got the shock of my life today, here is da gist
i have known her for about a year and a half now. she is my faculty or school, we met when i went to complain about my id card and she was coming from the student affairs, we bumped into each other and i saw her id fall, picked it up and looked at the name, and found out she was one of my students albeit in another department.next time we saw was at the market where she offered to do my shopping, a week later we met up in skul and she told me she had been looking for to give me the change of what she bought at the market, i was quite suprised and we became friends from then, she was a constant visiot to my flat, doing the dishes, mopping the floor and goin to the market, whenever i try to give her anything, she always refuse citing me as her elder brother per se. there was a time i tricked her with a cheque of three thousand t collect some dough for me,same day i travelled for a conference, when i came back she brought the money and gave me, i insisted it was for her but she bluntly refuse to accept it. later gave the cahs to her rommies.
bottom line is that she is such a nice a respectful girl, very humble and all that.
my colleague at the office who knew her has been asking her out and i think she is obliging, hes my closet paddy in the skul and someone i hold in high esteeem, he told me about it and asked my consent, i said fine because i have a principle of having nothing emotional or physical with students.
this morning at the office, the dean of education called me to her offive and told me to sit down, which i did, asked if my pal really loves the girl which i affirmed him saying something about not minding marrying her. she now told me to tell my friend to stop the relationship, i asked why, she now said
SHE HAS FULL BLOWN AIDS, THE OTHER TIME YOU TOOK HER TO THE HOSPITAL, I KNEW WHAT CAME OUT OF THE TEST, SHE MADE THE DOCTOR SWEAR TO AN OATH NOT TO DIVULGE THE INFO?
what i screamed and tears came to my eyes.
bottom line, my friend is in kenya for a conference,he will be back sunday night, i do not know if he has had sex with her, if yes did he use a condom?, why didnt she tell me?, i have told her lots of stuff about me and my family, she does sleep over at my apartment but i havent touched her before.
i then remebered her telling me about some hausa guy that disvirgined her last year, and she had to break up the relationship when she got admission to study at the school i lecture
Now i do not know what to tell my friend, i am so disappointed about the whole thing, i blame myself for allowing my friend to date her, in as much as she could not tell me all these days, the question is
how do i break the info to him
how can i stop the anger and disappointted on her side?

hmmmmmm
u definately need God to direct u on how to go about it in a way that will not be hard on that guy
i just pray he has not eaten the "fruit" sha , and even at that he might just be lucky

but in all ask God for wisdom.

as long as u've not bunked her , u have nothin to worry about

wow u people can really give advice O!

@ poster

This case is critical and no matter how you go about it, the same damage and hurt will be done. But for the sake of your friend's health, you got to act fast and quick. Because time isn't on your side at all

First of all, call the girl and sit her down, ask her this "even if for some personal reasons she didn't wan't to tell you about her health, how could she not tell your friend when she knows his life is on the line?"

Infact when i just typed that question, i got mad inside me . . how could she be so selfish, wicked and heartless? I know it couldn't and wouldn't be easy for her living with it and the fact that she'll loose guysss due to it, but thats not a reason enough to subject someone else to it, is it??

Or maybe she thinks if she gets someone else infected, then she'll have her own Mr. Right
Tell her you're dissappointed in her

Regards your friend, the same day he comes back from wherver he is, is the day you'll break the news as gently and slowly as possible. Just say it out, it wouldn't be any easier even if you left it for the next 10 years
I hope to God he hasn't slept with her yet, and that if he did, that they used protection and for that day the protection was 100% accurate
He'll be sad yea, but at least if any sexual intercourse had transpired, he can go for a test and if not, he'll use his tongue to count his teeth

I know there are some who out of love, have gotten married to patients (HIV+ anyway), but in her case its AIDS which makes it a whole lot more complicated I really do feel sorry for her, only God knows the amount of trauma she goes through every blessed day. May the Lord be with her!!
And please though she's your friend watch out for any potensial victims, in as much as she's hurt, she shouldn't have the right to destroy other people's lives and send them to untimely grave!!!!!

MY PPPPPEEEEEEEEEEPSSSS, AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDSSSSSSSS IIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSS RRRRREEEEEEAAAALLLLLLL, beware.

@Poster. This is a very delicate matter.I know in Nigeria some people do not take patient confidentiality seriously,if it was here in UK there would be hell to pay if that information got out without her consent.At least some one would loose their job or a court case with damages paid to the girl
Since we are talking Nigeria ,slightly different case but how do you explain your knowledge.I once saw a girl after her positive HIV result flirting with some guys and I felt sad because obviously she was over her period of depression and seemed to be back in "action".I could not say anything and just walked away.
I think the best person to broach this matter would be your friend.Even though she is close to you its a bit different because he asked her out or is going out with her and may have slept with her.
He would have a moral stand to Talk about her HIV status with her and could withhold his source.
Tell him first and let him take it from there.
Do not despair however ,even if he slept with her without protection he may be lucky.If HIV transmission was 100%, half of the guys in Nigeria would be HIV positive by now.

samsilo:

@Poster. This is a very delicate matter.I know in Nigeria some people do not take patient confidentiality seriously,if it was here in UK there would be hell to pay if that information got out without her consent.At least some one would loose their job or a court case[b] with damages paid to the girl[/b]

damages ke?? She's on the verge of throwing someone's life to the pigs and she'd be paid for "damages"?
For once, this is one thing i'll give naija kudos for then. How can she live with herself, if she ruined his life like that?? I know someone else did the same thing to her, but does paying someone else back for what an entirely different person did to her begin to soothe her pains away?? Abeg oo, there should be boundary to this "patient's confidentiality" of a thing. Its OK that she wants to keep it to herself, but when she's dragging someone else into it, hmm
I'm sure the government isn't praying for more "sexually transmitted diseases" patients, or are they??

Since we are talking Nigeria ,slightly different case but how do you explain your knowledge.

Well he shouldn't owe her any explanantions or ''name of source". If she thinks she's adult enough to keep her little "secret" to herself, then she shouldn't expect different treatment from him in return either

@ poster

One thing i have to agree with samsilo on, on the other hand is, maybe it is better for your friend to be the one to confront her with it. Because yes, he's the one dating her, its his life in jeopardy, not yours. She might not owe you any explanation since you guys weren't having any intimate nor sexual relationship with each other

But, like i said earlier, you have to handle fast. What has happened, you had no power over, but what might happen, you have some power to prevent. So don't buil up some basis of guilt for yourself. Cos should anything go down after now, then you might have yourself to blame for any negative outcome Talk to your friend as soon as possible!!
A stitch in time they say, saves nine

@Cute-ass I have to join your growing no. of fans for your well thought out response to issues on this forum .
I wasa not expressing my personal preference as far as the confidentiality bit is concerned just the legal aspect of it.
like i said Naija is different from other places and the best option is to tell the guy fast fast so he can confront her with the info.
HIV is wreaking havoc in peoples lives every day and its sad to know the number of people joking with their lives in the name of love or trusting someone.
When I was in Naija some months ago I was surprised the way some guys were talking about girls getting pregnant for them. All they were concerned about was aborting the pregnancy, not the risk they were taking having unprotected sex.

samsilo:

@Cute-ass I have to join your growing no. of fans for your well thought out response to issues on this forum .

Awwwwwww, thats the sweetest thing i've heard today Thanks hun, there's always place for a fan like you (didn't know i had a number though)

samsilo:

I wasa not expressing my personal preference as far as the confidentiality bit is concerned just the legal aspect of it.

Ok, then, guess i misunderstood. But i did understand what you were saying Cos i've seen them practise it. But i still think there should be a boundary. I can't do anything about it anyway, so i might just let it rest!!

samsilo:

HIV is wreaking havoc in peoples lives every day and its sad to know the number of people joking with their lives in the name of love or trusting someone.
When I was in Naija some months ago I was surprised the way some guys were talking about girls getting pregnant for them. All they were concerned about was aborting the pregnancy, not the risk they were taking having unprotected sex.

I thought i was the only one petrified at the level of ignorance some people exhibit.

Their only problem seems to be pregnancy, so when they're on "pregnancy pills", they think its all settled, forgetting all the diseases that can join suit.
Its good to know someone loves you and trust them, but you can't possibly trust the other people they've had in their lives, can you??

And even a virgin shouldn't go scot free either, Cos the last time we were thought "health education" in school, we learnt that sex wasn't the only potential cause. There are 1001 others.

In as much as i've advised that you could go for a blood test if you insist on having "pregnancy pills or injections or plasters" as your only protection measure, the fact still remains that unless you guys are having a lasting relationship, you can't ask every Tom, Benson and Harry to go for a test before you have sex (for those who jump at sex at any slightest chance)

Though condoms aren't a 100% safe, they remain the only protection towards "sexually transmitted disease", Now i can't force it into anybody with a teaspoon, he who has ears, let him hear!!!!!!

Asking the girl first might lead to another trouble. She might run away, end the relationship with the guy (as she's being so secretive about her condition) and your guy will forever remain in the dark. She can even kill herself, ive seen it b4 even though that relationship has gotten to engagement stage.

I will advise 2 to talk your friend first.(for some reasons mentioned by others).

full blown AIDS just after a year? that is not true. it is possible she got it from another source

u'll still have to tell him, it'll be worse if he finds out through another source

U calling him your guy and u asking If you should tell him... SMH

what if its all a lie? what if i lie to ur new grl friend that u are hiv n hepatitis posive?

Quality20:
what if its all a lie? what if i lie to ur new grl friend that u are hiv n hepatitis posive?

Putting Hiv and hepatitis in same sentence won't go down well. Hepatitis have a cheap vaccine, 40% of people clear the virus unknowingly to them. Hepatitis is a threat but not like HIV.

Baba calm down.

If she is on med which she surely would be on, her viral load would be low which would make infection less likely.

Between, she doesnt have AIDS.

Someone knowingly sleeping with men when she knows she has AIDS is a murderer.
You not challenging her and telling your friend when you know what you know makes you an accomplice and bag makes you worse than the murderer as how many others will she continue to infect.
This is why condoms matter

Nasri100:
Baba calm down.

If she is on med which she surely would be on, her viral load would be low which would make infection less likely.

Between, she doesnt have AIDS.

In an ideal world that would be the case
1. Due to lack of funds most Nigerians living with AIDS do not have regular blood checks so how then is the CD4 cell count monitored?
2. That argument you are trying to make works when someone practices safe sex and does not expose themselves to different strains of HIV which makes it difficult for the medication work.
3. You don’t know if she is on treatment or not.