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Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? - Family - Nairaland

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Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by CHoccolaTE: 10:47pm On Apr 21, 2019
So many Nigerian men have these disgusting double standard for marriage.
They are just really naturally selfish and self centered its so disgusting.
They want to cheat on their wives because they are supposedly "naturally polygamous" but will want a 100% faithful wife as if adultery was not forbidden for BOTH men and women. So which religious books are they following when they justify adultery with their naturally polygamous excuse?

They will be busy looking for financially independent wife that is providing for themselves and also contributing to house upkeep from her salary but they will also demand 100% submission from her. What kind of narcissistic and inconsiderate expectation is that please?

Excuse me but I don't even care if you think its because of arrogance or pride but a woman who is financially independent cannot be 100% submissive. What will she be gaining from the marriage then if she brings money to take care of your needs in the house but you still boss her around like an employee. Even men at their place of work can never be wiling to obey their boss if he isn't paying them their salary or if they are using their own cash to run the boss's company.

I am not even encouraging the wife to disrespect their husbands because they are financially independent, no. But I don't see why men will find it disrespectful if a woman who brings her hard earned money to pay rent or school fees or even food items wants to be part of the decision making process in her house. They want a docile sheep they can profit financially from and still control like a slave from at the same time.
Scammers.

The status quo about wives always submitting to authority of husband changed the moment you men decided that women should be financially independent and join their husbands in providing for their families.

The origin of the whole wives submission and husbands providing thing is from the Abrahamic religious books (Quran and Bible) which decreed that women submit to husbands while men go out and fend for the family. Islam makes it clear that wives are under no obligation to provide for the family and Christianity explicitly stated that men who cannot provide for their families are infidels.

Nowhere was it stated that it is the duty of the wife to join her husband is providing but you men want to guilt trip women into believing that they are failures if they don't join you in providing for the family. But you will never accept that you are also under obligation to cook or clean or take care of children just like the woman. The best you can get from men when it comes to house chores is a little assistance while the man will not fail to keep reminding his wife that he is just assisting her and house work is not for the husband.

Such irritating selfishness. Tufia

And lastly, that bullshit excuse of women becoming arrogant after they start earning more than their husbands or when the man is jobless is just complete crap because men do WORSE to women if the woman is completely dependent on them. Its in the nature of humans, males and females, to have more pride and ego when they are doing well in life or when they have a lot of money. Husbands who earn far more than their wives also exhibit tyrant and oppressive behaviours to their wives. Majority of them will always insult or degrade their wives and insult them because she depends on them. Some will even shamelessly keep girlfriends openly and flaunt it in front of their wives because they think she cannot go anywhere since she has no money. If she complains to outsiders, nobody chides the man or cautions him. They will tell the wife to get a job and start contributing to the family so that the man can respect her.
But when a man is dependent on the wife everyone wants the woman to increase her submission to him to hundredfold and not show any sign of arrogance and to patiently help him build himself up and pray for him.

Nonsense.

34 Likes 9 Shares

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by EbukaHades10(m): 10:58pm On Apr 21, 2019
What is the moral instruction of this super story now?

11 Likes

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by CHoccolaTE: 11:05pm On Apr 21, 2019
Its just such a pity that Nairaland has been overrun by jambites seeking admission into the university.

Mtsheew.

Posting immature comments everywhere because they have nothing better to do.

15 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by Ahmed0336(m): 12:51am On Apr 22, 2019
Nawa o. naso depression dey take start o

7 Likes

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by BarrElChapo(m): 3:15am On Apr 22, 2019
Another one

2 Likes

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by CreepyBlackpool: 4:10am On Apr 22, 2019
Nawao.



No go poison your husband oh!!


Don't know why you won't divorce him and remain single for life and stop disturbing us.

Can you even say the stuff you posted up there to his face??

12 Likes

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by Chubhie: 6:09am On Apr 22, 2019
Very balanced piece. I love the revolutionary tone. Bravo. However, the beauty of this piece would get lost with the comments. That's the quality of Nairaland and the humans of Nigeria.

29 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by Chubhie: 6:14am On Apr 22, 2019
Ahmed0336:
Nawa o. naso depression dey take start o
Some depressions are good if it injects and triggers the revolutionary chemicals into the brain.

2 Likes

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by Chubhie: 6:21am On Apr 22, 2019
CreepyBlackpool:
Nawao.



No go poison your husband oh!!


Don't know why you won't divorce him and remain single for life and stop disturbing us.

Can you even say the stuff you posted up there to his face??
Don't take it personal. She never posted a personal stuff. Rather what she posted is very observable to the blind. Why the need to scare her to beat a retreat? Guilty conscience perhaps?

I understand the need to defend the natural order,traditions and religions. They've served a need and outgrown their relevance. Times have changed and we must all elvove with the times as a progressive society or self destruct.

25 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by bukatyne(f): 7:40am On Apr 22, 2019
CHoccolaTE:
So many Nigerian men have these disgusting double standard for marriage.
They are just really naturally selfish and self centered its so disgusting.
They want to cheat on their wives because they are supposedly "naturally polygamous" but will want a 100% faithful wife as if adultery was not forbidden for BOTH men and women. So which religious books are they following when they justify adultery with their naturally polygamous excuse?

They will be busy looking for financially independent wife that is providing for themselves and also contributing to house upkeep from her salary but they will also demand 100% submission from her. What kind of narcissistic and inconsiderate expectation is that please?

Excuse me but I don't even care if you think its because of arrogance or pride but a woman who is financially independent cannot be 100% submissive. What will she be gaining from the marriage then if she brings money to take care of your needs in the house but you still boss her around like an employee. Even men at their place of work can never be wiling to obey their boss if he isn't paying them their salary or if they are using their own cash to run the boss's company.

I am not even encouraging the wife to disrespect their husbands because they are financially independent, no. But I don't see why men will find it disrespectful if a woman who brings her hard earned money to pay rent or school fees or even food items wants to be part of the decision making process in her house. They want a docile sheep they can profit financially from and still control like a slave from at the same time.
Scammers.

The status quo about wives always submitting to authority of husband changed the moment you men decided that women should be financially independent and join their husbands in providing for their families.

The origin of the whole wives submission and husbands providing thing is from the Abrahamic religious books (Quran and Bible) which decreed that women submit to husbands while men go out and fend for the family. Islam makes it clear that wives are under no obligation to provide for the family and Christianity explicitly stated that men who cannot provide for their families are infidels.

Nowhere was it stated that it is the duty of the wife to join her husband is providing but you men want to guilt trip women into believing that they are failures if they don't join you in providing for the family. But you will never accept that you are also under obligation to cook or clean or take care of children just like the woman. The best you can get from men when it comes to house chores is a little assistance while the man will not fail to keep reminding his wife that he is just assisting her and house work is not for the husband.

Such irritating selfishness. Tufia

And lastly, that bullshit excuse of women becoming arrogant after they start earning more than their husbands or when the man is jobless is just complete crap because men do WORSE to women if the woman is completely dependent on them. Its in the nature of humans, males and females, to have more pride and ego when they are doing well in life or when they have a lot of money. Husbands who earn far more than their wives also exhibit tyrant and oppressive behaviours to their wives. Majority of them will always insult or degrade their wives and insult them because she depends on them. Some will even shamelessly keep girlfriends openly and flaunt it in front of their wives because they think she cannot go anywhere since she has no money. If she complains to outsiders, nobody chides the man or cautions him. They will tell the wife to get a job and start contributing to the family so that the man can respect her.
But when a man is dependent on the wife everyone wants the woman to increase her submission to him to hundredfold and not show any sign of arrogance and to patiently help him build himself up and pray for him.

Nonsense.

Like I would always say, women should choose their men well.

If they do not take any other choice serious, the choice of a husband should be done with atmost seriousness.

Very successful women even foreign like author of 'Lean In' has admonished that the choice of a husband is the most important choice a woman would make.

Secondly, women should stop training sons they cannot marry. They complain about their husbands and train their sons to be exact same thing. If this is not evil, I don't know what else is.

Thirdly, they should discover who they are in their late teens/ early 20s. If they are already in their path, many unserious men and destiny killers will not come near them. I know a number of men who told me they couldn't marry a woman like me because I was too serious and ambitious. At this time, I was dating my husband already so they were not trying to spite me, they were just stating facts.

Fourth, women should have respect for themselves. If you have no respect for yourself, I do not see why or how anyone else should have respect for you.

And lastly, women should quit the victimhood. A lot of them love monster like husbands so they have something to complain about. Observe closely and see that women would champion the side talks when a man actually treats his woman well. Who do you think would complain more and tell us how virtuous they are if a man says he cooks at hone regularly/ does chores? Who do you think would mock a man more if he says he has to consult his wife on all decisions? Who do you think would make life miserable for the wife if they find out that their brother really loves his wife and treats her like a princess? And who would sometimes disrespect their husbands if they decided to treat their wives as humans?

Some women can only respect their husbands who treat them disrespectfully. He has proven to be a 'man'.

28 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by Richy4(m): 8:25am On Apr 22, 2019
Wow!!! This looks like a holiday bashing on Most male folks in Nigeria..The only thing I'm glad about was that you didn't say it was all male...

But If I may ask you... why do u see marriage as if it was an institution based on financial gain.. just asking because 96% of all u have written centered only on money... what the woman will gain from it.. such thinking is super narrow and it is not the major bases on why people found themselves in a relationship...

I also want to know Why u think it was difficult for a woman that earn more salary than the man( successful woman) to submit to the man..have you considered the fact that it could be her choice to do so? Is marriage really about whoever that is earning less must submit to the one earning more?

For the family to function correctly, someone either the man or the woman must be on top of financial affairs (usually the one that prudent in spending ) both might decide to plan their Finances together...It could be that the man might tells the wife where he thinks his earnings should go to... and ask if she can handle the other part... That's what working as a team is all about in a home. ... and in every team, there's always a captain...

In a relationship, u can't claim u loved someone.. as a woman.. and u are a working class lady... and u allowed the man to provide for u from food to shelter.. clothes.. to sanitary ware.. because u want him to fulfill what the good book says about him being the provider or else you won't submit totally... in some cases even if he abuses you, as long as he totally provides I will submit.. (that's what u implied that if he doesn't measure up financially no submission )

Please try and look at marriage in different angle sometimes.. like... I am in this because I want to be with u, or we are compatible, or we love each other and can't get our hands away from each other ... Not because this guy is rich.. he is the ideal guy for me to submit to...

Assuming your write up was centered on.. Why should a woman submit when the man doesn't love her as written in the good book.. I would have agreed totally with you.. because respect is reciprocal... but your write is based on money as if that was the only bases for a woman to submit..

12 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by sapientia(m): 8:27am On Apr 22, 2019
OP.

Are you a teen or in your 30s?

Read few sentences and stopped.

If you can't submit to a man, don't marry.

Marriage is not a must.

You can't leave your father's name and answer another man's name then refuse to submit.

To submit to a man is not slavery.

If some men misinterpreted it, their bad.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by CHoccolaTE: 9:15am On Apr 22, 2019
bukatyne:


Like I would always say, women should choose their men well.

If they do not take any other choice serious, the choice of a husband should be done with atmost seriousness.

Very successful women even foreign like author of 'Lean In' has admonished that the choice of a husband is the most important choice a woman would make.


Secondly, women should stop training sons they cannot marry. They complain about their husbands and train their sons to be exact same thing. If this is not evil, I don't know what else is.

Thirdly, they should discover who they are in their late teens/ early 20s. If they are already in their path, many unserious men and destiny killers will not come near them. I know a number of men who told me they couldn't marry a woman like me because I was too serious and ambitious. At this time, I was dating my husband already so they were not trying to spite me, they were just stating facts.

Fourth, women should have respect for themselves. If you have no respect for yourself, I do not see why or how anyone else should have respect for you.

And lastly, women should quit the victimhood. A lot of them love monster like husbands so they have something to complain about. Observe closely and see that women would champion the side talks when a man actually treats his woman well. Who do you think would complain more and tell us how virtuous they are if a man says he cooks at hone regularly/ does chores? Who do you think would mock a man more if he says he has to consult his wife on all decisions? Who do you think would make life miserable for the wife if they find out that their brother really loves his wife and treats her like a princess? And who would sometimes disrespect their husbands if they decided to treat their wives as humans?

Some women can only respect their husbands who treat them disrespectfully. He has proven to be a 'man'.

I decided to reply this post first because the bolded part caught my attention.
The choice of a husband should be something every young girl takes time to very carefully evaluate and meditate over and over on before it is made. This is not emphasized enough to young girls of dating age that is why there are many married women crying and complaining everyday of suffering under the oppression of their monster husbands. I am a member of many female oriented groups on Facebook and no day passes by without women coming out to narrate some kind of horrifying ordeal she passes through at home but comes outside to put on a happy face.
In western countries women are protected against oppression by laws but hardly so in many African countries such as in Nigeria where a man who didn't do court marriage can decide to throw his wifes things outside in the middle of the night or can decide to abandon her to fend for the children while he chases skirt outside.

African women have no business bring careless with their choice of a spouse. That is what will decide their happiness or misery for the next ten or twenty years.
And I am very strongly of the opinion that no woman should be completely jobless and dependent on her husband. She is just setting herself up for abuse and disrespect from her husband because regardless of what scriptures say, a large percentage of men do not believe that wives should have their needs met by their husbands.
And the failing economy is also something to take into consideration. Women need a good source of income in order to have economic power and leverage and to avoid any kind of tyranny and abuse from husbands that will start regarding them as worthless because they are not co breadwinners.

13 Likes

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by CHoccolaTE: 9:18am On Apr 22, 2019
sapientia:
OP.

Are you a teen or in your 30s?

Read few sentences and stopped.

If you can't submit to a man, don't marry.

Marriage is not a must.

You can't leave your father's name and answer another man's name then refuse to submit.

To submit to a man is not slavery.

If some men misinterpreted it, their bad.


Oga abeg don't vent your anger at me and yes you are angry, this post shows it. My topic isn't about me so I don't need your unnecessary advice about staying in my father's house.

Why are many men so focused on demanding submission from women but will not focus on the part of the scriptures that say husbands who cannot provide for their families are infidels?

16 Likes

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by YourCoffin: 9:43am On Apr 22, 2019
Nice thread for those who want to get married. Na babymama and babypapa things sure pass...

1 Like

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by CHoccolaTE: 9:45am On Apr 22, 2019
Richy4:
Wow!!! This looks like a holiday bashing on Most male folks in Nigeria..The only thing I'm glad about was that you didn't say it was all male...

But If I may ask you... why do u see marriage as if it was an institution based on financial gain.. just asking because 96% of all u have written centered only on money... what the woman will gain from it.. such thinking is super narrow and it is not the major bases on why people found themselves in a relationship...

I also want to know Why u think it was difficult for a woman that earn more salary than the man( successful woman) to submit to the man..have you considered the fact that it could be her choice to do so? Is marriage really about whoever that is earning less must submit to the one earning more?

For the family to function correctly, someone either the man or the woman must be on top of financial affairs (usually the one that prudent in spending ) both might decide to plan their Finances together...It could be that the man might tells the wife where he thinks his earnings should go to... and ask if she can handle the other part... That's what working as a team is all about in a home. ... and in every team, there's always a captain...

In a relationship, u can't claim u loved someone.. as a woman.. and u are a working class lady... and u allowed the man to provide for u from food to shelter.. clothes.. to sanitary ware.. because u want him to fulfill what the good book says about him being the provider or else you won't submit totally... in some cases even if he abuses you, as long as he totally provides I will submit.. (that's what u implied that if he doesn't measure up financially no submission )

Please try and look at marriage in different angle sometimes.. like... I am in this because I want to be with u, or we are compatible, or we love each other and can't get our hands away from each other ... Not because this guy is rich.. he is the ideal guy for me to submit to...

Assuming your write up was centered on.. Why should a woman submit when the man doesn't love her as written in the good book.. I would have agreed totally with you.. because respect is reciprocal... but your write is based on money as if that was the only bases for a woman to submit..


I focused on the financial part of marriage because that is the area I wanted to discuss and because I am well aware of the mentality of many men towards women being co providers.

At the bolded part of your post,

Yes, marriage is team work. I agree.

Submission and team work are not even the same thing. Submission implies yielding to the will and authority of another person whether or not you have a different opinion. Team work involves taking final decisions after considering the opinions of every member of the team and coming to a suitable compromise that favours everyone.
Many men don't want team work. They want to be bosses that delicate roles and give orders and make final decisions in every aspect they feel like.

What is worse is that this attitude is more pronounced in men who have richer wives or wives that earn more than them. They become very sensitive to any thing she does and start seeing disrespectfulness in all her actions and want her to go out of her way to show she is still submissive.

That is unrealistic as far as I am concerned. Wives shouldn't disrespect their husbands if they earn more but husbands themselves should stop expecting wives to become extra submissive 100% obedient slave just because she wants to show that she is still respectful even while she takes care of the house and feeds the man.
Her opinions still matter to a large extent and the man will have to let her take final decisions in some affairs involving running of the house. Again this doesn't mean she should disrespect her husband. She can present her opinions in a loving and respectful manner.

You can't have a woman feeding you and paying part of your utility bills then you still insist that you and you alone must make final decisions on every issue concerning the house.

No.

12 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by Greatzeus(m): 9:47am On Apr 22, 2019
"They say you can't eat your cake and have it,why have a cake if I can't eat it?"... Papoose

2 Likes

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by CHoccolaTE: 9:47am On Apr 22, 2019
Chubhie:
Very balanced piece. I love the revolutionary tone. Bravo. However, the beauty of this piece would get lost with the comments. That's the quality of Nairaland and the humans of Nigeria.

Thanks, I support revolution that makes life fair and just to all involved, male and female.

I just hate injustice and oppression.

5 Likes

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by CHoccolaTE: 10:09am On Apr 22, 2019
YourCoffin:
Nice thread for those who want to get married. Na babymama and babypapa things sure pass...

Sure. I support.

As long a women have children that bear their own surnames and live with the mothers family. That is very ideal.

Like in Akan cultures where the child bears the surname of the mother. Better for the child to answer the name of the man who raised the woman to be a well rounded and respectable adult than bearing the name of someone than wants his mother to be provider and be obedient slave at the same time.

8 Likes

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by YourCoffin: 10:17am On Apr 22, 2019
CHoccolaTE:


Sure. I support.

As long a women have children that bear their own surnames and live with the mothers family. That is very ideal.

Like in Akan cultures where the child bears the surname of the mother. Better for the child to answer the name of the man who raised the woman to be a well rounded and respectable adult than bearing the name of someone than wants his mother to be provider and be obedient slave at the same time.

Well the woman should get her father to impregnant her then...

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by babyfaceafrica: 10:18am On Apr 22, 2019
noted
Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by sapientia(m): 10:38am On Apr 22, 2019
CHoccolaTE:


Oga abeg don't vent your anger at me and yes you are angry, this post shows it. My topic isn't about me so I don't need your unnecessary advice about staying in my father's house.

Why are many men so focused on demanding submission from women but will not focus on the part of the scriptures that say husbands who cannot provide for their families are infidels?

Which anger?

Didn't know contrary view are not tolerated because they must be out of anger.

I knew you must be a teenager.

There is more to marriage aside providing and submission.

Well... You will get to understand that sometime in your life.

Go on.. Enjoy your thread..

3 Likes

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by CHoccolaTE: 10:52am On Apr 22, 2019
sapientia:


Which anger?

Didn't know contrary view are not tolerated because they must be out of anger.

I knew you must be a teenager.

There is more to marriage aside providing and submission.

Well... You will get to understand that sometime in your life.

Go on.. Enjoy your thread..


Bye

2 Likes

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by CHoccolaTE: 10:53am On Apr 22, 2019
YourCoffin:


Well the woman should get her father to impregnant her then...

Hehehe, some cultures do it. Dad doesn't have to be the father.

4 Likes

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by spongeisback: 10:54am On Apr 22, 2019
Men are NOT “naturally polygamous” as most dishonest ones claim because if it true, men wouldn’t be hurt when women cheat.

16 Likes

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by Richy4(m): 11:59am On Apr 22, 2019
CHoccolaTE:



I focused on the financial part of marriage because that is the area I wanted to discuss and because I am well aware of the mentality of many men towards women being co providers.

At the bolded part of your post,

Yes, marriage is team work. I agree.

Submission and team work are not even the same thing. Submission implies yielding to the will and authority of another person whether or not you have a different opinion. Team work involves taking final decisions after considering the opinions of every member of the team and coming to a suitable compromise that favours everyone.
Many men don't want team work. They want to be bosses that delicate roles and give orders and make final decisions in every aspect they feel like.

What is worse is that this attitude is more pronounced in men who have richer wives or wives that earn more than them. They become very sensitive to any thing she does and start seeing disrespectfulness in all her actions and want her to go out of her way to show she is still submissive.

That is unrealistic as far as I am concerned. Wives shouldn't disrespect their husbands if they earn more but husbands themselves should stop expecting wives to become extra submissive 100% obedient slave just because she wants to show that she is still respectful even while she takes care of the house and feeds the man.
Her opinions still matter to a large extent and the man will have to let her take final decisions in some affairs involving running of the house. Again this doesn't mean she should disrespect her husband. She can present her opinions in a loving and respectful manner.

You can't have a woman feeding you and paying part of your utility bills then you still insist that you and you alone must make final decisions on every issue concerning the house.

No.

smiley I loved how u defined team work and cleverly omitted who was gonna take that final decisions.. the leader right? (The man wink)

in every social animal , there's always a hierarchy... Try and study the elephants.. even Lions to some extent( I said to some extent because in the case of the Lions, the lionesses provides and are still submissive to the lion which I believe if u hear it one more times u might remove your wigs and it will spoil your holiday mood )

Going by the Good Book's teaching, It says that a woman should be a help mate... since you wanna talk about this in financial bases... if the man decide to pay for the mortgage...and takes care of other bulky expenses, and the woman being the help-mate uses her income to buy groceries for the family... does that mean she was feeding the family? How did u know that the word submit means total slavery...?

Since we're talking about financial angle of marriage
Are u gonna Okay it for a woman to totally submit to the rich husband who was really abusive... Yes, he provided all her need.. she was not lacking in anything money can buy therefore it is politically correct for him to have every right overy her.... and she should submit totally because he was providing.... is that how marriage is viewed this days...?

Are we gonna base our argument on submission on percentage of provision in the family? .. If we provide 50-50, I can't totally submit... if I provide 100% you have all my submission... then if I provide 40% and u provide 60%, who am I to tell u what to do? Haba!! Even my grandma will roll in her grave in astonishment if she hears what the daughters of the land were implying

6 Likes

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by crackhaus: 2:35pm On Apr 22, 2019
CHoccolaTE:


Sure. I support.

As long a women have children that bear their own surnames and live with the mothers family. That is very ideal.

Like in Akan cultures where the child bears the surname of the mother. Better for the child to answer the name of the man who raised the woman to be a well rounded and respectable adult than bearing the name of someone than wants his mother to be provider and be obedient slave at the same time.
Find your man, the one who is exactly what you desire as perfect for you... and have a happy life.

The day you realize that the only man who matters is the one you choose to be with, the better for you. Leave nairaland guys and most Nigerian men to be what they want, you can not succeed in making every male fit into your definition of what a man should be.

You know what you want in a man, seek him and pay no attention to the majority.

Cheers.

17 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by mrsthang: 3:41pm On Apr 22, 2019
@OP,I will go off point a bit, sorry.


It is important that women become very ruthless and non sentimental in their choice of partner.A man you choose to marry will contribute a lot to your mental stability in the long run.

It is better to lay out your expectations BEFORE marriage and see if values match up.

A good number of men are very clear as to their expectations ,some very unrealistic.This plays out in the dating phase and yet we find women thinking marriage would suddenly make the person change and become more considerate?

If you are dating someone and playing househelp while also footing bills,how would this translate after marrying?

A- very traditional will expect you to do all the housework ,will expect to make all decisions while you don't contribute any of your money to running the house.

B-will expect you to work,do all the chores,submit your money to him and he will then dispense as he pleases.

C-will do house chores without breaking a sweat while you are the bread winner.

D-will out earn you and be happy to let you run things,may not even care about your cash.

E- 50-50 finances with chores split evenly or almost evenly.

It goes on and on,we as females have a choice as to whom we decide to spend our lives with.

Find the one that keys in to your own vision,do not make the mistake of thinking that a wicked, selfish person will mellow and become an angel.

Humans vary so much in their wants and needs,there is always a suitable person no matter how long it takes.

Not every woman is built to be submissive and a number of men are happy for the women to make final decisions.

There are also men who lead their homes seamlessly.

Yet again there are homes where there is partnership and each partner makes decisions based on their proficiency.

It goes on and on,we just need to respect our differences.

What matters is that the home front and the individuals in it stay happy.Can we boldly say the ones that don't follow the usual man is the head pattern are unhappy? Every ones parameter for happiness varies,none is more valid than the other.

I would say discuss money, religion,raising kids, sex,chores ,headship,tailship, neck ship,abuse etc before saying I do.


Marriage is a windy road with two imperfect people,there are ups and downs,but it can be mostly beautiful if it is done with the right person.


Disclaimer: I am no expert,my own marriage is almost at the 10 year mark and the only thing I didn't give a thought to is now what is haunting me, lol.Outside that,things are very good

No, I am not submissive neither do I believe that I'm made to be monogamous yet there's a man who loves me to the moon and back,lol.


Bottom line,choose wisely.

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Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by UyaiIncomparabl(f): 3:43pm On Apr 22, 2019
I love this thread. I'm coming back to modify.
Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by Chubhie: 5:10pm On Apr 22, 2019
CHoccolaTE:


Thanks, I support revolution that makes life fair and just to all involved, male and female.

I just hate injustice and oppression.
It's a mutual feeling.
Re: Why Do Men Want To Eat Their Cake And Have It? by KevinDein: 5:51pm On Apr 22, 2019
mrsthang:
@OP,I will go off point a bit, sorry.


It is important that women become very ruthless and non sentimental in their choice of partner.A man you choose to marry will contribute a lot to your mental stability in the long run.

It is better to lay out your expectations BEFORE marriage and see if values match up.

A good number of men are very clear as to their expectations ,some very unrealistic.This plays out in the dating phase and yet we find women thinking marriage would suddenly make the person change and become more considerate?

If you are dating someone and playing househelp while also footing bills,how would this translate after marrying?

A- very traditional will expect you to do all the housework ,will expect to make all decisions while you don't contribute any of your money to running the house.

B-will expect you to work,do all the chores,submit your money to him and he will then dispense as he pleases.

C-will do house chores without breaking a sweat while you are the bread winner.

D-will out earn you and be happy to let you run things,may not even care about your cash.

E- 50-50 finances with chores split evenly or almost evenly.

It goes on and on,we as females have a choice as to whom we decide to spend our lives with.

Find the one that keys in to your own vision,do not make the mistake of thinking that a wicked, selfish person will mellow and become an angel.

Humans vary so much in their wants and needs,there is always a suitable person no matter how long it takes.

Not every woman is built to be submissive and a number of men are happy for the women to make final decisions.

There are also men who lead their homes seamlessly.

Yet again there are homes where there is partnership and each partner makes decisions based on their proficiency.

It goes on and on,we just need to respect our differences.

What matters is that the home front and the individuals in it stay happy.Can we boldly say the ones that don't follow the usual man is the head pattern are unhappy? Every ones parameter for happiness varies,none is more valid than the other.

I would say discuss money, religion,raising kids, sex,chores ,headship,tailship, neck ship,abuse etc before saying I do.


Marriage is a windy road with two imperfect people,there are ups and downs,but it can be mostly beautiful if it is done with the right person.


Disclaimer: I am no expert,my own marriage is almost at the 10 year mark and the only thing I didn't give a thought to is now what is haunting me, lol.Outside that,things are very good

No, I am not submissive neither do I believe that I'm made to be monogamous yet there's a man who loves me to the moon and back,lol.


Bottom line,choose wisely.










Ah, absolutely, the usual I'm not perfect yet my husband adores me the way I'm. But your first paragraph says women should be non sentimental in their choice of men and should be ruthless, even. So basically men should accept women with all their flaws while women must be intolerable of men's shortcomings.

You women can fuckkkk off with your bias, double standards and hypocrisy. Frigging tiring.

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