thnks david

i wish i culd take ur advice now but look at me,

its a saturday i shld be with him right?

no, im working

and he's mad at me_{, he wont even pick my calls}

it doomed, so doomed

It's all about having the right boyfriend who will come to your workplace to visit instead of sitting at home pouting.

wow seun,

i tot about that too but he didnt agree

seems like you are indirectly looking for a way to get rid of him. Guys can pick up the vibe too and that may be the reason for his acting difficult.

i still like him but he says he's tired of the fact that i dont have time for him

so i guess being alone is a better deal cos im sure no guy will appreiate being abandoned

@ jesusfreak

thanks for correcting some of my wrong assumptions and yes it'll take nothing from me to say i'm sorry but it just went far to prove a point i've been emphasizing on here forever.

I think people, when they want to put up a personal topic for discussion, should be very narrative. When you come and put up a semi-story (a story that is more or less incomplete), what do you expect people who get on when you're offline to do This is a cyber world where you talk from the written expressions, now when the written details are left wanting . . hmmm

I've always been for relationships and their improvements, that makes me straightforward and honest about whatever i think about it, even when it hurts, the truth should prevail
But i do apologise for my few wrong assumptions on "page 3 of this thread", i thought you were students, apparently i was wrong

Now here's my view:

jesusfreak:

thanks dear

but i av a feeling my relationship is not working anymore anyhow

jesusfreak:

it doomed, so doomed

Darling even when some are now giving you some relationship advice to see if you guys have some pieces that could be picked up and made new, you're insisting on "a no way out" formula.

What do you expect us to think?? that you love this guy with all you got, and don't want to live without him?? that its him or noone?? that you guys are a perfect match, the bad days of "buka" notwithstanding?? Kind of impossible to !!

Dear, you've quoted the handwriting on the wall, now put it to action. Its obvious you guys bring yourselves more insatisfaction, pain and dissappointment than necessary.
Its OK with a different-views relationship, but then not when communication,compromie, meeting each other half way and understanding is lacking If you ask me you guys don't have "it", and to me it seems you guys are just tormenting yourselves in vain, crying over "spilled milk".

I really think its time to get going, i believe you'll be both happier with someone else. Remain friends for old time's sake but put an end to the misery-of-a- relationship!!!!

thanks

So much's been said really, what I'll just add is that you guys have got to sit down together and sort things out really. For a relationship to work, there's got to be enough communication, which i think is apparently lacking here. If you are interested in making it work and worthwhile, you guys have got to speak to each other with understanding . . . . .

Bloody hell! This has escalated from buka food to the end of a relationship! So, my dear jesusfreak, this was NOTHING to do with buka food - buka food was just one symptom of a dying relationship!

I just couldn't help but when i saw some responses to this dilemma, don't know if it's a dilemma anyways. First off I would say you need to sort out your priorities and trust me I would gladly accept some nice iya basira food, lol. Maybe the guy no get money for tantalisers and you wey dey work, I guess u should pop into the posh restaurant or chinese place on ur way to his house and maybe get you both something to eat. Who no like better thing and maybe you could try buying him something as well, trust me na with shame him go take run go store get you nice gift. Relationships be give and take, not give, give and give

donjohano:

Bloody hell! This has escalated from buka food to the end of a relationship! So, my dear jesusfreak, this was NOTHING to do with buka food - buka food was just one symptom of a dying relationship!

lmao e get as e be oh! this is what i said pages back, i knew there was more lol. Instead them dey blame iya basira.

my advice:
next time you visit him, bring some cash along with you and take him out to the nice restaurant you like. pay for it if he's stingy/ broke or just poor. lol
maybe he'll get the message from that and be the one to ask you out the next time.
just tell him you feel like going out and tell him you'll pay for it.

see how he goes and you can come back and tell us what happened, if it failed etc and we'll see how we can help. lol


i totally get where you're coming from. but I just think you should be able to tell him this blatantly w/o him getting mad. just tell him when he's about to go out to buy buka food "i don't feel like eating buka food today. come with me to the restaurant, i'll pay for it if you want" simple as that. If he gets mad, that's his problem.

At least he fed you.

adeboo:

At least he fed you.

abi o. We shouldnt despise the days of small beginings. Even if he can only give you garri, drink it with love.

gariii, ROFLMAO

davidylan:

abi o. We shouldnt despise the days of small beginings. Even if he can only give you garri, drink it with love.

Here here.
And the brilliant thing is that he didnt give her garri and epa o - he gave her a real palatable meal sha-there is just no pleasing some people.

Me i will eat the food with extra love and affection - cause am a 'iya basira' baby maself.

But seriously, maybe he cant cook and he knows thats the qquickest way to feed you.

even if he can cook, i'm sure he wont like to cook all the time. Besides she can cook for him or they can do cook together. . . its strangely very romantic! Try it and see. 

cook together; where? Is it in America abi in Africa? Romantic? Is funny how our brothers forget what obtains in our country once they enter the airports here in Nigera. By the time they reach obodo oyinbo dem don no know wetin dey ground for we country again.

what is so offensive about cooking together? do women have "cook" etched into their foreheads?
you would rather sit on your behind and flip channels while your maid in disguise works up a sweat for you ? a little help goes a long way!

@spoilt, while she is cooking the food, i'll be giving the children a bath or perhaps doing some ironing - but that is me. I don't like TV in any case but the average nigerian man will not even be at home talk less of watching TV. He will be in the bar with the boys and once he calls and the food is ready he is cruising back home to enjoy the wife of his youth. AMEN

otokx:

cook together; where? Is it in America abi in Africa? Romantic? Is funny how our brothers forget what obtains in our country once they enter the airports here in Nigera. By the time they reach obodo oyinbo them don no know wetin dey ground for we country again.

Wrong there buddie! That happened with an ex in Nigeria. Men are not the same, i know a family friend who does more than 90% of the cooking in the house while his wife sleeps away. Whatever rocks your boat. I like to cook with whoever i'm with, working together builds an unspoken bond between you both. Even if you can't cook with her just do as my uncle does, sit there and talk to her while she cooks for that your yeye stomach. 
And when she's GENUINELY too tired to cook, drink garri!

otokx:

@spoilt, while she is cooking the food, i'll be giving the children a bath or perhaps doing some ironing - but that is me. I don't like TV in any case but the average nigerian man will not even be at home talk less of watching TV. He will be in the bar with the boys and once he calls and the food is ready he is cruising back home to enjoy the wife of his youth. AMEN

That man na yeye man. Which bar with which boys? Better stay indoors and keep your wife company, when trouble starts those "boys at the bar" wont be there to help you settle it.
If she goes to the bar to be with the girls now you will be up in arms.

i like to cook.i dont mind cooking. but when my man hangs out in the kitchen with me its heaven! he cant cook to save his life .(" always asking me why are you doing that?"  but he's always there with me when im doing my thing." when i look back i know its from the good times we had in the kitchen that i knew he was mine.

so instead of bickering over buka food. they can kill 2birds with one stone and get to know each other better while cooking.

Eeyaaaaa, I feel u ma baby but thats not enough 4 u to feel bad, anyway, I did be dying 4 a nice threat had i been a female like u, how romantic,at least he even buys u food, thats a great sign to show you he cares at lest to an extent, ON the other hand, as a guy i did like my girl to provide the threat that comes with sumptiuosness by making the food a home affair cause it did be more romantic, try this out maybe it will help UNLESS maybe u don't cook well, holla

I think that you need to make this known to him. He probably figures if you eat it, you like it. And another thing, maybe you should try and eat before going to his place, so that you wont get hungry when you are there.

i noticed you made it a point to mention that you guys have been off and on, do you care to elaborate on that?

na wetin the guy get na him he give u so manage am like that e go better. if he has he go try better ok. na from samll things them they take get big one and na from this kind condition lkike this u go no better pickin

jesusfreak, sorry oh but while your boyfriend is waiting to further his education, what is he doing?is he financially bouyant or living off his friends?do you think his priorities are right?

have you tried taking him to the kind of places you like to eat?have you tried writing him a poem or telling him how much he means to you since you hardly have time together? in short, have you tried doing all the things you want him to do for you?

the problem with your relationship is certainly not buka food, but a lot of things only you know about. so incase you decide this one is doomed, try not to be hungry anytime you visit the next boyfriend so this buka issue doesnt come up and like seun said, find a guy that shares your taste and likes. take care .

Aint u Lucky, got a boy friend that buys you something at least, my ex boyfriend was just different, i used to do the buying of all we ate including buka food, mr biggs and even cooking in the house. I did all the buying and cooking and spent all my money on him. I was a real maga to him then. MY birthdays were story days because he never had money to buy anything, imagine how my friends used to laugh way back then at me. Vals day was another thing entirely, In our 4 years relationship i can count how many things he got me on the tip of my fingers,but am sure i spent a fortune on him.So because you don't know other peoples problems does not mean yours is the worst, at least he buys you stuff when you are hungry. When i used to go to my ex house then, we spent my money on food and i still gave him money when i was leaving in the evening. (i can hear someone saying fool),but u have to learn, now i dont think i can spend a dime on my current boyfriend without collecting it back somehow, though he wont know.
Except you have other reasons for pulling out, buka food is really not an excuse.

:osee me see trouble!

what do u want?

Golden Gates?
they is no law that says a guy must do the buying abi?
u might as well take him out yourselves, shikena.

@ Jesus freak
My observations to your question
1. wud u ever complain if your boyfriend have bn takking you to nice places like ( golden gates, TFC, Mr biggs, S.S and other beautiful places).
2. Next time he ask u to go with him to a bukateria, take the money from him and quickly dash to a neraby market and prepare something lovely for the both of you.
3. there is no law that states the guy must do the buying, take him out for a nice treat and watch his reactions
4. u also have to consider the finances of your boyfriend, who knows if he working or not. and i believe all that matters is love , trust not the location of where u hang out.
5. just take out time to study wat / who ur guy is.
6. last word, if u cant stand the heat in the kitchen u better get out fast ( it simply means that, if u dont like an iya basira boyfriend, it will be more difficult marrying/ leaving forever with an iya basira hussy)

Whats wrong with buka food?

My question is DO YOU LOVE? if yes then I think the only thing you can do is make sure that before you leave your own house you eat enough food that can sustaine you before coming back, and immediately you get their advise him to let you go buy some stuff from the market to cook. I think by you doing this it will make him to change his mentality of going to buka to buy you food.

Alsoi think you have to make your feeling open to him, because if you dont, he will never know what hut you and what put you off.

I think if you can do all this then their will surelly be a change. OK
keep on loving him and appreaciate Him for whom he his.

Thanks
papa
papabaks@gmail.com
08065057606