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Jokes For The Week, let us hear urs - Jokes Etc (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Jokes For The Week, let us hear urs by ysyowel(m): 2:55pm On Sep 29, 2019
Boy dropped girl at home, he put his hand on the wall by the gate for support, leaned towards her. BOY : Can I kiss you? GIRL: Not now, I'm at home. BOY : Pleaseeeeeeeee! GIRL: No. BOY : You were too sweet in bed today. GIRL: Woooow! You too, full of energy. I could not believe we did it four times! BOY : Let me kiss you good night. GIRL: Someone may be watching, they still think I'm a virgin at home. .... This goes on for ten minutes, then the girl's
brother appears at the gate and says "Dad says whether you kiss him or not, it's your decision, but tell that bastard to remove his hand from the intercom button, everyone in the house is listening to your conversation and you are disturbing the prayer session....

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Re: Jokes For The Week, let us hear urs by ysyowel(m): 2:58pm On Sep 29, 2019
WIFE: Darling why are you home this early wearing such a long face?
HUSBAND: Had a terrible day, I lost all my colleagues today at work
WIFE: Blood of Jesus! What happened?
HUSBAND: There was a fire out break down the tunnel and everybody died!
WIFE: What a pity! Darling I thank God for keeping U alive. How did you make it out my dear?
HUSBAND: Darling, it was God`s work. My stomach was upsetting me so, I took a break to ease myself in the toilet.
WIFE: Darling, thank God you are alive. What would have happened to us? I feel so much pity for their families, how are they going to survive now?
HUSBAND: My dear it’s a pity, but UNITED NATIONS has decided to give the families of the deceased $10 million each.
WIFE: What? !!!! ten million what? Chai!! Honey you didn't do well oo, why are you always absent when God wants to bless us?
Re: Jokes For The Week, let us hear urs by ysyowel(m): 7:22pm On Oct 28, 2019
Bravest Man

One day, a king held a party to look for the bravest man who will marry her daughter. He invited all the men in the land and told them that the person to swim across the pool with alligators gets my daughter or a million naira. Suddenly, Akpos was swimming very fast across the pool. He successfully made it through.
KING: Wow! You made it sir, what do you want, 1million or my daughter.
AKPOS: Sir with all due respect I want nothing of yours. All I want to know is the person who pushed me in the pool.
������.
Re: Jokes For The Week, let us hear urs by ysyowel(m): 7:23pm On Oct 28, 2019
Spiritual problem
is when u walk for 2hours to work just to get there and realize that you forgot the office key at home. So you managed to walk back home leaving your heavy bag at the office doorstep...

On getting home, you realized that your house key is in the bag you left at the Office Doorstep...

You got upset, but had no choice, so you walked back to the office again, picked up your bag angrily, and walked your way back home again..

Upon getting home, you dipped your hand in your bag, only to realize that the office key was in your bag all along...

Now you sit on the floor shouting... "kill me ooohhh village people.

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Re: Jokes For The Week, let us hear urs by ysyowel(m): 7:25pm On Oct 28, 2019
What is *YAWA*?
.
*YAWA* is when u give a beautiful girl a lift and she faints in your car.

You take her to the hospital and when you get there, the Doctor says she's
pregnant and congratulates you that you are going to be father very soon.

You then shout that
you are not the father and the girl says you are the
father.

Things are now getting *YAWAFUL*.
You require a DNA test to prove you are
not the father.

Things are now getting *YAWASTIC* when
the doctor comes with the result saying you can not
be a father because you are infertile.

You are relieved, but on your way home you remember you are married with three kids at home!... Now you are extremely *YAWACIOUS*.
Now, you begin to ask yourself who is the
father of those kids. You get home to find out that the
gateman is their real father. You are now
*YAWADED*..
You decided to travel home to complain to your mother about the latest development.. And your Mum with tears running down her cheeks tells u, my son.. I'm so sorry... Your Dad ain't really your Dad...
Then u know that things are now *YAWASTICATED* .

Wishing you a YAWA FREE DAY

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Re: Jokes For The Week, let us hear urs by ysyowel(m): 7:26pm On Oct 28, 2019
*HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:*

1. Feed him
2. Sleep with him
3. Leave him in peace
4. Don't check his phone (Msgs)
5. Don't bother him with his movements

So what's so hard about that?

*HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY:*

It's really not too difficult but... To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a plumber
10. a mechanic
11. a carpenter
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. give her compliments regularly
45. go shopping with her
46. be honest
47. not stress her out
48. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

49. give her lots of attention
50. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
51. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

BUT MOST OF ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

52. Should learn not to ask for change when u give money for shopping. Whatever u give out becomes rightly hers no matter how big the note is.
.........

TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY IS A SERIOUS BUSINESS OO

Send this to everyone on your list. Make a happy home.

Wishing you all a HAPPY FAMILY.

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