rickyboss333:


its simple. become her best friend

exactly what im trying to say...

Theres one silly statement made by one fhemmy about making kids work for the food nd education they get... Thats the most stupid comment(by fhemmy) i read today.

sisisioge:
Return her immediately. All these plenty stories sef. She's gotten to the point where she's forgotten why she's in your house so much so that she openly disrespects you and your hubby(keeping bfs against your will is disrespect, branching off the course of an assignment and leaving a partner to return alone is disrespect). Biko return her...she's over stayed her welcome. Maybe going back home will help advise her.

Or just kuku impregnate the Girl fa, then turn her to second wife That would really make her happy.

angelamina:
You can as well threaten her by sending her back to her parents maybe during this break from school..if she pleads to come back, then u can now lay down the rules for her return to her, if she has sense and really wants to keep staying with you, she should sit up ones she's back..

Send her back ke? Let OP marry the girl as second wife na. Shebi she is 18 years?

LUCKIE2014:


Don't mind folks telling you to send her back. We all know how we were in our teenage days when our hormones were raging and we could poke a hole in the wall if given the chance. Her behavior is absolutely normal. What she needs is your guidance, direction and education on sex. She's probably enjoying all the attention that she is getting especially if she grew up in an environment where she wasn't constantly told how valuable she is. Probably hearing this for the first time coming from boys. Howbeit after one or two heartbreaks, she will learn that this is just "guys" game.

Your job as an adult is to help her sail this stage. We have all been there. Don't chase her away please. Treat her as if you would have wanted to be treated when you were her age, clueless and outright naive.

God bless.

Beautiful, beautiful... Help me ask her if it were her own daughter, would she have taken that drastic step?

UjuJoan2:
I don't subscribe to flogging an 18 year old. If you can no longer control her then send her home.

For me just one thing is important here? Is she still useful to you? Does she still render required services? If yes, then just ignore her. Stop paying too much attention to her social life. But don't miss any opportunity to define to her that if she gets pregnant she will be sent back to her parents ASAP. Just so she is sure of the implications of her actions.

Then you need to inform her parents of what she is doing and the efforts you have made to stop her, and her continuous flouting of rules. Also let them know that you have decided to stop talking about her waywardness since they keep falling on deaf ears, and lastly let them know your plan of returning her if she gets pregnant.. Just so they can start preparing their minds.

Don't give yourself high BP. The fact that you are not her mother already makes you the enemy. She will not believe you mean well for her, rather her adventurous mind will interprete your concerns as a way of preventing her from having fun. At this point, there is not much you can do to change that. She will come to the realization on her own when she is ready

Just let her be!

Much better

PaulAris:

Yh, teenagers love to explore, however stubborn will be. Their zeal and inquisitiveness takes the better of them.
From this version of the story, she hasn't known the pleasures of sex yet so I believe it'll be easier to handle the situation as it is.
The reason why most teenagers especially girls do the relationship(boyfriend) is to fill up their emotional bank, to be loved and to be cared for. So when they don't find enough of this in the home, they go out to look for it
And believe me, it costs them but they don't know until its too late
So I guess you know the decision to make by now. And lemme add, beating her cause of that boyfriend thing won't change her one bit.
Words, advice and guidance does wonders especially with love.
But do know this, a child that doesn't wanna change will never change
Cheers!
But all in all, this boyfriend thingy is not that big of a deal na. Its something that we unnecessarily sweat and pant about

[quote au

masseratti:
A 17 YEARS OLD. as a maid? And you guys have had her since she was 12 years old? Jeez in this century? That's child labor OP, it's bad there are better ways of even the less privileged without abuse, your folks I assume could have adopted her maybe not as a ward fully but guardians, but you all do the same chores she does without no exception schools might not be the same, but clothes, foods, sleeping conditions and chore must be the same if she is under your roof, and yes my Dad did applied this method to relatives or and non relatives under his roof, if you come at the time we are having breakfast, lunch or dinner, you can't tell who is the real child from the other.

About your topic flogging her for that wasn't necessary, you done your part, you have teach sex education, what will happen will happen, and she will soon be 18,by that time under the law you don't have any right to beat her for anything she does to her body under the law,

My advice call her bring her close and try again to let her know you didn't mean to harm her or flog her, you just want her not to be deceived by guys out there, because they are just about one thing... That thing.

thor=MaNyEsq post=77301184]I am not one to give anyone a piece of advice because I am not a "shrink" and do not play one on TV. However, I would add my two cents to the conversation. Your maid is almost a grown woman at the age that she's is now. In a civilized society, when a child turns 18, she's an adult under the law, she can vote, can enter into a legal contract and can leave her parents home. If she decides to still stay home with her parents, she has to pay her own fair share of the household bills. I alluded to all these to say that your maid is no longer the 12-year old child (minor) that you took in and therefore, you MUST start seeing and treating her as an adult.

For a start, you need to have a serious talk with her and explain to her that any choices that she makes in life have either good or bad consequences. Let her know that if she wants something out of life, then she needs to make good choices and that you would be there to encourage and support her every step of the way. But if on the other hand, she decides to go in the opposite direction, that too has consequences that she ALONE would have to suffer. Teach her about birth control and safe sex practices and NEVER to have unprotected sex if she decides to engage in it. And please, do not whip a 17-year-old woman, you can accomplish more by having serious discussions with her and setting expectations and boundaries than humiliating her. A word is enough for the wise![/quote]


OP this are the advices you should be taking. I am now beginning to wonder about the workload you have assigned to the girl coupled with school activities.. How do we know she is not a maid you turned into a slave?

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

You flogged a 17 year old girl? To slap you just dey hungry me.

ireneidiva:

Stop flogging someone's child. If you can no longer handle her, send her back to her parents. Beating her is just wicked. Injure her and it becomes a police case.

I agree.

lacapine:
I would rather send her home. She has been begging that she doesn't want to go. Still watching.

Simple solution is be friendly with her and tell her to invite her boyfriend home and you would like to meet and formally accept him into the family. By the time the guy show your house, beat the hell out of him and warn him never to come near her even in his dream. I bet you na the guy go help discourage any boy that wants to date your maid. (This approach always work)

My neighbour has a wife and kids with his junior female-cousin staying with them to help out in house chores. The cousin was a nice girl until the day she met a guy while she was pursuing university admission and she grew unimaginable wings. Started disobeying the man and wife until the man sent him packing.

She later came back begging(most likely after the guy confusing her has used and dumped her) but it was too late cos she has been replaced by another nice and hardworking cousin.

My advice: Send her back to her parents now unless you want to deal with a pregnant house maid. She might even be carrying contagious disease and be spreading it around your home like santa claus. Send her home now to her parents! Yes it will be stressful for you guys to fill in for the things she does at home but the stress of the problem brewing is worse.

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

If na your pikin, U go send am back. You expect her to be a virgin. Just keep advising her.

ireneidiva:

Stop flogging someone's child. If you can no longer handle her, send her back to her parents. Beating her is just wicked. Injure her and it becomes a police case.

Idiot did she say she floged her?

lacapine:
. Even my biological child, I flog. She doesn't see herself as an outsider and we have such a good relationship. If we didn't, she wouldn't have stayed 6 years and refusing to go. Mind you, she travels home.once in a while and comes back on her own accord. She understands the reason why she is being flogged and this morning, I sat her down and was talking to her again even though I was tired of talking.

You're a good woman

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

Don't waste your time by advising or beating her,she is not going to change.I have something similar happening here and i am only keeping her because of her good father.

We resorted to beating after counselling failed,when we realised we may run foul of the law we decided to give her a free rein.She leaves home for her school in the next street by 6.30 am and returns by 7-8pm.There is no fear or attempt to hide if we see her unexpectedly with boys/men

Girls like that can only bend to the rules of naturally harsh guardians not the forming we do and call it beating/punishment.The only period she behaved a bit was when my no nonsense sister-inlaw was staying with us before she relocated.For her every daring act of disobedience she had a ready punishment for her,the most efficient was not giving her the next meal after she misbehaved.

We are tolerating her due to pleading from her principal and the soft spot we have for her dad.From our observation,she is never in later life going to appreciate our efforts on her since the age of 2 when she was brought to us after the death of her mother 15 years ago.We have resolved to continue supporting her education untill she passes out of secondary.

Focus on your children and tolerate her till she completes her school cert

lacapine:
okay. Been doing that. This evening hubby came back late and sent her and Hubby's nephew staying with us to buy something. She branched to her friend's place and when Hubby's nephew was telling her that they should hurry back, she was reluctant and he just came home my himself. The effrontery!

since she no one wise, you have to caution her on your stand on it, let her know if she fails to listen and it gets out of hands you are so done helping her academically etc in fact she is on her own and she would have herself to blame not you, If her school authority is a woman report her to the woman, give her close marking at home and school as well you must know the time she closes and when she is expected to get back if she fails to get home at the proper time without genuine reason give her punishment (like ika obo, sitting on the wall, okada) etc don't beat her, though you can't curb it totally (she is a girl and exposed to it already) but you can discourage her with a lil bit of sex edu (tell her it would eventually lead to s3x and she could have unwanted pregnancy or worst HIV) the sex edu thing should be meant for her university when she is no more under your wing and when necessary, in fact what is stopping you from knowing those her friends at school and boyfriends as well, know them chase them off her back before they corrupt her totally threaten to arrest them and their parents like my pman would do. I can sense she is like a daughter to u sis don't send her back, if you do you are only helping her life to get worse, what if na ur pikin would u disown her?

fastseo:
Just advice her and not because of that send her back.
Not necessarily flogging but advice and prayer and she will be fine.

Fine with pregnancy. Shes naive and stupid too.

UjuJoan2:
I don't subscribe to flogging an 18 year old. If you can no longer control her then send her home.

For me just one thing is important here? Is she still useful to you? Does she still render required services? If yes, then just ignore her. Stop paying too much attention to her social life. But don't miss any opportunity to define to her that if she gets pregnant she will be sent back to her parents ASAP. Just so she is sure of the implications of her actions.

Then you need to inform her parents of what she is doing and the efforts you have made to stop her, and her continuous flouting of rules. Also let them know that you have decided to stop talking about her waywardness since they keep falling on deaf ears, and lastly let them know your plan of returning her if she gets pregnant.. Just so they can start preparing their minds.

Don't give yourself high BP. The fact that you are not her mother already makes you the enemy. She will not believe you mean well for her, rather her adventurous mind will interprete your concerns as a way of preventing her from having fun. At this point, there is not much you can do to change that. She will come to the realization on her own when she is ready

Just let her be!

Oh I love your comment. Should OP take to your counsel here she would be better for it. This is clear enough

Am sure say if your pikin dey her position (same age and circumstance), your reaction for dey different.


Am not disregarding your help, but i bet say you go dun harden the girl since 12. I can also bet say at 12, your pikin no fit do more than half of the task as this girl, including the times wey you go dun wake am at odd hours to do some hard/easy tasks. And if you are a man, i wonder why you wan dey always verify say she dey sexually active, even as a woman.

Your hubby is a suspect. Watch him

lacapine:
. Even my biological child, I flog. She doesn't see herself as an outsider and we have such a good relationship. If we didn't, she wouldn't have stayed 6 years and refusing to go. Mind you, she travels home.once in a while and comes back on her own accord. She understands the reason why she is being flogged and this morning, I sat her down and was talking to her again even though I was tired of talking.

Once again, do not flog anybody's child. You can even strangle your child if you want. If she is too much to handle, send her back.

that girl is going tru a stage, some people have failed to realize that one day their daughter would get to that stage (17,18 plus) when they would likely misbehave as well and I wonder if they would eventually disown their own child or just let her go ahead and get pregnant then send her to their grandmother in the village but I already knew the answer NO they won't. For the fact that that little girl your house help is less privileged doesn't mean you should make her life more miserable she is also human like you, do ur best. Op help girl navigate tru that stage

Don't be hard on her, she may elope with her boyfriend. just sit down with her like your daughter and discuss and pray with her.

Those gals can be very stubborn ,aunty, i have heard you , for where, and they end up Getting pregnant, watch out. I mean this kind of gals end up getting Pregnant. they think they are sharp. and wise, but they are wayward.

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

A man who was my father's campaign DG for LG chairmanship elections but the ambition ditched begged my father on his knees to take as a responsibility one if his daughter's.

My dad oblige him taking his 2nd daughter who was in primary 6 thinking we would groom that one instead of the older secondary School 1st daughter.

The girl we took was demoted 2 classes to get her to read properly, by JSS 2, her breast were just forming but have not reached full size, had her 1st period the previous month, she was pregnant for an SS1 boy.

The end.

From your explanation i think you have done your best to manage this maid. If she is not ready to take correction send her back to her parents before she becomes pregnant.

Goddyj:
You're even waiting until after her ss3 before sending her back. That's more than two years ahead. My candid advice for you is SEND HER BACK NOW unless you are ready to abort pregnancies. Thank me later

what if she is your female child and she starts developing this attitude and ur flogging and advice doesn't matter to her lol... you would loose hope? or at least she is ur child? lol

andyanders:


Had one like that and almost same character. Came when she was 6 and turned something else between 14 and 16. Sent her back same period. Anytime she been sent to go get something from within the neighborhood, she will not come back on time as such we had to ask her to go with one of my boys 'cus I have only male children, she now started warning them not to monitor or tell her what to do. The day my boys saw her with one with tattoos, they came home and informed us what they observed, we called her to advise her to face her studies, she never took the advise.

We allowed her to finish that term, told her that her mother was sick and that she needed to go home and see her, she was happy. We never allowed her to go with some of her things. We got one of my wife's relation who took her home to make sure she was handed over to her parents safely. The next week, we packaged her remaining things and sent them over to her.. Called her mother to keep her at the village. They later called and started telling us what she was doing with boys within the village and that we took good step to have brought her home. Within same period, she took in and that was the end of her. Those that she was in same class with, are all doing their second yr in the university now and she has been crying and pleading to come back and noway for her anymore.

Take her home and deliver her to her parents, if not, either you come here to tell us the story that touches the heart.

Pls tell me she wasn't a maid at 6?

TheGiftedOne:



Just kindly return as collected. Her parents sent you one person, don't return 2 or even three. You're not multiplication table.

Mrs lacapine this is the best thing you can do, she will definitely get pregnant that's for sure, d problem is, she might try to abort it( that's worst). Am speaking from experience woh, return her d village ASAP!!!!

advocate666:


You flogged a 17 year old girl? To slap you just dey hungry me.

What is wrong in flogging a 17yr old girl that is not ready to take to correction? is age determinant of maturity? Children of this generation are wayward because of lack of discipline.

Ezyp:

Simple solution is be friendly with her and tell her to invite her boyfriend home and you would like to meet and formally accept him into the family. By the time the guy show your house, beat the hell out of him and warn him never to come near her even in his dream. I bet you na the guy go help discourage any boy that wants to date your maid. (This approach always work)

Is there anything wrong in a teenager having a boyfriend? What were you doing at 18? Her behaviour is perfectly normal. Girls like boys and vice versa.
Hypocrite

Orangina:
Those gals can be very stubborn ,aunty, i have heard you , for where, and they end up Getting pregnant, watch out. I mean this kind of gals end up getting Pregnant. they think they are sharp. and wise, but they are wayward.

As they long as they use protection she should be fine. There is nothing wrong with a teenager liking boys. It's natural oh yes

adanny01:


A man who was my father's campaign DG for LG chairmanship elections but the ambition ditched begged my father on his knees to take as a responsibility one if his daughter's.

My dad oblige him taking his 2nd daughter who was in primary 6 thinking we would groom that one instead of the older secondary School 1st daughter.

The girl we took was demoted 2 classes to get her to read properly, by JSS 2, her breast were just forming but have not reached full size, had her 1st period the previous month, she was pregnant for an SS1 boy.

The end.

Who are you to the young girl? Why do you know she had her first period? That should be woman to woman

Lord knows...you probably watched her take a shower under the guise of making sure she washes well