lekonso:


What is wrong in flogging a 17yr old girl that is not ready to take to correction? is age determinant of maturity? Children of this generation are wayward because of lack of discipline.

If she is 25 would you beat ur child? Kids needs respect too.

UjuJoan2:
I don't subscribe to flogging an 18 year old. If you can no longer control her then send her home.

For me just one thing is important here? Is she still useful to you? Does she still render required services? If yes, then just ignore her. Stop paying too much attention to her social life. But don't miss any opportunity to define to her that if she gets pregnant she will be sent back to her parents ASAP. Just so she is sure of the implications of her actions.

Then you need to inform her parents of what she is doing and the efforts you have made to stop her, and her continuous flouting of rules. Also let them know that you have decided to stop talking about her waywardness since they keep falling on deaf ears, and lastly let them know your plan of returning her if she gets pregnant.. Just so they can start preparing their minds.

Don't give yourself high BP. The fact that you are not her mother already makes you the enemy. She will not believe you mean well for her, rather her adventurous mind will interprete your concerns as a way of preventing her from having fun. At this point, there is not much you can do to change that. She will come to the realization on her own when she is ready

Just let her be!

She cannot ignore her. She is her caretaker. What if she gets pregnant under her roof and worst still, loses her life trying to do an abortion?

She shouldn't let her be. If it's her own child, will she ignore her? It's better she sends her back to her parents

lacapine:
. Even my biological child, I flog. She doesn't see herself as an outsider and we have such a good relationship. If we didn't, she wouldn't have stayed 6 years and refusing to go. Mind you, she travels home.once in a while and comes back on her own accord. She understands the reason why she is being flogged and this morning, I sat her down and was talking to her again even though I was tired of talking.

She’s just carried away with boys and I think it’s a developmental stage for most teens who have such liberty /freedom. It’s also a risky period where sm begin to acquire and practicalize all they learnt. She says she not sexually active then can she do a Virginity test to confirm that?

In anycase the best u can do here is arm her with enough knowledge and skills about boys and how to interact with them, what they majorly want and what she must be careful of. If she knows the truth about the situation she is in she will have sense and know how to choose what’s right.

Aslong and she wants to stay and does her duty well, training her with good morals isn’t that difficult if u know how to understand her and continue to give her the necessary wisdom to deal with guys and show her the importance and advantage of a decent and focused life. Interacting with guys is not a problem bt the type of guys matters and knowing what’s more important now.

Beating has its place bt good advice is what she needs more. If u send her away she may still go wayward over there so if u care about her teach her the skills she needs like u would ur own daughter on how to deal with guys and be a respectable gal.

Saviola247:
@Lacapine, make I advice you, if you like you take, if you no like you leave am, You see, now she don know man, and she is even doing it without fear, what will end it is, mark my words, when her curves starts to show wella, and she start to use better soap and cream bath, na your hubby go be her next target. Listen, eh, am talking from experience. I know it's hard for you to send her away after her sec sch just like you said, but that will be your best decision. Even if your husband na pastor eh, penis wey u see so no go school oohhhh. So the earlier you send her packing after sec sch. The better for you. Then you can go to look another 12yrs pikin

Not all men are dogs like the one from "your experience". It is easy for one to categorize all men as the same when they have had a bad experience. It gives some kind of comfort.

LUCKIE2014:


Don't mind folks telling you to send her back. We all know how we were in our teenage days when our hormones were raging and we could poke a hole in the wall if given the chance. Her behavior is absolutely normal. What she needs is your guidance, direction and education on sex. She's probably enjoying all the attention that she is getting especially if she grew up in an environment where she wasn't constantly told how valuable she is. Probably hearing this for the first time coming from boys. Howbeit after one or two heartbreaks, she will learn that this is just "guys" game.

Your job as an adult is to help her sail this stage. We have all been there. Don't chase her away please. Treat her as if you would have wanted to be treated when you were her age, clueless and outright naive.

God bless.

We all passed through the stage of "raging hormones" but it didn't make us all disrespect our parents. Is she the first to reach puberty? The person that will listen will listen.

My sister's help did the same and she eventually left to live with a guy. When her eye cleared, she wanted to return but no way.

Op should send her to her parents that she might listen to. She is not taking advice or obeying. No point of her staying.

You will need to restrain her from seeing those guys further. Additionally, sit her down and discuss with her the effect of what she is doing and where it will lead her to. It's peer group influence which is usually common to her age

kkins25:



Beautiful, beautiful... Help me ask her if it were her own daughter, would she have taken that drastic step?

But she is not. Will she disobey and disrespect her parents this way?

Let her be with the people that gave birth to her and she can still help her till university level from there

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

Send her back to her parents. You have done your best but she doesnt see it that way. What if she gets pregnant under your care, what will you do? You dont want to be raising another responsibility down the road. Better to send her home ASAP. A stitch in time saves nine.

If u can't bear it anymore u send her back to were u pick her from to save ur family name, maybe by then once she can't have the privileged she derived from u her so sence we adjust .

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

I please beg you with God that you serve that you do not send her away to her parent,likewise do a Google search about girls that got pregnant or NGO that supports young girls that got pregnant and are in a state of regret to counsel her about the part she wants to take,another suggestion is to ask her to make you know her boyfriend since she does not want to stop having a boyfriend,and talk to the both of them by counseling them both about the possible outcome of their decision,ask the boy that if you get her pregnant,is he ready to face the responsibilities of taking care of her and the baby,likewise make a written agreement with her that if she gets pregnant,that she will be sent back to her parents also in the written agreement let her parents and her boyfriend with her sign it and if possible with other witnesses,infact even a police officer.

Please ma, always ask yourself,if she is your biological daughter,you will never think about sending her away and you will never give up on her, finally don't listen to the send her away thought in your mind and the send her away advise from people who don't care,above all pray for her and make her understand you care enough about her life and the choices she will be making about her life

mukthar2000:
If u can't bear it anymore u send her back to were u pick her from to save ur family name, maybe by then once she can't have the privileged she derived from u her so sence we adjust .

What a mentality " to save ur family name " the question is this,the family name dey die?
Please don't send her away,if she is your daughter and someone who does not care tell you to send her away to save your family name,i believe you will not do that,you posted this because you wanted good advise and you are struggling to send her away because you sincerely car for her and the love of God in your is not wanting you to do such a thing,so please ma,let love in your heart guide you to correct her

If a girl is old enough to have sex, she is old enough to get married. Her husband's house is her school.

Let me ask you this simple question. At what age did you have your first boyfriend? Be very honest please because God is watching.
Nigerians are ungrateful people. You had her help you for 6 years now. As it is getting to the time to have real commitment in her life, you start seeing faultlines. This is same attitude that people exhibit against apprentices.
I am not suggesting you encourage her relationship, but ask yourself. If she was your biological daughter would you be thinking of "sending her back"? Have you reported her to her parents? Have you taken her to your church counsellor? Have you made effort to call the boy in question and possibly threaten him with police action? What exactly would you have done if she is your daughter? Please do same and stop contemplating sending her back. God hears the cries from such people when they do get to Him.

lacapine:
I would rather send her home. She has been begging that she doesn't want to go. Still watching.

You sure say ur hubby never Nak her b4? This one she just dey get effontary...

GboyegaD:
Manage her till the end of 3rd term which is another 3-4months. Before then, take your time to have a heart to heart discussion with her what your concerns are and how you would have to let her go back to her parents after this session since she is hell bent on living a life you are not comfortable with. If she doesn't change, send her back to her parents after the session before people ask you insulting questions should anything happen to her. Also, let her know you beat her because you sent her on errand and she was expected to return home and then seek permission before going to see her friends. This is needed so that the friends do not confuse her with the lies that you do not want her to enjoy the good things in sex is why you are restricting her.

All you have said is correct except the heart to heart aspect. The girl will not listen and if she gets hint that she is about to be 'deported' she will run away. I speak from long experience with maids. None of them over 18 will taste city life and let you take them back home to poverty and village life.


And when she runs off guess who will be held responsible?

@18 her kpomo is ripe for chopping according to the law, you have no rights beating her anymore.

showafrica:


You sure say ur hubby never Nak her b4? This one she just dey get effontary...

I had your thought too. The girl's audacity is just too much to be ordinary

If na you born am n'ko, Madam, where you go send am go?

truthsayer009:


Or just kuku impregnate the Girl fa, then turn her to second wife That would really make her happy.

Dark minded oga

I will kindly not to send her back, it is easier for people to judge her forgetting that every child has their own challenges. Imagine if it were to be your biological child,where will you send her to? Give her a chance to change, adopt other strategies such like time checking her ie always know what she is doing per time. Please listen to me, if you actually want to train her up to her university level, then stop at nothing in ensuring that. Don't send that girl home because the worst of her might emerge in the village. Perhaps God placed that girl in your hand for you to be the instrument of change in her life and I believe if you stop at nothing in ensuring you do this, God will reward you immensely and you will have the final laugh. God bless you.

When she carry belle, you will not just but you will carry wahala on you he. If anything happens to her no body will say you want to send her to school, her family might even say you sent her to prostitue. So madam to prevent trouble, say your head and also protect you children who are watching her from picking the habit, please send her to her father's house. Keep and u will have it go south sooner or later

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

Listen, I will be brief and my words will be hard to swallow because it is the truth based on experience.


1 When the head of the family makes the mistake of sleeping with the maid "even once" she starts to misbehave to the wife and sometimes even the man as well. That child has been with you since she was 12 and I'm willing to bet that all this boyfriend thing means she is quite attractive in some way. The probability your hubby has slept with her before is high.

Why?

Your hubby, as the head of the house, is supposed to inspire fear and respect from the girl. She can branch when you send her on an errand but should never branch when her oga does the same. it is not normal at all. Another thing is that "Incident of an affrontery" you mentioned. I strongly believe that's proof of a sexual relationship between the girl and your husband staring you in the eyes. The girl no longer cares about what he can or will do. It's how all young girls behave once you tamper with them sexually in an illegal way. Ask any man with experience.

The girls will keep the secret, yes, but they will disobey and insult that man in the worst kind of way. And because the man can never allow the truth to come to light, he will be powerless to do a thing.


Note: In most of the cases *(not all), I have come across where teenage girls suddenly go out of control with boys, an older man they don't like must have tempered with them sexually before.


2. If you want to send the girl back home, which is the right thing to do unless you want her pregnant under your roof, never tell ber of your impending action until the day you make the move.

Take her on a fake trip that ends up in her home and you are done. Best ploy, to help out in a friends marriage. Don't ask her to park, you can send that later or just drop money with her parent to replace the clothes. Just tell her to pick a few things. If your husband or nephew agrees to help and can be trusted. Buy a new bag that can swallow all her belonging in 2 minutes and have it ready *(a huge ghana must go bag is best, but add a paddlock to it). Once you and the girl get on the move. While in the car or out front in the house. Your nephew or husband will do her packing in 2 minutes flat and produce the bag as part of your luggage.


That's it.

Until that girl runs away when you tell her to get ready for deportation and her parentts start to harrass you for their daughter, you will not know how priceless a trick this is.

austenite:
I will kindly not to send her back, it is easier for people to judge her forgetting that every child has their own challenges. Imagine if it were to be your biological child,where will you send her to? Give her a chance to change, adopt other strategies such like time checking her ie always know what she is doing per time. Please listen to me, if you actually want to train her up to her university level, then stop at nothing in ensuring that. Don't send that girl home because the worst of her might emerge in the village. Perhaps God placed that girl in your hand for you to be the instrument of change in her life and I believe if you stop at nothing in ensuring you do this, God will reward you immensely and you will have the final laugh. God bless you.

Hmmmm this one you are talking about be like say you too the watch Nigerian film. If she get pregnant will there be a final laff, how about her kids that are watching and learning. Nigeria is a difficult place to train up a child, then imagine training someone else child. I assume you never really see something yet. Keep wish God bring change, with the girl's reaction to punishment and instruction don't that tell you were it is going. Do u think op has not done her best, for sh*t sake she 18, very soon the boy friends will be sleeping with her in op house and her kids will be spectators. Please let stop sentimentality c were it has lead us as a nation

Eze2000:


Listen, I will be brief and my words will be hard to swallow because it is the truth based on experience.


1 When the head of the family makes the mistake of sleeping with the maid even once she starts to misbehave to the wife and sometimes even the man as well. That child has been with you since she was 12 and I'm willing to bet that all this boyfriend thing means she is quite attractive in some way. The probability your hubby has slept with her before is high.

Why?

Your hubby, as the head of the house, is supposed to inspire fear and respect from the girl. She can branch when you send her on an errand but should never branch when her oga does the same. it is not normal at all. Another thing is that "Incident of an affrontery" you mentioned. I strongly believe that's proof of a sexual relationship between the girl and your husband staring you in the eyes. The girl no longer cares about what he can or will do. It's how all young girls behave once you tamper with them sexually in an illegal way. Ask any man with experience.

The girls will keep the secret, yes, but they will display and insult that man in the worst kind of way. And because the man can never allow the truth to come to light, he will be powerless to do a thing.


2. If you want to send the girl back home, which is the right thing to do unless you want her pregnant under your roof, never tell ber of your impending action until the day you make the move.

Take her on a fake trip that ends up in her home and you are done. Best ploy, to help out in a friends marriage. Don't ask her to park, you can send that later or just drop money with her parent to replace the clothes. Just tell her to pick a few things. If your husband or nephew agrees to help and can be trusted. Buy a new bag that can swallow all her belonging in 2 minutes and have it ready *(a huge ghana must go bag is best, but add a paddlock to it). Once you and the girl get on the move. While in the car or out front in the house. Your nephew or husband will do her packing in 2 minutes flat and produce the bag as part of your luggage.


That's it.

Until that girl runs away when you tell her to get ready for deportation and her parentts start to harrass you for their daughter, you will not know how priceless a trick this is.

bros you go school

Amitez:
Let me ask you this simple question. At what age did you have your first boyfriend? Be very honest please because God is watching.
Nigerians are ungrateful people. You had her help you for 6 years now. As it is getting to the time to have real commitment in her life, you start seeing faultlines. This is same attitude that people exhibit against apprentices.
I am not suggesting you encourage her relationship, but ask yourself. If she was your biological daughter would you be thinking of "sending her back"? Have you reported her to her parents? Have you taken her to your church counsellor? Have you made effort to call the boy in question and possibly threaten him with police action? What exactly would you have done if she is your daughter? Please do same and stop contemplating sending her back. God hears the cries from such people when they do get to Him.

Listening to advice from people like you can ruin a person's life.

If it was her daughter that started having boys at 17/18 you think she will not go crazy in style even if she began her own at age 11? If she cautions the girl you think the girl will not listen to her mother or take steps to hid those boyfriends?

Do you know any child in Nigeria that is fearless with boyfriends and girlfriends at 17 and yet lives in a normal home?

You want her to call the boy and threaten him with police? Did you hear her say the girl was not involved with just one boy but several? If you threaten all of them right now that means the girl will never get another boyfriend, right?


Ha, na wa for you and your advice!

I have seen such situation in where i live.All indication shows the bloom of youth and she will only learn you want to help here when she is pregnant.A Ghanaian neighbour where i live is training her younger sister.She started following boys,all advice and beating did not work.One day she ran away from home and called here sister that she has returned to her parents in Ghana.She came to show me the phone number which was a Ghanaian number but i told her she does not have the means or money to go back to Ghana.Story cut short,she was staying with a guy in Nigeria and he was taking care of her and she got pregnant and she decided to come.Another where i used to buy food too.She follows boys,they bought her android phone,she ran away to stay with the guy and he got her pregnant.This also happened to my relative who was helping his younger sister.Same running after boys and decided to leave home as they were to strict not giving her enough freedom,she stayed with the boyfriend and her married her.Best is to send her home with all her load to stay with her parents.If she gets pregnant and do abortion and anything happen to her,you will be blamed.If she gets pregnant under you watch,you will be blamed.If you send her to her parents and she continues her boys boys life,your hand is clean.You did your best.flogging is not the best as this is the teenage time blood dey hot.Advice is the best.After you have sent her home,still enroll her for waec and neco.She will come and write when the time comes.Before you decided to put this issue here on nairaland,it has really bothered you.God will bless you as a good mother who wants the best for here.If you get BP because of here,you will be blamed.If you kill your self because of here,you will be blamed.If you send her back to here parents,you will have time to get rest of mind and take care of your wonderful family without all the drama from someone you wnat to help to get a better life.No be force to help someone who does not want it.

GboyegaD:
Manage her till the end of 3rd term which is another 3-4months. Before then, take your time to have a heart to heart discussion with her what your concerns are and how you would have to let her go back to her parents after this session since she is hell bent on living a life you are not comfortable with. If she doesn't change, send her back to her parents after the session before people ask you insulting questions should anything happen to her. Also, let her know you beat her because you sent her on errand and she was expected to return home and then seek permission before going to see her friends. This is needed so that the friends do not confuse her with the lies that you do not want her to enjoy the good things in sex is why you are restricting her.

manage her ke ...a lady already keeping boyfriends.. hia!! He beta send her away with immediate effect , infact he should just wake her up with a surprise that she is leaving that very day so no plan for her to make any next move ... or u don’t know what a woman with a man can do ?? Anytime he scolds tells her or threatens her with sending her away ......she will definitely go back to tell her man friend and believe u me if he is the jealous type or the agbero hanging out guy , he could begin to plant evil thoughts into her brains ( trust the gullibility of women) which could be to endanger her boss so he wount lose her .. when the did is done it might be too late ....So Oga to avoid stories that touch & your own safety ,bundle her to her parents with immediate effect .

Give her a temporary relieved from your family before she contaminate your family members, husband and children

lacapine:
I have a 17 years old maid who would be 18 in June. She came when she was 12 and she is like family now. She is in SS1. My problem is her issues with boys. Always keeping boyfriends of which I discourage her big time. Had to ask her why she keeps them, she said because her classmates/ friends have boyfriends.

I have screamed and threatened but she will still keep. What am I doing wrong? Should I allow her just keep them? I teach her sex education though but she says she isn't sexually active. Today, I saw the picture she and the guy posted on facebook holding each other. I lost it today. I flogged and punished her. I'm I being too hard? How do I help her? We wanted to help her till university days but with these, we are scared and reconsidering sending her back after ss3.

How best do I handle this situation.

You had an house maid since 12 , you people should be ashamed of yourselves, literally enslaving your own people in the name of providing jobs.

Where in Europe will you see a 12 year old maid.

Wicked animals

Let her enjoy what you enjoyed when u were her age, Abi na only u knw d importance of dick to d punany?

Speak with her without the threat of sending her back or any other form of threat.
Take her back to her parents without letting her know she is not coming back if she fails to listen to your advice.