I've been in extreme emotional pains for the past few months. I don't even know where to start to narrate my ordeal. I do not want this experience to damage me emotionally and psychologically, that's why I'm seeking help. Please pardon the length and blunders.

Earlier this year, just two weeks after my birthday, my ex-gf (gf of almost 7 years) broke up with me. I had just visited her and left two days prior to the breakup.
I went through the most challenging period of my life because I just suffered some job and graduate school rejections that period. The breakup worsened my situation and pushed me into a depression. I have never felt defeated in life till that point. She blocked me on all mediums of communication. It was too extreme. I went from 91kg to 85 kg in less than 3 weeks.

I visited her to understand the whole situation cos her behaviour was too extreme and I got a toxic dosage of embarrassments. She said she was done with me. She said a lot of hurtful things to me. The height of the embarrassments was calling her new boyfriend (barely 3 weeks after breaking up with me) right in front of me and telling him she doesn't know what I'm doing in her place. She even called some of her friends to inform them of my presence. They all sounded scared and concerned for her as if I was some kind of predator. They told her to leave her place at once and come to their place. All these calls were on speaker! This is someone I invested all these years and emotions for. I went through hell that period cos I was dealing with some other personal tribulations.

I can't imagine treating her or anybody else the way she treated me. I NEVER cheated on her, NOT ONCE or by chance! I have walked away from compromising situation countless times because I placed her so high. I had so much respect for her. She now went on to slander my name, accusing me of cheating!!! When I asked who was feeding her all those lies, she said her friends told her. How? Did I date you or your friends? It still boggles my mind to think she'll believe them and go about spreading those ugly rumours about me.

The straw that broke the camels back was when a friend of mine told me that she said she's grateful to God she didn't contract any infection/disease from me! I couldn't believe my ears. I broke down. This didn't just break my heart, it shattered my spirit. This is someone I imagined spending the rest of my life with. My whole family (even extended) accepted her as one of us.

I had to accept that things were beyond salvaging because any attempt from me to fix things kept doing the opposite. The minute it involved my sisters I had to accept defeat.

I never harmed her or attempt to lay a finger on her. I might not be perfect but I gave it my all. The situation is far worse than I described it here, it's even painful remembering them. I loved her to a fault.

I got a text from her about a month ago after I refused to answer her calls because I had just lost a loved one. She said she's getting married and hopes I find peace as she has found hers. I stared at those words speechless. The worst set of people one could ever encounter are those that hurt you, know that they hurt you and still turn around to play victim accusing you of hurting them. If there's anything I'm proud of is my level of self-control. I know few of my friends who made fun of me being extremely loyal to one girl, warning me severally that I'm wasting my time and good looks, that my youth is passing me by. At least I have a clean conscience that I never betrayed her trust. I never went about telling other people our business. Now I understand why they say good guys always finish last.


Women don't deserve loyalty, forget all their cliche that men are not faithful and honest. I went the faithful, loyal path what did I get in return? Venom! I feel repulsed when I hear women say "Men are dogs", "Men always cheat".

I just don't want this experience to turn me into something I'm not or make me an embittered soul. I'm traumatized beyond words. This was my first and only relationship and I gave it everything. I'm in my mid-twenties and I don't think I can ever love genuinely again. I need mature advice on how to come out of this ordeal a better person. I don't want to transfer any aggressions or micro-aggressions on anybody because of this experience. Please mature advice needed. Thank you.

I've once been in your shoes my brother and i understand how much it hurts... Today I have a wonderful wife and a lovely daughter. Time heals all wounds. Take succour in the fact that you did the right thing. You are not the fool for living right... Focus on success and standing out and the right one will come your way to give peace to your mind. IT'S WELL BRO

Let me advice you


Check the monikers here Ubunja and Harddon read all their threads one by one by one. When you finish, you've had found your answers yourself


You're vulnerable now, be careful of the counsels people will feed you with now.

Mtcheww!!! U nor well oo.

U re in ur mid twenties nd dis is wat is making u depressed

U never serious.

dawnomike:
I've once been in your shoes my brother and i understand how much it hurts... Today I have a wonderful wife and a lovely daughter. Time heals all wounds. Take succour in the fact that you did the right thing. You are not the fool for living right... Focus on success and standing out and the right one will come your way to give peace to your mind. IT'S WELL BRO

Since you've been where the Op is in the past, is it true such ladies suffer at the hands of karma later on? What happened to/with the madam?

What kind of weakness is this...

Take heart

Quit with the whining, victim card playing or patronage seeking young man and get toughened up for your next relationship.

You are still young and haven't seen much of life obviously.

Since you sabi complain like this, you go complain tire for life o.

In life you don't always get what you ordered or wished so be prepared like a boy scout.


Listen to me, girls get repulsed by whining sissies as you...believe me.

All these cry and advertisement over a girl?

Come on man..

Smh..

healthserve:



Since you've been where the Op is in the past, is it true such ladies suffer at the hands of karma later on? What happened to/with the madam?

She is still single and has been in so many relationships. I wish her the best though cos for me I'm happy

dawnomike:

She is still single and has been in so many relationships. I wish her the best though cos for me I'm happy

Typical In and out persons continue to suffer with stability/instability issues

Where is princfred, pansophist and Daddytime sef

You don't have feel depressed as far as your heart is clean and spotless, you gat to pick yourself again and look beyond her. don't forget to be good to whom ever you are going to give a chance a again, two wrongs can never make a right.

Buckle up nigga, my Indonesian babe once did such to me cos some naija guys lied to her I was married back home...
Just get yourself another babe n move on, u 'll maybe lucky to get a rewarding one

Just a matter of time, you'll forget everything and move on. She is not the only woman on earth.

I dont have that app buh all I will say is 'local man doesnt know what to say than tale things easy,girls can destroy man if you allow them.'

healthserve:




Typical In and out persons continue to suffer with stability/instability issues

Where is princfred, pansophist and Daddytime sef

Don't be stupid, get yourself up and move on, it's obvious she isn't the right one for you.

such is life, anything can happen. Get hold of yourself and move on. She isn't the best, someone better will come your way. Life is too short to hurt yourself for one person when there are others out there to put a smile to your face.

She has moved on, you equally should, it'll take time but you eventually will, things only gets better anyway, there are still good ladies out there, don't become a monster because of some old flame..

Take heart bro, you better forget about her and move on with your life,, next time don't be too soft,, your friends advised you but u ignored them, now you are regretting everything, the bitter truth is most girls don't like soft and over loyal guys,, once the know you love them and cannot do without them , the will try to control you and later dump your sorry ass, please be careful next time.

just like some people say, time will make you not feel too bad but forgetting is impossible. I pray God forgives you if u can never forgive the gullible girl u called a gf.



just hang out more with ur guys, try never to be bored and never accept her if the new guy dumps her before the marriage. that's if karma is fair cos I think karma kinda treat some people well than others.
cheer up

Do all these things still happen or guys just write them to entertain us?

“All these things” I mean do guys still fall inlove with things that follow their emotions?

Op anything that follows emotions is careless and it’s f ucking naive to give loyalty to carless things.

See a psychologist. Google Moodsmith and book an online appointment. She helped with my anxiety issues some years ago.

7 years
That's more like a divorce

dingbang:
What kind of weakness is this...

Weakness as how na, so to love someone truly is now a weakness? As human, we experience heartbreak and disappointment some point in our lives. The guy has done his own part of the love game but got disappointed and i don't think that's the end of the world. Its just a matter of time, he will be ok soonest.

Congratulations!

For this day salvation has come to you. Just search for "Ubunja's miseducation" and you'd be on the right path my friend, God bless you.

[quote author=frankkydee post=81165932]

Never genuinely love a Nigerian lady, its regret that always ends it. Never show a woman your emotions nor depend on her emotionally. Keep the guns to yourself anything else is weakness

Sugar97:
7 years
That's more like a divorce

Yeah it is, but its based on infidelity with no evidence(s)

My young bro, take heart. The sad truth is, she has found someone better, and you should accept it even if you do not feature in the picture. It's about emotional maturity and letting this just be.

Your next step is to give yourself time, as time has a way of healing things. You'll pass through it, and you'll like yourself better after this. I experienced something you passed through when I was 18 and felt even worse than you, but I was naive, innocent, and didn't understand the timeless truth of female nature, keeping the attraction, and stimulating the relationship sustainably. Looking back at those times, I could see clearly the mistake I made, and I've refined myself to a point that such could not happen again. And in the unlikely scenario that it does, well, a replacement is around the corner. You should do the same.

It seems to me that your relationship with her is your job, you specialized in loving her and treating her as the best thing while ignoring your own personal growth. Listen attentively, women DO NOT want to be your goal. They want to be part/beneficiary of it, not the goal. You treated her nice and gave her everything to the best of your ability and probably didn't focus on your growth, and compete with other men in the free world.

You were too available, making you appear as someone with female scarcity, with no option and not a real catch. Also, pursuing her even after her formal declaration for relationship withdrawal is something that men with no options do. You cannot beg a woman into a relationship with you, it's an instant attraction killer. You attract and keep her with the lifestyle you've built for yourself, and the man you've developed yourself to be.

Remember the biblical story of when God told Adam (after eating the forbidden fruit from Eve), that henceforth he would toil the ground for food and survival, and cursed Eve that she will suffer doing childbirth? The true meaning of this story is that as a man, you have to be out there hustling, pursuing your goal and fulfilling your dreams, as no woman wants to be for a man that is not out there toiling the ground.

She doesn't want to cry during childbirth for a man with no purpose and be a mother to his kids. Whether you believe in this story or not, you may comb any other religion, culture, science, and just observe the world around you, you would see that your value as a man is by being resourceful. Women are born, men are made. You see where a woman automatically becomes a first lady or a queen just because her husband is a president or a king? But it doesn't work in the opposite direction, there is no first man for the husband of a female president. You should know that women are rewarded for being women, all she has to do is look beautiful, and men and society will reward her. For a man, you must build yourself to be rewarded by women and society.

You're almost depressed (that's if you're not), because you are not pursuing things in the real world that would make her wonder why you do not call her always, that even if she breaks up with you, you're too busy achieving and breaking through to even feel an inch of her jilting you. She is at a stage of her life with male abundance, she won't do anything special and men will find her attracted and seek her commitment. All she has to do is sit back and choose, and if she left you for someone else, it means the other guys playing their game better. Loving her is not playing, buying her gift is not playing, but to play, you must develop yourself to be a good catch. That your presence is enough for her to find you attractive. Any man can save, spend and impress, but not every man is a top dog.

That even if she breaks up with you, in the back of mind, she knows there are younger and far beautiful women out there waiting to take her place and will question herself if she can get a man in the same caliber as you. Do you think Davido will be worried if Chioma decides to leave him? Davido will laugh at her because he knows that she will be dead lucky to meet a man in his status, and she knows this as well. In every relationship, many young boys are clouded with feelings and love without understanding the power dynamics that are ever-present and playing in the background.

I hope you get well but remember this, you will never lose women chasing money (interpret it as goals, achievements, purpose, etc), but you'll always lose money chasing women. Men compete with other men for success, women compete with other women for successful men. If you do not have women competing for your commitment, then you've either not reached there yet, or you're doing it wrong.

If there is any such thing as to "man-up", it's now. Man up my friend.

Goodluck young blood.

Also Op, stop playing the victim card of not cheating bla bla. The world owes you nothing. Your ex girlfriend owes you nothing.

Nobody will give you a shinning medal for being loyal to a girlfriend. Infact nobody cares. Bitter truth. She will be fine. She will probably live long and die someday. Just like you too. So nothing will happen to her.

I hope you don’t make the same mistake twice.

daddytime:

Done

iamjahmeyou:
You don't have feel depressed as far as your heart is clean and spotless, you gat to pick yourself again and look beyond her. don't forget to be good to whom ever you are going to give a chance a again, two wrongs can never make a right.

Thank you very much.

daddytime:
Quit with the whining, victim card playing or patronage seeking young man and get toughened up for your next relationship.

You are still young and haven't seen much of life obviously.

Since you sabi complain like this, you go complain tire for life o.

In life you don't always get what you ordered or wished so be prepared like a boy scout.


Listen to me, girls get repulsed by whining sissies as you...believe me.

All these cry and advertisement over a girl?

Come on man..

Smh..

I'm just hurt, man. Cut me, I bleed after all I'm human. Lessons learnt. I'm still learning. Thanks

pansophist:
My young bro, take heart. The sad truth is, she has found someone better, and you should accept it even if you do not feature in the picture. It's about emotional maturity and letting this just be.

Your next step is to give yourself time, as time has a way of healing things. You'll pass through it, and you'll like yourself better after this. I experienced something you passed through when I was 18, and felt even worse than you, but I was naive, innocent, and didnt understood the timeless truth of female nature, keeping attraction, and stimulating the relationship sustainably. Looking back those times, I could see clearly the mistake I made, and I've refined myself to a point that such could not happen again. And in the unlikely scenario that it does, well, a replacement is around the corner. You should do the same.

It seems to me that your relationship with her is your job, you specialized in loving her and treating her as the best thing, while ignoring your own personal growth. Listen attentively, women DO NOT want to be your goal. They want to be part/beneficiary of it, not the goal. You treated her nice and gave her everything to the best of your ability and probably didn't focus on your growth, and compete with other men in the free world.

You were too available, making you appear as someone with female scarcity, with no option and not a real catch. Also, pursuing her even after her formal declaration for relationship withdrawal is something that men with no options do. You cannot beg a woman into a relationship with you, it's an instant attraction killer. You attract and keep her with the lifestyle you've built for yourself, and the man you've developed yourself to be.

Remember the biblical story of when God told Adam (after eating the forbidden fruit from Eve), that henceforth he would toil the ground for food and survival, and cursed Eve that she will suffer doing child birth? The true meaning of this story is that as a man, you have to be out there hustling, pursuing your goal and fulfilling your dreams, as no woman want to be for a man that is not out there toiling the ground.

She dont want to cry during child birth for man with no purpose, and be amother to his kids. Whether you believe in this story or not, you may comb any other religion, culture, science, and just observe the world around you, you would see that your value as a man is by being resourceful. You're almost depressed (that's if you're not), because you are not pursuing things in the real world that would make her wonder why you do not call her always, that even if she breaks up with you, you're too busy achieving and breaking through to even feel an inch of her jilting you.

That even if she breaks up with you, in the back of mind, she knows there are younger and far beautiful women out there waiting to take her place, and will question herself if she can get a man in the same calibre as you. Do you think Davido will be worried if Chioma decides to leave him? Davido will laugh at her because he knows that she will be dead lucky to meet a man in his status, and she knows this as well. In every relationship, many young boys are clouded with feelings and love without understanding the power dynamics that is ever present and playing in the background.

I hope you get well, but remember this, you will never loose women chasing money (interpret it as goals, achievements, purpose etc), but you'll always loose money chasing women. Goodluck young man.

Deep. I appreciate your contribution. Thank you very much sir