Sank you, sank you, my pellow Naijurians por ze goodwill messages.

I want to sank you por not boting por me as fresident of ze Pederal
Refublic of Naijuria. But I received ze most imfortant botes prom
Fresident Obasanjo and INEC. Zis is why I have now been declared ze
winner of ze elections and ze fresident-elect of ze Pederal Refublic of
Naijuria. Nagode to Obasanjo and nagode to INEC, for zia beri beri
imfortant suffort.

Ze pirst task of my new gwament is to fray por feace and stability in
Naijuria. I will now ask all ze depeated fresidential candidates to join
me in a gwament of national unity. So I will bring back my priends like
Atiku, General Babangida and Buhari into my new gwament.

I sink Atiku will be good as ze new head of ze EFCC. Fresident Obasanjo
should not worry about my gwament frobing him, gaskiya, at least until
apter May 29. Babangida will be ze new minister por pinance, and Buhari
will be in charge of ze ministry of War Against Indiscifline.

My fipul, ze task bepore us is a great one, walahi talahi. I don't know
where to start, but I want to ashuwa you zat I will act in consultation
with all ze emirs and imams.

I am now going to Germany por treatment por exhaustion prom making zis
sfeech. I shall be back por ze swearing in ceremony, inshallah.

One Nigeria, one Fee-Di-Fee, Fower to ze fipul.

Umaru Yar'Adua

Quite funny

zee