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Stats: 2,315,629 members, 5,102,617 topics. Date: Sunday, 18 August 2019 at 08:59 PM
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|I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by olabrinks(f): 10:06am On Aug 14|
Hi so I’m 23 about to be 24 in a few days and I’m getting married in November to a guy that I’ve been dating for a year. After our engagement few weeks back, I found out I was pregnant, he was soo soo happy even though I felt like I wasn’t ready, a child is a blessing regardless so I’m happy.
Putting that aside I’ve been having funny dreams about this guy. Had a dream that he was cheating on me excessively and I left him. He was a ladies man in the past, but I think he’s over that stage now that he’s in his 30s. This guy is also a very good cook, like on a expert level. He grew up around women so his standard of cooking is extremely extremely high. Sometimes I feel very inferior because he can cook better than me and he’s always making sly comments about me not being able to handle a home up to his expectations. Then another worry I have is even after a year of dating I haven’t been able to mesh well with his friends. When I’m around them it’s always awkward, I just don’t even understand why. We come from two different backgrounds, his being more rugged and mine more conservative. I’m that quiet type and he’s always making sly comments again about how I’m too conservative and I act like I no dey sh*t lol. But being quiet is just my nature, I can’t pretend to be who I’m not. I just thank God that his mother loves and adores me.
Do you guys think I’m being concerned for no reason ?
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by Kingosytex(m): 10:10am On Aug 14|
You are just panicking, why cry wolf when there is none? As long as i am concerned, your fiance might be innocent of what you are suspecting him of. I think you are being too possessive, protective and judgemental. So he should turn his former acquaintances to enemies because you guys are about getting married? Things aren't done that way my dear.
You got pregnant and he neither abandoned nor maltreated you, he loves you despite the fact that he scolds you for not being an expert cook like he is. Cooking can be learnt, it is a skill. I believe he wants you to up your cooking skills because delicious meals are one of the ways to a man's heart. Don't panick dear, there is no cause for alarm. I wish you a happy married life in advance.
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|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by Oma307(m): 10:17am On Aug 14|
you feel not that you caught him cheating on you. that is why the problem start from. I hope you are the one that is trying to use your pregnancy to trap him into marriage. if not there is danger ahead
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by Amanee: 10:20am On Aug 14|
You better read the handwriting on the wall, someone that is already verbally abusing you from now will do worse in future.
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by Teaveapoet(f): 10:20am On Aug 14|
It's normal for you to feel like this but i want you to sit him down and explain your fears.
In every relationship or marriage, understanding and communication is the key.
No matter the advice you get here, i feel you need more assurance from him better.
And lastly loosen up, don't be the uptight woman, play, joke and ask him playfully to teach you how to Cook. It doesn't mean you're not good.
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by olabrinks(f): 10:21am On Aug 14|
We were talking about marriage from the fourth month of dating the pregnancy was not even something I wanted. But it’s here and we are taking responsibility.
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by waleyp(m): 10:26am On Aug 14|
well you are already pregnant for him amd done engagement, and i guess you were not closing your eyes or sleeping when all those things happened? my dear you have to face it right now or better still i can say you just woke up to reality.
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by Kenoxman(m): 10:33am On Aug 14|
I see no problem here. Just that you two should learn to accept one another the way u are. Let his strength cancel ur weakness and ur strength cancel his weakness. The union is still young(1yr). The two of u shd continue to learn & grow together cos in marriage no couple is perfect
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by Nickisindigo(m): 10:39am On Aug 14|
in my 24 years of existence I had never had a girlfriend so I can't advice you but comments here would be of great importance to me in my first and future relationships
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by olabrinks(f): 10:41am On Aug 14|
What about the friends issue? It’s just always awkward.
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by Oma307(m): 10:44am On Aug 14|
olabrinks:seriously, since you just dream that he would cheat on you and not actualize, then turn to prayer. I feel he loves you and forget all those negative thoughts. first thing, try to readjust yourself to something he loves. learn to talk and be jovial with him and his friends. I know it is not going to be easy for you since you are used to them but you have to strive to make and become a good wife, mother and have a wonderful home
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by Kenoxman(m): 11:21am On Aug 14|
olabrinks:U just hav to be polite with them. Show concern when necessary. If u ar with them & they ar talking about sth dat picked ur interest, Don't be afraid to chip in a word or two, bt don't overdo it. Laugh/smile where necessary, do not be uptight. Just be a good conversationalist. I guess that's why he is complaining dat u ar borin around his friends.
See, u don't necessarily hav to like them. Afterall, we all hav friends who hav other friends we don't really like. Even ur bestie could hav another bestie u don't fancy. It's normal. Bt u don't let them know u don't really like them. U still gist and laf together & life goes on.
Learn to accommodate them, it's not dat hard.
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by shege45: 11:37am On Aug 14|
olabrinks:wait i don’t understand when you said pregnancy isn’t something you wanted. Didn’t you let him ejaculate in you?
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by olabrinks(f): 12:04pm On Aug 14|
Nope we used protection. A condom.
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by genq(m): 12:17pm On Aug 14|
First of all, what's the point in seeking advise? You are already pregnant and set to wed in 2 months. At this point, I doubt if any advise here will make you cancel the wedding. Secondly, you sound very childish. If your doubts are based on the ridiculous speculations stated above, then I'm sorry you are not ripe for marriage.
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by shege45: 1:29pm On Aug 14|
olabrinks:ahhhhhhhh you dey whyne me nii. So how did you get pregnant
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by ThothHermes: 1:38pm On Aug 14|
shege45:This made me laugh. I'm in a sad mood today.
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by shege45: 1:50pm On Aug 14|
ThothHermes:yes ooo i had to ask.unless condom burst, I don’t see how she can get pregnant.
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by Richy4(m): 2:06pm On Aug 14|
OP... You will get your answer if you do a compatibility test. Forget about the child for now and do the rating from the scale of 1-10.
How compatible are you guys?... If you grade yourself with him and he scored 6/10 on your ranking, can you tolerate the missing 4 issues that he has?... if u score 7/10, can he tolerate the 3 Baggage/ inadequacies you were coming with?
You don't have to subject yourself to an unhappy marriage because a child is on the way.. especially when people are not compatible..
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by GHoJes: 3:20pm On Aug 14|
Give examples of the sly comments, they may be verbal abuses you are using political correctness for.
It is also not sitting well that you are not comfortable with his friends attitude, these are the attitudes you would deal with by the time the love blinds in your eyes clear after marriage. If the friends have it, he likely has same thing you complained about them especially as he still keeps them. Give examples here again.
I see grey areas that should be settled before settling down. Btw, you don't meet his expectations for running a home is beyond cooking plus it's deep...
Seems you are butty and he is kpako.
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by rychard(m): 3:24pm On Aug 14|
Most outgoing guys prefer shy ladies, he might mock you but he likes you just thr way you are. The moment you change, he'll be worried.
Before a guy decides to settle with a woman, he's made very good judegment before deciding. Relax and enjoy your marriage
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by Porsh39(m): 3:30pm On Aug 14|
ThothHermes:i swear it blow my mind lol
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by Porsh39(m): 3:33pm On Aug 14|
shege45:guy condom dey burst ooo��
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by Safitu(f): 3:38pm On Aug 14|
Instead of you to be thanking God that you have a domestic husband, somebody that can teach you and guide you to cook to his level of expectation, you are complaining. Don’t you know cooking is a skill? Just like driving or even the knowledge that you use to operate your phone, its all a skill. You learn it and practice makes you perfect. So please stop beating yourself up about nothing, you are even blessed. Some wives have husbands that can’t even lift up a broom or boil egg, and they are suffering and looking haggard from all the domestic stress.
About that friendship issue, ahbeg your relationship is still young. There’s still time to work on that I don’t even see why you are worried. Esp once you start having kids, you will see a difference. A simple hi and bye and a little conversation here and there and that is it. Your husband likes you the way you are that’s why he is marrying you so quick, don’t go and change yourself and make yourself look silly. We cannot all be loud and noise makers, that’s the beauty of human nature. The reason why you’re feeling awkward is because you’re not comfortable in your own skin. Learn how to love and accept yourself for who you are please. If you are the only one to remain quiet and at ease in a room full of noise makers then it’s a wonderful character trait to have, that not many people possess. Cherish it.
This life is simple oh, but I don’t know why we just like to complicate things for ourselves. Jeez
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by Ginaz(f): 5:12pm On Aug 14|
I tire o. I don’t see the so-called big problems here she listed . Your husband cooks, he has time for you to make sly jokes, his family accepted you, please what is her problem?
I think she is too serious of a person. Madam you should be free minded and learn to crack jokes with your hubby. You are feeling inferior which it’s not supposed to be so. You should see your husband as a friend, a brother and a father. Don’t take everything to heart he tells you.
Seriously, you are not yet mentally prepared to be married , you have a lot to learn especially in the “humor” department.
About his friends, it’s not a must you have a conversation. A hi and hi would do. Don’t go and be bringing unnecessary dramas to your marriage.
You are still behaving like a baby, grow up olabrinks. Instead of you to be giving notice to things that will build your marriage, you’re giving notice to things that may cause frictions and quarrels. Keep dreaming rubbish dreams there, you won’t ask God to bless your home.
You’re not yet mentally matured for marriage olabrinks!!!
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by missjo: 5:14pm On Aug 14|
How about you just tell him you don't like the sly comments because they hurt your feelings and be serious while at it. If he truly cares about you,it will stop.
Asides this, i see nothing else wrong with your upcoming nuptials.
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by Ginaz(f): 5:16pm On Aug 14|
GROW UP!!!! You’re behaving like a child. Don’t go and suffocate the marriage with unnecessary negativity.
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by missjo: 5:17pm On Aug 14|
Ginaz:Everything was on point but I'm having trouble reconciling your opinion on her mental preparedness and maturity with her concerns.
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by babyfaceafrica: 5:20pm On Aug 14|
you are confused ,leave him please..serious ladies need men like him
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by Ginaz(f): 5:30pm On Aug 14|
She’s too serious joor, which sly comments? Can’t one’s spouse “yab” them again? It makes the marriage fun and light when both couples tell a joke on themselves.
My aunt’s husband for example whenever she cooks a bad food, he would say “ This your food na wa o but I will still eat it or this your food eh, na for federal o”. My aunt would throw a joke of her own too. They would both end up laughing heartily. Some days , it’s her husband who cooks when he has time and my aunt would “jab” his food just to get back at him.
Marriage is boring on it’s own. Don’t kill it with being too rigid and overly serious.
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|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by HumblySearching(f): 5:36pm On Aug 14|
Be grateful you have a man to call yours.
I'm searching for mine. Mid 30s preferably
|Re: I’m Scared I Might Lose My Fiancé by Ginaz(f): 5:39pm On Aug 14|
Marriage requires a mentally prepared mind and maturity of a certain degree to function. Imagine she is worried over a mere dream, not even a real life experience.
If she is this worried and suspicious over a dream that won’t help the marriage move forward then what happens when the real life crisis comes? Like sickness?, temptations, emotional distance or abuse? Family wahala, financial troubles??
These require a high level of mentality to handle. I’m tired of couples getting married and over any little thing they are divorced or no more together.
She should be prepared for important things than trying to suffocate the young union with unnecessary pressures!!
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