I need mature advice from nairalanders.

I got married to my wife December,2015. The marriage is now blessed with two boys, the 2nd boy came last month.

The issue now is that I just discovered my wife is HIV positive during this 2nd pregnancy.The woman that I showed so much love tricked me into marrying her knowing fully well that she was HIV positive. I'm not really angry because she is HIV positive,I'm angry because she has been playing me all along.

She was in the Uni in another state while we were dating.Almost to the end of her study in 2014, she called that she was pregnant after I visited.She came to Lagos with PT and scan results to prove her claim.She then pressured me into paying her bride price before the pregnancy become public.We did our traditional marriage and went to the registry.Months after the marriage,my wife said the pregnancy has mysteriously disappeared, blaming it on "village people",but the gentle man in me didn't allow me to read any meaning to the movie.She tricked me into marrying her with the fake pregnancy after discovering she is HIV positive.

She eventually took in(for real this time),she came back from antenatal one afternoon crying, when I enquired what the issue was, she told me that they booked her for C-SECTION,that the doctor said the baby's weight is below 2kg and will almost be impossible for her to have the baby by herself,I was there consoling her not knowing that the doctor opted for C-SECTION because she is HIV positive.She actually told them not to disclose her status to me.The baby was 3.6kg at birth.My son was giving Nevirapine.I did some search and discovered that the drug is an antiretroviral drug,I became worried but I still played it down.

Her lid finally blew when she started antenatal for this my 2nd son in a different hospital, maybe she might have thought to herself that at this point there is nothing I will do any more, she told me that the doctor referred her to a government hospital for HIV confirmatory test.We went and did the test,I don't know the trick she played this time, the result was non reactive for her, me and our son.I went to the hospital and made Alot of noise,we went home and celebrated.Seven months later, she had an accident and was admitted, the doctor not satisfied with result of our confirmatory test,took her sample and send it to one of the best labs in Lagos,all the kits shows she was reactive.Because of the scene I created earlier, the doctor called me and showed me the result.That was when I started playing back to the first pregnancy scam, the rush for the marriage and the Nevirapine that was giving to my first son and I discovered I was being fooled by this woman all along.

This woman has hid her status from me and have been taking drugs under my nose for over five years without me knowing.I and my boy have gone for test twice at seven months interval and we are confirmed negative. I was told at one teaching hospitals I went for the test last month that maybe I'm just lucky or we are "discordant couple"
I have been expecting her to show remorse, and maybe apologize but she is still doing as if nothing happened.

I can't discuss this with my family or even hers, she will be stigmatize.I feel betrayed,I don't know how long I will stay in this marriage, but then I'm concerned about my boys. I'm afraid she might get desperate and try other means to infect me,I don't trust her.
What should I do?

Hmmm... very tough situation to be honest. Please think for yourself if you can live with this. If you can’t then move on.

I must say you are one lucky man.Have been doing skin to skin all these yrs and still negative?

You are special

Modified:Science or not,taking drugs religously and having low viral load,i still maintain he is special. .If you so believe yourselves,go and experiment with a carrier .

The mentions haff do

Since you're negative and your son.let's thank God. Deal with things appropriately. God wisdom upon you for knowing the right steps to take


God bless

baby124:
Hmmm... very tough situation to be honest. Please think for yourself if you can live with this. If you can’t then move on.

My fear is that,I may not be lucky forever, and even with the situation at hand, she is still full of attitudes.She is a very stubborn woman.

Have you spoken to her about it all are you guys pretending it doesn’t exist?

LadySarah:
I must say you are one lucky man.Have been doing skin to skin all these yrs and still negative?

You are special

Even doctors are suprised.We have been doing skin to skin for over 6yrs now.From what I gathered, she discovered her status sometime in 2014.

It's evil enough that she deceived you into marriage with her pregnancy plan and that she has been devising one plan after the other through your marriage to prevent you from finding out the truth, but to be unapologetic and unremorseful for her actions is something else, the same way she would be unapologetic and unremorseful had you contracted it. You might as well be married to your enemy.

zeb04:
Have you spoken to her about it all are you guys pretending it doesn’t exist?

I'm still acting nice because she just had our second baby (her second C-SECTION) 3weeks ago

Hobbsandshaw:


My fear is that,I may not be lucky forever, and even with the situation at hand, she is still full of attitudes.She is a very stubborn woman.

I understand you. Since you were deceived into this then you have to do what ever you want to do.

theButterfly:
It's evil enough that she deceived you into marriage with her pregnancy plan and that she has been devising one plan after the other through your marriage to prevent you from finding out the truth, but to be unapologetic and unremorseful for her actions is something else, the same way she would be unapologetic and unremorseful had you contracted it. You might as well be married to your enemy.

You are not far from the truth

LadySarah:
I must say you are one lucky man.Have been doing skin to skin all these yrs and still negative?

You are special

If she takes her drugs and has a low count then he most likely won’t be infected. It’s a virus too some rare people are Immune

baby124:

I understand you. Since you were deceived into this then you have to do what ever you want to do.

My concern really is my boys.I want the best for them

NaijaTushboy:

dude you are just lucky to have a short d**k coz peope with short konji doesn't penetrate place where HIV dey if it was someone like me or lalastic***hmmm

Na you Sabi joor.

Hobbsandshaw:


Na you Sabi joor.

but dude on a very serious note i for don divorce that kind wife oo.you might not be lucky forever...

NaijaTushboy:

but dude on a very serious note i for don divorce that kind wife oo.you might not be lucky forever...

That is exactly my fear, now that I know,I have to be careful.
I'm careful of my actions now because she just had a baby.

Mods pls help this brother move this to fp.This is a tricky situation,I don't even know what to advise

Chai! What are you waiting for? Hian!

Stop pushing blames. She didn't force you into marriage. This is why I dislike getting pregnant out of wedlock and suddenly getting the man marry you. Most men who marry in such conditions only do so for the child, not for the woman. Davido impregnated 2, didn't marry any and wasn't forced. Even the Chioma he claims to have so much affection for is pregnant just like the other ladies. Question is, would he have married her if not for the pregnancy? Wizkid has his and wasn't forced. At least, not yet. Own up to your mistakes 'cause you could've said 'No' and nothing would have happened.

What happened to having your medical records before marriage? How insensitive were you that your wife was taking a particular drug for 5 good years under your nose and you had no idea? Just thank God you and your son's are immune to the virus.

Eleyi gidi gaan ( this one strong o)

Let's try to take it fact by fact:

Fact#1 is she HIV positive now? YES

Fcat #2 she told you she was pregnant. Did you conduct any test on your own before paying the bride price despite the fact that it must have taken some months before gathering your people and money to do traditional marriage? NO

Fact #3 pregnancy mysteriously disappeared. Did you ask any questions or do any test? NO

Fact#4 she told you that she was to have a C-section because the baby was so small. Did you see or study any of the scan results or at least ask for opinion? NO

But you did research to know that Nevirapine is to stop mother to child transmission of HIV.

Not that I don't believe you, but you need to she'd more light on some aspects of the story.

if she breastfeed the your first son at all and she was positive at the time she would most likely have infected your son.

Also, if she was already infected at that time, it's somewhat inprobable that the tests would have been non reactive after two years during the pregnancy of your second son.

If it is true that's he has been taking antirotroviral drugs for FIVE YEARS. How come you did not notice inspite of your suspicion? It's either she is a great pretender or you are greatly careless and non observant.

I have not said she is right. I am saying you could have handled things in a better way.

Suggestions

Make sure you get 2 or 3 opinions on your (and your sons') HIV status and be sure you are safe.

Secondly,you need to have a heart to heart discussion with her devoid if anger and emotion on the way forward. You will need medical advice if you decide to stay with her.

If you establish that she she actually decided you into the marriage, it is a ground for divorce mainly because you life and that of your son's are at stake here. That changes the equation of things entirely because of the children involved.

Lastly, there is the option of loving forgiving and loving her through it. As wierd as it might sound,she might have not been open because she was afraid of loosing you.
It doesn't make it right but it's a reason. besides, being HIV positive is not a death sentence.

It's a tough one the Lord can lead you through it if you allow Him

.

Op you married a yellow snake.


somehow I feel like she's the one running your home, love shouldn't be blind, rather visible..

inside life, people dey shaa.

GrabHisBalls:
Stop pushing blames. She didn't force you into marriage. This is why I dislike getting pregnant out of wedlock and suddenly getting the man marry you. Most men who marry in such conditions only do so for the child, not for the woman. Davido impregnated 2, didn't marry any and wasn't forced. Even the Chioma he claims to have so much affection for is pregnant just like the other ladies. Question is, would he have married her if not for the pregnancy? Wizkid has his and wasn't forced. At least, not yet. Own up to your mistakes 'cause you could've said 'No' and nothing would have happened.

What happened to having your medical records before marriage? How insensitive were you that your wife was taking a particular drug for 5 good years under your nose and you had no idea? Just thank God you and your son's are immune to the virus.

She wasn't even pregnant, she staged the pregnancy.She went as far as getting fake pregnancy test and results and pressured into doing the traditional marriage because according to her,her parents must not know she gets pregnant out of wedlock.
As for the drug,I honestly don't know how she was doing it.

Breaststroke:
The lies and deception feels too much. Bros no vex, e be like say you no be street guy.

How did you let your wife koba you like this nah? I am vexing on your behalf because what she knowingly did is cruel & malicious.

She knew you were at risk of being infected but didn't disclose her status. Chances are, she would have turned things around and claimed you infected her via infidelity, if you ever tested positive for HIV.

You are right to be afraid and distrustful of her, in fact you should be. There was a HIV thread where a guy said his former roommate in school deliberately infected him because of a fight they had during first semester.

If you attempt or threaten to take the boys away she may harm you. Whatever you decide to do, plan it carefully and quietly without her knowing.

I dare not show her any sign at all.I know her very well, she won't mind poisoning me

[sup][/sup] cockmeat sandwiches create this mess

2Bad

Hobbsandshaw:


She wasn't even pregnant, she staged the pregnancy.She went as far as getting fake pregnancy test and results and pressured into doing the traditional marriage because according to her,her parents must not know she gets pregnant out of wedlock.
As for the drug,I honestly don't know how she was doing it.

Stop saying she pressured you. I don't think women easily pressure men into doing things they don't want. I could even deduce you married her 'cause a child was involved which you had a choice to say 'No' to. Inasmuch as she may have fooled you, you have your own share of the blame. Couples undergo series of test like genotype, blood group, HIV status before marriage. If you'd both done this, you would've known her status prior to the marriage. That would've informed you that she's infected since you're lucky to have been immune to the virus.

Hmmmmm this matter carry weight

mamaluke

Hobbsandshaw:
I need mature advice from nairalanders.

I got married to my wife December,2015. The marriage is now blessed with two boys, the 2nd boy came last month.

The issue now is that I just discovered my wife is HIV positive during this 2nd pregnancy.The woman that I showed so much love tricked me into marrying her knowing fully well that she was HIV positive. I'm not really angry because she is HIV positive,I'm angry because she has been playing me all along.

She was in the Uni in another state while we were dating.Almost to the end of her study in 2014, she called that she was pregnant after I visited.She came to Lagos with PT and scan results to prove her claim.She then pressured me into paying her bride price before the pregnancy become public.We did our traditional marriage and went to the registry.Months after the marriage,my wife said the pregnancy has mysteriously disappeared, blaming it on "village people",but the gentle man in me didn't allow me to read any meaning to the movie.She tricked me into marrying her with the fake pregnancy after discovering she is HIV positive.

She eventually took in(for real this time),she came back from antenatal one afternoon crying, when I enquired what the issue was, she told me that they booked her for C-SECTION,that the doctor said the baby's weight is below 2kg and will almost be impossible for her to have the baby by herself,I was there consoling her not knowing that the doctor opted for C-SECTION because she is HIV positive.She actually told them not to disclose her status to me.The baby was 3.6kg at birth.My son was giving Nevirapine.I did some search and discovered that the drug is an antiretroviral drug,I became worried but I still played it down.

Her lid finally blew when she started antenatal for this my 2nd son in a different hospital, maybe she might have thought to herself that at this point there is nothing I will do any more, she told me that the doctor referred her to a government hospital for HIV confirmatory test.We went and did the test,I don't know the trick she played this time, the result was non reactive for her, me and our son.I went to the hospital and made Alot of noise,we went home and celebrated.Seven months later, she had an accident and was admitted, the doctor not satisfied with result of our confirmatory test,took her sample and send it to one of the best labs in Lagos,all the kits shows she was reactive.Because of the scene I created earlier, the doctor called me and showed me the result.That was when I started playing back to the first pregnancy scam, the rush for the marriage and the Nevirapine that was giving to my first son and I discovered I was being fooled by this woman all along.

This woman has hid her status from me and have been taking drugs under my nose for over five years without me knowing.I and my boy have gone for test twice at seven months interval and we are confirmed negative. I was told at one teaching hospitals I went for the test last month that maybe I'm just lucky or we are "discordant couple"
I have been expecting her to show remorse, and maybe apologize but she is still doing as if nothing happened.

I can't discuss this with my family or even hers, she will be stigmatize.I feel betrayed,I don't know how long I will stay in this marriage, but then I'm concerned about my boys. I'm afraid she might get desperate and try other means to infect me,I don't trust her.
What should I do?

You speak like a very dull weak man with short d*ck like the other dude rightly posted..A woman you call your wife breached Trust which is a sacred oath of marriage here and your here talking parables,talking of son and her stubborness..
So you don't know the way to police station or no court to file for divorce around your environs?


Ye are actually a weakling sha,that's how she convinced you to marry her at the beginning..
I don't advice plebs