Eleru gbe ru eh.

Charles1888:
I had to create a new account for this

I don't know how to get through to my wife anymore, of which the fault is mine, when we were dating, she showed that she was committed to me and loved me wholeheartedly but I was reluctant to marry her cos she was of age, I wanted someone younger, say under 25, but something important that i have to acquire made me marry all of a sudden and she was the only one available, don't get me wrong, I loved her then, her peaceful and humble soul but for some reason I simply can't understand I felt she wasn't enough, but I was wrong, she was perfect, the best I can ever wish for and more, she is everything,

After we got married, you know newlyweds now, the quarrels about every little thing, it was much then, so this particular incident made me so worked up and angry I made a statement I shouldnt have said, during the heated argument I told her that she was never who I would have married, that she wasn't my specs, she was too old (31 lol) that if someone younger was available I wouldn't blink twice before I'll marry the person.

After saying all that, I wasn't sober about it, she held on to that statement, I knew she cried that night, since then we don't talk, play, gist anymore, we became distant, though I apologised the next morning but things isn't just the same anymore, communication isn't there, she only talks to me when she wants to ask or say necessary things, nothing more, though she still cooks, we still have sex, infact every other aspect is fine except for communication, anytime I come back from work and I'm in the sitting room, she doesn't stay there, she either goes to the room or dinning room, I have begged and begged and I don't want to involve third party cos I obviously caused this, when she got pregnant, she didn't tell me till I saw the strip, when I asked why she said she forgot, and we had plans to celebrate when she takes in, I was sad that day, I begged and asked to tell me anything she wants and I'll do it, I'll make it up to her,,she said she wants nothing that she is fine, I love her, she is my baby, we use to be gist buddies, I missed that and I want it back.

I don't know what to do anymore, it's my fault I know that and I'm sorry I ever said that cos it hurt her deeply, I told her to tell me more evil things so that we will be even, she said she can't that she loves me, we are drifting apart, I can feel it,

Pls help me folks, I came here becos I want anonymous advise, what else can I do to make the hurt go away?

It's sad but try this. Find out what she likes and deliver them to her stylishly. Is she a red velvet cake lover? Find a good caterer to bake one and have it delivered to her in the office from time to time, with some romantic notes tucked in it which she'd see while opening it. Have bouquet of roses delivered to her at the office with a bottle of wine. Again include your apology notes with some romantic words. Don't make it too lengthy but rich and short enough to keep playing in her head after reading it. Have sexy notes tucked in her lingerie baskets from time to time and never fail to reaffirm to her how much she means to you. You can also set up a candle light dinner for her at home and get good r n b ballads playing at the background to set the mood. Imagine a song like "you mean the world to me" by Tank playing as she walks into the house when you have set up your candle light dinner for her? Rose petals scattered on the floor and different romantic quotes hanging on the wall as she walks around the living room?

Long and short is that, you look for ways to blow her mind. Take her away for a getaway at a private resort, go on a boat cruise with her, etc. Try and invent your trips that you know she'd like. Results may not show immediately but keep the pressure on. With time, she'd come around.

deavicky:
Go out for one week without telling ur where about when she sees u again the whole thing will change

Lol...it will work somehow but that's blackmail. If you want to do it well, just add little tears and low-key rant in a sober mood like ...you're fed up with life as she is acting towards you and you're leaving the house for her and that you will come back as soon as she is ready to forgive you and you guys be doing normal as before...I bet you it will work...Nollywood script. In d'banj..."are you not satisfied... Yeah! Are you not satisfied!... PAY ME MY MONEY!

Hehhhh. This one wey U talk strong oo.
Tell you what. She will carry what you said to the grave. Till she dies. The thought of never being enough for the man you love. But know what, she can still forgive again, you can make her bloom.. maybe not erase the hurt but make it fade. Consistently show you love her and your words were rash and unjustified. Put her first. Show her the queen she is to you. She will turnaround. But kai, that thing you talk powerful ooo.

this is "mind game", the silent "treatment", don't beg her again, start normal life with her, do as eve nothing happen, then wait for your turn, i mean your pay back time, don't forgive, i repeat don't forgive, believe it, you have lost her, so let her rebuild the love if she want, not you, if she cannot forgive & forget, she cannot remain loyal & submissive then she is a rebel, treat her as one, it is a big sin for man to bear gruges against God, likewise wife against her husband

Charles1888:
I had to create a new account for this

I don't know how to get through to my wife anymore, of which the fault is mine, when we were dating, she showed that she was committed to me and loved me wholeheartedly but I was reluctant to marry her cos she was of age, I wanted someone younger, say under 25, but something important that i have to acquire made me marry all of a sudden and she was the only one available, don't get me wrong, I loved her then, her peaceful and humble soul but for some reason I simply can't understand I felt she wasn't enough, but I was wrong, she was perfect, the best I can ever wish for and more, she is everything,

After we got married, you know newlyweds now, the quarrels about every little thing, it was much then, so this particular incident made me so worked up and angry I made a statement I shouldnt have said, during the heated argument I told her that she was never who I would have married, that she wasn't my specs, she was too old (31 lol) that if someone younger was available I wouldn't blink twice before I'll marry the person.

After saying all that, I wasn't sober about it, she held on to that statement, I knew she cried that night, since then we don't talk, play, gist anymore, we became distant, though I apologised the next morning but things isn't just the same anymore, communication isn't there, she only talks to me when she wants to ask or say necessary things, nothing more, though she still cooks, we still have sex, infact every other aspect is fine except for communication, anytime I come back from work and I'm in the sitting room, she doesn't stay there, she either goes to the room or dinning room, I have begged and begged and I don't want to involve third party cos I obviously caused this, when she got pregnant, she didn't tell me till I saw the strip, when I asked why she said she forgot, and we had plans to celebrate when she takes in, I was sad that day, I begged and asked to tell me anything she wants and I'll do it, I'll make it up to her,,she said she wants nothing that she is fine, I love her, she is my baby, we use to be gist buddies, I missed that and I want it back.

I don't know what to do anymore, it's my fault I know that and I'm sorry I ever said that cos it hurt her deeply, I told her to tell me more evil things so that we will be even, she said she can't that she loves me, we are drifting apart, I can feel it,

Pls help me folks, I came here becos I want anonymous advise, what else can I do to make the hurt go away?

Na the same mouth u use to offend her that u will use to appease her and make her feel how u feel.

sounds like an emotional woman with self esteem issues.

Take her to cool environment invite who she love and respected so much in her family whom is not bias in utterances and make sure u give a gift and sex you know she has always enjoy . Don’t Play it rough mind u .. if she sleep on ur chest before the week runs out you are winning her over again.

Wish you good luck.

Advice to all marry someone mature and spiritually incline.

omotola224:
A woman loves unconditionally but when you cross boundaries she can decide to unlove you with the same energy.
Men can often be insensitive through their actions but when you say it to their face then it's a confirmation of what you have been thinking. Never get to this point with a woman who genuinely loves you. That being said
You have to keep trying...
When she leaves you alone in the sitting room go and meet her. Gist with her.
Take her out on dates
Surprise her
You have to do things like you are just asking her out all over again.
Over one of your dates tell her you are sorry and would love to be the love of her life once again. Pls let it show that you are truly remorseful.

She will forgive you only you might have to reassure her over and over again.

Note: watch what you say henceforth .

Goodluck!

A woman love unconditionally ?
No woman loves a man unconditionally.
A woman seek out for the value a man got to offer.
Value !
That's not unconditional love ma.
Women appreciation for value varies, if you had said that,It would have being understandable

excanny:
If you have begged and begged and she still refuses to let go. Please do yourself a favour by divorcing her so you can marry someone else and live with peace of mind.

Please kindly divorce her. Nonsense.

I just spot a teenager and an exuberant young man... This post is not meant for you.

Charles1888:
I had to create a new account for this

I don't know how to get through to my wife anymore, of which the fault is mine, when we were dating, she showed that she was committed to me and loved me wholeheartedly but I was reluctant to marry her cos she was of age, I wanted someone younger, say under 25, but something important that i have to acquire made me marry all of a sudden and she was the only one available, don't get me wrong, I loved her then, her peaceful and humble soul but for some reason I simply can't understand I felt she wasn't enough, but I was wrong, she was perfect, the best I can ever wish for and more, she is everything,

After we got married, you know newlyweds now, the quarrels about every little thing, it was much then, so this particular incident made me so worked up and angry I made a statement I shouldnt have said, during the heated argument I told her that she was never who I would have married, that she wasn't my specs, she was too old (31 lol) that if someone younger was available I wouldn't blink twice before I'll marry the person.

After saying all that, I wasn't sober about it, she held on to that statement, I knew she cried that night, since then we don't talk, play, gist anymore, we became distant, though I apologised the next morning but things isn't just the same anymore, communication isn't there, she only talks to me when she wants to ask or say necessary things, nothing more, though she still cooks, we still have sex, infact every other aspect is fine except for communication, anytime I come back from work and I'm in the sitting room, she doesn't stay there, she either goes to the room or dinning room, I have begged and begged and I don't want to involve third party cos I obviously caused this, when she got pregnant, she didn't tell me till I saw the strip, when I asked why she said she forgot, and we had plans to celebrate when she takes in, I was sad that day, I begged and asked to tell me anything she wants and I'll do it, I'll make it up to her,,she said she wants nothing that she is fine, I love her, she is my baby, we use to be gist buddies, I missed that and I want it back.

I don't know what to do anymore, it's my fault I know that and I'm sorry I ever said that cos it hurt her deeply, I told her to tell me more evil things so that we will be even, she said she can't that she loves me, we are drifting apart, I can feel it,

Pls help me folks, I came here becos I want anonymous advise, what else can I do to make the hurt go away?

Don't involve anyone just carry your cross. I wish she could just abandon you after she bears a child and maybe relocate abroad and go enjoy her life, I wish I could help her achieve that cos u were honestly foolish and stupid


It is foolish boys like you running after small girls that are making it seem like marriage is not sweet.

If you are a guy reading this listen up, don't ever marry any girl below 27 years if you want peace of mind.


In Nigeria, girls start having sense from the age of 27yrs, and they become very lovely from 31yrs because at this age they now understand the difference between daydreams and reality.

They will become true help mate. They will become true partner not sex mate and trouble mate.

Girls below 27yrs are just sex mate, party mate, trouble mate, money milking machine and demanding robots who are very selfish and are only after what they can get from men and not what they can give back to men.

Anybody telling you that ladies start having child bearing issues or difficulty from the age of 32yrs is a mad person don't listen to them.

If I have my way, only ladies above 27yrs can get married.

Girls below 27yrs don't know what they want from life, they just want money and material things for free. They don't know what marriage is all about, or how to be a wife to a man. To them being a wife is living with a man, having sex with him at night to get pregnant in order to have babies, cooking for him while he provide them with all their life fantasies and if he fails to provide their fantasies, they start to give him trouble and start to compare with their friends and those they watch on TV and God rescued you from that disaster and u had the gut to tell that lady this stupid thing.


Had it been I knew your wife I would have told her to start making plans to leave you once she gives birth, and possibly find a way to travel out of Nigeria and leave u to enjoy the young girls u crave for cos u will definitely be cheating on her with those small girls, I can bet on that, wicked guy

I was crying with flowing tears as if I was the one the words were spoken to, OP you killed the woman, the truth is that things will never remain the same again, just deal with it, as soon as the baby arrives she will shift her attention to her baby and life goes on for her, so set your mind already at that, those words were so harsh and hurtful

Your apology is not enough, let your actions speak

Take her outing like u are still dating her n grow d companionship again

Nice place

Stroll wit her

Hold her hands

Kiss her in public

Make her her u r super proud of her n booom

U go dey ok again n dont forget to ve a spices interracting lv making ok

Thank me later

E dey work well well like drug for women

Make dem feel so special

olabrinks:
If my husband said that to me, honestly it would break me. Age is so sensitive to women, you don’t know the pressure and scrutiny women face for marrying late. She found ‘love’ and now you use her age against her? The only human being that she thought was non-judgmental and she could find solace in? Her age, Something she can’t control? Even if it takes 5 years to forgive you fully, you must be patient with her. Words hurt deeper and mind you shes such a good woman because she still cooks, has sex and every other thing. Most women will show you pepper. Her body is there but her heart and soul has disappeared from the marriage.

Exactly, the thing pained me well. He got such a perfect wife, but broke her heart, d truth is, things will never be the same, she will always remember those hurtful words whenever she sees his face.

The nigga screwed up real bad

GrabHisBalls:
There's nothing anyone on Nairalander could help you with. You were actually not ready for marriage before you delved into it. If you've ever attended marriage seminars/relationship talk shows, you would have known that words are very powerful. No matter the provocation, there are things you don't utter. People forgive, but those words live with them. Most times, not consciously 'cause even subconscious keeps to information. There are certain "truth" you don't say if it's going to cause emotional damages even if it's the truth. I laugh when people blab things to hurt people, then tag it "the truth". You're simply being insensitive. It' s not every truth you should say in the open. Maturity has taught me to keep quiet when provoked.

Your wife may have forgiven, but those words can never be erased even though she desires to.

This is wonderful

Temitope009:
Okay, it's been done. What's the way forward?
It's good you're sober now. That's a good start, we can take it from there.
First, you have to be very very patient with her, words alone cannot undo how much those words hurt. You have to show her in action. Try by doing the very little things that matter to us as women. Few tips..

Kiss her on her forehead at least once a day, look into her eyes and tell her how much she means to you.
Buy her gifts.
Try not to get angry at her mistakes or making a graver mistake to say hurtful things to her, it'll undo all these kindness from start again.
Just take it slow and with time, she'll come around. Time heals all wounds.
All the best sir.

This is beautiful and very satisfying.. The deed has been done and he's here for a possible way out which you've mentioned one out of it. People are busy insulting and calling him names, that won't bring solution.

My own advice is, after doing exactly what the original poster said, pray, pray and pray tirelessly about it. I wish you the very best sir.

bukatyne:
@charles1888,

Keep apologizing in words and deeds

Also pray to whatever you believe in to soften her heart and heal her.

You can also cuddle her and pray for her healing too.

To be told that the very foundation of your marriage is a lie...... Is huge!

Happy new year.. How are you? Quite a long time.

It would've been better if you cheated on her than say those hurtful words to her. And you did not withdraw the statement immediately to show remorse, you made her feel unworthy and useless. Sha apologize and give her time to heal. Don't push it. Next time watch your tone and your words. All the best

kimberlugee:

She said 'men can' and not 'men are'. Seems you are the confused one here. Besides you men also generalize and it is the bitter truth. If you like don't swallow your ego and learn.

Are u more learned than I am?

chronique:



It's sad but try this. Find out what she likes and deliver them to her stylishly. Is she a red velvet cake lover? Find a good caterer to bake one and have it delivered to her in the office from time to time, with some romantic notes tucked in it which she'd see while opening it. Have bouquet of roses delivered to her at the office with a bottle of wine. Again include your apology notes with some romantic words. Don't make it too lengthy but rich and short enough to keep playing in her head after reading it. Have sexy notes tucked in her lingerie baskets from time to time and never fail to reaffirm to her how much she means to you. You can also set up a candle light dinner for her at home and get good r n b ballads playing at the background to set the mood. Imagine a song like "you mean the world to me" by Tank playing as she walks into the house when you have set up your candle light dinner for her? Rose petals scattered on the floor and different romantic quotes hanging on the wall as she walks around the living room?

Long and short is that, you look for ways to blow her mind. Take her away for a getaway at a private resort, go on a boat cruise with her, etc. Try and invent your trips that you know she'd like. Results may not show immediately but keep the pressure on. With time, she'd come around.

See im mouth like red velvet.

No put candle for my path o. No be me you go use do ritual biko.

Be like you done dey watch those romantic movies. In fact...

Tell her u don't mean it, YOU just want to know her action and how she reacts to issue, take her out and explain it in a respective way.

I've 2 advice(s) for you.

1. Go and make money.

2. Repeat rule NO 1, make enough money.


And, what will happen?

Her brain will come down.

Charles1888:
I had to create a new account for this

I don't know how to get through to my wife anymore, of which the fault is mine, when we were dating, she showed that she was committed to me and loved me wholeheartedly but I was reluctant to marry her cos she was of age, I wanted someone younger, say under 25, but something important that i have to acquire made me marry all of a sudden and she was the only one available, don't get me wrong, I loved her then, her peaceful and humble soul but for some reason I simply can't understand I felt she wasn't enough, but I was wrong, she was perfect, the best I can ever wish for and more, she is everything,

After we got married, you know newlyweds now, the quarrels about every little thing, it was much then, so this particular incident made me so worked up and angry I made a statement I shouldnt have said, during the heated argument I told her that she was never who I would have married, that she wasn't my specs, she was too old (31 lol) that if someone younger was available I wouldn't blink twice before I'll marry the person.

After saying all that, I wasn't sober about it, she held on to that statement, I knew she cried that night, since then we don't talk, play, gist anymore, we became distant, though I apologised the next morning but things isn't just the same anymore, communication isn't there, she only talks to me when she wants to ask or say necessary things, nothing more, though she still cooks, we still have sex, infact every other aspect is fine except for communication, anytime I come back from work and I'm in the sitting room, she doesn't stay there, she either goes to the room or dinning room, I have begged and begged and I don't want to involve third party cos I obviously caused this, when she got pregnant, she didn't tell me till I saw the strip, when I asked why she said she forgot, and we had plans to celebrate when she takes in, I was sad that day, I begged and asked to tell me anything she wants and I'll do it, I'll make it up to her,,she said she wants nothing that she is fine, I love her, she is my baby, we use to be gist buddies, I missed that and I want it back.

I don't know what to do anymore, it's my fault I know that and I'm sorry I ever said that cos it hurt her deeply, I told her to tell me more evil things so that we will be even, she said she can't that she loves me, we are drifting apart, I can feel it,

Pls help me folks, I came here becos I want anonymous advise, what else can I do to make the hurt go away?

Hmmmm
Work your way back to her heart i mean start from scratch and if you feel the more you try the more she drift away from you then you should start your own too.

What I will do is to apologise and make her understand that its the last time I will do that and if no changes
I will not eat in that house again
I will not touch her
I will sleep in the seating room.
I will start or fake doing things she doesn't like.
Just one week she will kneel down to beg.

ollyboy009:
This is deep bro, i will still advice that you involve someone she so much respect in helping you apologizing to her, that will show her that you are serious.
You have a rear gem, pls don't lose her to your insensitivity. God bless your home!

Advising him to involve a 3rd pàrty in their marriage is very immature and dangerous. Its a BIG NO NO in marriage. It's ignorant and foolish. I know this because I have been married more than 10 years.

buoye1:
This is beautiful and very satisfying.. The deed has been done and he's here for a possible way out which you've mentioned one out of it. People are busy insulting and calling him names, that won't bring solution.

My own advice is, after doing exactly what the original poster said, pray, pray and pray tirelessly about it. I wish you the very best sir.

There is no solution to what he has done. Those words he told the wife are what we call words on marble!!


Its just like telling your not so beautiful wife that she is ugly, that you married her out of no choice. You have killed her self esteem no matter what you do for her in future.

Or telling your ugly husband that he is ugly, that you married him because you couldn't get any handsome guy to marry. Do you know what it means It means you were only an option for her not her desire.

Things like this you don't say it to people no matter what. In life you don't say some things to people you care about even if its the truth, you swallow it, be empathetic, put yourself in their shoe.

The op should forget about doing anything cos its just a waste of time, he has destroyed something that can never be mended, so let him move on like nothing happened cos the wife can pretend to have forgiven but she won't forget. Only time can make her forget it small.

And the op thought he was his wife's Prince Charming I laugh in Swahili.

Sometimes guys de fuckup.

You think that woman u are married to, that u are her dream man Who knows, maybe that your wife married u because her dream guys weren't coming forth or they were not buoyant enough to settle down with her or they are too confused to marry or too scared to be committed to any woman so they just accepted to marry u, just for marrying sake and u are there feeling like hero, telling a lady u never wanted to marry her because she was old, as if you are perfect and young too, sighs, I pity ladies sha

Dump her sorry old ass and marry a much younger girl to be happy.

in this case now, third party or even fourth party should be involved.... don't get it twisted

never marry woman out of pity or she is the one avaliable, that is why i don't fancy non-virgin over used pussy evening newspaper's, they carry a lot of emotional bagages, they carry you for mind and also they are deadly!

Respect55:

Are u more learned than I am?

No,but I am more enlightened than you are.

Well can't people yarb each other again abeg babe na joke oh no vex Abi complex dey worry you, the person you have decided to spend eternity with should not say anything that you would just Lock Up. Abeg forgive and move on , it's not every body that knows how to talk some people mouth na poison so babe forgive your husband he was just joking.
Guy you start all over and win her love afresh sorry na wetin your bad mouth bless you with.

Charles1888:
I had to create a new account for this

I don't know how to get through to my wife anymore, of which the fault is mine, when we were dating, she showed that she was committed to me and loved me wholeheartedly but I was reluctant to marry her cos she was of age, I wanted someone younger, say under 25, but something important that i have to acquire made me marry all of a sudden and she was the only one available, don't get me wrong, I loved her then, her peaceful and humble soul but for some reason I simply can't understand I felt she wasn't enough, but I was wrong, she was perfect, the best I can ever wish for and more, she is everything,

After we got married, you know newlyweds now, the quarrels about every little thing, it was much then, so this particular incident made me so worked up and angry I made a statement I shouldnt have said, during the heated argument I told her that she was never who I would have married, that she wasn't my specs, she was too old (31 lol) that if someone younger was available I wouldn't blink twice before I'll marry the person.

After saying all that, I wasn't sober about it, she held on to that statement, I knew she cried that night, since then we don't talk, play, gist anymore, we became distant, though I apologised the next morning but things isn't just the same anymore, communication isn't there, she only talks to me when she wants to ask or say necessary things, nothing more, though she still cooks, we still have sex, infact every other aspect is fine except for communication, anytime I come back from work and I'm in the sitting room, she doesn't stay there, she either goes to the room or dinning room, I have begged and begged and I don't want to involve third party cos I obviously caused this, when she got pregnant, she didn't tell me till I saw the strip, when I asked why she said she forgot, and we had plans to celebrate when she takes in, I was sad that day, I begged and asked to tell me anything she wants and I'll do it, I'll make it up to her,,she said she wants nothing that she is fine, I love her, she is my baby, we use to be gist buddies, I missed that and I want it back.

I don't know what to do anymore, it's my fault I know that and I'm sorry I ever said that cos it hurt her deeply, I told her to tell me more evil things so that we will be even, she said she can't that she loves me, we are drifting apart, I can feel it,

Pls help me folks, I came here becos I want anonymous advise, what else can I do to make the hurt go away?

Chill bro.....you guys are OK

BetWinners:
Nigerian men have got to stop placing so much value on women.
@OP You told your wife the blunt truth.Women are waaay harsher with the truth when they direct it at men.Countless women have told their husbands the exact same thing you told your wife (their husbands not being their first choice) & the men moved on.
Tell your wife if she can't act right & put that poo behind her,then both of you should split cos you can't continue stepping on eggshells in your own house.
Simple stuff

You dey mind them..If you dont have sense,women will manipulate you in ways you cant imagine..They always want their own ways to be and nothing else..she also said hurtful things to you which you overlook..OP has begged times without number and she is still behaving as if she is Allah wey no dey hear word

If I were to be OP,I would come home one day and tell her point blank if she is not ready to accept my pleas and forget about my mistake,you are asking for a divorce..How long will he continue to plead?A year,two,three or more?Which type of Iberism is that.. No wonder she was an evening newspaper before she got married

Nonesense!