Less than 3 years after my wedding to the only woman I love, the most beautiful, kind hearted, respectful and generally the most amazing woman I've ever known, I had a one night stand that I will regret for the rest of my entire life.

I was at a friends party, drunk 'not trying to justify my stupid infidelity " I had sex with a girl I've known for a while even before I got married and never have in my life had any kind of sexual feelings towards, a girl I had introduced to my friend because I had no interest in her nor cheating on my then girlfriend.

The worst part of the one night stand is, a baby came out of it. I disappointed myself, my family, friends and most importantly my wife. She forgave me, we have been working it out. We have a beautiful family, amazing friendship, the kind everyone far and near us wish for and envy.

To cut the long story short, I am in pain, my conscience is killing me, I am losing weight, I am hurting, I am finding it hard to forgive myself to the point that I am thinking about separation. I am lost, I don't know what to do at this point. I've seen the best therapist and shrink's in San Francisco and nothing gets better. My family love her to death,she is 100% a good wife and mother.

Bash me, call me names, say anything I deserve it but please if you were in my shoes what would you do. I am scared she might one day leave me. I really need all the advices I can get.

You really have a good wife. She has forgiven you. Oya , it's time to forgive yourself. Invite Christ into your life, be a true born again , he will fill your heart with great joy that even you will come to know the true meaning of 'old things have pass away'. You can even talk to an evangelist and free yourself of this guilt. Separation is not the answer, you are going int depression and might end up losing your life.

I for say. No be naija u dey na im dey make you carry dis kind problem for head.


The issue here, I don't think, is guilt. I think you are scared of what your wife will do and then how to father another child out of wedlock.

My advice is , dedicate a single day in every month to apologize to your wife..
Because if women just keep quiet for person matter ehn..... Na danger o.

Don't be sissy please!! Man up and take care of your responsibilities.

Zikora1000:
You really have a good wife. She has forgiven you. Oya , it's time to forgive yourself. Invite Christ into your life, be a true born again , he will fill your heart with great joy that even you will come to know the true meaning of 'old things have pass away'. You can even talk to an evangelist and free yourself of this guilt. Separation is not the answer, you are going int depression and might end up losing your life.

Thank you

Davash222:
Don't be sissy please!! Man up and take care of your responsibilities.

What responsibility?

Wow

Imessedup:
Less than 3 years after my wedding to the only woman I love, the most beautiful, kind hearted, respectful and generally the most amazing woman I've ever known, I had a one night stand that I will regret for the rest of my entire life.

I was at a friends party, drunk 'not trying to justify my stupid infidelity " I had sex with a girl I've known for a while even before I got married and never have in my life had any kind of sexual feelings towards, a girl I had introduced to my friend because I had no interest in her nor cheating on my then girlfriend.

The worst part of the one night stand is, a baby came out of it. I disappointed myself, my family, friends and most importantly my wife. She forgave me, we have been working it out. We have a beautiful family, amazing friendship, the kind everyone far and near us wish for and envy.

To cut the long story short, I am in pain, my conscience is killing me, I am losing weight, I am hurting, I am finding it hard to forgive myself to the point that I am thinking about separation. I am lost, I don't know what to do at this point. I've seen the best therapist and shrink's in San Francisco and nothing gets better. My family love her to death,she is 100% a good wife and mother.

Bash me, call me names, say anything I deserve it but please if you were in my shoes what would you do. I am scared she might one day leave me. I really need all the advices I can get.

Hmmmm
This One na MAN tooooo....
Naaa waaaaooooo
When MEN are out there chewing KOLA NUTS left, right and centre...

Bro, to err is human . The deed had been done already, summoned thr courage and explain to your wife.

The sad part of it, its 50/50 results

Since she was kind enough to forgive you and didn't take the option of leaving you.

I think you should forgive yourself and let her know there would be no repeat performance of it anymore for the rest of your lives and also mean it while at it.

Imessedup:
Less than 3 years after my wedding to the only woman I love, the most beautiful, kind hearted, respectful and generally the most amazing woman I've ever known, I had a one night stand that I will regret for the rest of my entire life.

I was at a friends party, drunk 'not trying to justify my stupid infidelity " I had sex with a girl I've known for a while even before I got married and never have in my life had any kind of sexual feelings towards, a girl I had introduced to my friend because I had no interest in her nor cheating on my then girlfriend.

The worst part of the one night stand is, a baby came out of it. I disappointed myself, my family, friends and most importantly my wife. She forgave me, we have been working it out. We have a beautiful family, amazing friendship, the kind everyone far and near us wish for and envy.

To cut the long story short, I am in pain, my conscience is killing me, I am losing weight, I am hurting, I am finding it hard to forgive myself to the point that I am thinking about separation. I am lost, I don't know what to do at this point. I've seen the best therapist and shrink's in San Francisco and nothing gets better. My family love her to death,she is 100% a good wife and mother.

Bash me, call me names, say anything I deserve it but please if you were in my shoes what would you do. I am scared she might one day leave me. I really need all the advices I can get.

You will be doing ur self and your wife and family a deservice or more hurt if you separate, forgive yourself and the girlfriend and pickup your life and move on. Don't let it affect your family. Because sincerely family is all we got.

What gan gan do you want?

so because you can't forgive yourself you want to leave your wife? you think the way forward is to hurt her more by breaking up the family?

How are u sure the child is yours?

As ur moniker implies, u messed up big time but thank God you already informed ur wife who's forgiven u. On d oda hand, are u sure the child is a product of ur one night stand except for if u r not telling us d truth? Why not confirm d child's paternity first? If d child is urs den u can wholeheartedly beg ur wife for forgivenes promising never to mess up again, get out of d thoughts of ur offence and move on with life. Go and sin no more!

Imessedup:
Less than 3 years after my wedding to the only woman I love, the most beautiful, kind hearted, respectful and generally the most amazing woman I've ever known, I had a one night stand that I will regret for the rest of my entire life.

I was at a friends party, drunk 'not trying to justify my stupid infidelity " I had sex with a girl I've known for a while even before I got married and never have in my life had any kind of sexual feelings towards, a girl I had introduced to my friend because I had no interest in her nor cheating on my then-girlfriend.

The worst part of the one night stand is, a baby came out of it. I disappointed myself, my family, friends and most importantly my wife. She forgave me, we have been working it out. We have a beautiful family, amazing friendship, the kind everyone far and near us wish for and envy.

To cut the long story short, I am in pain, my conscience is killing me, I am losing weight, I am hurting, I am finding it hard to forgive myself to the point that I am thinking about separation. I am lost, I don't know what to do at this point. I've seen the best therapist and shrink's in San Francisco and nothing gets better. My family love her to death,she is 100% a good wife and mother.

Bash me, call me names, say anything I deserve it but please if you were in my shoes what would you do. I am scared she might one day leave me. I really need all the advices I can get.

This sort of grief is suffered by those who hold themselves in very high moral and value standards, consequently, you are in shock that you drifted too far from your values and the result is living with you daily. Now, the moral may be specific or general. In your case, it seems to be faithfulness/ loyalty to your wife. This sort of standard may not be associated with your religious beliefs because those have forgiveness or cultural values but personal values that took you years to build and they are like your pride. While there is the trauma associated with the guilt of the pain you caused your wife, you have failed to realize that your wife has forgiven you and has moved on because you are primarily focused on the fact that you have failed yourself.

Sometimes this sort of grief can be self-destructive and selfish and this is buttressed by the fact that you have even considered separation from your family. There are stages of relieving guilt and it does sound like you have skipped some of them and now you are struggling with moving past that incident. Genuine forgiveness of any sorts starts with yourself, it is the highest form of self-judgment, accountability, and realization and this is because getting forgiveness from the person hurt does not necessarily absolve you from your own conscience (for those who still have one oh), it only assures a temporal peace of mind. I think you spent the early stages of this incident fighting to secure your wife's forgiveness which is very important to gain and now that you have gotten it, you realize there is a gaping hole that harbors a demon that you should have closed first.

I am very surprised that the therapists you are seeing have not divulged this critical piece to you. The journey to self reconciliation can only be completed by you alone and not your wife/ family because she has done the most important part which is to forgive you wholeheartedly. If you rely on your family to push you through this face, you would only end up condemning yourself, even more, and burden your family with the responsibility of helping you through this dark phase. You need to start the cycle again and this time with a clearer perspective and good knowledge of the past. Let me also say that reassurances from your wife without self reconciliation will only fuel the self-guilt even more and you may end up drifting again ( I know! it sounds crazy but it is the truth).

What you are feeling right now is the denial stage which should have been the first stage of the journey to self-forgiveness. While you accept the action, you are almost questioning the fact that you did it and there is nothing wrong in this stage. After this stage, retrace the history of how much effort you put in your yourself (your biological family, your growing up, your challenges and how they made you the man you are today) and your family and let the anger consume you without doing anything stupid. Allow yourself to cry, allow yourself to weep, allow your self to feel the pain of the hurt. This will help you accept yourself in your weakest moment. You see, accepting ourselves in our weakest moments especially when we fail helps us build the courage to prevent future occurrences. Please remember that you are seeking self reconciliation so you can fully enjoy the forgiveness from your wife. Next, you take responsibility for your action. Be accountable to how you failed and hurt the person you love the most and now there is a child involved. This would help you avoid transferring the anger from the 2nd stage to the unborn child who is innocent. Begin to love yourself again. Begin to rebuild with whatever ruins you have left. Don't allow this to define who you are today and that is by loving yourself again. Take pride in how far you have come. Finally, set boundaries. You can set boundaries about drinking away from home or when your wife is not present and if possible, you can stop drinking entirely as a token for the pain it caused.

You are losing confidence in your self, you see you as not good enough for her. You may end up telling her and ask for the separation your self or your sinking your self may cause you to exhibit unpleasant attitudes or even sink into depression or lead to the wrong crowd or taking a wrong decision so that your fears would consequently befall you.

I hope your wife is supportive because you need to tell her as many times you are struggling with your shameful act so that she can continually reassure you of her forgiveness. It seems your love language is word of assurance, you need to be repeatedly reassured of her forgiveness till you get it that the slate is cleaned of your sin.

That you actually think she forgave you is nice. Shows she has a forgiving spirit...

Or maybe she is marking time.

Anyway, I wish I have that.

Chaiiii.... Chaiiii.....

Kulu kulu brother, Kulu kulu papa, Kulu kulu Uncle......Kulu kulu temper!!!......J Martins.

sassysure:
How are u sure the child is yours?

I've done DNA test. 99.99

Roland17:


This sort of grief is suffered by those who hold themselves in very high moral and value standards, consequently, you are in shock that you drifted too far from your values and the result is living with you daily. Now, the moral may be specific or general. In your case, it seems to be faithfulness/ loyalty to your wife. This sort of standard may not be associated with your religious beliefs because those have forgiveness or cultural values but personal values that took you years to build and they are like your pride. While there is the trauma associated with the guilt of the pain you caused your wife, you have failed to realize that your wife has forgiven you and has moved on because you are primarily focused on the fact that you have failed yourself.

Sometimes this sort of grief can be self-destructive and selfish and this is buttressed by the fact that you have even considered separation from your family. There are stages of relieving guilt and it does sound like you have skipped some of them and now you are struggling with moving past that incident. Genuine forgiveness of any sorts starts with yourself, it is the highest form of self-judgment, accountability, and realization and this is because getting forgiveness from the person hurt does not necessarily absolve you from your own conscience (for those who still have one oh), it only assures a temporal peace of mind. I think you spent the early stages of this incident fighting to secure your wife's forgiveness which is very important to gain and now that you have gotten it, you realize there is a gaping hole that harbors a demon that you should have closed first.

I am very surprised that the therapists you are seeing have not divulged this critical piece to you. The journey to self reconciliation can only be completed by you alone and not your wife/ family because she has done the most important part which is to forgive you wholeheartedly. If you rely on your family to push you through this face, you would only end up condemning yourself, even more, and burden your family with the responsibility of helping you through this dark phase. You need to start the cycle again and this time with a clearer perspective and good knowledge of the past. Let me also say that reassurances from your wife without self reconciliation will only fuel the self-guilt even more and you may end up drifting again ( I know! it sounds crazy but it is the truth).

What you are feeling right now is the denial stage which should have been the first stage of the journey to self-forgiveness. While you accept the action, you are almost questioning the fact that you did it and there is nothing wrong in this stage. After this stage, retrace the history of how much effort you put in your yourself (your biological family, your growing up, your challenges and how they made you the man you are today) and your family and let the anger consume you without doing anything stupid. Allow yourself to cry, allow yourself to weep, allow your self to feel the pain of the hurt. This will help you accept yourself in your weakest moment. You see, accepting ourselves in our weakest moments especially when we fail helps us build the courage to prevent future occurrences. Please remember that you are seeking self reconciliation so you can fully enjoy the forgiveness from your wife. Next, you take responsibility for your action. Be accountable to how you failed and hurt the person you love the most and now there is a child involved. This would help you avoid transferring the anger from the 2nd stage to the unborn child who is innocent. Begin to love yourself again. Begin to rebuild with whatever ruins you have left. Don't allow this to define who you are today and that is by loving yourself again. Take pride in how far you have come. Finally, set boundaries. You can set boundaries about drinking away from home or when your wife is not present and if possible, you can stop drinking entirely as a token for the pain it caused.

Wow! I appreciate it man, thanks.

GHoJes:
You are losing confidence in your self, you see you as not good enough for her. You may end up telling her and ask for the separation your self or your sinking your self may cause you to exhibit unpleasant attitudes or even sink into depression or lead to the wrong crowd or taking a wrong decision so that your fears would consequently befall you.

I hope your wife is supportive because you need to tell her as many times you are struggling with your shameful act so that she can continually reassure you of her forgiveness. It seems your love language is word of assurance, you need to be repeatedly reassured of her forgiveness till you get it that the slate is cleaned of your sin.

Thank you

.

Hmmm... I think you need to bare your mind to your wife and express to her how you are feeling. I think you sense that there is a rift in your relationship with your wife and things may never go back to what they were. This is why you are depressed. Your ultimate fear which is a possible reality is that she might leave you.

Not only did you cheat, no matter how drunk you are... you cheated unprotected putting your wife at risk. Then you even ejaculated inside this so-called friend. In all this you claim you were drunk out of your senses abi? A full grown adult still indulging in childish adventures. I don’t truly believe this attitude/act is alien to you. I believe you were only caught because of the fruit of this indiscretion, the child.

I also don’t believe you are happily married. A happily married man will not get “drunk”, point to the nearest lady who he knows likes him and have unprotected sex with her. Now that you are caught and everyone sees you for who you truly are, your reaction is to runaway from the marriage. Maybe marriage is not for you? Maybe you are more concerned about hurting a good person even further than the marriage?

I think you need to consider if you are the marrying type and be honest with yourself. A truly drunk person will not have the strength to be looking for obo up and down. You would be passed out! What a cheap story and cheap excuse. You can’t fool everyone. Stop lying to yourself and be honest for once, then you will rise out of your depression.

Let me even ask. When did you inform her about the cheating? When did you inform her about the child

If this cheating didn’t result to a public announcement (a child) he wouldn’t apologize and he wouldn’t have stopped either.

Maybe your wife has forgiven you, maybe she is buying time but things will never be the same.


When she starts to chat with guys and make friends(healthy or unhealthy), you won’t have the guts to caution her.

You are not sorry, the embarrassment and the fact that you will always have an illegitimate child is killing you.

Deal with it.

Btw, when you confess to a woman and you don’t get any reaction from her, be very scared.

Relax, your wife has forgiven you. You need to forgive yourself. Don't use your hand to spoil everything you've both worked for.


Mistakes happen, I blame that lady for not taking something to prevent conception know you were drunk and married. Nawa

Roland17:


This sort of grief is suffered by those who hold themselves in very high moral and value standards, consequently, you are in shock that you drifted too far from your values and the result is living with you daily. Now, the moral may be specific or general. In your case, it seems to be faithfulness/ loyalty to your wife. This sort of standard may not be associated with your religious beliefs because those have forgiveness or cultural values but personal values that took you years to build and they are like your pride. While there is the trauma associated with the guilt of the pain you caused your wife, you have failed to realize that your wife has forgiven you and has moved on because you are primarily focused on the fact that you have failed yourself.

Sometimes this sort of grief can be self-destructive and selfish and this is buttressed by the fact that you have even considered separation from your family. There are stages of relieving guilt and it does sound like you have skipped some of them and now you are struggling with moving past that incident. Genuine forgiveness of any sorts starts with yourself, it is the highest form of self-judgment, accountability, and realization and this is because getting forgiveness from the person hurt does not necessarily absolve you from your own conscience (for those who still have one oh), it only assures a temporal peace of mind. I think you spent the early stages of this incident fighting to secure your wife's forgiveness which is very important to gain and now that you have gotten it, you realize there is a gaping hole that harbors a demon that you should have closed first.

I am very surprised that the therapists you are seeing have not divulged this critical piece to you. The journey to self reconciliation can only be completed by you alone and not your wife/ family because she has done the most important part which is to forgive you wholeheartedly. If you rely on your family to push you through this face, you would only end up condemning yourself, even more, and burden your family with the responsibility of helping you through this dark phase. You need to start the cycle again and this time with a clearer perspective and good knowledge of the past. Let me also say that reassurances from your wife without self reconciliation will only fuel the self-guilt even more and you may end up drifting again ( I know! it sounds crazy but it is the truth).

What you are feeling right now is the denial stage which should have been the first stage of the journey to self-forgiveness. While you accept the action, you are almost questioning the fact that you did it and there is nothing wrong in this stage. After this stage, retrace the history of how much effort you put in your yourself (your biological family, your growing up, your challenges and how they made you the man you are today) and your family and let the anger consume you without doing anything stupid. Allow yourself to cry, allow yourself to weep, allow your self to feel the pain of the hurt. This will help you accept yourself in your weakest moment. You see, accepting ourselves in our weakest moments especially when we fail helps us build the courage to prevent future occurrences. Please remember that you are seeking self reconciliation so you can fully enjoy the forgiveness from your wife. Next, you take responsibility for your action. Be accountable to how you failed and hurt the person you love the most and now there is a child involved. This would help you avoid transferring the anger from the 2nd stage to the unborn child who is innocent. Begin to love yourself again. Begin to rebuild with whatever ruins you have left. Don't allow this to define who you are today and that is by loving yourself again. Take pride in how far you have come. Finally, set boundaries. You can set boundaries about drinking away from home or when your wife is not present and if possible, you can stop drinking entirely as a token for the pain it caused.

Wow. Are you a psychologist?

This was aptly written.

You are right when you say the op is just suffering from the consequences of his self-righteousness.

My concern now is the child that came out. I hope you don't begin to despise the child because you feel too guilty.That child will always remind you of your mistake, and if you remain too hard on yourself, you may see both child and mother as a blip on your 'loving wife and perfect family. If your wife has genuinely forgiven you, then forgive yourself and start a new phase of your marriage rather than torturing yourself.

Your wife has forgiven you, I don't know why you don't want to forgive yourself.

COME!!! C NOTHING DO U MOVE ON, U DID WELL BY HELPING SCRATCH A LADY PUNA THAT NEEDED SCRATCHING. U NO RAPE AM O.
WHICH KIND OF KOROKORO CONSCIENCE BE THAT. HI5

Imessedup:
Less than 3 years after my wedding to the only woman I love, the most beautiful, kind hearted, respectful and generally the most amazing woman I've ever known, I had a one night stand that I will regret for the rest of my entire life.

I was at a friends party, drunk 'not trying to justify my stupid infidelity " I had sex with a girl I've known for a while even before I got married and never have in my life had any kind of sexual feelings towards, a girl I had introduced to my friend because I had no interest in her nor cheating on my then girlfriend.

The worst part of the one night stand is, a baby came out of it. I disappointed myself, my family, friends and most importantly my wife. She forgave me, we have been working it out. We have a beautiful family, amazing friendship, the kind everyone far and near us wish for and envy.

To cut the long story short, I am in pain, my conscience is killing me, I am losing weight, I am hurting, I am finding it hard to forgive myself to the point that I am thinking about separation. I am lost, I don't know what to do at this point. I've seen the best therapist and shrink's in San Francisco and nothing gets better. My family love her to death,she is 100% a good wife and mother.

Bash me, call me names, say anything I deserve it but please if you were in my shoes what would you do. I am scared she might one day leave me. I really need all the advices I can get.

Chicken hearted pussiiy arssse niggas everywhere. King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines and he had peace of mind. This one do mistake impregnate one side chick he wan commit suicide. I bet your wife is the man in your relationship and vice-versa. Ode oshi!

vicadex07:


Chicken hearted pussiiy arssse niggas everywhere. King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines and he had peace of mind. This one do mistake impregnate one side chick he wan commit suicide. I bet your wife is the man in your relationship and vice-versa. Ode oshi!

I just couldn't help but laugh at this comment.

You think everyone is like you and your kind ba?


Op, ignore this clown. More replies are coming.