CaptainMitch:

Lols.

lefulefu:
ahh put up a pix for the boys oo .boys want to relax this early morning

Lols. I'm coming.

Hmmmm......pls wear your glasses .

* The OP says a woman's priority should be her children, but I countered it telling him that the kids should be both mother/father's priority.

*He blames women who divorce husband's for cheating thereby the increase in broken homes, but I countered it, telling him that the man is to blame for cheating in the first place, and should stomach the outcome.

* He said women of old were not bothered about their husbands philandering, and I made him understand that it was because they were dependent, etc.

Where did he say ladies should be independent? ? He said ladies should condone cheating from their spouses and concentrate on kids. I counter it, and told him to preach that men should be faithful.

wrongnumber:


Do you know that after I read your post I was totally confused because you just rewrote what toks wrote up there.

Infact from what I can deduce he is saying ladies should learn to be totally independent.

Nairaland ladies and unnecessary arguement.

wrongnumber:


Do you know that after I read your post I was totally confused because you just rewrote what toks wrote up there.

Infact from what I can deduce he is saying ladies should learn to be totally independent.

Nairaland ladies and unnecessary arguement.

YOU MEAN TO BE INDEPENDENT JUST FOR THEMSELVES, THAT NO PROBLEM BUT INDEPENDENT WITH THE CHILDREN. THAT NO MARRIAGE, THAT IS SLAVERY.

THESE ARE NO CULTURE, AND SHOULDN'T BE. ANY TRIBE PRACTICING SUCH IS NOT TO BE ENCOURAGED, THESE ARE TABOO.

PHOTSEE:

YOU MEAN TO BE INDEPENDENT JUST FOR THEMSELVES, THAT NO PROBLEM BUT INDEPENDENT WITH THE CHILDREN. THAT NO MARRIAGE, THAT IS SLAVERY.

If a lady has the number of kids she can take care of why not?

Are single mothers committing suicide cos they have no husbands? Abeg talk another story. Many women are even breadwinners today taking care of the children and even the husband.

Toks made perfect sense with this piece. My mum told me If she looked at my father's behaviour she will not even give birth to me but she did and took care of us successfully and yes she is happy.

Is Linda ikeji, Genevive,iyvone jekede and their likes unhappy? I think ladies arguing this write up are dumb.

Paxie55:

Lols.

Lols. I'm coming.

wrongnumber:


If a lady has the number of kids she can take care of why not?

Are single mothers committing suicide cos they have no husbands? Abeg talk another story. Many women are even breadwinners today taking care of the children and even the husband.

Toks made perfect sense with this piece. My mum told me If she looked at my father's behaviour she will not even give birth to me but she did and took care of us successfully and yes she is happy.

Is Linda ikeji, Genevive,iyvone jekede and their likes unhappy? I think ladies arguing this write up are dumb.

AND WHO ELSE? PLEASE TALK FROM YOUR ENVIRONMENT, YOU MOTHER SUCCEED AT HER OWN TIME, WILL YOUR WIFE BE ABLE TO, AT THIS HARD TIME? MY BRO, BAHARI WAY GO FLOG YOU NEVER COME BACK FROM LONDON.

Toks2008:
In the days of our mothers when marriage had great value and respect, women don't wait to fall in love before they marry any man but they marry first and grow to respect and appreciate the man with full submission...in fact women had no business with feelings of love but only one thing was vital to them....RAISING THEIR CHILDREN and ironically, they rarely depend on the man to help them achieve this and the only basic thing they needed the men for was satisfying their sexual needs even when the men were perceived to be overly demanding for conjugation and polygamous in nature.

Fast forward to the present-day.... Women what to be sure they have feelings for the man before they even date him, they want to be sure he loves them, they want gender equality, a man that will remain faithful to them, a man that can take care of them financially and in most cases, it ends in heartbreak with a resultant negative effect on the children that ought to be their main priority.

What is my point?

The present-day woman has changed the concept of marriage as created by GOD cos they are not ready to submit to their husbands as the women of old did and as instructed by GOD thereby making the institution unattractive. A woman has no business with loving any man or developing any feelings for a man before she marries him...the most important thing to look out for is if the man is responsible enough to be respected and be a father to her kids... in fact many of us wouldn't have been born by our mothers if they did not set their priorities right and if they hinged their marital happiness on their husbands actions or inaction.

The joy and priority of any lady should be herself and her kids but should never be hinged on what the man does with his life. Even if he is the philandering type you can simply switch him in your mind from a husband figure to a booty call without the need of you leaving your marriage to start looking for an imaginary faithful man...(You can do this...its a thing of the mind)

A lady should bring to the world the number of children she can conveniently cater to without the help of the man. And when the kids come, she should focus on raising her kids and make sure she is financially independent to do this without the man's help.

Your main priority as a woman in this one life you have is not to love a man or worry your head over a man loving you or being faithful to you. Your number one duty is to be the best you can be, bring forth and raise a GOD loving generation..If you are a lady nearing menopause and you are still single, look for a responsible sperm donor to have a kid with as long as he is willing to be a father to your kids and live a happy life...that you are a single mum will never stop a man from desiring you...don't allow menopause catch up on you whilst waiting to get married.

Hope this makes sense.

Kai you stupid sha. All this plenty writings and you end up asking hope it make sense.

Mumu e no make one single sense

PHOTSEE:

AND WHO ELSE? PLEASE TALK FROM YOUR ENVIRONMENT, YOU MOTHER SUCCEED AT HER OWN TIME, WILL YOUR WIFE BE ABLE TO, AT THIS HARD TIME? MY BRO, BAHARI WAY GO FLOG YOU NEVER COME BACK FROM LONDON.

But the question is what if it happens? You go kill yourself? Are there not single mums surviving?

The OP was not even asking ladies to be single mums except menopause is imminent but that ladies should get a responsible man that can cater for her kids.

I think people just what to argue for no reason. He may like writing controversial topics but they always make sense to those who wan see sense.

Is this not why people like Davido and wizzy Timaya, flavour are having baby mamas everywhere so why are ladies even finding trouble grasping the message.

If Ned Nwoko decides to make your babe his baby mama this minute your babe will not waste a sec so why are ladies arguing this blunt truth?

Abeg no mention me for this matta again. Hypocrites everywhere.

otherway:
This thread is both hilarious and down to earth.

What I keep pondering about is the fact that if polygamy is allowed in African marriage then why should any lady bother herself with her husband being faithful to her. I don't think all these arguments from women make any logical sense.

^{Oh I forgot to add that Polygamy is very acceptable only if the guy is rich but a taboo for a broke guy. That is the level of hypocrisy with Naija babes.}

so a guy who is broke should have 4 wives with 9 children to take care of abi?
Haq haq haq

REALLY, I CHOOSE NOT TO MENTION THIS TIME, DON'T YOU THINK THE VERY CELEBRITIES YOU LISTED WILL NOT BLICK AN EYE TO LEAVE SUCH THING OP CALLED MARRIAGE ABOVE, HOW MANY OF THEM CAN STAND TO BE A GOOD MODEL FOR YOUR DAUGHT,SINGLE MOTHER WITHOUT HUSBAND (NOT CAUSE BY LOST SPOUSE) BUT INTENTIONAL JUST TO BE CALLED BABE MAMA, FALLING SOCIAL SYSTEM, WHAT ARE THEY RUNING FROM? WHAT IF IT HAPPENS YOU ASKED? IT EVERYWHERE , ALL YOU JUST NEED TO DO IS OPEN YOUR EYE AND SEE, AND STOP BEING SELF CENTERED AND INCONSIDERATE, I AM A MAN OF LITTLE WORDS YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW.

otherway:
This thread is both hilarious and down to earth.

What I keep pondering about is the fact that if polygamy is allowed in African marriage then why should any lady bother herself with her husband being faithful to her. I don't think all these arguments from women make any logical sense.

Oh I forgot to add that Polygamy is very acceptable only if the guy is rich but a taboo for a broke guy. That is the level of hypocrisy with Naija babes.

I know a lot of women who never want to become second wives. Also the Rich being allowed to marry many wives is not an "African" thing. Arabs, Free thinkers & Non-christians who have a lot of money can also do this at will.

ok o

Paxie55:

Lols.

Lols. I'm coming.

Can I Unlike the original post? Can a man not take the least bit of responsibility for his actions, and for the people he brings into his life, and into the world? A male who wants a free ride in life at the expense of his wife and children, does not deserve to be called a "man".

Wean yourself, please.

truthsayer009:


I know a lot of women who never want to become second wives. Also the Rich being allowed to marry many wives is not an "African" thing. Arabs, Free thinkers & Non-christians who have a lot of money can also do this at will.

The point I still see in the write up is that the OP is asking ladies to focus more on improving their lives and that of their children and ignoring any possible madness of their husbands rather than leave their marriage thereby exposing the children to the consequence of a broken home except ofcourse it is inevitable. So I really don't understand the attack on him.or even the write up except people have other reasons behind their baseless attack. Everyone must not agree with his opinion but it is foolishness to attack anyone cos of their opinion no matter how bizarre it may sound.

Alexaonfleek:
[/sup]so a guy who is broke should have 4 wives with 9 children to take care of abi?
Haq haq haq

Lol! Babe forget o, there are some places where a man who can't even afford 3 square meals dey control many women and they have babies for them.

From the stories we real everyday even wizzy with all his money is believed to be lacadasic towards his children which ones again justifies the point of the OP.

Abeg I don tire to dey respond to this matter. All I know is that ladies attacking the OP are only allowing their emotions to block their logical sense of reasoning cos the narrative of the OP is what is the norm these days. I even know a woman who is presently the breadwinner of her family and many single mums are out there even taking care of their baby daddy.

Toks2008:


Ok I have heard you.

Now let me ask...

If you find yourself married to a man that cheats on you and you have kids for him already please what will you do?

A. Leave him and stay single for the rest of your life leaving your kids with a broken home?

B. Leave him.and start trying your luck with different men with no guaranty of meeting a faithful one?

C. Stay in the marriage and Focus on your life and that of your children whilst ignoring him with his philandering.

All my threads are actually in support of the women...to prepare and protect them from predators in the name of bad men but because many ladies lack the mental maturity to grasp the message or many are just too young to understand, they think I am against them.

We live in a very wicked,selfish and uncaring world of men and any lady who tries to fight this fact will certainly end up a loser.

You're a realist, to be honest. This is the question I have always had to ask American FEMALE Redditors (reddit.com) who would often say "My husband heated on me and I got to know through blablabla...." and all its different variants, you get. It blows my mind that every single time the kind of comments I read is basically this: He doesn't deserve you. You deserve better. Breakup.

Any woman who is not mentally ill should go for option C. There were ladies, Toks, who kinda reiterated your position while I served in a local government as a Corp member. If you get fidelity from your man, fine, but if you don't, just focus on your children. I think it makes sense. It makes no sense to me to breakup with your husband because he's cheating. That your B funny sha.

otherway:


Lol! Babe forget o, there are some places where a man who can't even afford 3 square meals dey control many women and they have babies for them.

From the stories we real everyday even wizzy with all his money is believed to be lacadasic towards his children which ones again justifies the point of the OP.

Abeg I don tire to dey respond to this matter. All I know is that ladies attacking the OP are only allowing their emotions to block their logical sense of reasoning cos the narrative of the OP is what is the norm these days. I even know a woman who is presently the breadwinner of her family and many single mums are out there even taking care of their baby daddy.

i get your point.there are some strong ladies who can take care of their children independently.yes,a woman who has the misfortune of hooking up with a lousy and irresponsible man shouldn't kill herself over it.my point is that the op is justifying philandering men,he makes it seem like it's not a bad thing for men to be irresponsible,and also that a woman does not deserve happiness from her marriage.i dunno your religion,but in my religion as a Christian,marriage is also for companionship and also for love,then children.

Wizkid has babymamas and he's rich but doesn't take care of his children,it's not the right thing to do.abeg let's call a spade a spade and men should just try to take up their responsibilities and stop looking for excuses

Alexaonfleek:
i get your point.there are some strong ladies who can take care of their children independently.yes,a woman who has the misfortune of hooking up with a lousy and irresponsible man shouldn't kill herself over it.my point is that the op is justifying philandering men,he makes it seem like it's not a bad thing for men to be irresponsible,and also that a woman does not deserve happiness from her marriage.i dunno your religion,but in my religion as a Christian,marriage is also for companionship and also for love,then children.

Wizkid has babymamas and he's rich but doesn't take care of his children,it's not the right thing to do.abeg let's call a spade a spade and men should just try to take up their responsibilities and stop looking for excuses

I honestly understand you and I'm not rooting for the OP but I'm making my contributions based on my own understanding of the message he is passing across

You can't justify a norm and whether he supports philandering or against it can never change the fact that most guys philander and some ladies are very lucky to be with a faithful guy.

However the question you should ask is this. "What if you end up with a philanderer"? I guess the answer is what the OP addressed.

Nobody can stop men from philandering or acting polygamous so don't bother your head getting angry with anyone giving advice on how to cope with it. Everybody deserves happiness but I guess the children should make a woman happier and not what a man does with her life. This is my understanding of the OP write up.

Blackmiserable:


You're a realist, to be honest. This is the question I have always had to ask American FEMALE Redditors (reddit.com) who would often say "My husband heated on me and I got to know through blablabla...." and all its different variants, you get. It blows my mind that every single time the kind of comments I read is basically this: He doesn't deserve you. You deserve better. Breakup.

Any woman who is not mentally ill should go for option C. There were ladies, Toks, who kinda reiterated your position while I served in a local government as a Corp member. If you get fidelity from your man, fine, but if you don't, just focus on your children. I think it makes sense. It makes no sense to me to breakup with your husband because he's cheating. That your B funny sha.

This is perfectly my understand of the OP write up but I'm so amazed to see ladies bashing and even attacking his personal life and it only goes to show that ladies hate the truth and they prefer to read things that align with their reasoning.

I think his threads is not meant for nairaland cos the forum is dominated by very young ladies who are still in their fantasy stage.

My advice to toks is to stop bothering himself writing on nairaland and should create a career as a down to earth relationship expert. The guy go blow.

otherway:


I honestly understand you and I'm not rooting for the OP but I'm making my contributions based on my own understanding of the message he is passing across

You can't justify a norm and whether he supports philandering or against it can never change the fact that most guys philander and some ladies are very lucky to be with a faithful guy.

However the question you should ask is this. "What if you end up with a philanderer"? I guess the answer is what the OP addressed.

Nobody can stop men from philandering or acting polygamous so don't bother your head getting angry with anyone giving advice on how to cope with it. Everybody deserves happiness but I guess the children should make a woman happier and not what a man does with her life. This is my understanding of the OP write up.

ok.i get your point now

Alexaonfleek:
ok.i get your point now

No be my pint sister. Nah the point of the OP but I wonder why ladies are bashing him when they should be thanking him.

I rest my case. Have a wonderful sunday.

otherway:


No be my pint sister. Nah the point of the OP but I wonder why ladies are bashing him when they should be thanking him.

I rest my case. Have a wonderful sunday.

the reason why ladies were bashing op is because he made so much emphasis on the fact that ladies should not gain happiness from their marriages,that they should wait untill they have children before they can be happy in life.op didn't talk about what to do if he's cheating,he made it seem like women should not expect their husbands to make them happy.

A lovely Sunday to you too

Alexaonfleek:
the reason why ladies were bashing op is because he made so much emphasis on the fact that ladies should not gain happiness from their marriages,that they should wait untill they have children before they can be happy in life.op didn't talk about what to do if he's cheating,he made it seem like women should not expect their husbands to make them happy.

A lovely Sunday to you too

Lol! Honestly we all read and comprehend differently. Cheers!

otherway:


This is perfectly my understand of the OP write up but I'm so amazed to see ladies bashing and even attacking his personal life and it only goes to show that ladies hate the truth and they prefer to read things that align with their reasoning.

I think his threads is not meant for nairaland cos the forum is dominated by very young ladies who are still in their fantasy stage.

My advice to toks is to stop bothering himself writing on nairaland and should create a career as a down to earth relationship expert. The guy go blow.

@bolded. Fantasy Land indeed lmao. They are just delusional to say the least. How many more men will you breakup with because of infidelity? You marry this one and find out he's cheating and then it crashes, and then that one, then you turn to that woman Jesus spoke about with five husbands. Good life. It's not her fault after all. Some of her exes just had terrible attitudes. Before any one jumps on me with a rebuttal, you realize men run things?

It takes a certain mindset to rest the brain. Like it wasn't until very recently that monogamy was even a thing. In virtually all cultures down through the ages, polygamy was the norm. You don't see woman killing themselves, blowing up, creating a scene than is necessary for this. Men should be faithful in monogamous marriages, excuse me, but what happens if they are not.

I think Toks is just being true to the events that happens around us, but most Nairalanders here just want to argue.

Blackmiserable:


@bolded. Fantasy Land indeed lmao. They are just delusional to say the least. How many more men will you breakup with because of infidelity? You marry this one and find out he's cheating and then it crashes, and then that one, then you turn to that woman Jesus spoke about with five husbands. Good life. It's not her fault after all. Some of her exes just had terrible attitudes. Before any one jumps on me with a rebuttal, you realize men run things?

It takes a certain mindset to rest the brain. Like it wasn't until very recently that monogamy was even a thing. In virtually all cultures down through the ages, polygamy was the norm. You don't see woman killing themselves, blowing up, creating a scene than is necessary for this. Men should be faithful in monogamous marriages, excuse me, but what happens if they are not.

I think Toks is just being true to the events that happens around us, but most Nairalanders here just want to argue.

I think it is the level of maturity of the ladies. The ones who read toks write up and nod in agreement don't bother to comment but only the ones who muscontrue his threads come online to attack him and not even the thread Lol!

Laslas they go dey alright.

LilMissFavvy:
Hmmmm......pls wear your glasses .

* The OP says a woman's priority should be her children, but I countered it telling him that the kids should be both mother/father's priority.

*He blames women who divorce husband's for cheating thereby the increase in broken homes, but I countered it, telling him that the man is to blame for cheating in the first place, and should stomach the outcome.

* He said women of old were not bothered about their husbands philandering, and I made him understand that it was because they were dependent, etc.

Where did he say ladies should be independent? ? He said ladies should condone cheating from their spouses and concentrate on kids. I counter it, and told him to preach that men should be faithful.

Ladies and emotions. If you read his write up objectively and removing your emotions, you will see the message but if you already have a bias then you will always have issues comprehending his write ups.

But what amuses me is when people attack him instead of give a counter post to the topic. This I find very disturbing.

You mean you still could not see the difference between my comments and his own? Hmmmmmm.....it's ok.

wrongnumber:


Ladies and emotions. If you read his write up objectively and removing your emotions, you will see the message but if you already have a bias then you will always have issues comprehending his write ups.

But what amuses me is when people attack him instead of give a counter post to the topic. This I find very disturbing.

otherway:


[b]I think it is the level of maturity of the ladies. The ones who read toks write up and nod in agreement don't bother to comment [/b]but only the ones who miscontrue his threads come online to attack him and not even the thread Lol!

Laslas they go dey alright.

Makes sense. Lol.

LilMissFavvy:
You mean you still could not see the difference between my comments and his own? Hmmmmmm.....it's ok.

Honestly I can't argue with you regarding how you comprehend his write up but it is all about perspective.

Ladies get emotional anytime they read about men cheating but it is so unfortunate that it is the reality of life and only a realist will understand this which I guess is who toks is.

My sister, talk from now till tomorrow, vex all the vex in the world and infact write and preach against unfaithfullness and you will be amazed that it will be effort in futility.

Who fights nature? Same way you can't win this battle so learn to cope. This is a bitter pill to swallow but please start learning how to cope with the bitterness cos it will help you in this wicked world of men.

This matter don tire me to discuss abeg.