farous:
The sexual life of the marriage of years has been fantastic but started collapsing since 2 to 3 years now

There was an issue that lead to some 5 to 6 months of separation before we re united again and I'm those months of separation both of us messed up by having extra marital affair which we confessed and forgiven each other

But right from the day we reconciled till date, the fantastic sexual life has gone bad as I am the only one that initiates sex till today,unlike those years before the separation either she or I do initiate it and make love on frequent basis,but never the same, she don't even care or have sexual feelings to me again unlike those time

There was a statement she used to make within the fist month we re united most time I made love with her and I quote" All these your small boy love make self.... Bla bla"
The statement do get me annoyed and I warned her never go make such statement again as its an insult to me because over the years we have been living together, you never make such, and now we re united such statements keep voicing out with boldness, she stopped it.

I have sat her down severally and asked her why all these non initiation of sex from her again or feeling to have sex with me anymore the way it used to be, that I am now the one that initiates sex and feels having sex with you and many times u turn me down or giving one complain or the other and even if we lie on the bed you turn your face the other side and all these changes started when we re united after 5 months separation.The only answer she give me was that I don't use to talk romantic sweet words to her. I objected it and told her that if for the past years we have been staying and our sexual life was fantastic and enjoyable, was I not the same person of no romantic sweet words(as you claimed)those years?,how come it's after this little separation and reuniting that all these excuse started manifesting? ,I even went to the extent of asking her to open up with me if I don't satisfy to compare with the ones both of us put hand on during separation,or should I increase even my manhood etc, in fact I was confused, I don't know what to do,but she did not say any further thing

To cut the story short,this weekend, I got annoyed and sat her down that since for close to 3 years now, I am the one that initiates almost 98 percent of love making,and her lack of sexual feelings on me anymore as well as all time facing the other side anytime we lie on bed, that henceforth, that we should be sleeping separately as there is no need sleeping together as husband and wife and no need disturbing her anymore to make love, that I feel I am being rejected and I am forcing myself on her, that I can't continue,sex is enjoyable tru the role and cooperation of feelings from both partners and very boring when it's always one partner making and having the feeling,that I know what I am passing tru, that I have tried and I feel she is getting satisfaction and joy elsewhere and should continue the way as it pleases her.

She said she is not having affairs outside and that God is the one to judge and that if I am no longer interested in the marriage why can't I take her back to his father's house and rightful quit

Please kindly advise, I am fed up for three years is not three months and till date she refuse to tell me the cause of her act. Thank you

you are dealing with the side effects of the reasons you separated

you were meant to disclose the reason that made you separate and how you solved the issue/s and agreed to get back together

then on both of you messing up can be clear what it both of you having an affair before separating or during the separation period?

yes i know i most african culture, if there is separation the wife is closely monitored to prevent her from seeing someone, i think it worked in very old days when people lived as clans and tribes

now with urbanization its hard as, people are busy with jobs etc and wife can travel by simply even going into town to meet her lover

my understanding of separation based on west influence culture basically it means lets leave separate while you do your BS and s/he does hers, there is nothing s/he had an affair during the separation period

you said there was a time when sat down and asked why she doesnt initiates like before and she responded by say "you nolonger use sweets words like before" and instead of paying more attention you went on to dismis her reason therefore i conclude you are a "me, me " person you dont take time to listen when others are explaining themselves


it looks like during that talk instead of saying sorry you cut her off by asking her "am i not the same person of no romantic words"

what cause the separation is the root of all this

Her feelings for you diminished, tho she may not be cheating. The devil crept into your marriage in form of the separation you had, now the marriage isn't the same again. You should not quit the marriage, hold on for the sake of the children. She is not denying you sex afterall, calm down and continue to do what is right, things may get better in future.

SirVintageCock:
Maybe you smell bad, pretty bad like an unbathed Fulani goat that traversed the northern Nigerian border through Funtua-Adamawa highlands to Gembu before heading south towards Lagos-Ibadan axis. If you smell like a rotten Colombian battery fermented in the decaying armpit of a human cadaver, I did point my nostrils towards heavens from whence comes my help too.
She is apparently doing it for survival sir. No hard feelings.

all i see here is rubbish, how did you even come up with this nonsense

She told you something about your love making, you should have taken that as a challenge instead of getting angry, identify and work on " the small boy love making" she complained about, try to be more romantic since she also complained about that, put on nice fitted shirts the one u know she likes on guys, appear neat with good hair cut, wear mild musk perfume, try this and let's see what happens.

mysticwarrior:
She told you something about your love making, you should have taken that as a challenge instead of getting angry, identify and work on " the small boy love making" she complained about, try to be more romantic since she also complained about that, put on nice fitted shirts the one u know she likes on guys, appear neat with good hair cut, wear mild musk perfume, try this and let's see what happens.

Thank u!
Wish I can hug u

U are wise.

That has been their problem before separation and after separation. She now voiced it out after separation and my guy don't want to hear about it.
Guy, u are too proud.
Ur problem is that ur wife don't initiate lovemaking but at least she doesn't say no. Does that not ring a bell?
Be wise guy.

mysticwarrior:
all i see here is rubbish, how did you even come up with this nonsense

Same way you came up with the stupid sh!t you wrote.
Ineffectual buffon!!!!!!

sisisioge:
Hmmm...she got it better elsewhere fa...I'm not gonna be the one to tell you the truth. Besides, women mostly cheat with their hearts involved. Sorry, I'm not gonna tell you the truth.

u ave been causing me pains for a long time I have feelings for u and wish to make u mine if u dont gree now u dont know later.u go about insulting me even wen I free u. pls stop dis.u are matured. u say no no mean say we become an enemy.no crime in loving u

sassysure:

Thank u!
Wish I can hug u

U are wise.

That has been their problem before separation and after separation. She now voiced it out after separation and my guy don't want to hear about it.
Guy, u are too proud.
Ur problem is that ur wife don't initiate lovemaking but at least she doesn't say no. Does that not ring a bell?
Be wise guy.

the guy should be happy that the wife even mentioned some of the problems, when the cause of a problem is known then it is almost completely solved, u complain of headache, body pain, restlessness and the doctor diagnosis u of having malaria, u are expected to get malaria drugs and subdue the sickness, there is nothing wrong with the wife and the solution to OP's problem is in his own hands.

All the comments are well appreciated.

Its not that i dont use to say romantic words to her but may not necessarily be at the magnitude she want. At the same time what actually got me upset as well was the fact that even after the reconciliation and reunion,i discovered after sometime that she still secretly communicate with like two men(the ones i know)that she messed up with during the separation(though i dont know whether they still do the other) and i confronted her towards that,and that put me fear even till date on whether something is still going on between her and them behind my back,especially when she started acting all the things i enumerated above and thats more reason i objected the reason(not saying romantic/sweet words) she gave to me.

Truly speaking based on all those act which is more of a betrayal of trust,its never easy to write off all those things from my mind because i dont know what is going on.Its a pity that i am enumerating all these here ,but that how it is eating me deep physiologically,and i am fed up with the whole thing.If couples found themselves in this kind of thing,and later got reunited,is it not the duty of both of them to work harder and rebuild the union by making an amendment and vow never to allow such happen ,throw away and avoid all past mistakes by resisting anything that can create sense of suspicion or further betrayal from the other party rather than doing otherwise.

farous:
All the comments are well appreciated.

Its not that i dont use to say romantic words to her but may not necessarily be at the magnitude she want. At the same time what actually got me upset as well was the fact that even after the reconciliation and reunion,i discovered after sometime that she still secretly communicate with like two men(the ones i know)that she messed up with during the separation(though i dont know whether they still do the other) and i confronted her towards that,and that put me fear even till date on whether something is still going on between her and them behind my back,especially when she started acting all the things i enumerated above and thats more reason i objected the reason(not saying romantic/sweet words) she gave to me.

Truly speaking based on all those act which is more of a betrayal of trust,its never easy to write off all those things from my mind because i dont know what is going on.Its a pity that i am enumerating all these here ,but that how it is eating me deep physiologically,and i am fed up with the whole thing.If couples found themselves in this kind of thing,and later got reunited,is it not the duty of both of them to work harder and rebuild the union by making an amendment and vow never to allow such happen ,throw away and avoid all past mistakes by resisting anything that can create sense of suspicion or further betrayal from the other party rather than doing otherwise.

Nothing is as annoying as when someone stays in a relationship they are not ready to work on.

From your write up, you never addressed the reason(s) why you separated initially.

That is very very key to resolving this issue.

@issue of sex and intimacy:

I find it strange that your wife developed negative habits towards your sex life after the separation. The natural thing would be trying to rebuild and rekindle the intimacy. Please I would to know

1. Who initiated the separation?
2. Who initiated the reconciliation?
3. Were both families active in the separation and reconciliation process?
4. Who earns more in the marriage?
5. Is the earning power significantly different?
6. As honestly as possible, who gained during the separation? Who has more dependencies in the marriage?
7. Were you both virgins? Was either of you a virgin?
8. Did you introduce new things into your sec life?
9. Has the reason for separation been treated?

Bossjakande:
u ave been causing me pains for a long time I have feelings for u and wish to make u mine if u dont gree now u dont know later.u go about insulting me even wen I free u. pls stop dis.u are matured. u say no no mean say we become an enemy.no crime in loving u

Lawd!!!!!!!!!

sisisioge:


Lawd!!!!!!!!!

i love this love

PRESENTATION:


i love this love

Chai! As big as NL is, bobo wey be correct baby boy no see me like! Where did I go wrong fa? I'm an alright babe that can hold my own o...yet na this softhead like me! I guess I will have to leave NL for him then

sisisioge:


Lawd!!!!!!!!!

Boss weds Sisisioge.

What God has joined together, let no man separate.

I'll be available to officiate it at no extra cost, just provide me with my normal 10 cows.

LordKO:


Boss weds Sisisioge.

What God has joined together, let no man separate.

I'll be available to officiate it at no extra cost, just provide me with my normal 10 cows.

I have no words!

sisisioge:


Chai! As big as NL is, bobo wey be correct baby boy no see me like! Where did I go wrong fa? I'm an alright babe that can hold my own o...yet na this softhead like me! I guess I will have to leave NL for him then

don't break your potential suitor heart.
you will be alright ok

bukatyne:


Nothing is as annoying as when someone stays in a relationship they are not ready to work on.

From your write up, you never addressed the reason(s) why you separated initially.

That is very very key to resolving this issue.

@issue of sex and intimacy:

I find it strange that your wife developed negative habits towards your sex life after the separation. The natural thing would be trying to rebuild and rekindle the intimacy. Please I would to know

1. Who initiated the separation?
2. Who initiated the reconciliation?
3. Were both families active in the separation and reconciliation process?
4. Who earns more in the marriage?
5. Is the earning power significantly different?
6. As honestly as possible, who gained during the separation? Who has more dependencies in the marriage?
7. Were you both virgins? Was either of you a virgin?
8. Did you introduce new things into your sec life?
9. Has the reason for separation been treated?

Explanations on the separation and answers to the above questions may not be possible at this time

Op you should understand that some married woman are far more vulnerable than single ladies, A married woman is likely going to fall for the advance of an outsider if the entwined bond between her and her husband disentangled.
1. If a man stop being Romantic to his wife and another man start showing her powerful affections outside, then there is trouble.
2. Sex drive, if a man no longer fulfills and quenched all his wife Erotic and sexual desires like he use to, she might be tempted to get it elsewhere.
3. Financial instability. A man who is financially down stand's a chance of sharing his woman with another man.
4. Trust. Trust is what is earn by partners but once that trust is gone the pillars holding that marriage would collapse.

Op these four factors are not what you should just ignore, A man's life is surrendered by ups and downs, a lot of individuals has passed through more worst cases than your's and still went on to build a stronger marriage, I have seen a case where a married woman was impregnated by her boss the man didn't go public, and the case was settled after the woman showed great remorse, there are other cases where men impregnate their housemaid and sister in-law and the marriage still continued, some men and woman are infecting their spouse with HIV virus everyday but you won't know, na only your own u know.
Op to me your marriage is still very much alive but you have some work to do, you need to rejuvenate your relationship with your wife and spice it up with some of these.
1. Take her out on a date
2. Buy her things like nice undies she would love that, if you have the money get her a Brazilian weavon there are affordable ones.
3 take the family out for a picnic once in a while.
4 tell her powerful and sweet words, women don't joke with that.
5. Coaxed her romantically her response will guild u on what to do next.
6. Spice up and improve your love making with more romance, and initiate knew patterns.
7, since she complained about small boy love making give her big boy love making, take your kids to spent the weeken with a relative and make love to your wife in odd places, the kitchen, bathroom and sitting room, some woman like it slow, some like crazy sex, others preference it very rough and some enjoyed it more when you go very Brutal, try to identify the one your wife prefere and give it to her that way, try all these and you will see some changes.

mysticwarrior:
Op you should understand that some married woman are far more vulnerable than single ladies, A married woman is likely going to fall for the advance of an outsider if the entwined bond between her and her husband disentangled.
1. If a man stop being Romantic to his wife and another man start showing her powerful affections outside, then there is trouble.
2. Sex drive, if a man no longer fulfills and quenched all his wife Erotic and sexual desires like he use to, she might be tempted to get it elsewhere.
3. Financial instability. A man who is financially down stand's a chance of sharing his woman with another man.
4. Trust. Trust is what is earn by partners but once that trust is gone the pillars holding that marriage would collapse.

Op these four factors are not what you should just ignore, A man's life is surrendered by ups and downs, a lot of individuals has passed through more worst cases than your's and still went on to build a stronger marriage, I have seen a case where a married woman was impregnated by her boss the man didn't go public, and the case was settled after the woman showed great remorse, there are other cases where men impregnate their housemaid and sister in-law and the marriage still continued, some men and woman are infecting their spouse with HIV virus everyday but you won't know, na only your own u know.
Op to me your marriage is still very much alive but you have some work to do, you need to rejuvenate your relationship with your wife and spice it up with some of these.
1. Take her out on a date
2. Buy her things like nice undies she would love that, if you have the money get her a Brazilian weavon there are affordable ones.
3 take the family out for a picnic once in a while.
4 tell her powerful and sweet words, women don't joke with that.
5. Coaxed her romantically her response will guild u on what to do next.
6. Spice up and improve your love making with more romance, and initiate knew patterns.
7, since she complained about small boy love making give her big boy love making, take your kids to spent the weeken with a relative and make love to your wife in odd places, the kitchen, bathroom and sitting room, some woman like it slow, some like crazy sex, others preference it very rough and some enjoyed it more when you go very Brutal, try to identify the one your wife prefere and give it to her that way, try all these and you will see some changes.

Thank you

farous:
All the comments are well appreciated.

Its not that i dont use to say romantic words to her but may not necessarily be at the magnitude she want. At the same time what actually got me upset as well was the fact that even after the reconciliation and reunion,i discovered after sometime that she still secretly communicate with like two men(the ones i know)that she messed up with during the separation(though i dont know whether they still do the other) and i confronted her towards that,and that put me fear even till date on whether something is still going on between her and them behind my back,especially when she started acting all the things i enumerated above and thats more reason i objected the reason(not saying romantic/sweet words) she gave to me.

Truly speaking based on all those act which is more of a betrayal of trust,its never easy to write off all those things from my mind because i dont know what is going on.Its a pity that i am enumerating all these here ,but that how it is eating me deep physiologically,and i am fed up with the whole thing.If couples found themselves in this kind of thing,and later got reunited,is it not the duty of both of them to work harder and rebuild the union by making an amendment and vow never to allow such happen ,throw away and avoid all past mistakes by resisting anything that can create sense of suspicion or further betrayal from the other party rather than doing otherwise.

Op,since you still want this marriage and you want it to work,then you will have to keep doing things to make it work
@ bolded,if she wants more romance and romantic words,then give it to her.Forget about this impression of yours that you have always been this way before the separation.Things have changed.She saw someone else when you separated and that person probably spoke sweet words to her.It is what she likes now and wants.Give it to her.
Like someone mentioned up there,the lovemaking for women does not start on the bed,you have to initiate it throughout the day.It is in your ways around the house too.Do you help her with chores?

@ second bold,do not wait for your wife to start working on the marriage,you lead.I believe you were the one the sought her and found her.Be on the driver's seat.It may take her some time to eventually co-drive .
You didn't mention why you separated in the first place but that could indicate why her attitude is still this way.

Remember,you want your marriage to work,lead by serving.

farous:


Explanations on the separation and answers to the above questions may not be possible at this time

Ok then.

All the best.

genq:
I swear Nigerian men have turned to veggies
Every day some SIMP is in the family section complaining about the b!tch he put a ring on. It's disgraceful!

How did we men fall from grace like this? You put a roof over some woman's head and she still has the guts to reduce you to nothing.

OP I suggest you look up Coach Greg Adam's videos on YouTube and claim your balls back.

#MGTOW

I never knew I had a colleague. Lol.

@op

Your wife don taste it outside and she don see difference.


If u like Use PLAY BOY or VIAGRA her mind go still dey outside cuz wetin she taste outside within that months of seperation don glue to her head.

She don use style drop u hint make u return her to her father's house.

Return her now cuz it's possible she go package bastards for u.

Stay blessed.

tpacalipse:
I never knew I had a colleague. Lol.

Oh yes. We living the free agent lifestyle over here

9JAFULLBREED:
@op

Your wife don taste it outside and she don see difference.


If u like Use PLAY BOY or VIAGRA her mind go still dey outside cuz wetin she taste outside within that months of seperation don glue to her head.

She don use style drop u hint make u return her to her father's house.

Return her now cuz it's possible she go package bastards for u.

Stay blessed.

the wife had an affairs outside when they were separated and she apologised as an expression of her deepest regret, the woman showed remorse, and if what she tasted was far better than her husband she would have probably moved on with that fellow, but she choose to returned back to her husband which indicates that there is still a bond between her and her husband. People make mistakes and they correct it as adult, some women are shy to tell a man how to get them to cloud 9, she hinted her husband when she said something about "small boy love making" but op was not quick enough to understand and work on it, ops wife is not being carried away by what she had with the other follow, she just wanted her husband to improve on his sexual prowess.

I stopped at the part you said both of you had extramarital affairs...

Man... She will never be submissive to you since you went back. A man can sleep with multiple women and still love his wife. A woman submits to a man when she makes love to him. And if she wilfully did that to another man when you were still in the picture, know that she will never respect you. It's an open sign of a lack of loyalty to you.

At this point, I personally will leave.

farous:
The sexual life of the marriage of years has been fantastic but started collapsing since 2 to 3 years now

There was an issue that lead to some 5 to 6 months of separation before we re united again and I'm those months of separation both of us messed up by having extra marital affair which we confessed and forgiven each other

But right from the day we reconciled till date, the fantastic sexual life has gone bad as I am the only one that initiates sex till today,unlike those years before the separation either she or I do initiate it and make love on frequent basis,but never the same, she don't even care or have sexual feelings to me again unlike those time

There was a statement she used to make within the fist month we re united most time I made love with her and I quote" All these your small boy love make self.... Bla bla"
The statement do get me annoyed and I warned her never go make such statement again as its an insult to me because over the years we have been living together, you never make such, and now we re united such statements keep voicing out with boldness, she stopped it.

I have sat her down severally and asked her why all these non initiation of sex from her again or feeling to have sex with me anymore the way it used to be, that I am now the one that initiates sex and feels having sex with you and many times u turn me down or giving one complain or the other and even if we lie on the bed you turn your face the other side and all these changes started when we re united after 5 months separation.The only answer she give me was that I don't use to talk romantic sweet words to her. I objected it and told her that if for the past years we have been staying and our sexual life was fantastic and enjoyable, was I not the same person of no romantic sweet words(as you claimed)those years?,how come it's after this little separation and reuniting that all these excuse started manifesting? ,I even went to the extent of asking her to open up with me if I don't satisfy to compare with the ones both of us put hand on during separation,or should I increase even my manhood etc, in fact I was confused, I don't know what to do,but she did not say any further thing

To cut the story short,this weekend, I got annoyed and sat her down that since for close to 3 years now, I am the one that initiates almost 98 percent of love making,and her lack of sexual feelings on me anymore as well as all time facing the other side anytime we lie on bed, that henceforth, that we should be sleeping separately as there is no need sleeping together as husband and wife and no need disturbing her anymore to make love, that I feel I am being rejected and I am forcing myself on her, that I can't continue,sex is enjoyable tru the role and cooperation of feelings from both partners and very boring when it's always one partner making and having the feeling,that I know what I am passing tru, that I have tried and I feel she is getting satisfaction and joy elsewhere and should continue the way as it pleases her.

She said she is not having affairs outside and that God is the one to judge and that if I am no longer interested in the marriage why can't I take her back to his father's house and rightful quit

Please kindly advise, I am fed up for three years is not three months and till date she refuse to tell me the cause of her act. Thank you

You have a lot of work to do

She has tasted another guy during your separation and that must have changed her mind set with you

That same experience exposed her to the real act of love making and women love hearing romantic and sweet words that will turn the on

You have to calm down and sit her down and ask her how she wants you to put it wright

Your relationship is now like a sticker, once removed, might not stick well again

Sex is what women enjoys in a relationship with guys who does it better

If you thinks she is giving up, no way, once you can't turn her on to to make the move, her mind is reflecting on the other one

It's either you work on yourself or deal with it

I can't believe you guys are making the guy responsible for the woman's B.S . Wtf! The poster above me makes me want to puke.

Well farous I will tell you one secret you do not understand.

You cannot negotiate desire.

No amount of speaking to her will change anything.

Your reaction to her b.s is even worse. Quit reacting emotionally to what she does. You cannot make her feel like you need something from her, else she will never change. The last thing you want to give a disrespectful woman is power or control over you.

Your actions should weigh 99%. While 1% to let her know your stance


The truth is.. She has gotten close to the highest-level of low interest for you. Close because, the next level is where she will disrespect you outrightly to your face without regard for the consequences. If she isn't already doing it.


You are not being romantic because you are feeling resentment. The resentment is normal because the dominant male in you is being questioned. Males and females are wired differently. Last thing you want to believe is your wife sleeping with another male, which in it's own is a form of submission to that man. Your ego is threatened and you do not want to simply give in to her just incase she is deceiving you and in turn, smearing your ego.

Man. I can't tell how bad it is, but if there is still some iota of feelings from her, you have to play dread.
You really have to black her out of your head and focus on your purpose. Let her see you making strides in your life while you are cold with her. Don't be nice, don't be cocky. Be normal, yet unpredictable. Women are wired weirdly, watch how she will be the one trying to fit herself in your life.

The catch here is that if you can simply pull all these I m telling you, deep down you will feel like a higher value male, you will realize your mistake and will want to discard her as no high value male tolerates disrespect.

Stop listening to what they say. Watch what they do.

That break you guys had, made her discover a lot. Maybe the man she was seeing then cherished her, and now that she's back it's like hell for her being with you. It's possible that guy had been showering her with all the sweet nonsense she wanted to hear. Perhaps your pattern of love making is also boring. I think you can start by saying the things she wants to hear and by helping her out in the kitchen etc. When you are in bed, just hold her tight let her feel your warmth. You can gradually start by kissing her body, telling her how you felt when you first saw her bla bla bla.


Good luck.