Do you really want to solve your problem? You just have to do 1 thing: RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND. When a man acts the way he does, it's because he's tired of your disrespect. You might be doing it subconsciously, and unintentionally but still you have to change. Marriage is not boyfriend and girlfriend where a man pockets his ego just to woo. Marriage is when he demands his respect and you have to give it to him. When you talk to him, talk to him with respect, when you serve him food, serve him with respect, you might get playful with each other but do it with respect. Try this and watch how your marriage with turn around to be sweeter than honey. He will kill you will love . Respect is how you bring out the love in your husband. Respect him and he will love you dearly.

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

Same thing I go through. But I don't care anymore. I have grown thick skin. If he likes he talks to me, if he doesn't like, he gives the silent bulshit treatment like we are quarrelling. One minute we gist, the next he is not eating my food. I dont let that get to me o. I have my kids, my business and work to keep me busy. I cannot come and fall into depression for one man that enjoys hurting me intentionally with his funny moods. OP be like me!

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

He may be having multi personality disorder or actually bi polar.

Quick question. Is he Pisces by any chance? Or born in September?

This isn't a horoscope related question. I've asked the question for a reason and will respond based on your answer

Just a few questions for you so please be sincere
1. Did he spend so much in your wedding ?
2. Did your parents cutoff his head during and within the wedding?
3. Any financial support from your end or your parents end ?

Thanks

SageMK:
I know for a fact that marriage is an eye opener but this is strange simply because a loving husband doesn't just start harbouring contempt and repugnance overnight.

So I know for a fact he hasn't changed at all!

He has simply stop pretending & what you see now, these sudden behavioural changes are his true colors.

It's your choice to continue enduring and suffering.
But you don't have to at all. You deserve better.

Be brave enough to know when to quit.

How did you come to this conclusion without questioning the string of events?

Please learn to be objective in your views or opinions coz we all react differently to stuff and the young man's behaviour (however unpalatable) may be a reaction to some things even unrelated to the marriage.

u need something dat will make u leave the house every morning and come back in the evening. a job will do

It's possible you've wronged him unknowingly or maybe he just got to know about something "not too cool" about your past.

I think what you should do first is to have a deep thought of what could be the root cause of his sudden change.
Pray about it for a day or two, call him afterwards for a chat.

Don't involve a third party "family members" yet
Don't be tired too quick, marriage is a full package you know.

Everything will be fine.

Ehhhh God. Me DAT don't like stress. Marriage is scary to me o...

Firstly , we've not heard your husband's view. From what you said, he doesn't eat out, buy food stuffs and cook at home, my question is how is your cookings?
If not always moody according to you, check within you if something that you are doing triggers it, probably He has talked about it and you refuse to change.........my own opinion is work on your self and commit your marriage to God , God help you guys

[s]

KanuSE:


How did you come to this conclusion without questioning the string of events?

Please learn to be objective in your views or opinions coz we all react differently to stuff and the young man's behaviour (however unpalatable) may be a reaction to some things even unrelated to the marriage.

[/s]

Mrsj89:
Ignore him, look for ways to make yourself happy, ignore him completely he keeps doing that because of the effect it has on you, don't let it get to you, he will stop

my type of person, there are some period I might decide to go the line of solitude, ignoring me at that very moment will worsen the situations at hand,because i'm the type that enjoys my lonely moments, though I enjoys my dears one's company, but never you take my laxity and lenient attitude for granted, cause you might not see another chance.

the best you can do for me at that very moment is search yourself, you will definitely see were you err,come up and tended your apology, after then give me sometime to claw out from my shell.....i hardly tell someone that they wrong me, rather I detach myself from him or her.

goodgirl2409:


We have talked severally but nothing has changed. Every month, he puts up this attitude like 3 three weeks in a month, 1 week, things maybe normal.

I am somewhat like Him, Let me give you this advice(The summary of it all is your attitude and ATTITUDE is what a woman is majorly).

He also needs to Mature more(and he Knows that also).

He truly Loves you but always wants you to sync with Him at all times. Getting a Hurt from you is really painful to HIM(reason for the mood swings, Learn I AM SINCERELY SORRY- Men like it).

Firstly, He is not cheating.

Secondly, He needs Respect, and when I mean respect........REAL, not superficial respect.

Thirdly, Try to know things that offend Him, and don't take them or Him for granted.

You have a ability to make this marriage as Happy as you can,I understand he may offend you at times, but at those times, speak gently to make Him understand how he has offended you.

I know you also have some things you are not saying and I am not surprised as you are a Woman, You guys seem to see things from the current state, not the causative state(what really started the mood swing).

This your Husband, It's either he is always very Happy with you or very Unhappy.

You have to be a WIFE, Please read Proverbs 31.

A Woman owns the Home, you are the rudder, so you have to paddle the House (and paddle Him) the way you want.

Again,He Loves You.

I believe he may be an introvert with not so may Friends and people like that most times are Faithful

You are a Woman, not a MAN, Please let him feel his Manliness in your Humility, Gentle speaking and Respect,in time LOVE AND HAPPINESS flows in the Home

BobJames1:


Matured and very practical!

Tuche

Funkyswagzz:
Woman to be honest you are truely annoying.. u might not do it intensionally buh to him that particular habit u portray is annoying to him. I experienced the same with my ex. It was part of the reason I broke with her. Pay attention to him and find out what makes him happy I could help to ease the tension btw u two. My dear if u don't save the marriage u might end up losing it. I believe he is a hot tempered person so trade carefully my dear or ....

person wey say she don tire for the marriage, una dey tell her make she pay attention to the man?

abi, Shey no be the attention she dey pay when she discovered the periods he is in happy and annoying moods?



make the wife tell the truth of the story make NL judges give her perfect solutions joor.

sapien:
He is cheating. No doubt about it.

Most cheaters are always distant and aloof to their spouse in their marriage.

My dear don't be too JUDGEMENTAL, he might not married to his friend, Friendship is being built up before Love comes in! Best Secret that holds a HOME

daddytime:


Lol

Marriage na school wey nobody don ever graduate from.

Will touch on this topic tomorrow. I feel so sorry for op.

She's been blackmailed and having her mind/head messed with deliberately by a narcissist.

It's a mind game.

You are so right about it being a mindgame sir...
I ended my courtship with a narcissist because I later discovered I was a victim of gaslighting, projecting etc... Infact the whole shebang from a narcissist playbook.. God help the OP sir, it's really unfortunate that they are already married.

Please find out what's bothering him. Where there's smoke, there's fire … trust me on that one. There must be something causing those mood swings. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that you're doing anything wrong but you're probably doing something, unbeknownst to you, that gets on his nerves. And that might not even be a big thing either. In fact, you might not even know that that's an issue.

Hence, you need to find a way to communicate better with him. Communication is the key to any relationship but, talking from a personal experience, men suck in the communication department. Your husband is probably somebody like me … we tend to shutdown when we get really agitated. Just find a way to get through to him and you'll get yourself a loving and caring husband for life.

Finally, try to stay submissive. Forget what you hear on TV, real men still love submissive wives. I am yet to see a man who doesn't love and care for a wife who respects and adores him. Problem is, the modern wives tends to respect everyone else but their husbands.


O pari

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

[s]

KanuSE:


That would be unfair, especially to the young man.

[/s]

[s]

KanuSE:


And to what end would that be? Why would the young man embark on such meaningless adventure?

I actually take a different standpoint on this matter though as we need to be asking the Op some serious and critical questions.

[/s]

Majority has concluded even before hearing the other side of the story based on the premise you gave op.

My take is a Men react in different ways and yours is displaying his to You in his own way. And from your last paragraph

''He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose''

From the above you really need to work on this may be this is the all that usually triggers him to act the way he does and usually takes him weeks to recover from before geling with You again.

All in all you married him by this time you ought to have known his STRENGHT and WEAKNESS when he is in the HAPPY MOOD and the other way round.

The bible says A WISE WOMAN BUILDS HER HOME....May God bless your union, may it be peaceful and multiply, may you come out best of friends....

Please are you married?

spongeisback:
OP just ignore him, do whatever makes you happy. Stop begging him. When he sees that two can play whatever game he's playing he would want to talk.

proudly9ja:
Quick question. Is he Pisces by any chance? Or born in September?

This isn't a horoscope related question. I've asked the question for a reason and will respond based on your answer

Lol, does it matter? He sounds like a run-of-the-mill jerk, doesn't matter what his sign is.

Please check yourself in some important area e g hygine, cooking habit, Sex style or home financial involvement. Although he may not be the type that easily express his feelings. Some men are silent pistle.

DameB:


You are so right sir... I ended my courtship with a narcissist because I discovered I was a victim of gaslighting, projecting etc... Infact the whole shebang from a narcissist playbook.. God help the OP sir

Glad you could figure out the tell tale signs.

Na huge emotional and mental abuse to keep you forever on the back foot and guilt tripping

[s]

KanuSE:


This would amount to jumping to conclusion as none of us has the opportunity of hearing from the husband. Let's refrain from setting a bad precedent in this kind of matter coz we need to be asking the Op some serious and critical questions.

She knows why she went into marriage with that young man & feigning ignorance of these flaws would be unacceptable IMO.

Thanks

[/s]

This is not the place to get the best counsel.
90% of people here don't know nothing about marriage. Everyone thinks they have an opinion because their leg is not the one on a coal of fire.
I'll advise you seek proper counsel, your pastor or someone with a WORKING marriage you can trust. You'll find someone who's been where u are, and you'll get the best counsel from them.
This thing is fixable. Don't listen to anyone telling you to quit.

[s]

OgaBuhari:
you have been blackmailed by someone to him and ur husband has not been matured about it to walk up to you and asks if these accusations are true.

[/s]

You are definitely so by something he doesn't like. Maybe something he didn't know about you before the marriage.

Solution is keep doing good. Try to identify what is it that puts him off.

Whenever he happens to be happy, tell him to tell you what he doesn't like about you.

All the best in your marriage

MobilityExpress:
Do you really want to solve your problem? You just have to do 1 thing: RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND. When a man acts the way he does, it's because he's tired of your disrespect. You might be doing it subconsciously, and unintentionally but still you have to change. Marriage is not boyfriend and girlfriend where a man pockets his ego just to woo. Marriage is when he demands his respect and you have to give it to him. When you talk to him, talk to him with respect, when you serve him food, serve him with respect, you might get playful with each other but do it with respect. Try this and watch how your marriage with turn around to be sweeter than honey. He will kill you will love . Respect is how you bring out the love in your husband. Respect him and he will love you dearly.

This isn't always the case abeg, I have seen situations where the woman was very respectful but the husband only took advantage of that to bully and harass the wife more.

KPOM! You've said it all. In fact, I wouldn't have bothered posting anything if I had read your post beforehand.

Op, there's lots of wisdom in the post below …. read and apply.


O pari

incogni2o:


I am somewhat like Him, Let me give you this advice(The summary of it all is your attitude and ATTITUDE is what a woman is majorly).

He also needs to Mature more(and he Knows that also).

He truly Loves you but always wants you to sync with Him at all times. Getting a Hurt from you is really painful to HIM(reason for the mood swings, Learn I AM SINCERELY SORRY- Men like it).

Firstly, He is not cheating.

Secondly, He needs Respect, and when I mean respect........REAL, not superficial respect.

Thirdly, Try to know things that offend Him, and don't take them or Him for granted.

You have a ability to make this marriage as Happy as you can,I understand he may offend you at times, but at those times, speak gently to make Him understand how he has offended you.

I know you also have some things you are not saying and I am not surprised as you are a Woman, You guys seem to see things from the current state, not the causative state(what really started the mood swing).

This your Husband, It's either he is always very Happy with you or very Unhappy.

You have to be a WIFE, Please read Proverbs 31.

A Woman owns the Home, you are the rudder, so you have to paddle the House (and paddle Him) the way you want.

Again,He Loves You.

I believe he may be an introvert with not so may Friends and people like that most times are Faithful

You are a Woman, not a MAN, Please let him feel his Manliness in your Humility, Gentle speaking and Respect,in time LOVE AND HAPPINESS flows in the Home

daddytime:


Glad you could figure out the tell tale signs.

Na huge emotional and mental abuse to keep you forever on the back foot and guilt tripping

Sir it was horrible, I was reading a story on dailymailuk about coercive control and I was so shocked cos it was as if this lady was living my life... I was so shocked, I had to start reviewing all his past actions and words and noticed they were not just isolated events but had a pattern.... Irrespective of the years I had put into making the courtship and his biz work, I was more than happy to end the relationship. I'd rather lose that than bring kids into an emotionally toxic environment.
If the OP is honest with herself , there must have been tell tale signs before they married like you stated but she may have overlooked them as mood swings