HOW I GOT TO BOKI ( EPISODE 1 )



It was four years ago, I can still recall. I know many of you will think I’m joking, but I’ll tell my story anyway.

My idea of social media fun was to come online, go to a pretty girl’s inbox and unleash my wooing prowess on her. In a day, I could chat with as many as 20 random girls. My success was usually measured by the amount of phone numbers I could get. That was how I met one very beautiful girl online (Rachel Afor) who according to her, lives in Boki Local Government Area in Cross River State. I used my usual ‘runs boy’ antics to get her phone number. We got talking for a while, so I thought it wise to take my game to the next level.
I told her how much my feelings for her has miraculously increased.
I told her I’m dying to meet her
I told her I’d like to come over to Boki to spend a weekend.
As usual, I lamented about how broke I am and that I’m expecting a very huge sum of money from my big Uncle. (It works all the time).
She agreed to send me #12,000 for transport and also assured me that I’ll spend the weekend at her place, since she stays alone. She even bragged about how she’s going to feed me fat on her local delicacies. All I needed was a different taste of “OILING” (sex), but the idea of food sounded cool too.
Anyway, TO CUT THE LONG STORY SHORT. She sent the money for transport. I wasn’t surprised, she wasn’t my first victim. I boarded a bus from Lagos to Boki. It was a very long journey. She called every 30 minutes to ask how the journey was going (Such a caring girl). I was just smiling anyhow, because I don hammer!!….
Finally, we arrived Boki late in the night at about 11pm or so. I alighted from the bus when we got to the park, but she was nowhere in sight as planned. I decided to try her phone line, but it wasn’t going through. I kept calling her phone for almost a thousand times, still it wasn’t available. By this time, it was already 12:15 am… I just stood at the bus park like a pillar of salt…Until everyone disappeared one after the other and I was the last and only man standing…………

Episode 2


I checked my time again and it was 1:02am. My battery was already below 20%. Make I no lie, I was very scared. The whole place was dark…the shadows were beginning to form scary figures and fear started dripping down my spine. My head became so heavy as if a ghost was chilling behind me. I switched on my phone’s torchlight to find my way in the dark, till I got into an old abandoned vehicle in the park. I couldn’t sleep at all. My fears grew bigger, plus it was getting really cold.
For the first time in my rickety ‘runs boy’ life, I went on my knees and prayed to God. I begged God to just deliver me for the night, and I promised not to be a runs boy again, but deep down in my heart, I know I wasn’t serious. I enjoy being a runs boy.
One very tiny voice was laughing at me inside my mind, I didn’t know if its the devil’s, or if it was my guardian Angel…but the voice was saying “look at you, are you happy with yourself now? Sleeping inside an abandoned vehicle in the middle of nowhere, because of a girl…” But it’s not my fault oo, you need to see Rachel. Very beautiful girl, with an angelic voice, and a curvy figure-eight-like shape like that of Nicki Minaj.
I wanted to pick up my phone to go through Rachael’s photos again, just to see and comfort myself with her angelic face and beautiful curvy body, but I had to preserve my battery so I resorted to imagination. I imagined Rachael in every ridiculous fliterous outfits ever. I smiled sheepishly as I remembered her facebook username, #Tush_Boo_Rachel_Issa_Bae ..

Anyway, TO CUT THE LONG STORY SHORT. I had to switch off my phone to save my battery power for the next day. At first, I was angry that Rachel (my victim) was not in the park when I arrived as planned, but I was angrier because her phone line wasn’t connecting. I guess she fell asleep, it wasn’t her fault. She’ll probably call in the morning when she wakes up. And I’m going to punish her by demanding for extra cash and extra rounds of “Oiling”. I thought to myself…. I was still thinking about all the lines I’ll use on Rachel that I didn’t even know when I fell asleep, but I’m sure I was snoring so loud. (Is it not me again?)
In my sleep, I heard voices, I thought it was a dream, I just changed position and continued my sleep. Later, I started hearing a lot of noise, and it grew even louder… I slowly opened my eyes, and lo and behold my brethren, the park was filled with people.
How could I have slept so long? “Ahan! Darny! Even when you sleep in your comfy bed you don’t sleep till this time” I quietly rebuked myself. “Well sha, how I for do? It must be the stress from yesterday’s journey”…I consoled myself.
I checked my side but couldn’t find my bag. I turned around and Nollywood’s “ghenge” just played in my head, I didn’t want to believe it were possible at first so I slowly searched the entire vehicle, lifting each spoilt chair one after the other but I still couldn’t find my bag…I searched the entire vehicle, but couldn’t find the bag. I couldn’t cry. My phone was gone. The clothes I borrowed from my friends to ‘coman’ form slayking in Boki was gone. My ATM card, gone. I didn’t know when tears fell off my eyes.
I approached one fat man like that to explain my predicament, he looked fatherly. Have you ever poured water on a duck’s back abi cocoyam leaf? Okay…That was the exact response I got from the fat fatherly looking man, he just ignored me, that I felt invisible. I thought he was even going to help me, So I approached one of the park boys instead and started narrating my story. The guy was giving me all his attention and at the point where I mentioned my missing belongings, I saw a flash of sympathy across his face, in my mind I was like “phew! Thank God!” Because he obviously was going to help, but after my narration, the “broda” called on his colleagues and was saying…”Make una come see oo. Dis yeye pipu don start again”.
Before I could say a word, KPA!!! they pushed me out of the park, calling me a thief and a trouble maker…

My people, that’s how I ended up in the streets of Boki…a total stranger, with No clothes to change into, No phone, No ATM card…No I.D cards, No money to eat…Just Me, Myself and I, stranded, because of “Issa Issa Mkpo” (Sex)…
I don’t even know how to start, but I must either find Rachel or return to Lagos immediately. Although the two idea seems impossible now that I’ve lost everything.......


Complete episode and other exciting and funny stories available at freenerve.com

Hugely thought out! How do you make this? Photoshop?