This is a story not a real life story but some sort of fictional story that will make laugh until you are tired .

So guys bear with me for some hours before the story will start .note I will make use of pigin English
But not all .posting about 2 short chapters every day till it reached fp I will then make it long and increase to three. Your guy netgid.

Chapter 1

At Johnson's house.

Johnny! Johnny! Johnny!


Yes mum ! , I shouted from my bed feeling sleepy,but hearing her voice woke me up .

But before I continue my story I will tell you who am I.

Am a young guy of this 23yrs getting to 24yrs before the year runs out ,am still residing with my parents and my two siblings comprising of a boy and a girl, we live in my father's bungalow at ikoyi not far from my mothers boutique shop,and am the first born of my parents, who are both Christians and are educated as well.

Why I am called Johnny is because my name is Johnson Shaw ,so my mom and many of my friends abbreviated my name to Johnny to look appealing.

Am still going to school as a 100 level civil engineering undergraduate at (imsu) imo state university owerri. But of all of this the one that make people and my family to like me most is my sense of humour and also my socialization with people.

Chapter. 2




Yes mum ! Am coming, I also sluggishly got down from my bed and reached the door and flew it open ,
I headed down to the sitting room to meet my mum who is about to leave for her shop.


Jo ! Yes mum ! I need you to look after your younger siblings since you are not yet to go back to school, make breakfast and lunch for them because I got appointment to catch ,your dad will be back before noon.


And off she goes, I started to reason in my mind where I will start.

My mind runs to the spaghetti that is remaining in the kitchen cabinet, just reaching their I lighted up the gas I started to boil the water that I will use to cook the spagg, instantly my infinixix hot 2 rang to my utmost surprise the caller happens to be my paddy for secondary school that year for lasgidi (Lagos),but lost contact with him after our waec.

I picked up the phone, Johnny nwa how is you ? I was able to recognize his voice but what amused me is he called with an international number,

The kpoms man ,the guy we no go carry money come school but will go home with goodies and change join, ( guys some of us did it at our secondary level na funny sha) , the badh baddo baddest.

I hailed him ,Johnny you will live long ,you go see your great grand children them, he said and he laughed like tomorrow no dey .

Hey Hey, You, I Mean You gangan!!!

Nice Story You've Got There. Wait ooo. First Comment..................................

Front Seat Booked................................
Adesina12, Popcorn Is Needed.
Queenitee, Coman See Something oooo

Dammykrone:
Hey Hey, You, I Mean You gangan!!!

Nice Story You've Got There. Wait ooo. First Comment..................................

Front Seat Booked................................
Adesina12, Popcorn Is Needed.
Queenitee, Coman See Something oooo

Ayam coming my frd
A truck filled of popcorn on the way

Dammykrone:
Hey Hey, You, I Mean You gangan!!!

Nice Story You've Got There. Wait ooo. First Comment..................................

Front Seat Booked................................
Adesina12, Popcorn Is Needed.
Queenitee, Coman See Something oooo

On my way

queenitee:
On my way

Chapter 3


O boy how e dey be na ? I asked him.
nothing much Johnny we are hustling to make some dollars, so how Nigeria na ?

Chiddo ! did I hear you say you are hustling to make some dollars,I asked him because his full name na chidozie but you can call him chiddo or kpoms man.



Yea bro I dey USA since after our waec, so what are you doing now? he said

Wow chiddoski aka kpoms man tuale to you, my brother I still enter school oo,and since that time when we commot from secondary school they refuse to give me admission but last year they later admitted me into their institution I answered him.

No whahala so which school and course you dey study ,he said

Chiddo na imsu be that and I dey read civil engineering for there ,I replied.

Chapter 4

Cool you so thumbs up I have been searching your number since that time because I lost my phone so all my contacts don lost ,if not we will be talking because I miss your funny looks and talks plus your funniest jokes ,


Johnny I miss you oo wey be kataput guyman he said.

Kpoms man ! bro I miss you too but wetin person go do na ,so how America be and which state you live in I asked him.

Johnny my man I Live for the Texas Brother ,but no whahala na cold oo e wan kill us over here.

OK oo as I was talking I perceived a smell and I realized that my water don drain finish inside the pot ,
Chia ! am dead oo because to make matters worse I heard the sound of my father's car ,I hurriedly disengaged my friend, and off my gadget immediately to see my fate.

Weldone man.. Am waiting for my own popcorn and one bigi apple....

God !, what will I do now, not only did the pot get burnt but the problem is that the smell don reach the sitting room alerting my hungry Younger siblings,
They called me.
Big brother!

Yes we whats that? your food is burning on fire they said

Don't worry am already there, as I Finished answering them my mind is contemplating on what to do then an idea struck my mind,

I laughed so I cleaned the pot ,put water on it and started to boil it again on the gas stove ,I increased the volume of the gas to the highest level, you know gas stove well na before 5 mins my water started to boil,

I hurriedly drop down the spagg inside the boiling water, added the ingredients and cover the pot before 10 mins the food don ready ,luckily for me when my dad came back one of his business partner called him so they chatted away.

Chapter 5


I hurriedly prepared the spagg, you know Guy man way of cooking na,

Just put everything inside the steaming pot of spagg both onions,maggi,spice , salt and every every and waited for it to boil, after like 5 mins it got ready and immediately I looked at our kitchen window ,

And noticed that my man has already finished making call,( call my dad my man sometimes) and his heading back to the house while I rushed and dished out the food according to our age ,

The quantity differed my man first,mine second, Lawrence and Abigail are names of my younger siblings.


after that I called them law! , abi! ( short form I use to call them) yes big bro they chorused .

Immediately they rushed to the kitchen because of the hunger in their stomachs (guys hunger na bad thing oo)

Carry this food to the dinning and call dad to come and take his own , I told them . OK big bro they said and disappeared with their foods.

[quote author=Adesammy111 post=79054889]Weldone man.. Am waiting for my own popcorn and one bigi apple.... [/qu
ote]


On my way bro big trailer they come with it

[quote author=Netgid post=79069776][/quote] Be Quick Bro. Oliver Twist Dey Do Somebori Pikin Here oo

[quote author=Netgid post=79069776][/quote]






You geh mouth like kettle bro...

My guy u dey cook for real?




Dey dere ya papa don eat poison today.

Chapter 6



Good morning dad,good morning Jo,how are you?

Fyn dad, you where still sleeping when I went out early this morning, he said so how today go be this one you come back on time dad?

are you with your senses and head boy? he questioned. O my God I know no say today be Saturday oo ( my dad no dey go work on Saturday.


My dad's name is Mr theophiles Shaw, his a well built man ,6ft tall, and educated as well who is working with Chevron oil group of company that also has it's branch in Lagos here,


Some of my guys will say we are rich because my man is working with a big firm,

His also a detective who detects what you are doing, your friends, and so on when am very young ,but now that has changed on my part , is only on my younger siblings especially on my sister,



Because he said he don't want her to be impregnated by all this young boys, so she spent must of her time at home,


either reading, watching the television or at the shop of my mumsi.

Chapter 7


After eating, Abigail cleared the table and washed the plates while my dad asked me when am going back to campus,


Maybe around Friday next week because I will resume my lectures on Monday sir.

OK na what I want to tell you son that since you are the firstborn of this family your mother and I and also your younger siblings are looking up for inspiration that will pave way for them,


So I always warn and advice you don't chase women or have sex with anyone of them because sex will distract you from your studies, and also make sure you are not having friends with cultists he said


Sam and noga where my childhood friends who make me to enter imsu if not I for don enter lasu , an the worst part be say dey be Aro confraternity I almost said.


So be careful and be wise because these may be the last time I may advice you before you return back to school he finally said.

Immediately his phone rang and he stood up and walked out of the dinning room and answers the caller, I also stood up and heading to the sitting room I found my two siblings fast asleep in the couch and the time in my gadget reads this 2.00 O clock in the afternoon.


The whole house is very quiet except the noise emitting out from the nickelodeon cartoon showing on the television.

Chapter 8

Fast forward through the week from different things I have been doing at home to kill time ranging from reading all types of books and chatting with my friends at Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat and others .

And also sometimes staying in my mum's shop till Friday morning and I informed mumsi that na today I go return back to school ,


OK my boy I will be going to shop now but have taken foodstuffs from the store? she asked

Yes mum have already packed my bag with rice,beans,spices, and the almighty garri I replied

Hahhaha Jo you funny but I no want my baby to eat impoverished food because your dad is well to do if he found out you are gone she said

No na mum I dey enjoy na for school na ,she no know say me dey live jungle life for school there I almost said ( later will mention why)

OK be careful with your studies because this one na your second semester for imsu .
and also take this 70,000 she handed me the wrap of money

I was surprised to see such amount she is giving me ,I was also happy as well ,thanks mum love you and I hugged her .

Be a good boy and call if necessary there is need you here! She said.

OK mum
And she bade me goodbye and left the house.

As I Finished packing my luggage's I told my dad that I will be going right away .

Yea boy I have already paid your dues and school fees but take this #10,000 for transportation ,and I will transfer more money to your account for pocket money.

Thank you sir am very grateful for that and I will not disappoint you dad.

So see you I waved to him and I take the next bus to lekki so as to connect east . not knowing what lies ahead.

nice 1

Chapter 9

Reaching lekki I remembered that instead of me to go directly to owerri let me take the bus heading to Onitsha,because am going to deposit the money my mom gave me so as not hear story's that touch the heart because my lodge got PhD ,bsc and HND in thiefology .

I collected ticket from the transport company am using and I also need to wait so as other people going to Onitsha and owerri Will enter the chisco bus ,

Noticing that is not yet time to move , I used the opportunity to go and eat at the nearby restaurant,

Who dey here! yes customer you are welcome, good morning ,I saw one young girl replying

What of your madam? I asked
She dey inside, have a sit ,she offered me a sit I also noticed that about two guys are already swallowing eba and soup,
Bros una Weldon oo!
Good morning they manage to say ,
What will you have sir? the girl asked me

Una have beans and pap (it have a while that beans entered my mouth because my dad dislikes it so mom no dey like am) I asked her

Yes Oga but you go wait sir till we make pap
OK but do fast because I get bus to catch I told her

After about 5mins my beans and pap is ready ,(the last time wey I ate beans be last semester at my lodge)

And she served me the hot beans ,I ate to my satisfaction and paid her my money and I left the restaurant to the bus I will use to travel.

On reaching their I noticed that the whole tickets is already collected I thank God because I have already collected mine before going out ,
The drivers are putting everyone's load in the car trunk ,after that they started to call the number of tickets they issued ,starting from 001 to 0018 and mine is 008
The man calling the tickets was shouting on top of his voice because of the noise in the park ,008! 008 he shouted yes sir! I answered and he directed me to sitting position, and na close to the window I go dey I silently thank God because I be want stay close to the window .

009!009 he echoed yes Mr man! She said ,I looked out to see the person behold lies a fat woman and she is a young lady but the problem is that she is oversized and I know the consequences that will result to her sitting beside me ,
After calling out the tickets and everybody is sitting comfortably in the bus we zoomed off out of lasgidi .

osaroosei:
nice 1

Thanks bro

Chapter 10


The bus was moving slowly and steady along the mainland of Lagos because of traffic that jam packed the road,

Not less than 1 hr we are through with the traffic at Lagos and the bus is entering osun state ,

I started to feel uneasy in my body and pain in my stomach,what is my problem? I thought.

O boy I come remember say na that beans wey I chop they do me ooo !

Chia wetin I go do na ? ,I nearly said it out but remembered that am in the bus and looking front,back, center, right, left,is filled with passengers.

My belle wan tear ,because of the intensity of shit and fart about to come out and we never reach ogbomosho where the bus go stop for the time being before heading back to Onitsha.

As my stomach is dancing makossa ,and me not able to control power of the fart ,I released the mess by shifting my yansh upwards silently,we call it in imsu silent bomb, the kin smell wey this farts emitted, me self was surprised because it smelled very bad in the bus and I recalled that I never go toilet today,

Wetin dey smell? na who mess that kin mess for bus ,one woman for the back shouted, Jesus person go kill us for this bus oo,one man echoed, I followed and shouted self na who wan murder us here instead of we go die by gun or sickness na through mess person go die chia

And to make matters worse the window was closed because the bus was using A C ,and still my stomach is still not OK after that first mess , siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii braaaah I again released the bomb this time it intensified ,and the passengers was cursing and shouting on top of their voice even the driver was touched by this last mess because the mess enter him nose directly and he shouted ooo please I go stop here make everyone go toilet at his own risk but remember that will still dey osun state he said,

Driver please do I still get children rear ooo ! One man shouted .him yansh go scatter finish said one girl wey I dey crush since when we enter the bus .

Mummy see mummy see I heard one 2 yr old boy that is sitting behind me pointing to my yansh, maybe he they hear the kin sound wey dey come out from there I thought chia this boy go implicate me oooo wetin I go do now.

Chapter 11


Fast forward as a guyman I sharply turned back and said to the mother of the child ,

Madam abeg close the nose of this pikin ooo,to avoid disease I said to her

Yes oo na true ooo ,since me dey close my nose i no remember My pikin she said.

Immediately she used her handkerchief to cover the boy his nose ,and this make the child unable to talk again, sense full my brain ,because if I come allow this pikin talk this kin talk O oboy na finish dey go finish me oo even the babe wey me dey crush go dey laugh.

Oya everybody out please, if you wan go shit go at ur own risk because we still dey osun state, and if dey catch any of una yawa go gas ,the driver said.
I thought say na only me go shit inside bush, I no know say na the whole bus dey rush enter bush ,every body both obi and ade,and ada rush even people wey I no go ever think say dey go urinate join me enter bush .

I rush enter bush and meet one guy wey dey for front sit they deficate and singing hymm I hail am ,baba u don dey get inspiration I said to him,

Bro wetin person go do?dey wan use mess scatter me for their he replied to me .

I sharply turned and started to shit immediately,to my surprise I noticed that am stooling chia this beans don kill me ooo ,as am shitting I also heard the driver shouting time don go oooooo ,the guy don already finish his own and he just told me,

Bro dey come ooo you go sleep their na he said

No na me dey come oo
After shitting I used one kin leaf to clean my yansh I know no say the leaf go do me tire,
I hurriedly put on my trouser to join other to face my fate.

Chapter 12

As we are entering the bus I noticed that the leaf I used few minutes ago has started itching me badly making me to scratch my blockus ,as the bus is fully loaded the driver started the car and off we go ,

Chia my yansh oooo na wetin me dey talk inside me ,I scratch up scratch down scratch left,scratch right,the thing never stop to pain me ,even the fat lady wey sit beside dey surprised because of my scratching competition, and she said

O boy wetin dey do you na ? my sister since dat tym wey I enter bush come out my yansh no dey the same again oooo, I replied

Hahhaha, hahhaha she laughed like tomorrow no dey abeg wetin u talk, she finally say

I dey tell you say my bombom dey on fire u dey laugh u no go help me I told her
Oya guy hahhaha wetin you wan make I do now, na to help you scratch am or na to get medicine for you she said to me ,

I no know oooo I replied.
Abeg everybody wey dey this bus una get medicine wey go cure scratch for blockus she shouted amid laughing ,

Hahhaha, hahhaha, hahhaha, hahhaha, all the whole passengers come dey laugh both my crush and even the driver because all of them looked in my direction and found me busy scratching heaven and earth on my yansh,

This even thundered more laughing because dey see me busy scratching myself,

Abeg na make una help am if you get any medicine wey go stop am please give am make we help a brother in need this fat lady echoed,

Guy wetin be your name? one man wey at the back seat asked me, na Johnson Oga I managed to say because my yansh don red , OK oo so Johnson wetin happen to you inside the bush that make you to come out scratching your yansh ,he said

Abeg oga stop asking him dat question u no know the pain wey this boy dey under go ,one woman interrupted the man , see she handed me one syrup of drug wey me no know the name of the drug and wetin e dey work inside body , so drink 5ml out of it because na my pikin drug be dat oo she said,

While me not hearing wetin she talk self wan make my yansh rest small come drink all the whole substance wey dey inside the syrup, this even thundered more laughing of me in the bus because the whole attention is focused on me ,all eyes are one me both young and old in the bus ,even me self no send because I wan make the pain stop ,
The woman shouted no be all oo na small u go take ,and na the last drug for my pikin and the drug dey costly, she said

Don't worry madam I go pay you please,
Some where even laughing faintly while some are saying that why this kin thing go befall this handsome guy , and that scene I created make all the whole passengers forget that we don reach benin city ,

O my God we don reach benin oo one young guy said ,
Na this guy case make us no see when we reach edo ,one man said,

While the drug don stop my scratching scene, I come dey tired and sleep come dey catch me because the drug don dey work inside me ,5 minutes later I come put down my head and slept without mind the events unfolding around me

Chapter 13


Aba! Aba Aba! Owerri owerri

Was what am hearing inside me I thought na dream but na reality it is ,I woke up to see our bus on the head bridge it dawned on me that we don reach Onitsha be that ooo ,I looked everywhere in the bus to see how quiet the bus is everybody is busy looking out of the window while some are focused on what is happening in the road ,

Johnson the scratcher u don wake up be that oo one man shouted this triggered more laughing and giggle from other passengers,

Oboy how your yansh one guy ask me , I no reply him because I don dey get angry with them but kept quiet because na me cause am at the first place,

My guy my guy , how body, the fat,chubby lady,asked me

I dey oo my yansh don hear am today be dat, but we thank God for him and through you because if not for you I no go fit talk and get help from dat woman ,

Because na she help me, give me that kind drug wey stop the damn itching that itches me all that time I told her,
We conversed and chatted before we reach the bus stop ,
Oya una go come down oo shouted the driver
Johnson the scratcher echoed one guy ,Jo the scratcher you made our journey to be an unforgettable experience,because you, make us to forget some of our problems and our anxieties, so take this 2,000 naira as tip use it to buy more drugs in the pharmacy stores and treat yourself, this is also my business card call me if necessary he said and handed me the money and the complimentary card ,

Thank you sir I really appreciate your support and help
OK he said and found his way out the park ,

As other people dey come down from the bus they started to hail me Johnson the scratcher the scratcher some even tipped me off ,like 1,000,3,000,2,000,5,000 saying make I use am go treat myself, some even say me make them laugh more than they use to laugh , many of the passengers collected my number and told ,

That they call if they reach their destinations ,I thanked most of them even those wey I no expect to give me something even complied because they PITY me thinking that am a poor boy not knowing that I have about 70,000 naira about to be deposited into the bank.

I still dey beside the car they take style dey wait for my crush as more people dey come out from the bus and they don dey hail me wella as the so called girl stepped down from the bus and I called her beside to begin my toastology to her.

Cont

Hello fine babe how far ?

She turned to see me calling her ,fine she amid laughing

Why are you laughing na I asked or is because of that funny scenario that unfolded an hour ago ? I asked her

Yes your predicament made us to laugh out our problems ,you are funny because since am traveling from one place to another I have never witnessed such a hilarious experience she said and laughed more

Well its my first exposure to such horrible scratch and it hots and pains me very much, but never mind past is past ,we are moving forward, why I called you is to tell you my mind towards you because since we entered this bus and I saw your beautiful ,calm,and intelligent face my mind kept telling me that you are my missing rib ,so whats your precious name babe ? I asked her.

Am not use to telling strangers my name but though I don't know who you are but from your handsome face I well know that you are good and a funny guy , so my name is peace cello ,yours is Johnson am I right ? She asked me

Yea Johnson Shaw , you are correct how you take know? OK sorry is that bus that you captured my name, so like I was saying peace am very much in love with you ,and am not like other guys who eat and run ,I mean nam ,so thats why am very optimistic about you babe ,I said to her.

Eeh eh I don't have any boyfriend let alone sex partner because I promise my late dad that I will maintain my virginity till marriage, so I have been myself since that time going my way and not adhering to the calls of many rich guys seeking to have me as one of their numerous girlfriend, and you are not the first and the last guy to use those sweet words on me ,I have been hearing it everyday she replied

Chia this girl don give me savage answer I said in my mind ,see babe I understand it and this your case is similar to mine because since my birth till now am standing before you I have never tested any woman vagina ,and a lot of girls are need of my attention because am a funny and handsome guy and also because my dad is rich ,but I don't need them thats why I just collected the courage to come speak to you because I love you babe,I know you are a virgin and I promise you that am not going to disvirgin you till our wedding night ,please ASA m ,sweet banana, my ripe Apple,

She blushed

Accept me as your guy and give me a chance to prove my love for you I finally said to her

Ok I accept your request and promise to be your babe in good times and bad times ,but you will also promise me that you will not be cheating on me because if I found out that you are cheating on me out relationship is over

Alright I agreed, after she accepted my friendship, we talked and talked she told me that she is in 3rd year in lasu studying law ,while I told her that am schooling at imsu studying civil, we also exchanged numbers and everyone goes his or her way and I promised to call her when I reaches my destination ,

I walked out of the park and flag down one keke na pepep (tricycle) to Diamond Bank PLC ,

I dropped immediately we reached the bank paid off the keke man and entered the banking hall of the bank, and to see how fortunate I am the time nacks 3 .00oclock and their closing time for customers is by 4

I joined the queue (u know naija na queuering country everything na queue person go dey) I also remembered to count those money that the other passengers dashed me I counted all and it amounted to 12,000 wow am surprised ,so it reached this amount of money, I said to myself that my pain is another persons happy moments,

Well some of them have never seen such ordeal maybe that why they are laughing on top of their voice while guy man is in pain, few minutes later it reached my turn and behold who I saw in the counter.

Chapter 14


Behold I saw Linda my class mate, back in lasgidi that time when we still dey ss class but her parents later change her to another school, it was that time I toasted her and she agreed ,and we are doing school boyfriend and girlfriend since the day her dad found out,

And to matters worse her dad is a retired air force one and her mom is a lawyer, that day is on Saturday I came to visit my babe as my first school girl and she be hotcake for that year ,she welcomed me ,I also greeted her ,he answered but anytime I come over the man always look suspicious, and I told Linda about it she said that nothing will happen, since he won't allow her to visit me at our rented house in ajah (when my dad is still looking for job and is only my mother taking care of the family with her boutique income , not easy but I give all the hustling girls and mother's one big respect because is not easy)

We are chatting as usual as usual as before, till my girl said that we should go upstairs to her room,

We want their and from talking to kissing it was her who disvirgin me after the sex romp I don't know that her father is at the door looking at our naked body making out , he later left

After like a week when everything is still going normal between me and her daughter, I visited them one Saturday but that day Linda went to the market with her mother and is only the father is at home ,

We discussed and he asked me certain questions about my family and all the rest I gladly told him not knowing what is in the mind of this man , he thought that my family is rich like them that year and he doesn't want anyhow person to marry her daughter ,

He became provoked and told to wait, he went inside the house and bring out his (stainless) gun ,

O boy me wan to pirate away but, he shouted come here or I shoot you! He barked

I slowly came back and nailed down with my both legs
So you are from a poor family and you dey chop my daughter kpormor abi ,he said

I tried to talk but when I see his gun fear catch me more which make not to talk,

I want you to get this at the back of your mind that anyday I see around my daughter again I will kill you alive and he slapped me (the slap can cure cold,catarrh, and cough join because it's hot)

Yes sir I hurriedly picked up my shoe and voom ! I disappeared, so since that day I have not use my eye see her ,because if she is in town she may secretly see me ,maybe her dad sent her to Canada to complete her tertiary education, because she is the first born ,and they are two, one boy,one girl ,and her has about three estate in Lagos that year, I short form they are stinkly rich.

Em em Johnson Jo , she almost shouted but she declined because of she is in a banking hall ,she was happy and the same time surprised, she told me to wait so as other customers will pay in ,I waited for her like about forty minutes after which the banking hall became scanty ,and she called me over ,

Hello li li Linda baby she laughed and said

Jo you never change from this your funny talk abi ,

How far na long time you come leave me ,no call let alone message ,
I narrated to her what her father did to me and she was not happy about that,

Well Jo that time when we came back from the market my dad told me that he lost my phone in the shoprite he went to buy some groceries, but he will buy another bigger one the next day, and that I will be traveling to Canada to complete my education there,
Me na can't argue with him because he is always authoritative and brutal so I have stand low and follow his instructions,

But why are working in a bank since your dad has many companies and connections that you will work , I asked her
My dad has a share in this bank and I like banking work that's why I have to choose the branch I gonna work, he want to pressure me to work in Lagos branch but me don become big girl no be that small girl that will take anything that he talk, so that's why am in Onitsha branch ,she said and what of you

My dad got employment at Chevron after my ordeal with your father ,which changes our lives ,he bought bought houses in ikoyi,lekki, and Victoria island ,and since that time I have been looking for admission for four years if not last year that they have admitted to imsu and the course is civil I replied

I paid in and about to leave and she called me back and say that I should wait for her ,after like 10 minutes, she packed her bag and we went out of the bank I headed to the car park where her car is parked,

O boy this girl they drive latest Lexus ,I said in my mind

Enter the car let me drop you ,but I want to go to my house and pick something,

And off we went, we reached her apartment a
In not less than 30 mins ,her apartment was fine furnished and she live in one of her company lodge ,

Everything was furnished her sitting room was kept in order, neat and very appealing ,she told me to wait why she change, I looked at her and she is still beautiful as before ,and I kept myself busy till she is dressed

You will drop off at the motor park so that I will connect any car heading to O town , the air condition in her car is like the one in my mom's thundra jeep ,that I occasionally drive,

No am going to take you to owerri and am going to spend the weekend at your house in owerri you know this is weekend no work till Monday she said

No no baby I live in a face me and face you apartment so I don't need you to bear the burden am carrying there babe , I said

Why do you like to live in that kind of environment, is it money or you want to experience jungle life, she asked me

Yes na to experience jungle life, even my parents will pay 400,000 for a flat for me but I will save the money I use 50,000 to pay for this one , I said amid laughing

Hahhaha you be bad boy she said while in the steering,OK oo I will not stay but you promise that you will be coming to see me her am I right

Yea but not all the time, I will try I said

She turned on the car cassette player and case by teni is blowing on the air as we enter okija in anambra,

But my mind kept telling me that this girl be monitoring spirit after I use all my saliva to get a second girlfriend na now she show to disvirgin me again e no go work, and she even want to sleep in my house, what of if my real babe called and am not around and she picked it what will I say to her ,this na big war ooo because my first girl won't leave me so easily and I will break the heart of my second babe all this is what is going on my mind ,and am contemplating on where to take this girl so as she will not know my lodge because if she knows my lodge we will be forced to make out one day, all this is what is ,

Running on my mind till one hilarious idea came up

CANT WAIT FOR ANODA EPISODE GUY LET ME KNW WEN U WRITE ANODA EPISODE

Episode 14

While Linda is driving she thought my mind is on that music playing but not knowing that my mind is contemplating on where to take her to, I remembered my course mate named shagi who lives at futo junction at a public yard and he be my man for campus so I tried to call him on phone but remembered that am with Linda in the car ,so I login to my Facebook account luckily for me shagi is online and I chatted him and told him whom am bringing to his house every thing about Linda I told him,

Guy we go drive the girl na shagi replied

You mad you wan die ,the girl wan know my house but no wan show am so if you see am You toast her and if she agree to your friendship you don gain because you go dey chop kpmor free every time , I said

Guy you mean am ,hahhaha he replied boy I go toast am wella

OK na but she dey bad if she found out that you get another girl,and her father be billionaire for Lagos and a mafian ,so the family na gee but if you get her love you go get money plenty because na she dey manage some of her papa estate, but chill we dey come you go see her, I logged out,

We reached owerri at exactly 5:00 o'clock in the evening and I took her to shagi lodge we reached there and I introduced her to shagi

Li babe see my roommate shagi the tiger I said
And tiger see my girl Linda ,she extended her hand to greet shagi and they greeted each other
Well babe come inside our humble lodge,I said to her

As we are going inside the room other tenants where surprise looking at us because they have never see me before in shagi lodge ,one girl hailed shagi because the babe carry car so they no think say she go come shagi lodge,
Shagi shagi baba! One girl also hailed shagi she demonstrated her three fingers meaning party ,

Welcome to our lodge I said to her ,and I directed her to sit on the bed which she did ,

So what can we offer you shagi asked her
You guys get soda water she said,

OK let me get you one shagi rushed out of the house I overheard the whole yard hailing him some said the babe fine others told shagi na me they knack her first and he be second to enter , he just laughed and left them to get the soda,

While me and Linda discussed, we talked about our school days and the funny things we did that year and she remembered my ordeal that year when I still dey jss 3 ,it happened that I came late to school and it was also that my parents are struggling to get money so my school uniform don old ,I reached the school gate and I meet our principal in the school gate giving punishment to late comers, he saw me and called me
You boy come here! I quietly walked up to him, go down now he commanded me ,yes sir I said him

I looked up to see Linda coming out of our class room and she is coming to meet the principal I don't know what she told him and she stood there you know because of her fathers influence in the school every teacher and the principal obeys her even though she dey small.
I know even think that he will not punish me because I have made up my mind to take that cane but maybe because of wetin Linda told him he slowly agreed and switch over to another trick he said that I should recite the times table in front of about 30 students students consist of 20 jss pupils and 10 ss students ,
Oya recite am na he barked
2*1=2,I recited the timetable till I reached 4*4 then the engine off, and I started to whistle the others ,this triggered the kind of laugh that everyone laughed their bodies out even Linda and the principal laughed like say tomorrow no dey ,and that my recitations makes the principal to warn every body not to come late to school and he told us to go back to class, so since that day the whole school started to call me timetable or senior timetable during my senior years , and it makes me feel some thing for her not knowing that she loves me ,till I befriended her and sharply sharply she agreed,

After remembering all this we laughed ,
So Jo no be today u dey make person laff ,
As we are still busy chatting shagi showed and brought a bottle of coke and soda , he gave her one and me one , shagi asked her certain things about her work and she smartly answered,
Excuse me I dey come, I stepped outside to meet the other tenants both guys and 4 ladies who are asking me ,whether I don knack finish

Yes I don finish I laughed ,
One guy said ,guy give me one minute na make I chop na ,
No chance bro na you go pay I asked him
Big girl wey carry car no be you guys go pay her na she go pay Una he said
See guy una get fine fine girls for here why not ask them I told him to the hearing of all of them sitting there ,
Taa this dirty pig wey never baff finish, we babe go allow him knack us na lie babes abi no be so ,she asked her fellow ladies ,
Na so they replied.

Hahhaha guys see this girls oo ,dey no know say we dey expensive one guy said,
Till they reach menopause then they go start to look for us by that time we don marry fine fine babes another guy said,

Hahhaha see them we no go look for you guys una too dirty ,
As they are busy with their arguments I left them by that time shagi are busy toasting Linda but she was growing deaf ears till he told her that I have a babe ,when she heard that , she was very uncomfortable and she asked me whether is true ,I said yes this changed her mood and she rose up to go and I heard her hand.

Episode 15

Li why are going now see , I have not seen you for many years since your dad chased me and told me not to see you again, I even thought that you have moved on with your life, I got a new girlfriend and na recently just today that I saw you that I toasted her and she agreed, I said to her .

Jo she said crying I have you on my mind since am schooling that's why all the whole male who come my way I declined their offer, because my heart beats for you every where, Jo she hold my hand please don't do this to me ,that girl you gotten today is not late that you caught off the relationship telling her that your girlfriend just showed up , because I love you jo no man has ever given inner joy when ever I see him other than you, you always make my to be at ease when ever I remembered your funny experiences ,so why wouldn't I wait for you jo ,and you are the only person who I have my 4th sex and the last time I have meet anyone, because I have never disvirgin a man but in case I did so why would I not love you more she finally said.

Li baby I know that you love me but I have moved on with my life ,see my guy shagi the guy is a funny type like me and very jovial please accept him as your new guy boyfriend and forget about me babe ,I love you babe that's why I waited for 5 years to see whether I will see my babe but no show till I got another girl and then you showed ,please I can't break the heart of this innocent girl ,so Linda am using God to beg you accept shagi as your main guy,but remember that we are still friends girl,I told

Yes we are still friends, I understand what you meant, because it will break another girls heart ,ok shagi I accept You on one condition, she said

Which condition shagi s eye lit up
That no other girls aside from me and if you feel Hot you call me am ready to come over, till we get married,
She said

This is like a blow to shagi because he get plenty girls ,but all na sex partners who thought shagi gonna marry them after school even some are living in the public yard he lives in and he dey get free food, water,and kpmor free from all of them because say shagi na handsome guy like me ,but when I looked at the face of him I noticed that he just loves her naturally,
Ok babe as far u gonna satisfy my emotional curiosity any time the need arises a you gonna love me ,shagi told her,

I well agree shagi, I think you have my number so call me baby she called him
Yea I have it ,

I will be going Jo I will miss you but it seems your friend is handsome and funny like you, so I have moved on and she kisses me and shagi escorted her to the car

As they departed I stepped outside the room to meet only the girls who are deeming me eye ,
Hi all of them said to me, hello how you girls doing,
We are fine and you, well am fine

Please can we know your handsome name one girl asked me
Ok sorry my name is Johnson , what of you guys I don't know that tiger has many beautiful girls in his lodge which makes them to blush and laugh,
They introduced themselves and by that time the guys are not around after that hitted arguments,
One is chioma Esther, joy and kindness,

OK is this shagis girlfriend one girl who is also crushing on shagi asked me,
Yes is his fiancee i replied
What chia shagi don dupe us after having sex with us free ,of charge and no man in this house who have that privilege except him he did this to us but no whahala we go confront him, another said

Well you guys suppose to know him well before una open leg for him now nothing you guys we do to him because his fiancee na bad girl if she found out you guys they threaten him girls is better for you to dig your own grave enter am safe and close am because she get eyes watching this house, this frighten them and make their moral to die ,as I am busy telling them that my phone rang I picked it to hear my baby,
Hello handsome
Hi beautiful babe how you
Am fine just called to know whether you have reached your destination ,she echoed
Yea since afternoon I lied ,don't worry I will call you in the night see you I love you I told her
I love you too she replied

As I dropped my phone shagi walked in with smiles all over his face
Wetin dey make you smile I asked him
Guy I really happy you give that babe she fine ,and na wife material, I go drop all this broke girls wey full my dm and focus on her because I just love her

I told him the risk and he said no whahala, he said the girl even gave him 20,000 for his upkeep.

OK na guy you try he greeted me and he even dash me 5,000 ,I left their lodge and instead of looking for bus I decided to trek home because my lodge no far I my guys go dey say wetin go make me never enter O town ,

I reached one newspaper vendor I stopped to see the headline ( you we are in the read paper free association of Nigeria we no dey buy paper but na we go read all the whole paper free without paying, so if you they that association comment below) many men are arguing about the current state and status of Nigeria and other news pertaining from president buhari and the senators in the house, some are shouting and calling buhari named while some are defending him, as everybody is engrossed on the topic, and saying both the ones written in the paper and the cock and bull story one young man passed and he returned and shouted wait wait surprised everybody turned to his attention and kept quiet so as to know what he has to say , he started to talk
Please guys all this buhari dis buhari that is it not the same buhari I travelled with from Greece to Cambodia?
This make everyone to burst out laughing on top of our voices , both young and old laughed like say tomorrow no dey the chapter closes instantly because na that time we come know say that young guy get mental problem ,some even laughed commot from the stand this is like a bomb blast of talk to them, as an busy laughing my phone rang I looked at it and is my friends for my lodge and then I remembered that time don go and by that time I don scan414 (na wetin we dey call am) the book and I picked my bag and I headed to my abode.

Episode 16

I reached my lodge at about 6.30 in the evening to meet the whole yard full with all the other tenants,

My lodge is number 10 out of 37 rooms,while my friend noga is12 and Sam 18 ,and the others consist of three family's each having two rooms,

While 8 girls lives in each separate rooms and the guys is 17 in number also lives in their rooms,
Their are still others who are not students like person man must obey one fat guy who sells clothes and 6 others who makes up the number,

The whole house is always neat because we assign each person and family every day to clean the whole compound sweep all the floors ,wash the toilet and bathroom ,and also throw the general dustbin,

Is quite hard when ever is your turn but it merits it because when each of us do his duties in the yard when assign it makes the yard neat and not even look like a public yard,
The landlord has to drill a new borehole so as to reduce the stress coming from finding water, but one problem we have is that all the whole rooms make use of one toilet and bathroom, so it makes the house to be a bunk of arguments and fights because every time both day and night even mid night you want to ease or deficate you will see person inside especially papa bola and some of those working class guys ,

Inside the toilet because queue they less for night na only men they come out to use it ,men who no need to queue in morning to use the safe house (what we call toilet while VIP for bathroom) , so am among such once because for morning toilet bowl go full the whole place every body go dey line both for toilet and bathroom because small children plenty, so in a two or three words I will say my lodge is a (gee)

Jo jo brother Jo brother Jo was ranting in the air as I was stepping inside the gate ,I waved hand for all because no time for greeting them one by one, the day I tried it i almost die some go carry gist come and wan make you no go back to your room while others na report and gossip about another tenant so as for them to know whether you sided them ,

Jo xup you na noga and Sam said
Why you no come back on time you know for two months wey dey home bro ,so how your side na ? Sam asked me

Guys my side park just boring to stay at home u no my family na detective family, I said

Hahhaha Jo na true oo noga said, a short young guy from rivers ,his being my friend from basic one or primary one,his lives in Lagos but are not rich like mine but they are trying to send him to school because he be the only son like me ,his father a driver that drives big lorry and spends most of his time in the roads ,
Noga is also a funny guy likewise Sam because I usually make friends with people who don't care about the problem in the society who makes others laugh,
But the problem with him is that he can lie for Africa eh ,he be master for lies he got PhD in liehology in the university of lies owerri,

Also Sam who is a tall guy 6ft and handsome like myself ,his father is rich a manager in eco bank PLC ,though funny but na chief for womanizer he don taste all the whole girls for our compound and na he go tell you the one wey sweet and not ,still he dey yansh dem because he tall and fine ,even na those girls they give him food sometimes because dey like him and not that he lack money but just to have sex with him even married women wey get money dey come look for him because they say he be machine for bed ,all his dues na his babes dey pay am both house rent and school fees ,even though his father dey give him money he no dey touch and he spends most of time in the hotel calling attention to the needs of his clients,hardly stays at home,

Yes na ,abeg guys wetin una cook ,I asked them

Me wan commot self they wait for one rich babe like dat ,Sam said

I cook beans and rice noga said, though he dey stingy to others and to Sam he just like me and anything wey be get I ask am he go give me ,

Baba for the girls I hailed Sam, yes Jo the cunning cunning guy he said ,and true I get small sense na why dey go dey talk say I dey cunny ,
Abeg noga give me the food as I unlocked my room padlock I caught site of one beautiful girl wey live at room 23 she is in 300 level mass communication futo and she is dimming eye for me I overlooked her because Sam has been sleeping with her and she always crushing on me all the time both she and her roommate and other girls in our lodge, some are wondering why I know get girl friend thinking that I be homo but me no send them at all because I want to dey sleep around like baba for the girls, (Sam)

I watched as dust full everywhere and night don come so no way of cleaning it and by that time Sam don commot say na Monday he go comeback, as I was thinking what to do nepa suddenly brought light ,
Up up nepa small children was shouting,even me was even shouting ,the whole house then turn to a market place, home theater blasting and also sub woofer shouting, noga on's his one CD and the others both guys ,girl,and family living in that compound all have it because if you don't have nose go kill dat person, but if you have dey on theirs you on yours ,

I started to clean and sweep everywhere in my room I also plugged my woofer and is blasting birdman song ,while I dey sweep ,before thirty minutes ,I finished with sweeping and dusting my room I went outside to collect rice from noga as I stepped outside I saw some one who am not surprised to see at my door.