Update:
I didn't get the job I was talking of in this thread, the person that was supposed to help me get it lost his life to kidney disease.


Allah knows best.

If I were your husband, I'd suggest you go but I'm not, so lemme wait for the elders

Yes, leave him n go. The job will benefit the family as a whole not just u, he can always come around.

If I were your husband, i'd suggest you go get the new job then we can be visiting each other.

nahzyla:
Should I leave my husband in one state and go to the neighbouring state for a government job I was offered? I will be there permanently while he can come to visit once in a while.

I got an offer for a job that is in another state which is just three hours drive from the one I live in presently. The salary for the job is quite good; more than 200,000 for starters and I know I will be able to better my kids lives and give them a better life in the long run. Presently the money I am earning is not so much so I am very happy and tempted to get this new job but people keep talking me against it saying my husband will marry a new wife or keep a mistress in my house or it has destroyed marriages, and so on.

My spouse on the other hand does a job with a salary that is not fixed. One month it could be 50k, another month it's 100k and sometimes he doesn't earn anything the whole month and we have to fall back on what he got the month before and the one I earn from my place of work.
When we discussed my relocation before he had half mind about it, part of him wanted me to stay and another part was OK with my going.
The truth is that I really want the best for my kids and I don't know if I will be able to forgive myself in the long run if I turn down this offer because I don't want to be cheated on. I can't sacrifice my children's wellbeing and happiness for anything and I want them to go to good schools, eat the best foods, wear the best clothes get the best medical care and so on
Please what do you suggest nairalanders? What will be the best line of action in your opinions?

What is your husband's thought about it?

Well paying, permanent position with a salary potentially 4x what your husband is getting for work that isn’t even stable. Leaving doesn’t sound like a bad idea, I would anyway

Your husband isn’t fully against or for it as of now so use your feminine wiles have a discussion, outlining and weighing out the implications of the move, both good and bad.

What are your husband’s reservations about it?

It sucks that you’re worried about things like cheating over a decision that’s supposed to be helping your family

bukatyne:


What is your husband's thought about it?

He is undecided. Earlier on he said he doesn't want me to go but some time ago he started talking about it like he is completely fine with it. His opinion is yoyoing. He hasn't concluded.

ibkayee:
Well paying permanent position with a salary 4x what your husband is getting for work that isn’t even stable. Leaving doesn’t sound like a bad idea, I would anyway

Your husband isn’t fully against or for it as of now so use your feminine wiles outline and weigh out the implications of the move together, both good and bad

What are your husbands reservations about it?

It sucks that you’re worried about things like cheating over a decision that’s supposed to be helping your family

Personally I really really want to go.
I have struggled in life before and I don't want my children to suffer so I very much would like to go but my hubby is the type that always speaks against spouses staying far apart from each other. He never liked the idea of married couples staying apart so when I brought my job offer up he knew it would be better for our family in the long run but he was not too happy about it. He hasn't given a definite answer whether he wants me to go or not.

The pros outweighs the cons.

You'll all be better off financially.
It'll be a mistake to turn down this offer especially since your husband is not entirely against this. Accept the job.

The issue of cheating only comes into play when a man is not disciplined. You know you hubby better than us.

Does he demand sex often?
How close or free is he to other women?
Is he the type to keep secrets? Etc..

If you can't trust your husband, then trust your instincts.

nahzyla:


He is undecided. Earlier on he said he doesn't want me to go but some time ago he started talking about it like he is completely fine with it. His opinion is yoyoing. He hasn't concluded.

ur own husband....yoyoing..no wahala..when i see am 2day 4 mama amaka place i will tell him.

You'll be doing the family a huge one by taking the Job. After all if it were the man, no one would say anything. Forget what people gotta say and think about your kids.

nahzyla:
Should I leave my husband in one state and go to the neighbouring state for a government job I was offered? I will be there permanently while he can come to visit once in a while.

I got an offer for a job that is in another state which is just three hours drive from the one I live in presently. The salary for the job is quite good; more than 200,000 for starters and I know I will be able to better my kids lives and give them a better life in the long run. Presently the money I am earning is not so much so I am very happy and tempted to get this new job but people keep talking me against it saying my husband will marry a new wife or keep a mistress in my house or it has destroyed marriages, and so on.

My spouse on the other hand does a job with a salary that is not fixed. One month it could be 50k, another month it's 100k and sometimes he doesn't earn anything the whole month and we have to fall back on what he got the month before and the one I earn from my place of work.
When we discussed my relocation before he had half mind about it, part of him wanted me to stay and another part was OK with my going.
The truth is that I really want the best for my kids and I don't know if I will be able to forgive myself in the long run if I turn down this offer because I don't want to be cheated on. I can't sacrifice my children's wellbeing and happiness for anything and I want them to go to good schools, eat the best foods, wear the best clothes get the best medical care and so on
Please what do you suggest nairalanders? What will be the best line of action in your opinions?

guys hustle so your wife won't make post like this on nairaland

now its "my" "I" instead of our

nahzyla:


Personally I really really want to go.
I have struggled in life before and I don't want my children to suffer so I very much would like to go but my hubby is the type that always speaks against spouses staying far apart from each other. He never liked the idea of married couples staying apart so when I brought my job offer up he knew it would be better for our family in the long run but he was not too happy about it. He hasn't given a definite answer whether he wants me to go or not.

He knows it’s beneficial in the long run, sometimes we have to suck up not doing ‘what we want’ to do what’s best for the family

If you’re concerned about cheating, the onus is on your husband to decide if he lacks that much discipline over a decision that will also be helping him

If your husband were in your shoes I doubt there would be as much fuss over it

ibkayee:

He knows it’s beneficial in the long run, sometimes we have to suck up not doing ‘what we want’ to do what’s best for the family

If you’re concerned about cheating, the onus is on your husband to decide if he lacks that much discipline over a decision that will also be helping him

If your husband were in your shoes I doubt there would be as much fuss over it

Yeah it's just selfishness

lilmax:


guys hustle so your wife won't make post like this on nairaland

now its "my" "I" instead of our

Mister man, what is wrong with what she said, she said her own mind, do you know her husband's mind and what he can sacrifice above his children's well being

Thegamingorca:




Yeah it's just selfishness

I don’t know her husband personally so I can’t say for sure. But in a lot of cases similar to this it is selfishness

Biglittlelois:




Mister man, what is wrong with what she said, she said her own mind, do you know her husband's mind and what he can sacrifice above his children's well being

That one just wants to be offended for the sake of it

Take up your new job ma'am it has security and will help you secure your own future and that of your kids, remember there are worst things than being cheated on, if he marries another then fine. At least you can give your kids good life besides he isn't going to do that.

Please go and take that job fast biko

Men that will cheat, will surely cheat

Save enough money.for your kids and don't give him your money , don't buy properties in his name

lilmax:


guys hustle so your wife won't make post like this on nairaland

now its "my" "I" instead of our

you are right, women will never change. Her husband is now anything.

tabithababy:
Please go and take that job fast biko

Men that will cheat, will surely cheat

Save enough money.for your kids and don't give him your money , don't buy properties in his name

may the evil you wish the man befall on you and all the men in your family. so unfortunate that most of you do not have good plans for your husbands and wives.

as for the main owner of the thread, i pray your husband sees reason to support you to take the job since he is not in better position to provide enough for you and kids.

Whether you are under your Hubby's nose or thousand miles away, a man that will cheat or keep a mistress will do so! Three hours isn’t so far so he can always come weekends! Go for the job and help him apply in your new state Because his job is nothing to write home about!
Your worries should be fortifying the Union and relationship, extra marital affair is discipline so forget the sidechic excuse. It’s now left for your husband, because even if you stay put, he wants to cheat. He will cheat on the same roof!

As a couple, you have to take decisions and do things that put you in the best financial situation. Let him start looking for work in the place you are moving to and please have a conversation with him. Ensure you get his commitment to this plan and you guys should plan to be together. If you can get a 200k job in a certain location, then the prospects of work for him in that location may be better than where you both live right now. All of you can relocate together. You work and he finds something new to do. You can also use your contacts after a few months of working to help him get a job or business.

Lol, this marriage thing na scam aswear.


200k and it's all about me and my kids now

Kai!

On a serious note, I think you should take the job. Encourage your husband to visit at least twice in a month until he secures a better job in your new state of residence.

I have serious issues with the excess emphasis on your kids. Your children shouldn't be the only or main reason you're working. Desire a good life for yourself (1st), and then your family (husband, kids).

Let us say that in job interview, u were asked this question.. As a team member how would you convince your fellow workers to do what was new (this idea will be beneficial to the company if it being adopted )... How will u present your case?

I WILL SUGGEST THAT YOU USE THE SAME PROCESS TO DEAL WITH YOUR PRESENT CASE SCENARIO..

To be honest a lot of people here doesn't give a hoot if your marriage fail because of this... There's gonna be a lot of outrageous idea given to you... Some that they themselves will not do... Any wrong move could cost you your marriage

But remember one thing... You chose your husband before the kids started rolling out...Work as a team. I have seen your write up... In my opinion it sound like someone asking for validation for a divorce.. All I saw was my kids..my kids.. my kids.. and is not encouraging one bit..

Don't allow 200k to cost you a good relationship you may have invested for years... If u are a salaried person, There's no job security anywhere in the world.. Sit him down and Present your case to your husband and work amicably..

Acidosis:


Lol, this marriage thing na scam aswear.



200k and it's all about me and my kids now



Kai!

I don't understand you guys problem with women. You guys will always look for a fault where there's none.
It's her kids and Yes? What about that? She is even a good woman by trying to train her kids and give her kids the best things of life what there father couldn't offer. Many people wouldn't even consider kids, only themselves. Leave the woman alone.

nahzyla:
Should I leave my husband in one state and go to the neighbouring state for a government job I was offered? I will be there permanently while he can come to visit once in a while.

I got an offer for a job that is in another state which is just three hours drive from the one I live in presently. The salary for the job is quite good; more than 200,000 for starters and I know I will be able to better my kids lives and give them a better life in the long run. Presently the money I am earning is not so much so I am very happy and tempted to get this new job but people keep talking me against it saying my husband will marry a new wife or keep a mistress in my house or it has destroyed marriages, and so on.

My spouse on the other hand does a job with a salary that is not fixed. One month it could be 50k, another month it's 100k and sometimes he doesn't earn anything the whole month and we have to fall back on what he got the month before and the one I earn from my place of work.
When we discussed my relocation before he had half mind about it, part of him wanted me to stay and another part was OK with my going.
The truth is that I really want the best for my kids and I don't know if I will be able to forgive myself in the long run if I turn down this offer because I don't want to be cheated on. I can't sacrifice my children's wellbeing and happiness for anything and I want them to go to good schools, eat the best foods, wear the best clothes get the best medical care and so on
Please what do you suggest nairalanders? What will be the best line of action in your opinions?

Your marriage will definitely crash one day. It's mow "my kids", "my children". No longer "our".
Your husband is now anything.


Like the poster above said. Guys hustle so your wife won't create this kind of thread

QueenSekxy:

I don't understand you guys problem with women. You guys will always look for a fault where there's none.
It's her kids and Yes? What about that? She is even a good woman by trying to train her kids and give her kids the best things of life what there father couldn't offer. Many people wouldn't even consider kids, only themselves. Leave the woman alone.

So the new job is going to give her and her kids the best things of life? What the father couldn't offer? The father ever begged you for feeding money? The father begged you to train up his kids?

It doesn't bother you that the man would be alone, lonely and unable to bond with his seed?

You lots are extremely lousy and selfish! Just a little pay rise, some of you would tear your marriage certificate.

Acidosis:


So the new job is going to give her and her kids the best things of life? What the father couldn't offer? The father ever begged you for feeding money? The father begged you to train up his kids?

It doesn't bother you that the man would be alone, lonely and unable to bond with his seed?

You lots are extremely lousy and selfish! Just a little pay rise, some of you would tear your marriage certificate.

i wonder why you are wasting your time on that most irritating girl on this forum.

nahzyla:


He is undecided. Earlier on he said he doesn't want me to go but some time ago he started talking about it like he is completely fine with it. His opinion is yoyoing. He hasn't concluded.

Discuss with him exploring all the pros, cons and both be open minded.

It is your family and you both should do what you will to make you happy.

And your title is misleading: Should I leave my husband seems you want a divorce or seperation.

Fyi0:

Your marriage will definitely crash one day. It's mow "my kids", "my children". No longer "our".
Your husband is now anything.


Like the poster above said. Guys hustle so your wife won't create this kind of thread

You people are really reaching. Her use of ‘I’ wasn’t to exclude him from the family equation or leave him out, if that were the case she wouldn’t be asking for her husband’s input in the first place, she would’ve just taken the job.