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The Ones Called Dogs (the Full Story) - Literature (3) - Nairaland

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Another Excerpt Of The "Ones Called Dogs" / An Excerpt Of The Ones Called Dogs / STORY:- Three Days To Remember...full Story (2) (3) (4)

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Re: The Ones Called Dogs (the Full Story) by Divepen1(m): 8:47am On Sep 12
OluwabuqqyYOLO:
This is a unique and touching story. It's sad the things that we ignore due to the discrimination against men.

1. No, the whole parts were good.

2. The last part; I think it was rushed. How did Romoke find the two out, please? The actions were too fast too.

3. The part about his uncle looking for him the next day with a cutlass. I was made to believe that his uncle already knew of his wife's attraction to younger boys, hence his suspicion and frown at her cuddling. It is therefore illogical that he just attacked Usman without any second thought, given that he had his best interest at heart. Okay, if we say he acted impulsively, I suppose he should have realized his folly the next day. If the scene should stand, I think it should tell that his uncle was there to apologize and take him home but he had refused to, unwilling to become the woman's sex slave.

4. Olumide mostly.

5. Bidemi's struggles on sex education. Please, I think you'd work on allowing the women more freedom in their thoughts. I fear that in your efforts to accurately show what the world thinks of men, you depicted all female characters as extreme. That may not be ideal, I don't know.

6. The entire work. Perhaps it could be rewritten.

7. Info on the proprietress. Who is she? How come she believes the boys? What influenced her? Also, where has she been?

8. I think during the last part, too brief. But I may be unsure.

9. The organization is cool.

10. I appreciate this book a lot. I hope kids get to read it. Is there a plan to publish online or offline? With the right connections and efforts, this should be fantastic for secondary schools.




I could never have appreciated anything more in my entire life.

Thanks a lot.


Yes. I plan to publish it as hard copy alongside the first I wrote. I'll implement the corrections where necessary.

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Re: The Ones Called Dogs (the Full Story) by Divepen1(m): 9:41am On Sep 12
While I await your comments, enjoy excerpt of the next book...

"Easy Child! One More Stroke!"Subject to change




Chapter 1
The Fight for A Mother
Tania stared into the darkness of the night as she waited patiently for the generator to go off. Their next house neighbour, Baba Jamiu, was fond of using their small power generators popularly called 'I better pass my neighbour' till it roared to a stop. So, as she stared at hunger in the face, she hoped it would soon roar to a stop.
Her mother had refused to feed her that night and now she had chosen stealing a piece of meat from the kitchen over suffering from the punishment of not eating.
'Die! Die', she muttered as she sat patiently in the sitting room. It served as both the sitting room and her own room. Unlike the other rooms in the room, she didn't get a bed for sleeping. A crafted mat was her bed and it always looked soft to her. In fact, after sleeping on it for so close to three years, she found it strange to sleep on the regular bed whenever her father was around.
The generator refused to heed her. Thus, she sat at the edge of her mat, counting num. Even if she felt like sleeping, the noise would definitely keep her awake. Moreover, she was still in need of food. Her mother always counted the pieces of meat in the pot before going to bed but, that night, she forgot to do that because she was angry at Tania, which was becoming a norm.
Her mind wandered to different things in the house but she refused to heed its lack of attention. Instead, she decided to practise another dance-step in the dark parlour. That was becoming a norm too since the power supply in the area got spoilt a week ago. Because she just couldn't bring herself to sleep early, she found joy in tapping away into the night. Sometimes, she would crash into chairs, arousing her mother.
However, she was too crafty for the old woman. As soon as she made the mistake, she always laid still as if she was asleep. Understanding her level wisdom, Tania would draw in long breathes and release them in a prolonged way. The first two nights that she gave shallow breathes, she regretted ever trying to dance. Her mother flogged her until her own voice became hoarse from shouting abuses.
'I dance and tap', Tania whispered in the night as the generator vibration continued. Soon, she was engrossed in the new steps she was in their last year's cultural dance. Everyone adored the dance step but only one of the students in the senior class could do it. Since then, Tania had always practiced it and had even gotten it. All that remained was for her to master it, and probably add her own steps to it.
Soon, the generator began to convulse, making terrible noise like one that just lost her son. The light from the other house began to fluctuate.
This is it, Tania thought.
She couldn't let the window of opportunity pass her by. She ran into the kitchen and gently opened the pot. As fast as she could be, she took a piece of meat and replaced the pot. The blinking light revealed drops of soup on the shelve. She quickly rubbed it off. When she was sure of her safety, she ran off into the parlour and laid to sleep.
However, the generator refused to go off and her hunger also refused to be abated. She wondered what she could do.
'Oh!' She gasped and jumped off the floor. Trying as hard as she could, she opened the bucket that contained garri (ground cassava) and crunched them into her mouth. The generator refused to go off and that made her wonder what was wrong. She peeped from the window and hissed.
'Off the rubbish!' She muttered as she headed to the place the bucket of water was. Despite the darkness, she understood the kitchen just as she knew her body part.
Just as she dropped the cup, the generator went off. She froze. Her mother would definitely be roused from her sleep. She swallowed hard, cleaned her mouth, and anticipated a time to escape. The moment she was sure the coast was clear, she tiptoed off the kitchen into the parlor. And this time, she slept off.
She must have slept off for a few hours before something strong, hard, and fleshy rammed itself into her face. The sting jolted her and aroused a yell from her sleeping body. She sprung out of her mad in preparation for whatever had struck her.
Everywhere was flooded with light. Tania covered her eyes and hurriedly blocked her face. She didn't need any diviner to tell her that her mother was at the other end of their large lamp. She didn't use their lantern because the glass might break off. Those things were ones of the most fragile glasses she had ever encountered. Any small crack and the whole house would not know peace from the breeze that would disturb the lantern and from her own mother, whose name was actually Peace.
With her, Tania had never known peace. It was hell here and there and she had accepted it as her reality.
'What did you do in the kitchen?' Her mother yelled and lashed out with a cane. Tania yelled in horror. Even if she would tell the truth, her mother's continuous lashing made her cringe and cry as she tried avoiding the cane.
'I only drank water', Tania kept yelling.
But her mother wouldn't stop. She flogged her still and every part of Tania's body seemed to be on fire. She yelled for help and scrambled out of her calculated reach but it was a fruitless effort. After what seemed like forever, her mother stopped. She hissed and walked away.
Tania crouched in a corner and cried her eyes out. Water streamed down unstopped and every part of her body craved for peace. This was the norm in her life, now. At that moment, she regretted fighting for her mother.
On her way from school, her classmate, Ayo noticed a mark on her back and called her attention to it.
'What's that?' Ayo asked and touched her back.
Tania smiled and shook her head. She wouldn't want to tell her ordeal to Ayo in the public.
'This is definitely a stripe', Grace Ademola said.
She and her sister, Rachael Ademola, were new in the school but had been with them since the beginning of the term. From what she had seen, Grace seemed to be the one pulling Rachael to them. Rachael loved to be alone but she couldn't do without her sister. That day, their mom didn't come for them, so they followed Tania, Ayo, and the other students.
'Did I say I'm blind?' Ayo retorted.
'Who can say?' Rachael replied. Ayo glanced at her and looked away. Rachael's body seemed was with stripes of cane and injuries that made most of the students steer clear of her trouble.
'She looked like that new boy. What's his name again?', Grace said and glanced at Rachael.
'Like you're not new', Ayo said nonchalantly.
Rachael gave Ayo another cold glare and hissed. 'His name is Bidemi…'
'Adeoti', Tania said.
'Yes. Bidemi Adeoti', Grace said excitedly. Tania always loved the joy she saw on Grace's face whenever she talked to Bidemi. That was an indication that Tania wasn't the only one that felt butterfly in her stomach whenever she saw him.
'Bidemi and Tania… Look alike', Grace said as she clutched a drawing book in her hand.
Ayo held Tania, stared at her for a while, and shook her head. 'No. She doesn't look like Bidemi. Ngwanu! She looks like her foolish mother. They are lookalike ,even though the woman is wicked. She doesn't even look like her father'.
'Oh! She understands Igbo. Are you Igbo?' Rachael asked and scowled. 'I hate Igbo girls'.
'Don't you ever call my mother foolish', Tania said and shot Ayo an angry look.
Grace and Rachael argued about Igbo girls and how it was condescending to say such thing. But the only thing on Tania's mind was the disrespect Ayo just had for her mother.
'What nonsense? How will she even call my mother foolish', Tania said.
'She is foolish. Foolish. See the stripe on her back', Ayo shouted.
Before Tania could stop herself, she slapped Ayo. That aggravated the spoil little brat. Ayo eyes shown in horror.
'I will finish you', Ayo shouted and rushed towards Tania but despite her height, she was good with such situations. She flung Ayo on the floor and sat on her. She was ready to beat the daylight out of her. Other students came nearer to witness the grand fight.
Ayo raged and promised to beat her to a pulp. But Rachael was proactive. She pulled Tania off Ayo without much help. Grace held Ayo back and Tania heard other girls complaining about how Ayo was too spoilt to know that flogging was one of the things they all have suffered.
'Why are you calling her mother foolish? My own mummy uses Koboko', one girl said. Tania never prayed to be flogged with that wicked leather horse whip.
'Ah! My own is wire', another girl said. 'Two at a time'.
Tania dusted her body and walked faster to meet her siblings.
'I will tell mummy', Junior, their youngest one said. She pleaded with him to keep her secret and he agreed after she promised him biscuit.
However, in the night while they were cooking, he reported her. Her mother, who was trying to make Eba, didn't even wait to hear anything from her. She removed the hot pestle and hit her with it. Tania, shocked that Junior betrayed her, couldn't defend herself before she got another one on her arm.
'You're not eating in this house this night', her mother exclaimed after the fifth stroke.
So, as she crawled back to bed in the middle of the night, the only on her mind was how to get to school the next day. At least seeing the new faces like that of Rachael and Bidemi would make her happy. Ayo and Grace were no longer her friends. Why would Grace hold Ayo instead of her?
Tears flooded her eyes again as the pain of the cane got to her. She whispered to herself, 'I will tell Daddy when he returns'.
Re: The Ones Called Dogs (the Full Story) by MichaelBlake40(m): 7:27pm On Sep 12
Divepen1 I think it's extremely unrealistic that both principals of both schools and their female teachers would be so averse to sex education for boys.
By the way,what could Romoke who had been raped recently be doing in Deaconess Omo's house?
Also it's seemed too much of a coincidence that Bidemi would end up in the same house as Usman{or those Auntie Omo have a thing for strays?}
Re: The Ones Called Dogs (the Full Story) by Divepen1(m): 9:21pm On Sep 12
MichaelBlake40:
Divepen1 I think it's extremely unrealistic that both principals of both schools and their female teachers would be so averse to sex education for boys.
By the way,what could Romoke who had been raped recently be doing in Deaconess Omo's house?
Also it's seemed too much of a coincidence that Bidemi would end up in the same house as Usman{or those Auntie Omo have a thing for strays?}
Thanks and thanks.. I'll work on the flaws.
Re: The Ones Called Dogs (the Full Story) by germaphobe(m): 9:32pm On Sep 12
the book is ok and good. But i will suggest you explain more of how rumoke caught them, what she came to do at dat odd hour and why didn't bidemi's parents search for him instead his aunt still had to flog him even after missing for weeks without knowing or caring to ask where he was, i just think you rushed the whole ending part of it.
Re: The Ones Called Dogs (the Full Story) by Divepen1(m): 9:49pm On Sep 12
germaphobe:
the book is ok and good. But i will suggest you explain more of how rumoke caught them, what she came to do at dat odd hour and why didn't bidemi's parents search for him instead his aunt still had to flog him even after missing for weeks without knowing or caring to ask where he was, i just think you rushed the whole ending part of it.
Thanks boss. Noted and taken into consideration.

1 Like

Re: The Ones Called Dogs (the Full Story) by dawno2008(m): 12:17am On Sep 13
In general,the book is OK for the teenagers to show them that everyone matters when it comes to sex education,both genders suffers the ignorance of it.

Then you need to work on the story line,so it won't seems as if it normal to run away from one's challenges,and so that they'll know that it's not always, one sees someone like aunty Omo cool,also with Japhet having the gay sex for monetary gain,is wrong suggestion(to me)

Then on Ronke's sudden appearance at the scene,I believe you rushed that end,so you forgot to link how Bidemi planned with her,cos if I remembered correctly,Usman saw both of them whispering somethings to themselves,and I want to believe that Bidemi planned with Ronke so as to burst aunty Omo(I may be wrong though)
And what happened to Usman's uncle's wife,will she get away with the lies,(mind you,It's the teenagers that are the target)it will go a long wat to persuade some from lying on others,only if there is repercussions for every actions.
All the same,it's a good work,with little corrections here and there,it'll be good to go.
Nice work sir.
Re: The Ones Called Dogs (the Full Story) by Divepen1(m): 4:35am On Sep 13
dawno2008:
In g



Then on Ronke's sudden appearance at the scene,I believe you rushed that end,so you forgot to link how Bidemi planned with her,cos if I remembered correctly,Usman saw both of them whispering somethings to themselves,and I want to believe that Bidemi planned with Ronke so as to burst aunty Omo(I may be wrong though)
.
Nice work sir.
Appreciated. You're right. That was what I wanted to show but since it's teenagers book, I'm trying to avoid making it lengthy as it has gotten to 30k words already.

And thanks for seeing the wife's case too. It'll be taken to consideration.
Re: The Ones Called Dogs (the Full Story) by Creeza(m): 1:09am On Sep 14
Simply mind blowing.. Another master piece from the Master himself. God bless you bro.. you made my evening .

Sometimes, the boy child is just assumed to be "strong" but we bleed too you know.

Only if society will see the image it has potrayed into boys.. " Boys are not supposed to complain as nothing can ever go wrong when it comes to life and it's ups and downs."


I remember when I was young then, living with aunts and cousins, I always got mad at the fact that the girls among us often got what they wanted .. often and its crazy, starting with : money and attention to be prescise from our elder relatives...

Then one day I asked my brother why? Because I felt it was bad...

His reply " If our uncles and aunts don't give them what they want. They will search for it outside"

And up till this moment in my life, I have to hutsle and grind to get that better life, come out and stand tall among peers. WE PUT UP THE HARD SHELL AND NEVER SEEM WORRIED.

But hey nobody cares what happens to the boy child... " He could sarch for it outside too and eventually fall victim to the " Omo's " out there..

Just as in the case of Usman and his uncle who didn't think twice to believe his wife..

Kudos bro. Kudos.
Re: The Ones Called Dogs (the Full Story) by Divepen1(m): 7:09am On Sep 14
Creeza:
Simply mind blowing.. Another master piece from the Master himself. God bless you bro.. you made my evening .

Sometimes, the boy child is just assumed to be "strong" but we bleed too you know.

Only if society will see the image it has potrayed into boys.. " Boys are not supposed to complain as nothing can ever go wrong when it comes to life and it's ups and downs."


I remember when I was young then, living with aunts and cousins, I always got mad at the fact that the girls among us often got what they wanted .. often and its crazy, starting with : money and attention to be prescise from our elder relatives...

Then one day I asked my brother why? Because I felt it was bad...

His reply " If our uncles and aunts don't give them what they want. They will search for it outside"

And up till this moment in my life, I have to hutsle and grind to get that better life, come out and stand tall among peers. WE PUT UP THE HARD SHELL AND NEVER SEEM WORRIED.

But hey nobody cares what happens to the boy child... " He could sarch for it outside too and eventually fall victim to the " Omo's " out there..

Just as in the case of Usman and his uncle who didn't think twice to believe his wife..

Kudos bro. Kudos.


I feel honored by the caliber of great minds that have dropped their comments. Thanks for this. I wish I can drop these comments somewhere in the book.

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Re: The Ones Called Dogs (the Full Story) by Creeza(m): 12:11pm On Sep 14
Divepen1:



I feel honored by the caliber of great minds that have dropped their comments. Thanks for this. I wish I can drop these comments somewhere in the book.
sure, I'll feel honored too.
Re: The Ones Called Dogs (the Full Story) by KishPelz: 9:05am On Sep 15
Baba na you make me open nairaland account after like 4 years of steady visiting

i enjoyed every bits of the story and also very glad you're gladly heeding to the corrections. This story really show say you too go school. More Grace baba
Re: The Ones Called Dogs (the Full Story) by Divepen1(m): 9:54am On Sep 15
KishPelz:
Baba na you make me open nairaland account after like 4 years of steady visiting

i enjoyed every bits of the story and also very glad you're gladly heeding to the corrections. This story really show say you too go school. More Grace baba
Thanks boss. This means a lot.

1 Like

Re: The Ones Called Dogs (the Full Story) by queenitee(f): 9:03am On Sep 16
Divepen1:
Intended age group: Secondary school students, especially the lower classes.
Genre:Young Adult.

Questions
1. None

2. The part Romoke caught Omo and usman, why was she in Omo’s house and how did she get in? Was the fort locked or not?

3. None, none

4. Usman

5. Japheth, olumide and Usman’s meeting point grin

6. I can’t really place it

7. We didn’t really know why the proprietress believed them, considering the fact none one else did

8. Nowhere

9. None, all was great

10. Yes. It was a really good story and like always you were wonderful, more grace and more development to our city grin and really, no one else can tell fortune city stories like you dogringrin
Re: The Ones Called Dogs (the Full Story) by Divepen1(m): 9:27am On Sep 16
[quote author=queenitee post=82276613][/quote] Awaww ...Thanks a lot

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