hello house,


Recently quite a number of my friends have come to me, suggesting either that they caught their men cheating on them or they are suspecting somehow that he is cheating on them,it then set my mind thinking that what are those things that prompts men into cheating on their wives? can you help out?


Are we saying that it is impossible for men to remain faithful to their wives? should the women just prepare themselves for the fact that their men can cheat on them anytime during their marriage before they get into such marriages? i am dying to hear from u.How can you detect if ur spouse is cheatin on u?

A lot of factors. Some men still take it as fun like when they are in their adventure stage

It is not impossible. Anybody can cheat. Marriage is a long time and both men and women will have temptations along the way. Men probably get tempted more than women but not all men cheat.

Some men are cheats, nothing the wife has to offer can change that. So such men can hardly be changed by a wife. They need to come to the realization.
themselves.
I will not leave my husband if he cheats on me, I told him that before we got married. But I told him there will be no more intimacy because I am not a jealous woman but I am scared of STDs etc.
I don`t understand why women go looking for signs. I have never searched my husband or looked out for signs. I never open his mail never answer his cell nor check it. I don`t search his wallet or other things.


There has t be sme trust and privacy in a marriage too.

Mutter you do not have to go searching for anything. If you have a close relationship to start with then you will suspect or even know if something is up.

You are right outstrip this feeling, intuition is always there to guide us.

As a man (a serious man), you soon realize that cheating is a choice - But, there are mitigating and extenuating factors. Whilst a good relationship/marriage is no guarantee of fidelity, a bad marriage certainly raises the probability of infidelity. What your wife does, how she treats you does has a clear effect on your likelihood to cheat.

A lot of men cheat because it offers them an escape from their stressful and quarrelsome wives, whilst others simply make the choice to cheat to pacify their ego.

Regarding the issue of stress, Men are programmed to deal with stress in only 3 ways(1) Remove the source of the stress. (2) Remove yourself from the source of the stress, (3) Failing the first 2 options, you find a way to numb yourself from the stress - Having an affair seems to be the solution of choice.
Also, If the man cannot remove his wife from the house (immediately at least) , he goes for the next option - removing himself from the house. This then creates another problem - where does he go? Initially, most men would go for a drive, or sometimes to a friends house. But after a while, both these options become more and more untenable. most men start going to bars and nightclubs for escape. Here they meet willing women, and infidelity ensues because these women offer relief from the stress at home. A stressful home environment is the reason most men never come home straight after work. The later, the better.

All said and done, it still boils down to an individual choice. As a woman though, you can certainly reduce the probability of your man making that choice. That is all you can do.

It certainly differs from woman to woman, but the argument that it is something that the husband must have done is a void one. You see, no matter what someone does, you have the choice of how you choose to deal with it. Reacting with a temper, contention, rudeness, insulting words, disrespectful behaviour, refusal to respect your husbands authority, certainly wont make any issue better. It'll make it much worse.

In another thread, you wrote a Youruba proverb. Patience, Understanding, Humility coupled with Prayer, are a woman's strongest weapons in dealing with any issue in their relationship. Sadly, most women either do not know this, or just dont care.

My maxim has always been - My feelings do NOT control me, I control my feelings.

Romeo you have raised some important points that are true and women ca learn from them but not in all cases does it work that way.
Some men just do it no matter how well the woman behaves. Some men even bring women into their homes.
What can women do to stop their husbands from cheating on them in such cases.
And as a man d you say a woman has to endure it.

I personally feel that if someone cheats it is on them and them alone. There are options. Why sneek around like a child. If there are issues then deal with it. If you do not want to deal with it then set the person free

Its a simple philosophy really. Most women do not suddenly become quarrelsome; they have always been that way. I believe Conflict Resolution is a major component that should be included in any marriage counselling course.
Men and Women are different, and in order to resolve conflicts effectively, and stop them becoming major events, then there are certain guidelines that need to be followed.

Put simply, anything you do in a conflict or issue will only have 3 outcomes (1) It will leave the issue unchanged, (2) Make it worse than it was before, (3) Make it better and improve the situation.
This is a question i always ask myself before i react to anything. I make sure that whatever i say, or do, it makes the situation better. At a minimum, it should leave it as it is, and not make it worse. This is obviously easier said than done.

Also, there is the issue of respect. Unfortunately, most modern women do not understand the concept of respecting their husband in a marriage. Whilst you may respect someone as a person, there is a certain respect that should be conferred via virtue of position. A Husband is NOT like a best friend or brother, or colleague. In fact most women speak to their husbands in a way they would never do to a brother/uncle or even work colleagues.

It is not impossible for men to remain faithful. Question is what kind of man did you marry and what were your morals like before you got married. Too often, women are so consumed with searching for unfaithfulness because they themselves jumped married/multiple men when they were courting.

Do all you can for your marriage and leave the rest to God

@Chaircover -

Personally a man who walks out on me in the middle of a heated discussion aggravates the situation because I like to sort things out there and then

I certainly agree with all you have said. Just out of interest, how do you propose to solve the kind of issue you describe above?

@Mutter -

Some men even bring women into their homes.What can women do to stop their husbands from cheating on them in such cases.And as a man d you say a woman has to endure it.

I would never say a woman should endure such disrespect, but do understand that the saga did not begin there.
For a man to bring another woman into his marital home, shows that he has no respect; either for the feelings of his wife, or his marital home. Moreover, he does not really care about the relationship anymore. This is much more than about cheating alone. Even selfish, callous egotists, would not go to such extremes unless the relationship has degenerated to a certain point. This however, does not excuse the act. But as you know, nothing is ever as simple as it seems.

@Chaircover -

So If I am calmly discussing something with you; I haven’t raised my voice or anything and I haven’t insulted you, then why will you decide to make a grab for the car keys and rush out simply because I asked you who that babe was in your car?

That is certainly the way to address any issue, Shouting or a raised voice indicates loss of control and can actually be a criminal offence - verbal assault.
This actually highlights another main issue - Communication, or lack of it/inability. Most men simply do not know how to communicate or even attempt basic resolution of an issue. Standard behaviour is to avoid discussion or pretend it doesn't exist in the hope that it'll eventually go away. Really sad!

this morning I was upstairs and my husbands shouted a question from downstairs. I must have misheard the question so only answered to what I thought I heard. Of course it was the wrong answer & so got a gruff response; which annoyed me & I was just about to crack it, when I thought, I better go down and talk to him & we both realised that it was a simple occurrence of crossed lines.

Well, we thank God you didn't "crack" it!

Of course, I if am waving a saucepan and screaming at you that your mother is a hippy & threatening to stab you with a pair of scissors, then by all means grab not only your keys, but a suitcase as well and run

LOL!That is one scary scenario!

Thank you Chaircover and Romeo4real so much!!! I have been reading through your discussion and i have to say i absolutely loved it. So wonderful to read people disscussing thoughts rather than insulting or name calling, very refreshing! Also, through your discussion it helped me understand a lot about some things i was confused over. Brilliant!!!! A deep thank you to you both!

It is all about discipline, integrity, Trust & Love. If you know who you are, what you want and the type of family you want to raise. Then you won't go cheat on your husband or your wife. This is because, "what goes round, comes round as well". Thanks

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The comments here makes me smile because the heart of a woman is gold. Women are truly sweet in nature (I mean good ones oh). I know we pray for a good partner especially the women, but I have to be blunt to say that a man does not need an excuse to cheat on a woman, it is in his very nature to be polygamous and adventurous. We can trace it right from the biblical days and you will find out that men in those days have more than one wife. You can also trace it to Celebrities and Politicians (Bill Clinton, Kobe Byrant, Tuface e.t.c). I recently saw a new movie "The Vow". A daughter left the house because her father cheated on her mom with her best friend, she lost her memory and the family capitalized on that. However, she got to discover and she asked the mom "I can believe you are still with him" and the mom responded in tears "I wanted to leave, but I thought of you and your sister, I saw the beautiful pictures and I could not just leave. I could not leave because of the one wrong thing he has done I chose to stay because of the many good things he has done and I chose my family. Why am I saying this, women have to be prepared for situation like this. Women have to ask themselves this fundamental question - What will I do if I find out that my husband is cheating on me? Men would cheat (we are born that way) and it is the honest truth. Many of us (men) would not love it because we have swore and made promises to our wives but we still do it; we might be ashamed of it but we still do it; our wives may be good to us, but we still do it and maybe our wives maybe wicked to us, aarrgh we do it with some sense of pride. So women, it is good to believe or assume your husband won't cheat on you, it saves you emotional trauma but please don't turn yourself to a detective, checking and swooping on his stuff you would get what you are looking for. If he still considers you top priority in his life and lives up to his responsibility, then go about your business. I know men (married and unmarried) who are cheating like adultery is not in the dictionary. Many have lovely and beautiful wives, also many have wicked and troublesome wives. It still doesn't change the fact that men would cheat. I cannot forget my landlord when I was still a child - Phew what a man but thank God his wife is still with him and I hope he has retired from that field? I will conclude with this hard but simple question - What will you do if you find out your sweet husband is cheating on you?