About the Author: Award winning Myne Whitman published her first novel, A Heart to Mend, in December 2009. The Nigerian author is a popular blogger and also writes for BellaNaija, Afrikan Goddess, Femme Lounge, and other online publications. http://www.amazon.com/Heart-Mend-Myne-Whitman/dp/1449047505/ref=pd_rhf_p_t_1

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I joined Facebook several years ago as a student but only recently started actively using it after making my account public. Before then, I was hidden and I frequently culled my friend’s list for those who I felt were not necessary to be there. I wanted my friend list to remain less than 100 and it remained so. Now I’m back using the media, my friend list is over a thousand and growing. I’ve added some of those culled people again, among them so-called toasters, chykers and boyfriends. Having heard some tales from friends, and read some articles, I’m left wondering if I’m making a mistake.

Let me back up a bit. When one gets into a new relationship, the expectation is that both people cut the close ties with their exes. Physically, it is easier to distance ourselves from them even when some of us choose to remain friends with former lovers. What happens is that you start hanging out in new spots with the new love, or you establish a new set of friends. The BB messages, phone calls and emails also reduce drastically with the old flame as time passes and both of you pick up new interests and drift apart.

On the web, it may be a different and difficult ball game altogether especially on Facebook. You have their status update automatically popping up on your newsfeed and the same when they add new photos. Some of us may even feel like the former girlfriend or boyfriend is taunting us. This is most likely the case when these updates have to do with the ex having found a new person. Imagine that red heart which Facebook uses to denote changes to relationship status. I guess it would irk some people to see their ex hook up with someone else just days or weeks after their break-up while they’re nursing a bruised heart.

Some people say they will never add their boyfriends as Facebook friends in the first place, and will remain as single until they’re married. I understand not broadcasting that you’re in a relationship which may end up as transient, but not adding the person as a friend doesn’t really sound realistic. Others say they will remove those friends once they become exes. Sounds more doable, at the same time, you may come across as churlish and bitter and who wants to be the one who is worse off by a break up?

So what to do?

I discovered that my ex who was not on fb during our good old days, joined the train after we broke up.
I decided to send a friend's request after i posted to her wall a couple of days.
On realizing that i post on her walls regularly each time she makes a comment, and sends in-box , she blocked me.
So, people are differently reacted to the scenario you described, but to me, i fink what matters is your level of maturity.

Lol, I guess the poster's right! Adding exes on FB can be quite depressing especially when he or she is moving on and you are not!

Personally I don't give a hoot cos I dont waste anytime moving on myself after a break up . . . Especially a bad one!

But beyond bad relationships and broken hearts, it's good to always keep in touc with ALL your friends . . . You never know who you may need sometime!

***going on fb now to remove my exs. Brb***

i dont think there is a big deal having ex,s as friends on fb.personally kipping all my ex,s as my friends.life is 2 short 2 be compromised with.i advice that wen having a breakup in relationship there shld be an understanding.hence,ur ex can be ur FRIEND 4 LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

baby.me:

***going on fb now to remove my exs. Brb***

Wait for MEE!!! abeg help me flag down that okada man.

But seriously for me, it's not a big deal, I am on fb with 2 from past relationships, they're the one acting wierd. It's all about mental and emotional maturity. I guess one didn't have the guts to remove me yet so she changed her privacy, It takes a while but no hard feelings at all  . But really, if I had the opportunity to break up again with those 2, I will do it again. 

where is mr.cock


so he can summarise this for me!

All my 'exes' r my friends on facebook,
Life is too sweet to be bothered by such things,

there's no big deal in adding him on facebk. it all boils down to ones maturity

I have most of my exs as friends on facebook. Infact my immediate past girlfriend is my friend on facebook and we share comments and all, after sometime she had her present fiance to add me as a friend too, so I became friend wit the guy, sometimes i chat with the guy and comment on his pics too. They are headin to naija this December for their wedding so it depends on the level of maturity.

its totally pointless IMO, friendship often ends in Love, But Love NEVER ends in friendship.

infact, when my last relationship ended, the first thing i did was block my ex on FB, then changed the password to all my accounts.

if you value your relationship you wouldnt kept an ex

imagine your mum or father keeping exs as friends what would you the other partner feel

High_Chief:

I have most of my exs as friends on facebook. Infact my immediate past girlfriend is my friend on facebook and we share comments and all, after sometime she had her present fiance to add me as a friend too, so I became friend wit the guy, sometimes i chat with the guy and comment on his pics too. They are headin to naija this December for their wedding so it depends on the level of maturity.

Wow, now that is one I've never heard before. I salute the maturity on all your parts,

i guess ur relationship after a breakup wat u both feel. If u av moved on (sincerely & werent d bad partner) they is no reason to run from ur ex, Iav got my exs on fb, We r still friends, still advice each other on issues, gist as usl, comment on thier pix and all. But some caution comes in when thier partner does not free secure by d idea.
Recipe ?! maturity, respect and truly moving on with no hate! (by both parties)

seeing a ex's pix wth another mit take u back d gd times bt it also tell u wat u shld b doing too

I deleted the wahala ones and kept the level-headed ones.Their posts don't give me headache maybe mine does sha, Who cares ?  

all that is fine,
but what happens when your present gal/guy finds out u are still interested in your ex and happens to read your posts on your ex's wall

Mhen. Kini big deal? Breaking up doesn't make us enemies nau. . . Most of my breakups are termed 'Mutual Separation', so we get to chat, comment on each others status, comment on pics et al. . .[size=3pt]even bleep each other that's if the need arises   [/size]

it depends on the person that broke the relationship!

@halady
sure my new partner or thiers can gets jealous dat ok. But in real sense, posting on an ex wall its like talking with a megaphone. Anyone on thier list or mine can see it rit? So its no secret and my new partner shld trust me. (If i wanted to get sneaky it won b on fb, *wink*)

^^^Baba no dey wink nau. That looks very gay.

why people over expose and broadcast their lives on fb in the first place is what i dont get. me personally never puts any "in a relationship" bulls**t on my wall even though i might be in one. i always leave that box blank or on single. messing around on fb can be dangerous, all them club pictures drinking and getting drunk can make u seem irresponsible and hinder ur career oppurtunities. (in the UK, employers DO regularly check the fb pages of potential emoployees to help their decision making) fb is good for reconecting with old friends and wishing peeps a "happy irthday" but thats as far as it should go! some people over mis-use it.

Oh well, I'm friends wit my ex on facebook but I blocked him when i realized that i didn't wnt him finding out abt my activities. I also don't wnt to know his. The truth is dt I'd rather we were strangers but since dt is not possible nor realistic, blocking him is d best i can do

I removed my ex from my list of friends. Being friends made me think thots I was not supposed to think, care more than I was supposed to care, esp since I have a hubby, not fair to hubby dearest.

facebook

It does not count if an ex bf is your friend on fb. All these are matter of understanding and maturity. That someone is an ex does not make such a person an enemy rather a friend that we had in the past. Fb is like an arena where one freely interact with others and can never be a secret bedroom where some mutual things can be discussed or be done. I like being in contact with an old friend, be you an ex bf or ex gf, this is the only way your growing record can be spread  without you knowing it.  Except one is a failure, you need your track to be kept by others and no best person can do that more than ex bfs and ex gfs.

Myne White:

Wow, now that is one I've never heard before. I salute the maturity on all your parts,

ZIM DRILL:

facebook

ROTLFMFAO,


Some nor get choice, Jealousy make dem delete people comot

lol as if dey have anything 2 offer!!

dirty things!!

googles:

I deleted the wahala ones and kept the level-headed ones.Their posts don't give me headache maybe mine does sha, Who cares ?  

who cares?

High_Chief:

Meaning?