are talking to Christian wives who have Christian husbands and telling them to tolerate abuse, infidelity, keep praying for them etc. and you wonder if Christian husbands should be found with such vices in the first place.
It is akin to how we preach forgiveness for hisband's errors and forget the virtue of forgiveness when the wives errs.
It is also worrisome that there are much more functional women fellowships than men so there is continuous teaching of women to endure all sorts 'for peace to reign' while men are not taught same.
And we wonder why our Christian homes aren't any different from that of the 'unbelivers'.
Amazing how wet are quick to evoke the 'for better for worse clause' when men err and conveniently forget it when the woman is the 'sinner.'
I would like contributions and way forward.
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|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by Mumifortune: 12:48pm On Feb 10|
Still waiting for the completion of ur post
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by crackhaus: 12:54pm On Feb 10|
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|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by bukatyne(f): 12:59pm On Feb 10|
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by bukatyne(f): 1:00pm On Feb 10|
Finish the post
This is peculiar to husbands.
Had a program yesterday that helped coordinate my long term thoughts.
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by fykes(m): 1:12pm On Feb 10|
The concept of marriage is warped in our world today.
For most women.. Is a class act... Social status.. Or meal ticket. Not to talk of sex.
Two people meet, have sex, then it's like "let's do this always" and they are getting married by weekend.
The girl is thinking.. He lives in his house, he drives a Prado.
D guy is she's so pretty and sexy and nobody knows that all can be gone in a week.
Give any small boy 5million and d Next Week he is getting married bcoz he believes all he needs is the money to provide for a woman. Many marry outta fear of losing their lovers to other men.
Nobody cares about virtues... Nobody cares about values.. So after the glitz they are forced to bend down and learn.
Chances are men are stubborn, women are mostly malleable and they r d ones who care to learn..
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by bukatyne(f): 1:14pm On Feb 10|
A nice perspective to it.
@last paragraph, very true.
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by Ranchhoddas: 1:51pm On Feb 10|
fykes:I think it's because women stand to lose more if things go south.
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by fykes(m): 1:56pm On Feb 10|
Ranchhoddas:"To lose something, u have to first own something."
I also believe that u never really lose if u loved genuinely, cos true love is a seed.
The thing is, this days women want to marry ready made men, with cars and houses and fat bank accounts.. Nobody want to get made with the man or make d man.
It's all about my husband is this, my husband did that... And what exactly are u doing??
Success is who u are... If u are successful, it doesn't matter what u lose, u can replace all over again
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by fykes(m): 2:04pm On Feb 10|
Mostly people are only Christians bcoz they go to church... Or aren't Muslims or traditionalist...
D virtues op is talking about are things u can only get by making a conscious effort over the years, as a man, to renew ur mind in line with ur faith. Faithfulness, patience, loyalty andhumility are not things u find in a common man, it takes years of conscious efforts for these things to be seen in a man. So don't expect that bcoz he is a Xtian man, he supposed to be ...xyz.
The world system says more is better, says adultery is fun as long as u can provide for ur family... So much trash out there, only a man who is in tune with the core values of grace and truth (which came through Christ) can live above board, and that is a life long lesson-an effort which many will be reluctant to make.
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by prestigiouslady: 3:40pm On Feb 10|
Religion aside...the society is biased.
We expect that the women go through whatever without any complain, "carry your cross" they'd say..
Women should be the one to adjust while the men can be pardoned cos they're the 'head'...
They stay in abusive marriages because they'll be the one to lose more if things go south..
Few Sundays ago, in church, the preacher was saying "Divorce is never an option, if you do as a Christain, you can't make heaven".."if you divorce, you can't remarry unless the said spouse is dead..bla bla bla" .I politely raised me hands up and asked "Is death an option??"... the man was just quoting up and down.
A former neighbor impregnated the maid...people choose to castigate the woman on why she needs a maid, why she didnt notice, why she hired such a grown up as a help...no one was talking to/about the husband on why he stoop low to sleep with a maid, sleeping with a maid inside the same house as the wife (the maid said they've been having sex in the same house)...everyone including the priests were stylishly ignoring the man's act all because he's a man..
Until it is realised that marriage sometimes can mean shifting a bit from your comfort zone on both sides to make things work.. we'll always have issues like this hanging over our heads...The movie "Busy but guilty" comes to my mind
Anyways, a good man/woman is a good man irrepective of class, race, religion, political affiliations or age...
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|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by Richy4(m): 4:37pm On Feb 10|
U keep telling them to endure and stay on in an abusive relationship over there in Nigeria right? Hmm !! I'm Just wondering, maybe Nigerian judgment seat in heaven might be different from others all over the world.
If there's no love any more in a relationship.. and the reason they came together in the first place was the fact that they can tolerate and live like one.. if that bond is not there anymore and either of the couple has done all they could to salvage the relationship it did not work ... why stay on it? Is it the fact that u enjoy telling the Christian women to suffer, or that the pastors love it when they bring their family problems to them so that they will feel so important?
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by LewsTherin: 3:10pm On Feb 11|
Unfortunately, many people see being a Christian as filling it in any registration form, attending church once or twice a month on sundays and calling out "blood of Jesus" when in a tight spot. They forget that being a Christian isn't about religion. It is a lifestyle of following His commands and living as He would have us live.
Unfortunately, many churches focus their teachings on being holy to get to heaven or on appropriating the promises of the bible in other to get wealth. They forget that while christians desire to go to heaven, they live in a very physical world. They forget to teach them how to live in this sinful world. They forget to let them know there is more to being a follower of Christ than living a comfortable or wealthy life.
Also, understand that while there are laws, commandments, to following Christ, God expects us to live within the world we are in even while not conforming to the world. This means that society's norms that are not explicitly contrary to the word of God are expected to be followed in the most Christian way available.
So society primarily drives the ways we learn, for example. and society has decided that all a man needs to know, to be a good husband and father is to provide for his family. Material provision, I might add. So male children are taught to study hard, get a good job, learn a trade, develop a source of income and then you can have a family. The females are taught that they have to make themselves attractive to males to get a good husband and take care of the husband and children. They are warned that there are not enough males available. They are told that if they mess up with their males, he can simply get another female but no male will ever find them desirable.
As it is in society, so it is in church. Society's methods of teaching are then imported into the church and many times, the church forgets that the Bible introduces caveats into what society teaches. Besides, like my first 2 paragraphs say, many people will simply say of what the church teaches "that one na dia own"
So there really isn't so much difference in what people learn from society and what people learn from the church due to failures all around. And what the society teaches sadly places the burden on the female. Worse still is that the females themselves help to perpetuate these.
I could say more but where is the time?
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|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by ElsonMorali: 6:18pm On Feb 11|
There is a simple reason for this. Most "christians " go to church out of a force of habit. There are atheists or freethinkers who are wonderful companions to their spouses and great parents to their kids.
The principle of living is simple for all men. "Do unto others what you want done to you"
This Golden rule is even more important between husbands and wives.
Just imagine that each spouse treats their better half exactly the same way they want to be treated...just imagine the bliss in that home.
That's all what Jesus Christ has commanded his followers to do. Yet we call ourselves Christians and we cheat on our spouses, batter them physically and emotionally and then run to church to sing kumbaya and shout halleluya as means of shutting up our consciences.
Going to church eery Sunday or everyday doesn't make you a christian (christ-like) more than standing in your garage at home turns you into a Cadillac.
All humans have just one job to do on earth, just one..."Do unto others..." You'd think that was easy enough, right? You have no idea.
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by jashar(f): 9:36pm On Feb 11|
Point of correction sir, people are not 'Christians' because they go to church.
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by cococandy(f): 12:27am On Feb 12|
Despite the topic of the thread, you’re still bent on twisting it to the ‘blame the women’ narrative. The same narrative that’s the cause of this issue in the first place. God have mercy on you.
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|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by Elder0001(m): 1:29am On Feb 12|
You’re a very wise fellow.
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|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by Elder0001(m): 1:30am On Feb 12|
Cc CAPSLOCKED Acidosis LordKO Tonyebarcanista Postmann
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by Nobody: 1:50am On Feb 12|
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by Acidosis(m): 5:33am On Feb 12|
A saved Christian woman should not be found with an unsaved Christian husband.
When the foundation is destroyed, what can the righteous do?
If you're truly saved, you will choose wisely.
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by cococandy(f): 6:15am On Feb 12|
So you agree that a saved Christian woman should not stay with a man who behaves in unchristian ways
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by cococandy(f): 6:30am On Feb 12|
This Golden rule is even more important between husbands and wives.
Good. A Christian husband should respect his wife in the same way that he wants to be respected, stay faithful to her for the rest of his life like he expects.
Give the same respect to his in-laws that he wants her to give to his family. To mention but a few.
Yes I agree that it sounds like bliss. Imagine a world where men give what they expect. Bliss.
Sounds to me like the golden Christian rule is feminist. Seeking fair treatment of everyone involved.
My Christian brothers do not like the golden rule.
They prefer the parts of the Bible that mentions submission of women (submission to male vices BTW) ,while ignoring the parts that charges men to do same.
I bet what I typed above would sound like torture to some very ‘devout’ Christians.
Not when they can say “after all he’s the head of the family” in response to very bad behavior. As if headship is a free ticket to abuse.
I could go on although there’s really no need to. I don’t see how anyone can argue with this except of course they willfully choose to see the truth. In which case it’s not worth the time. The running around in circle discussing an issue that’s clear as day.
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|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by ElsonMorali: 6:40am On Feb 12|
Thank you sir.
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by ElsonMorali: 6:52am On Feb 12|
Most "Christians" don't know that the word Christian means "of Christ" or "Christ like" and that the early followers of Jesus were first called Christians in Antioch because they exhibited and reflected the personality of Jesus the Christ.
Being the head of the family doesn't mean lording it over the other family members.
A reference point is Jesus, the head of the Church who washed his disciples' feet and even laid down his life for us.
That is the role of the head. To serve and not to be served.
The woman on the other hand is not to take advantage of this. But in today's world that we live in, most women will. A man has to be prudent in his dealings with his family members.
Not too bossy and definitely not a wimp.
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by Acidosis(m): 7:39am On Feb 12|
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by crackhaus: 7:48am On Feb 12|
bukatyne:The bible says that a man should love his wife as Christ has loved the church.
The same bible also states that its better for a man to live atop a roof than to share his home with a stubborn/rebellious wife?
However, when you remember that a husband is supposed to love his stubborn/rebellious wife as Christ loved the church, then you should know that 'love' here means tolerance and forgiveness... So, you're wrong when you say husbands are not taught tolerance and forgiveness.
On the issue of infidelity, it is frowned upon when perpetrated by both sexes. No where is it written that a woman must tolerate a cheating husband while the man must send a cheating wife away. Sexual immorality is grounds for divorce (Mathew 19:9) after all avenues for saving the marriage has failed. Divorce is not mandatory, it is permissible.
On the issue of abuse, its common sense that the victim seeks help. It is also common sense to get to the root cause by calling both parties together and trying to work it out. There's no verse i know of that tells women to tolerate an abusive husband, counselling is what is usually recommended and if this fails, then divorce is also permissible.
Remember the verse about Christ loving the church? Well Christ also encouraged the apostles(church) to flee from persecution and save themselves for the propagation of the gospel. By my interpretation, physical abuse is a form of persecution and a wife is encouraged to flee (not divorce, take note). In fleeing, she has saved herself from harm and created time for reconciliation by calling on the elders of the church to try restoring that marriage to how God originally intended.
Now the reason I edited your sentence in my first comment was simply because you started the topic on a bias footing. You made it a women versus man thing and used Christianity as your backdrop.
The problem you have is not with Christianity or biblical teachings, your problem is you're listening to people who are not grounded in the word of God. Okay scratch that, they may be grounded but there's something psychologists call 'implicit bias'. This kind of bias is unconscious and one which everyone suffers from whether they like it or not.
Whoever is teaching women to tolerate and forgive but not teaching men to do same has an implicit bias that was formed by the society (NOT Christianity or the Bible)..meaning, a devout Christian who is an African or Nigerian and grew up in a society that doesn't quite see men and women as equal in marriage will automatically teach his/her Christian doctrines along that same line and not even realize it.
My summation is this, study to show thyself approved. It is for this reason i hardly attend church (organized/institutionalized religion), not because I despise the congregation of brethren but because I try to avoid listening to people who teach the scripture based on their own interpretation.
Wisdom is profitable to direct (in knowing what and who to listen to). And after gaining wisdom, the next step is to have understanding (Proverbs 4:7).
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by postmann: 9:05am On Feb 12|
bukatyne:First off, it narrows down to a church or churches that have contributed to shaping your thoughts and belief.
Scripture is replete with sound doctrines on how a saved husband should conduct himself in marriage and there are plenty of churches that hold fast to such teachings.
This is not to denounce your point, but a good analysis in relation to reality will prove that such teachings cut across both gender divide.
For instance, men are generally thought both within religious and secular circles not to be provoked by a woman's tongue. "Just ignore her", walk away when she starts ranting", "never lay your hands on her no matter the provocation ". These are few advise given to men with regards to the nature of a woman's tongue.
It is easy to raise gender-based misgivings without looking the other way round where the advantages lie.
Thanks for the mention, elder0001
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|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by fykes(m): 9:07am On Feb 12|
cococandy:I'm already living God's mercy, but if u really read all that before making ur comment, then u may just have to look inwards.
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by CAPSLOCKED: 9:34am On Feb 12|
BEAUTIFUL TOPIC YOU HAVE THERE. SUCH POSTS SHOULD BE TAKEN IMPORTANTLY.
BUT TO THE PART I HIGHLIGHTED, I WANT TO PUT YOU RIGHT.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN BY "UNBELIEVERS" BUT IN THIS NIGERIA THAT WERE RAISED, MOST FAMILIES ARE BELIEVERS, AND I GREW UP KNOWING MOSTLY CHRISTIAN FAMILIES AND THEIR TERRIBLE HYPOCRITICAL LIFESTYLE IS THE WORST ANYONE CAN IMAGINE.
IF BY UNBELIEVERS YOU MEAN MUSLIMS, I TELL YOU THAT MUSLIM FAMILIES ARE MORE PEACEFUL AND GODLY THAN MOST CHRISTIAN FAMILIES, FROM MY OWN ANGLE. YOU DON'T FIND MUSLIM WIVES DIDDLING YOUNGER BOYS, OR YOU FIND MUSLIM FAMILIES DIVORCING, OR KILLING OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS BECAUSE OF PROPERTY.
AND IF BY UNBELIEVERS YOU MEAN FREE PEOPLE, ATHEISTS, AND THE REST, THEN I HAVE TO LET YOU KNOW THAT SOME OF THE PEACEFULLY MINDED AND CONTENTED PEOPLE YOU WILL EVER FIND ARE THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN OR PRETEND TO GET INSTRUCTIONS FROM AN INEXISTING SUPERNATURAL BODY WHO DICTATES TO HUMANS HOW THEY SHOULD LIVE THEIR LIVES.
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by CAPSLOCKED: 9:47am On Feb 12|
JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T ATTEND THE SAME CHURCH WITH THEM, MANY NIGERIANS SEE YOU AS A LESSER HUMAN. WORSE IS WHEN YOU DON'T ATTEND CHURCH AT ALL... OR, YOU DON'T SHARE THEIR FAITH. THEY'D HARDLY WANT ANY PERSONAL DEALINGS WITH YOU.
IT'S A SHAME THAT WE'RE YET TO REALIZE WE'RE ALL HUMANS FIRST BEFORE RELIGION, AND BELIEFS ARE UNIMPORTANT THINGS THAT SHOULD NEVER BE USED AS A YARDSTICK FOR GOODNESS AND CAPABILITY.
WHEN WE STOP SEEING EVERYONE BUT US AS MINI-DEVILS, AND STOP JUDGING OTHERS BY THE VERSION OF MYTH THEY BELIEVE OR DISBELIEVE, THAT DAY WILL BE THE DAY WE'LL START PROGRESSING TOGETHER AS A NATION.
PS: BUKATYNE, AND OTHER CHRISTIANS... WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY "TO BE SAVED"? SAVED FROM WHAT?
IF PEOPLE IN THE MIDDLE BELT CANNOT BE SAVED FROM KILLER JIHADISTS, AND POOR HOMELESS CHILDREN CANNOT BE SAVED FROM MALNUTRITION AND DEATH FROM STARVATION, WHAT ELSE ARE WE NIGERIANS EXPECTING TO BE SAVED FROM?
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by Elder0001(m): 10:42am On Feb 12|
I’m yet to understand why cococandy tries to twist or turn topics like this into a gender based debate or war ... she’s always acting this way !
Men must do this and that ... it all boils down to patriarchy ...patriarchy is rooted not only in the society but in the church too and women enable it.
|Re: Breeding the Unsaved Christian Husband by CAPSLOCKED: 10:50am On Feb 12|
MANY WOMEN DON'T WANT PATRIARCHY TO END. I HAVE TOLD YOU THIS BEFORE.
SOME HOW THEY DISLIKE THE STRESS OF DOING ALL THE CHORES ALONE, AND BEING TREATED LIKE SECOND HAND HUMANS, BUT THEN AGAIN THEY DON'T WANT TO LET GO OF THE NUMEROUS PLEASURES AND ADVANTAGES PATRIARCHY AFFORDS A LOT OF WOMEN.
PATRIARCHY IS THE REASON FOR "LADIES FIRST"
IT IS THE REASON MEN ARE EXPECTED TO BE LEADERS AND PROVIDERS... WHILE WOMEN'S BEST POSITION SHOULD BE THE COMPANION, "HELPER".
IT IS THE REASON MALE SOLDIERS ARE SENT TO DIE AT WARFRONT WHILE FEMALE SOLDIERS ARE LEFT AT HOME TO DO THIER NAILS AND HAIR, MOLEST MALE CIVILIANS BECAUSE THEY ENJOY IT, DANCE AND SHARE VIDEOS ON FACEBOOK, AND SERVE TEA TO GENERALS IN THE OFFICE.
BECAUSE OF PATRIARCHY, MAN IS EXPECTED TO SAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY HIS GIRL'S BRIDEPRICE, AND CONDUCT THE WEDDING. WHILE THE WOMAN ONLY FOLLOWS HIM HOME WITHOUT CONTRIBUTING A KOBO UNLESS SHE WANTS TO, AND EVERYONE IS COMFORTABLE WITH THE ARRANGEMENT.
MAN IS EXPECTED TO PAY RENT AND FEES, AND DROP MONEY FOR HOME KEEPING WHILE WOMAN STAYS AT HOME AND EVERYBODY IS HAPPY WITH THAT.
IF THE ARRANGEMENT IS REVERSED SO THAT THE MAN CAN STAY AT HOME WHILE WOMAN WORKS HER LIFE AWAY TO PROVIDE FOR THE FAMILY, THE WORLD PREPARES FOR ANOTHER WAR... BECAUSE OF PATRIARCHY.
AND YOU THINK WOMEN WANT THESE PRIVILEGES TO END, BY ENDING PATRIARCHY? THINK AGAIN.
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