not that long distance like that. am in akwa ibom, she is in ife(oau

not that long  distance like that. am in akwa ibom, she is in ife(oau

This here is my view, first and foremost,distance relationship is not recommended for most people (save the real matured in mind,temperament,and emotional disposition, do you honestly possesse these attributes here enumerated?). Secondly,no matter what anyone thinks or opines a woman that ask for financial aid consistently and irreverently (for lack of a better term) is not to be reckoned with.

In Nigeria,you'd be regarded as a "mugu" or better yet "maga". Having gone through your post, I'd say that her asking is consistent with her inner being, the character that you'd see should you make the grave mistake of tying the knot with this damsel. She'd leave you at the drop of a hat nay pin,should (God forbid) you happen to fall into a serious financial quagmire occassioned by you possibly leaving losing your job or the like.

And another thing you kept mentioning was your basing the seriousness of the relationship you have with her by the calls you make to her parents, news flash! that don't mean jack when the rubber meets the road, that you are in cahoots with her parents does not preclude a disastrous outcome in your relationship, remember you are getting married to her and not her parents!, this issue brings to the fore something I said here a while back, bout dating girls still in school while you are out and employed or whatever, moreoften than not it's always a sad story, more for the guy than the madam.

@Mitchelin,
am not really bother about the distance for now. we communicate a lot . and i think i can trust her well, is just that she is diffrent compare to when i was still in sckool with her,. she doent really ask for money like this , bt since i started work(and i still do some business with my work), i dont usually hide anything. i tell her all i am making and all the prospect. then, she normally feels she should get a share of the profits . when i got the job, she asked me how much she will be collecting , i only laugh at the matter.

Long distance or short distance, you have to pay for her service.
Or is she not servicing you?

so, becos you make love to your gf, u have to pay her for that. den, i shud go for ashawo den. seriously, we are planning to settle down together. and so, thats the diffrent,

so, becos you make love to your gf, u have to pay her for that. den, i shud go for ashawo den. seriously,  we are planning to settle down together. and so, thats the diffrent,

It seems the poster haven't dated a lot or is still not in the real world. You can't buy love with money. Make sure the girl love you for you and the way you go about it, I'm not sure you will get the sweet end of the rod. Don't change the previous relationship you have with her by bragging about the money you are making and this and that.
For now she is not your wife so you shouldn't share you money issue with her. You should back out and tell her that things are getting rough so you are concentrating on making your business successful. Then try to continue the way it was when she doesn;t ask your for money and see where things will go.

yes, havent dated so much cos i havent seen the need. plux, i like to keep one girl at a time. i guess, am going to adopt Pharmking approach. thanks guys

Poster,

Did you use your money to woo her initially and subsequently into a relationship? Even after you entered into a relationship with her, did you offer to continually give her money without her asking you (I mean before she started asking for more money)? If you answer yes to at least one of the above questions, it appears that you are reaping what you sowed, and she may have also entered into a relationship with you solely or primarily because of money.

My best advice is to tell her you have no money to give her, and see whether she behaves differently towards you, or whether she will end the relationship. That would be essentially conclusive proof that she does not love you, and that she is in this relationship just for the money.

hmmmm, ok

bolof2000:

yes, havent dated so much cos i havent seen the need. plux, i like to keep one girl at a time. i guess, am going to adopt Pharmking approach. thanks guys

I see. Dating doesn't mean you have to have sex with the girls you are involved with in my book. It means get to know them, hang out and do activities together to determine compatibility. Sex is later stage, . unless you wanna hit and run!!!! Keep one girl at a a time is when you know for sure the person is serious about you and you about her and you know for sure in the next six to one year you will get engaged with the person or marry the person.

In your case you don't even know what the girl is been up to since you left college. You might just be the wallet for her. You don't know if she is serious about you.
So find out if she is serious about you before you waste your time and become heart broken. In the mean time get to know other people because you might have better options than her and her greedy behaviors

at poster, pharmking has said it all.

This is Nigeria and you should open your eyes.
I was once like you .

The mistake you are making now,if not quickly curb, will be disastrous at the end.
How?

She is very aware that you have not dated much and she is taking advantage of that. Showing a Nigerian girl too much love should be done with caution. Only a few of them are good.

She is in school and you are sending her money, another mistake you are making. how? dont be surprise one day when she tells you that another guy had sex with her.

You see everything about your present situation reminds me of the same mistake I made and it is obvious that you have not even had sex with her, have you?

My advice is that you should put a complete STOP! to money giving first find out if she really loves you. That is the most important thing to me, not beauty. You should be thinking of investing your money in a profitable venture because that job you have now will not be yours for ever.

You have to learn how to say NO to demands that is not in your best interest and the relationship as a whole. Its simple and straight forward.

Learn to say NO, its the first rule to learn in to be successful.

to every smart girl there's always a corresponding maga!

@Poster if not for Caution.I should have insulted you , Can you explaine what you just post to your mom or dad or your sister and see wat they will say,Am not sure you went to Uni in Nigeria,I wonder how you see road take type but you never see what she was using u to do.Please can you come toast me,Am also a female,

@ poster, i think there are enough replies here 2 help u with ur next step, i've alm
ost been a victim omt time. i started to date an undergraduate immediately i got a job and just 2 weeks into d so called relationship, she outrightly asked me 4 money & she would'nt tell me what she needed it 4, i just smiled at her, told her i would see her later, it was like magic, all d the feelings i had or thought i had 4 her just dissappeared in2 thin air, i never saw her, called her or replied any of her sms after that day. then i swore i wld never date a lady that isn't independent financially ever again or a student. i'm not advicing u 2 dump ur girl, poster, dont get me wrong, u just have 2 open ur eyes a little bit wider.

Maga, pay up! That's your role.
She has someone else servicing her so her sexual needs are taken care of.
She has another person taking care of her emotional needs. If you want to continue being a part of her life, the only available slot is the financial bf. I know it's not much but its still something.

I'm sure she will prefer if you dont bother talking to her or her folks on the fone. Just send the money and you are good to go.

Get used to it. Women will find a way to bleed you dry. When they done with you, the will flush you down the toilette.

Just watch yourself.

ShyOne:
LOVE = 2 WAY STREET

What has she done for you lately?

Nigerian culture and American culture are different - I am finding this out. I am dating a Nigerian man - WONDERFUL MAN - since I know very little about anything outside of the U.S. - a whole NEW WORLD that operates totally different has opened up to me through him and his daily life in Nigeria.

We have been dating[b] almost a year[/b] before either one of us gave anything to each other especially in the area of money. Because the subject NEVER CAME UP. He sent me something on 2 different occasions before I sent something to him. He gave to me w/out expecting it to be returned to him and I didn't ask for anything - I was pleasantly surprised. His selflessness prompted me to start sending to him. A year later - now - I love him DEEPLY. There is NOTHING THAT I HAVE that I will withhold from him - his honesty, sincerity and level of being "genuine" - touches me to my core. Because we are long distance we need to REALLY SHOW each other our feelings in different ways since we can't just "reach out and touch" yet.

You are long distance from her - she is in school - you are working. She has parents. You are ONE PERSON - her parents and her are a group - the three of them can collectively care more for her and her needs - then you can or should be doing as your job is relatively new.

Soooo what that she is in school. It's obvious that she has a way to get money - it seems like that way is now you. Since you are giving money to her she can give money to you. By now, she should have made that money talk back to her and doubled it. Her love for you should have found a way to make that happen and encouraged her creativity in this area. You should be receiving money from her as well and/or her financial requests should be diminishing not increasing. It sounds like "you are her job". She is making money off of you and since she is school, let's say that she is smart - she should have used her smarts by now to turn the money around that she has gotten from you to this point.

I give to my man financially and he gives to me financially and not once has he asked me for money and not once have I asked him for money. Because we aren't in it for the MONEY. Now, we make money together. Anything that is particularly ONE-SIDED always ends badly. You are giving, and giving and giving - when does that stop?

What is she giving you? Sex? So what, you can give that to her too, Are you getting a good conversation? You can look in the mirror and talk to yourself for free, I'm sorry, so her mom and her dad speak to you? Are you lonely? There is something called falling in love and falling out of love. If you aren't getting anything from her that is similar to what you are giving to her and she is just a girlfriend, oh no, she would have to go.

This does not sound genuine to me. It sounds like you are allowing yourself to be drained like a water hose with no end in sight and it sounds like the three of them: this girl, her mom and her dad are turning on the faucet - they have your handle on OPEN.

You sound really honest and I highly commend you; God directs us to use wisdom. I totally understand that you don't want to lie. So I can appreciate your not wanting telling them that you lost your job or to have to lie and tell them that you quit your job. Tell her that you can't send anymore money for a while - don't explain - it's your money - don't feel guilty and don't give in. There are beautiful women in Nigeria and all over the planet that will and can readily take her place and shower you with as much as you shower them. With truth, love, money, understanding, sex, beauty. This is a give and take - YOU HAVE ONE LIFE - You have only yourself to blame if you don't live it. Don't be the next man's gossip or the next man's fool. You are worth MORE THAN THAT. If she walks, God will bestow on you another that is worthy of you.

You are not the Bank of America - everyone of us is responsible for OWN SELVES - God loves her and you. If God provided for you and blessed you with a job, he will provide for her too - she is still alive so obviously she has been taking care of herself before you got that job. God did not make you her banker. You are making yourself her banker at an early stage - if you don't slow it down now. You will be her banker forever. Her love for you SHOULD MAKE HER STOP BEGGING especially when you have bills you have to pay with the money YOU MADE.

Test her first. See how long she will be in your life without giving out a dime. You don't have to lie, but tell her you have no money to send and you don't know when in the near future you will have money to send because you need to settle your finances for your future and for her future. See how she reacts.

This is 2010 - THE WORLD IS IN THE MIDDLE OF A RECESSION. Your extra money needs to be going into an account to finance your current and future dreams. IF you pay it all out to her and you have yet to marry and she isn't who you marry - you will be kicking your own a-- up the road and be on NL bitter, angry and broke - talking about ALL WOMEN and HOW DIRTY THEY ARE - we won't even recognize you anymore and most of us will be too reluctant to comment on your posts for fear of getting cursed out.

It's OK to spend some money to go on a date - but forking over cash every payday? Her calculations steadily climbing? I don't think sooooo, just remember when you didn't have that job. Who forked it over to you when you were broke? You better start saving and paying your bills. When you have nothing - what can she give you? You are the one in power here, giving your money away to someone who is unemployed = giving your power away and her demands are increasing every payday? If she loves you and she knows you are working for "the two of you" in the right way - she will understand and not leave you and put the brakes on the begging. If she gets upset - my advice is to dust your feet off and keep walking.

I'm surprised that her Dad didn't pull you to the side and tell you to stop. You have to take care of yourself first in order to take care of everybody else. You need to build up your financial worth and you have no way of doing that - if you are forking it over all the time.

God bless you ma. And I'm so happy that this is coming from a lady. I feel touched cos I'm going through a similar shit right now. That's why I'm awake by now looking at Nairaland. I feel I should create a topic for mine too. Some weeks into the relationship and she's asking for money. Nothing she has done for me yet. Some girls think guys have to pay for sex but I don't belong to such category. Besides I haven't had sex with her but I do believe I should spend on my woman at will.

yusuf2:
@ poster, i think there are enough replies here 2 help u with ur next step, i've alm
ost been a victim omt time. i started to date an undergraduate immediately i got a job and just 2 weeks into d so called relationship, she outrightly asked me 4 money & she would'nt tell me what she needed it 4, i just smiled at her, told her i would see her later, it was like magic, all d the feelings i had or thought i had 4 her just dissappeared in2 thin air, i never saw her, called her or replied any of her sms after that day. then i swore i wld never date a lady that isn't independent financially ever again or a student. i'm not advicing u 2 dump ur girl, poster, dont get me wrong, u just have 2 open ur eyes a little bit wider.

IHonestly, two weeks and they are asking for money.

Just tell her how you feel, make her understand that you just started this work and you have to save for the future. never forget to let her know that she's also included in your plans (if you are planning to marry her )make her feel you're doing this for the both of you.remember to let her know how special and helpful she has been from the beginning of the discussion.