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Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver - Literature - Nairaland

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Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by Vanmatrix(m): 9:25am On Jul 21, 2019
*Tales of a Keke Napep Driver*

One evening, I and my friend Abraham entered a keke from the Lighthouse cinema in Warri after watching the Antman 2 movie. We occupied the backseat of the keke and the keke rider took off.

Abraham took out his phone to show me a funny video and we started laughing.

Keke Man: Wetin una dey watch?

Me: It's Bovi performance at AY Live show. I love Bovi comedies. Personally, I believe Bovi is the funniest comedian in Nigeria. His content and articulation is superb.

Abraham: For me, it's Basketmouth.

Keke Man: To be comedian nor easy oh. I used to be a comedian.

Abraham: Oga really? What happened? Why did you stop?

Keke Man: My brother this warri people just killed my comedy career.

Me: As as how?

Keke Man: Well six years ago, I was in Abuja. I and my friend went into onstage comedy. The thing about Abuja comedy show is that if your jokes is funny, people will only laugh and cheer you, but if jokes aren't funny, they will throw expensive things at you, things like Hennessey, campari, esparanzo, st remy, shawarma, fried chicken, popcorn, pizza, etc. Even the funny comedians go dey jealous you.

You just need to enter the stage with big black waterproof bag because the things you will pack ehn, even if the organizers of the show refused to pay you, e go be like say you don blow.

Me: Serious matter?

Keke Man: Shuu! There was this one time, someone threw gold watch at my friend. He just caught it, kept it in his pocket and left the stage. We sold it for good money.

That's why after the show, the audience might demand for refund if they didn't enjoy the show because they have lost more money both in tickets and things they threw at us.

So that's how me and my friend, we were surviving in Abuja. But as time went by, all the organizers of comedy shows in Abuja started refusing to hire us, so we decided to come to the home of comedy, Warri. Who send us?

A salon car swerved in front of the keke causing the kekeman to step on his break abruptly to prevent a collision.

Keke Man: See am! Fool!! He dey drive like ****!!! ... (Sorry can't post uncensored words here).

Keke Man: Warri people nor get joy oh. The first show we performed at was our last till tomorrow. When Warri people pay for comedy show, they don't have refund in their mind, they pay to either be entertained or entertain themselves. If you talk anyhow, they go reply you anyhow. Them go just finish your career.

For Warri, if your joke is not funny, you enter one chance. What they will throw at you ehn! They finish one guy with rotten tomato, salt and pepper as if they want to use him to cook soup! I was next. They finish my body with slippers, sand, stone, sucking mango, rotten eggs, soured akamu, sand and tissue paper. One guy rushed enter the stage to empty waste bin on my body. I ran for my life oh.

My friend own na worse pass. He nor only talk joke wey nor funny but the joke vex the people on top. See the way they bombarded him with dirty boxers and pants, used condom, smelly fish water, and even tear gas. Na so I see one girl that have done like 5 abortions and even have HIV dip her hands inside her skirt, uproot her pad with menstrual stain and threw it into my guy's mouth.

Me: Ahh!!

Keke Man: Na when one _agbero_ climb the stage begin pour kerosene on top my friend and another one dey come near the stage with lighter na my friend take discharge oh. And the surprising thing be say security checked the people well well for any exhibit before they entered oh, I wonder how they still fit carry all those things enter.

Abraham: But bros how you take know say that girl get HIV? And even how many abortions?

Keke Man: My friend na tell me na.

Me: How your friend take know?

Keke Man: How he take know? He taste am for the blood na!

Abraham: Ah! Bros! HIV get taste?

Keke Man: You don't know? Person without HIV blood tastes normal, blood with HIV tastes milky while blood with AIDS tastes acidic. If you remove letter "C" from acid, nor be AIDS you go get? You think oyibo people nor know why they call am AIDS?

Me: What about the abortion?

Keke Man: My guy, leave that one. E don tay wey monkey dey stay bush. You nor go understand, bute dey show for their face.

Abraham: Oga you are still a comedian oh.

We just kept on laughing till we alighted at federal junction. Keke riders can have the bizarre of stories!

The End.

Based on "an imaginary" story. �

Source: https://martinswrites.com/tale-of-a-keke-napep-driver/

20 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by Muyiwaipere(m): 5:27pm On Jul 21, 2019
See lemme say this here ....warri people are normally funny.....with all there gestures and dictions ......show,nor,me no get joy o etc


I no come say make u go do anyhow for there cause u go see anyhow...
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by Hotzone(m): 5:28pm On Jul 21, 2019
Hustle ain't easy
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by soberdrunk(m): 5:29pm On Jul 21, 2019
What did I just read? angry

13 Likes

Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by Amuocha: 5:29pm On Jul 21, 2019
Well written
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by Amowap2019(m): 5:29pm On Jul 21, 2019
Nice one
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by Nobody: 5:29pm On Jul 21, 2019
Hahaha the guy funny sha. Lol. He no even fear God, he just dey drop am heavy heavy cheesy cheesy cheesy

1 Like

Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by koolgee(m): 5:30pm On Jul 21, 2019
Okay
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by MANNABBQGRILLS: 5:30pm On Jul 21, 2019
We just kept on laughing till we alighted at federal junction. Keke riders can have the bizarre of stories!

This is interesting.
We are still laughing.....
cheesy wink grin.

3 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by mosho2good: 5:30pm On Jul 21, 2019
Case 1

Somewhere in Kano, A Man of 70 years gets married to a lady of 18 years.

Nigerians: Wicked Man! Child abuse! Demonic religion! Underage marriage! She is still a Minor! Bla Bla Bla

Somewhere else in Nigeria: A Wealthy Man of 70 gets married to a lady of 18 years.

Nigerians: Yes girl, go girl! Wise decision! She is an adult, you guys are just hating her because of she is lucky! Super women! Bla Bla Bla

Case 2.
Somewhere in Ajegunle, a girl of 9 is being raped by a man of 45 years old.

Nigerians: too bad, Poor girl, that man is wicked. God grant the little girl her healing

Somewhere else Nigeria: A Rich lady is allegedly being raped

Nigerians: 40 SAN, 72 barristers and 50 philanthropist already waiting for a case and 1 million Man's protest to support her and trillions of Articles on it.

They said its a Man's world, but I think they are wrong.

I think the right sentence should be IT'S A RICH MAN'S WORLD.

the Rich fight for the Rich and even the Poor fights for the Rich.

Be Rich and become a magnet in this country.

11 Likes

Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by nymphomaniac(m): 5:32pm On Jul 21, 2019
I think my account just got credited with $100000 after reading this angry
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by Nobody: 5:33pm On Jul 21, 2019
I no wan read anything Keke napep/Keke marwa.... dem mad pass okada...

My first action after taking over from Sanwo olu is to ban all Keke napep on major road in Lagos ...

meanwhile...Make I continue my snooring.... till Sanwo olu finish im tenure... I don't need Jagaban backing.... I am Adekunle Chukwueze Mohammed

4 Likes

Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by saintneo(m): 5:33pm On Jul 21, 2019
grin cheesy grin cheesy grin
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by lonelydora: 5:34pm On Jul 21, 2019
I can't believe I read all of these
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by SolexxBarry(m): 5:34pm On Jul 21, 2019
grin grin nice experience,great write up wink
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by OneKinGuy(m): 5:35pm On Jul 21, 2019
Following grin
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by moscobabs(m): 5:35pm On Jul 21, 2019
H
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by Ayt27(m): 5:35pm On Jul 21, 2019
We dey here
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by Offpoint: 5:36pm On Jul 21, 2019
Thanks op, I just wasted 10 minutes of my life.


This is the driest shít I've ever read. Whoever laughed to this should see a psychiatrist.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by Afiahomes(m): 5:36pm On Jul 21, 2019
Fictions Perhaps undecided
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by Emvico34: 5:37pm On Jul 21, 2019
funny joke. Ftc
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by Onlinealaba(m): 5:37pm On Jul 21, 2019
Is funny sha
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by nonstan(m): 5:38pm On Jul 21, 2019
How the hell did I read this ? I need to unread this rubbish
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by Duplik8t77(m): 5:38pm On Jul 21, 2019
Hilarious
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by chukwuibuipob: 5:38pm On Jul 21, 2019
sad
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by CHRIS00000003: 5:39pm On Jul 21, 2019
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by Trippledee(m): 5:39pm On Jul 21, 2019
Lol
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by ABCthings: 5:39pm On Jul 21, 2019
(´⊙ω⊙`)
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by dexcira(f): 5:41pm On Jul 21, 2019
cheesy
We sell affordable secured lands in Lagos. Check signature
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by tardell007(m): 5:41pm On Jul 21, 2019
k
Re: Tales Of A Keke Napep Driver by Chapelbeatz(m): 5:42pm On Jul 21, 2019
Fiction.Ewo

1 Like

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