Good day nairalanders. I created this account to seek for advice as I am confused and crying as I type this. I have been happily married for 4 years with a daughter of 3 and my husband. Not about a week ago, I had issues with one of his friend in his absence in our home. He had this close friend who came visiting on a faithful evening last Monday(I was not strong enough to go to work),he came when my husband wasn't around so I had to leave whatever I was doing to keep him company while we wait for my husband, at some point I offered to get him food, he obliged and ate, it was not upto 30 minutes after eating, he asked me to go buy him card. Politely, I told him I can't as was so tired and weak to walk about 10 minutes under the sun, i suggested to recharge free for him from my bank, he insisted, frowned his face and asked if I was trying to tell him that he can't recharge from his account, I was shocked, he stood up angry and aggressively and drove out of the compound. I didn't utter a word, I was angry but kept calm.

Not until my husband came back, and when I was about to welcome him but, he angrily yield and screamed at me and asked why I had to insult his friend and call him poor. I angrily asked him why he believed his friend without trying to confirm the from me, we deeply quarrelled and he made statement threatening to end the marriage if I cannot respect his friends and his people. I have never disrespected him or any of his friends and family members before, I'm so confused, we have not be conversing and relating well since Monday. I tried to make peace with him as I wasn't comfortable keeping malice with him but he said I will have to apologise to his friend which is something I don't think I can do.

I am so confused, what should I do?

If this story is true.

Then,I'm sorry, you married a man who cannot respect and protect you before his friends.

A man who's not worthy to be called a good husband or father.

You did nothing wrong, but my advice is; If the happiness and unity of your home is so important to you, do as he has insisted by apologising to his friend.

After doing that, make sure you avoid and stay clear from that his friend. He's not happy with your family and can do anything possible to get rid of you by breaking your home. A loyal friend will be sensible enough to know that it's somehow disrespectful to send his friend's wife on such an errand.

Be careful!

So sad you got married to a renowned GAY practitioner.

Never you apologise to that poor monkey, he's definitely a home breaker.

If your husband feels divorce is the best way to go about it, allow him to.... Don't be chickened into doing what you don't want to do for the sake of saving the "Marriage"

We don pass that stage when men go dey threaten their wives with divorce.

That's my wrong advise.

IamD18:
I'm sorry, you married a man who cannot respect and protect you before his friends.

A man who's not worthy to be called a good husband or father.

My advice; If the happiness and unity of your home is so important to you, do as he has insisted by apologising to his friend.

After doing that, make sure you avoid and stay clear from that his friend. He's not happy with your family and can do anything possible to get rid of you by breaking your home. A loyal friend will be sensible enough to know that it's somehow disrespectful to send his friend's wife on such an errand.

Be careful!

Puxxyasslicker.

Friends over bitches mehn!!

Wait and see people take sides without hearing the other side of the story. Examples above already

I think you should apologize.

You have to do this not because you are fault but because you are a wise woman who priorities her families happiness over her own ego.

Make peace while it is in your power to make peace.

Nairaland30:
[s]
Puxxyasslicker.

Friends over bitches mehn!! [/s]

Who's the bitch? Someone's wife?

Are you MAD? What right has he to even send her on an errand in the first place? Is he her boss at work, husband, father or elder brother?

Are you FOOLISH? Why will he even visit and stay with her when the husband isn't around? I'm asking you!

Are you that DUMB? Don't you know what it means to set boundaries and mode in which you should relate to a married friend?

According to OP, she politely suggested another alternative but he turned it down, proving he had something in mind.

And here you are, typing about bitches!

Should I blame your father for this statement you made on someone's wife or should I blame your dusty brain?

It's so pitiful and shocking that after all the promises you made to your parents to be responsible, reasonable and sensible, you ended up as a shallow minded BOY who is ready to suck the scrotum balls of his friends than to protect his wife in cases like this.

C'mon! Will you take your pathetic self out of here!

Nonsense and turninoninown!

It's a bleeped up situation for real...


Buuuuuut, if you truly love your man, and he is a good man then I'd say take one for the team, go and apologise to his friend as an adult.

Say something like... 'Hey, I really didn't mean to make you uncomfortable in my home*insert reasons for not going shop* I have the upmost respect for you, and I wanted to personally apologise FOR THE WAY I MADE YOU FEEL '

Basically, offer a diplomatic apology.

Let the dust settle down and wait for him to come out of his mood, and one day you could explain how you felt to him.

Here's a thought, would your husband feel comfortable for this man to stay in your house unsupervised

I'm sure you won't be comfortable with that, or are you

Its a tough situation, and you have to learn new skills in communication so let him win the battles while you always win the wars.

Bros before hoes






but a lot of guys forget there's also


Family before bros.

I pray your husband retraces his steps.

Funny

That's what you get when you leave your boyfriend and marry another guy. Compatibility is lacking; go and fix-up your life.

alegria00:
Wait and see people take sides without hearing the other side of the story. Examples above already

why do you want to hear the other side, na so your amebo reach?

she asked for opinions based on what she said not what happened so if she is lying then it is none of our concerns

Nairaland30:

Puxxyasslicker.

Friends over bitches mehn!!

Your wife is your friend.

Guest007:
It's a bleeped up situation for real...


Buuuuuut, if you truly love your man, and he is a good man then I'd say take one for the team, go and apologise to his friend as an adult.

Say something like... 'Hey, I really didn't mean to make you uncomfortable in my home*insert reasons for not going shop* I have the upmost respect for you, and I wanted to personally apologise FOR THE WAY I MADE YOU FEEL '

Basically, offer a diplomatic apology.

Let the dust settle down and wait for him to come out of his mood, and one day you could explain how you felt to him.

Here's a thought, would your husband feel comfortable for this man to stay in your house unsupervised

I'm sure you won't be comfortable with that, or are you

Its a tough situation, and you have to learn new skills in communication so let him win the battles while you always win the wars.

Pls listen to this advce. Apologising doesn't make you a fool, no, it means you are wise and you can get a more appropriate time to sort things out after the dust must have settled. Read the 48 laws of power and you will know that sometimes it's better to play the fool so you can win the war even if it seems you have lost the battle. Please don't let pride ruin your marriage. Shalom!

Nairaland30:

Puxxyasslicker.

Friends over bitches mehn!!

When a kid that eats "mummy, thank you" talks, you will know.


Wives are not bitches, ok.


To the story, the husband and the friend, hmmmm. I won't judge now because there are two sides (or three) of a story.


If what you wrote is true,

1. Your husband's friend is wrong, on all levels. You offered to recharge via your bank app. Who knows his evil plans?
2. Your husband was wrong for not hearing you out before the outburst. You husband should be more mature to handle his home with wisdom.
3. I don't think you did anything wrong to apologise to the friend.

Nairaland30:

Puxxyasslicker.

Friends over bitches mehn!!

Nairaland30:

Puxxyasslicker.

Friends over bitches mehn!!

Someone will call your wife a bitch...to your face...someday.

Chinnyrita27:
Good day nairalanders. I created this account to seek for advice as I am confused and crying as I type this. I have been happily married for 4 years with a daughter of 3 and my husband. Not about a week ago, I had issues with one of his friend in his absence in our home. He had this close friend who came visiting on a faithful evening last Monday(I was not strong enough to go to work),he came when my husband wasn't around so I had to leave whatever I was doing to keep him company while we wait for my husband, at some point I offered to get him food, he obliged and ate, it was not upto 30 minutes after eating, he asked me to go buy him card. Politely, I told him I can't as was so tired and weak to walk about 10 minutes under the sun, i suggested to recharge free for him from my bank, he insisted, frowned his face and asked if I was trying to tell him that he can't recharge from his account, I was shocked, he stood up angry and aggressively and drove out of the compound. I didn't utter a word, I was angry but kept calm.

Not until my husband came back, and when I was about to welcome him but, he angrily yield and screamed at me and asked why I had to insult his friend and call him poor. I angrily asked him why he believed his friend without trying to confirm the from me, we deeply quarrelled and he made statement threatening to end the marriage if I cannot respect his friends and his people. I have never disrespected him or any of his friends and family members before, I'm so confused, we have not be conversing and relating well since Monday. I tried to make peace with him as I wasn't comfortable keeping malice with him but he said I will have to apologise to his friend which is something I don't think I can do.

I am so confused, what should I do?

Dont apologise to his friend, and do not apologize to him.

Tell him you are insulted by such statement and are ready to leave the marriage. It is the only thing that will make sense to him and honestly, the marriage is worthless if a man puts his friend above his wife.

He is a fool, sorry, you married a fool.

CosmoDroid:


Dont apologise to his friend, and do not apologize to him.

Tell him you are insulted by such statement and are ready to leave the marriage. It is the only thing that will make sense to him and honestly, the marriage is worthless if a man puts his friend above his wife.

He is a fool, sorry, you married a fool.

You don marry?

Apologize to your husband and his friend. Make them believe you're truly sorry..

Then look for a very bitter way to deal with the friend when he least expects.

This is so traumatizing. I hope your home don't end up crashing because of his friend.

Mods should help this woman out.

I don't want to believe your husbands friend will just get angry without your insulting him

I also don't want to believe that your husband of four years will threaten divorce because of a misunderstanding with his friend.

However this is Nigeria , some wives are glorified housemaids and exalted babymamas

Op if all you narrated is 100% true then you had better start planning for any future troubles

I presume you depend totally on your hubby for everything.

Na so e dey be.

please if you do make sure you have something doing so that if anyfhing happens you'll have something to fall back on.


This disrespect is just too much to believe.

Lyk seriously, which sane man sends his friend's wife on senseless errands... Though I av 2 to 3 questions to ask though:

(1) What gave him the confidence that he'd sum1 at home at that time he decided to visit, knowing Gilly well that it's still the working hours...
(2) Per adventure this ur husband's friend is also married, do u av any idea as regards how your husband relates with his wives also....
(3) Lastly, let's say THE REVERSE HAPPENED TO BE THE CASE and U insisted that ur husby apologize to ur friend, WHAT DO U THINK HIS LIKELY RESPONSE WILL BE??

If I'm to dish out my advice, Trust me I'll say You shouldn't even think of begging and maintain ur stand (provided u've narrated the story just exactly as it'd happened). This is simply coz if care is not taken, such similar shit might repeat itself and U already know which side ur husband will surely fall to...

Let the 4rnd's conscience judge him as he sits at one corner watching ur household tear apart...

Why don't you say 'sorry' and save your home?

With due respect, yah hubby and his stupid friend are cuckoo period

My problem is not even the apologizing part....my problem is what stops this situation (or even worse) from repeating itself? And if he's vexing because of ordinary friend said you insulted him what will na happen if his mom says you slapped her
I don't even know what to say cause if you apologize it might keep on repeating itself and getting worse cause his friend will know that your husband will always believe him over you.
I don't like chucking mouth inside family matters cause they are so delicate. This isn't just about you and him, it's also about your kids who didn't ask to be born.
I feel for you.
Anyhow sha, plan for the worse. Hope you get work sha. If your family members are reasonable you can ask for advice from them. Especially your dad, they know how to advice in situations like this best.

It seems you're not the social type. You should have politely/jokingly told his friend that you where ill, tired and all in a friendly manner.

BT. Your husband messed up by not listening, try apologising to his friend and make him understand your plight that unfortunate day.

I cannot just do somethings
let heaven fall,he will wait forever for apology.

ps dont take my advice because my man and yours aint the same.

Sorry to say but you got married to a moRron. Why should his friend send you to go and buy him card in the first place? That he's your husband or the one who paid your bride price and the dolt of a man called your husband even listened to the nonsense. Whether you are telling the truth or not, my concern is why should your husband's friend think of sending you to go and buy him card, which kind "See finish" be that. At least now you know you got married to a boy who would rather take the words of an outsider than listen to his wife. Just for the sake of peace, go and apologize to his friend and from that moment if your husband no dey house and they come visiting, tell them from the gate that he's not home or whenever they are coming look for somewhere to go, Stop entertaining nuisance in your home, Begin to create boundaries if you have not been doing so, this should be a lesson to you. Your husband if he's wise would get the message, before one demon use e own spoil Your Own

If you like don't beg..
a younger slay Queen is warming to play your wing.
these bitches don't know what our g's mean to us

If you like don't beg..
a younger slay Queen is warming up to play your wing.
these bitches don't know what our g's mean to us

Chinnyrita27:
Good day nairalanders. I created this account to seek for advice as I am confused and crying as I type this. I have been happily married for 4 years with a daughter of 3 and my husband. Not about a week ago, I had issues with one of his friend in his absence in our home. He had this close friend who came visiting on a faithful evening last Monday(I was not strong enough to go to work),he came when my husband wasn't around so I had to leave whatever I was doing to keep him company while we wait for my husband, at some point I offered to get him food, he obliged and ate, it was not upto 30 minutes after eating, he asked me to go buy him card. Politely, I told him I can't as was so tired and weak to walk about 10 minutes under the sun, i suggested to recharge free for him from my bank, he insisted, frowned his face and asked if I was trying to tell him that he can't recharge from his account, I was shocked, he stood up angry and aggressively and drove out of the compound. I didn't utter a word, I was angry but kept calm.

Not until my husband came back, and when I was about to welcome him but, he angrily yield and screamed at me and asked why I had to insult his friend and call him poor. I angrily asked him why he believed his friend without trying to confirm the from me, we deeply quarrelled and he made statement threatening to end the marriage if I cannot respect his friends and his people. I have never disrespected him or any of his friends and family members before, I'm so confused, we have not be conversing and relating well since Monday. I tried to make peace with him as I wasn't comfortable keeping malice with him but he said I will have to apologise to his friend which is something I don't think I can do.

I am so confused, what should I do?

Madam, I understand your pains. Yes things like this sometimes happen but you must be very careful.

Now let me tell you this. The devil does not like anywhere there is peace, joy and love. He will be angry and make sure he goes there to scatter that peace, love and joy that you enjoy.

This is what happened. It's not your fault. You've done the best you can do in that circumstance. But the devil wants to use your husband's friend to scatter your home, so you must be very careful and vigilant.

First, your husband's friend was wrong for even sending you on an errand and even getting angry. After all, you're not his wife. Secondly, your husband was equally wrong for listening only to one side of the story (his friend) and jumping into conclusion without hearing from you. Your husband acted very rashly, irrationally and is inconsiderate. He's supposed to respect you enough to hear from you first before taking action.

But as I said before, the devil wants to sow a seed of discord in your family to break your home. Let me tell you this: Even if you you did what you've been accused of, it still does not warrant your husband threatening divorce. Divorce is not what you pronounce anyhow. Words are very powerful and can eventually come alive if spoken carelessly.

Now this is what you must do. You must realise this problem goes beyond your husband or his friend. Go down on your knees at midnight for 3 whole days and pray sincerely - cry to God over this matter, the Lord will hear you and He will change your husband to love you more and also change his friend not to pick faults with you over any flimsy excuse. This is the only sure solution in this matter.

Meanwhile, this does not stop you from apologizing to his friend. Humble yourself and apologize even if it's clear you're right in this matter and his friend is wrong. You know why you should apologize? Because you must stoop to conquer. Remember Oliver Goldsmith's "She Stoops To Conquer"? Just stoop for them and you will surely conquer. It's very clear that these two men have ego issues and need their ego to be "massaged", so just help them massage their ego by apologizing, while you go down on your knees to tackle them with prayer. You will surely overcome. I've counseled countless couples in similar situations and those who followed the steps saw good results.

Mind you, if you apologize only without praying about it, very soon another thing will happen in your home. They will still find another flimsy fault with you that you're disrespectful again. But your prayer is a must because it keeps such things away from coming up.

Try this sincerely with faith and it will surely work. You might get in touch if you need more counseling and/or advice. Wishing you all the best. God bless you.