LadySarah:
Be there doing Good woman.Very soon the boy will Go on hols to his father and You wont believe it.

My husband's cousin was in the village in Abia when welfare from Rivers came and arrested himjust because he defaulted in one mth payment.

Stop sending him messages,Stop that useless calls on festive peeiods and report him to your state welfare.

I heard My neighbour korokoro when he told his ex wife now that one naira he wont give her,that when the children grow they will Always look for Their father.That She will suffer and train them alone and he will eat the fruits of her labor...
It is Their tactic this days.Stop being soft.gosh!
!

Not that I'm giving the OP advice but that tactic fails. Woefully in fact. Especially in this generation. The child might go back to look for it's father, mostly out of need and curiosity. However, the day they confirm what their mother told them is relatively true, that man is done for.
You will end up pitying these old men when their abandoned children start with them. Especially those who were not responsible enough yo build retirement plans. Their suffering no dey get part 2. Seen too many cases.
However a man lays his bed, he will sleep on it well well.

ifyalways:
@OP, i know someone exactly in same shoes. Infact, i just paid for her single mother and sole custody affidavits today. The only difference is that unlike you, the baby daddy lives in UK so she cant sue him for child support.

If your baby daddy lives in nigeria, tell him that you want him yo start contributing towards his childs upkeep starting from next month, send him your account details and amount you expect him to contribute( be reasonable,factor in school fees, food, shelter,clothing and health insurance {if your child does not have one, get one for him asap})

If he fails to remit the said amount on or before 5th of next month, go and report him to your states welfare service.

31 is still young. You will meet a man who will love you and accept your child, however , enlarge your coast. Work hard so you can afford to travel and vacation, you will meet people including foreigners who will pamper and treat you like a queen. Dont be desperate
Dont settle for less. Set your standards and stay firm on basic things you want in a man.
You have been played once, never allow any man play you again.
Avoid playboys and fvckboys no matter how needy you are, get a verrrry good vibrator instead. Dont invite another drama into your life just cos you want to brush your down below.

Dont settle for less or sell yourself short to please any man. You set the rules from henceforth.

#WORD

no other woman is better than one who has seen it all and knows the results or repercussion for any action done


being a single mother means nothing when you get the right man whether single or divorced. there is an assurance of what you can do and what you can't do cos you have seen it all neither does it belittle a man.

if it was a girl child it would have been easier for a man to take one in but boys are know to rebel against their step father's especially when it is made known to them.


if you want to move on give his parents custody of the child and move on especially if you know you have found the one to spend the rest of your life with.


it is a known fact that mothers tend to over protect kids gotten from previous marriages or relationships making the child feel not loved by the step father while men don't show
favouritism

Zoharariel:


In as much as I sympathize with the OP, I think you're only giving her unrealistic expectations.

You should rather call a spade a spade and not give her false hope in your bid to empathizing with her.

You're now advising her to steer clear of fvck boyz at the 11th hour when she already has a son for a fvck boy?

I go to the Ikeja City Mall once in a while and I see all manner of sodo-gomorrhic & abominable acts on display by vacuous youths alike - and I just recoil in anger & disgust.

Who in Nigeria will pamper & treat an "after one" like a queen when there are millions of virgins fresh from the oven - from disciplined homes who have imbibed impeccable moral values inculcated into them by their parents?

The ugly truth is that the OP has just joined the prestigious "Babymama's Club".

I for one will NEVER accept & train a bastard (no offense) in my matrimonial home all in the name of pleasing any woman.

You want to go clubbing, dance shaku-shaku & drink Hennessy mixed codeine with fvck boyz, then you should be prepared to live with the consequences of your actions when it happens.

The OP confessed herself that "she left every other good men she had met all along" and settled for this fvck boy - and I'm sure there were prospective, brilliant & visionary suitors among those that were jettisoned by the OP for this fvckboy prolly because they did not have a car and could not afford to buy her Isi Ewu & Dominos Pizza every weekend.

Left to me, the OP should be allowed to stew in her own juice since ancient wisdom teaches us that action begets reaction, cause begets effect & sequence begets consequence.

I apologize If my gentle words sound jangled & stridulous rather than serving as a soothing restorative balm for the pangs of disappointment & pain.

In as much as your words were harsh, I find some truth in it.

Boss13:


Women trying to encourage her that she would see a man that would love her and her son. I pity that man. In fact such a man lack self esteem that he is willingly to go after a single mother and start training a child that is not his rather than start his own family afresh. I know some men do this but they are stupid men.

OP go and arrest the idiot and let him pay for his deeds. There is the need to deal with idiotic men who abandon their children

Only instance I will advise someone to consider a baby mama is if the child's father is dead. So long he's alive, it's a no no.
Note: I said consider not accept.

Boss13:


Women trying to encourage her that she would see a man that would love her and her son. I pity that man. In fact such a man lack self esteem that he is willingly to go after a single mother and start training a child that is not his rather than start his own family afresh. I know some men do this but they are stupid men.

OP go and arrest the idiot and let him pay for his deeds. There is the need to deal with idiotic men who abandon their children

So women who take care of other women's kids, what are they? Idiotic too? What is wrong about a man taking care of another man's kid? So if the father is not responsible, the kid should not have fatherly love in his life? We need to do away with this archaic view of paternity. You do not need a biological connection to a kid to be a parent

Daisy17:


So women who take care of other women's kids, what are they? Idiotic too? What is wrong about a man taking care of another man's kid? So if the father is not responsible, the kid should not have fatherly love in his life? We need to do away with this archaic view of paternity. You do not need a biological connection to a kid to be a parent

No need to get yourself worked up. The opinions of nld "boys" dont and wont matter unless the OP limits herself and keep wasting her time on facebook or Nld in search of love.

I go out for weddings and housewarmings in lekki/ikoyi axis every weekend and 80% of the brides/celebrants are single mothers with most times as many as 3 children. The OP only needs to up her game( physical looks, education or career/business), know which occasion to attend and mix with the right crowd or circle, she will meet a very stable , mature man who will marry her and the child and pamper her like a queen.

Daisy17:


So women who take care of other women's kids, what are they? Idiotic too? What is wrong about a man taking care of another man's kid? So if the father is not responsible, the kid should not have fatherly love in his life? We need to do away with this archaic view of paternity. You do not need a biological connection to a kid to be a parent

Did anybody force those women to take care of those kids.
Secondly, are they responsible for the financial welfare?

ifyalways:

No need to get yourself worked up. The opinions of nld "boys" dont and wont matter unless the OP limits herself and keep wasting her time on facebook or Nld in search of love.

I go out for weddings and housewarmings in lekki/ikoyi axis every weekend and 80% of the brides/celebrants are single mothers with most times as many as 3 children. The OP only needs to up her game( physical looks, education or career/business), know which occasion to attend and mix with the right crowd or circle, she will meet a very stable , mature man who will marry her and the child and pamper her like a queen.

Thanks. Sometimes I get so irritated by the comments I see on NL and then I remember that a lot of them are unexposed kids who have a myopic view of life. I love your positive attitude. I think the advice you have given the op is universal, the way you carry yourself is the way people will treat you. All the op has to do is to up her game and exude confidence. No need to carry around this victim mentality and looking for answers from an irresponsible man. He probably does not know his left from his right.

Raalsalghul:
Did anybody force those women to take care of those kids.
Secondly, are they responsible for the financial welfare?

So many women contribute to the family welfare so they are in fact taking care of their step-kids. If you love someone, you should love their kids.

Daisy17:


So many women contribute to the family welfare so they are in fact taking care of their step-kids. If you love someone, you should love their kids.

Lies. A woman'll hardly marry a single father where the financial burdens of the kid is on her.
The kid being there is enough stress.

Raalsalghul:

Lies. A woman'll hardly marry a single father where the financial burdens of the kid is on her.
The kid being there is enough stress.

What on earth are you talking about? My mum's friend helped raise her husband's 7kids to university level including her daughter. The man was out of job for a loooonnggg time. She did it. So what are you saying?

Ammy5565:

What on earth are you talking about? My mum's friend helped raise her husband's 7kids to university level including her daughter. The man was out of job for a loooonnggg time. She did it. So what are you saying?

How many women are like your mum's friend. One in a hundred thousand maybe?

Raalsalghul:
How many women are like your mum's friend. One in a hundred thousand maybe?

Dont be too sure. You dont know everything about life.
Okbye.

Ammy5565:

Dont be too sure. You dont know everything about life.
Okbye.

Oh cut the crap. Your example is like 1 in a million.

ifyalways:
@OP, i know someone exactly in same shoes. Infact, i just paid for her single mother and sole custody affidavits today. The only difference is that unlike you, the baby daddy lives in UK so she cant sue him for child support.

If your baby daddy lives in nigeria, tell him that you want him yo start contributing towards his childs upkeep starting from next month, send him your account details and amount you expect him to contribute( be reasonable,factor in school fees, food, shelter,clothing and health insurance {if your child does not have one, get one for him asap})

If he fails to remit the said amount on or before 5th of next month, go and report him to your states welfare service.

31 is still young. You will meet a man who will love you and accept your child, however , enlarge your coast. Work hard so you can afford to travel and vacation, you will meet people including foreigners who will pamper and treat you like a queen. Dont be desperate
Dont settle for less. Set your standards and stay firm on basic things you want in a man.
You have been played once, never allow any man play you again.
Avoid playboys and fvckboys no matter how needy you are, get a verrrry good vibrator instead. Dont invite another drama into your life just cos you want to brush your down below.

Dont settle for less or sell yourself short to please any man. You set the rules from henceforth.

28 likes from fellow delusionists like you.

You can’t eat your cake and have. It’s very rare for a made bachelor to marry a single mother, it’s very very rare. OP sounds like someone that will run back to her irresponsible boyfriend when he shows up, that’s one of the problem with most single mothers. You’re lucky if you meet a single father or a divorcee. Lastly, carry your cross.

truthsayer009:


LMAO, Nigerian men don't want to support their children, It is a norm I'm telling you. Single mother train doesn't work here, you're either a Rich single mother like Linda Ikeji or suffer like mahd in the hands of men.

She should continue to be deceived by words of ifyalways and the rest.

People who know the history of ifyalways on nairaland would never take her serious

piroux:


Not that I'm giving the OP advice but that tactic fails. Woefully in fact. Especially in this generation. The child might go back to look for it's father, mostly out of need and curiosity. However, the day they confirm what their mother told them is relatively true, that man is done for.
You will end up pitying these old men when their abandoned children start with them. Especially those who were not responsible enough yo build retirement plans. Their suffering no dey get part 2. Seen too many cases.
However a man lays his bed, he will sleep on it well well.

Exactly, irresponsible men should not reap where they did not sow.

Fadedvoices2:


She should continue to be deceived by words of ifyalways and the rest.

People who know the history of ifyalways on nairaland would never take her serious

I don't know her History, can you kindly spare me some Vital information if you know