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My Husband Hates Me - Family - Nairaland

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My Husband Hates Me by Nobody: 1:17pm On Nov 08, 2019
Hello Nairalanders, please I need advice from married peeps in the house. My write-up will be a bit long. Please, kindly read and advice.I seriously need help. Thank you...
My dad left us since we were little and my mum only cares about her business and nothing more. She was about to complete her house when I gained admission but she didn't drop any money.

She went ahead to do the roofing of her house even when the deadline for the payment of my school fees was very near. My boyfriend (hubby now) was in his final year then and he paid my school fees with his fees since he still has about two weeks to the deadline as a finalist. I later got the money from my uncles and big sister and paid him back.

My big sis and uncle were responsible for my fees from 100-200 level but they suddenly stopped sending me money ( when I told them I was doing a business in school, they thought i must be seeing enough money and I don't need money again) and paid only some parts of my 300 level school fees.

My husband ( my boyfriend then) did all he could to ensure that I graduated as he was working then and he always sent me money. I had no choice because my sister told me she has to stop working cos she wants to get pregnant (she's been trying to get pregnant for 3 years in order to get married to her fiance but it's been fruitless. So, she was advised to take a break from her job) and I said it's a good decision. She asked me not to call her for any money again after this since she won't be working and I said "no problem".

None of them cared about how I survived in school and I'm always very grateful to my hubby till today. He later got an apartment when I was in my final year and told me he wants us to settle down quickly. Close to the end of my final year session, I became pregnant cos my hubby said we should start trying and see if it works out (very dumb of me, I know) but I became pregnant. We've been protecting ourselves since we started having sex (he's my first and last boyfriend) and the pregnancy came as a shock. It was shocking to me cos I felt I may not be able to fall pregnant easily like my elder sisters. I was in my mid-twenties then.

My hubby was actually very happy cos he was close to 35 and wanted to settle down quickly. He told me that we need to start making wedding plans and I told him we need to see my elder sis since she will know how to break the news to mum and my uncle. I was actually scared. We visited my big sis, she entertained us and we even discussed the wedding plans. I went home after this and told my mum about it too. She was surprised but she said there was nothing to do since I'm already in my final semester and asked me to bring my husband.

I told my husband and he was happy. He told his parents to get ready to visit us in a week's time before I go back to school to fix a wedding date.
A few days later, I got a call from my husband telling me my big sister called him to tell him not to bother coming again. I was surprised cos she never discussed anything to me.

I called mum and she said we have a meeting at my uncle's place. I later went for the meeting and it was the worse day of my life. Everyone were lambasting me for getting pregnant and my big sis even threatened to remove my pregnancy with kick. That I'm carrying a useless pregnancy ( someone that is looking for a child o). She was crying seriously that we're not making her happy. That how can I get pregnant? At the end, she said no wedding until she does her own wedding o. She even said I will give birth to my child before I get married..

I was deeply hurt cos I love her and wish her the best. I cried seriously but I accepted my fate. Later, a date was picked for introduction and my in-laws' plea for them to convert it to wedding fell on deaf hears. My mum only supports whoever she's getting money from (that's why she's supporting my big sis).


On the day of the introduction, my uncle went to work, my elder sister went out and his wife went to church and their dog prevented my husband's people from entering the house. So, my hubby went to get the chairs and canopy for them to sit outside while his people were waiting under the sun ( very bad of my family, I know). I was just crying.


When my uncle came back and my father-in-law told him they were offended, his reply was " I can't stay at home because of one girl's introduction. I need to work". Since that day, things haven't been the same between me and my hubby and his family.

My sister later did her wedding a few months later and told us to go ahead with our wedding (when I was already heavy with my baby). My husband and his family believes I must have been rude to my big sis and my uncle for them to react that way but God sees my heart. I only told them that they never called nor bothered to ask how I was able to get to 400 level and I don't regret getting pregnant for the man that sacrificed a lot just to see me through school.

My husband's family told him not to go ahead with the wedding since I'm not from a good home. They started seeing fault in all I do and my husband doesn't support me. Instead, he supports them.
One time, I was falsely accused by some of his people of not being happy for someone's wedding since I haven't done mine and my hubby said it must be true if two to three of his family members are saying it. I was heartbroken.

How can they even say that? Can they see my heart? After giving birth, I told my hubby of my plans to save some money from my NYSC allowance to add to the wedding but he said I shouldn't pressurise him. It's not like I'm pressurising him but whenever anybody wants to get married in the family, they will say I'm not happy. I'm an introvert and I don't talk much. I had to start laughing and praying for any of his family who wants to get married to avoid being labelled a witch. Hmmm.

His mother doesn't like me one bit and she will be eyeing me whenever I go there. She will look at me from head to toe with disdain and I became uncomfortable and reduced the number of times I visit.

After this, the issue reduced a bit and I had my sanity. But I know deep down that I wasn't loved there. Things weren't rosy after my first child but I've always supported with the little I had. I always buy foodstuffs from my NYSC allowance to support my husband and I immediately took a teaching job after service. I never sit down at home doing nothing because I want to be able to contribute to the home. The pay was small but I managed.

Then, I joined a marketing company. I was lucky to sell well and I made over a hundred thousand naira as comission. I sent 40k to my hubby, bought a smartphone and changed my wears. I sent some money to my sis in school and gave some to my mum. After this, I stopped getting clients but continued going since it was close to where I live.

After six months, I discovered that I had to look for another job but I wasn't lucky. I took up a teaching job again. Meanwhile, I always help my hubby apply for jobs since he always complain about his job as the pay isn't much. Luckily for him, he was called for an interview by one of the companies and he got the job. I was very happy because the job turned out great. I was pregnant with my second child by now.

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Re: My Husband Hates Me by Nobody: 1:18pm On Nov 08, 2019
I begged him to please save me the shame and pay the bride price. He said I shouldn't bother him with any wedding issue because he's not ready for that. I didn't mention it after then and everything was fine. Then recently, my second baby is 2 years old and I'm pleading seriously for him to please let us do this thing and forget it but he told me to leave if I want to leave.

These days, he talks to me anyhow, tells me "who want to marry someone with two kids", says "my family is bad and I am bad too". He recently told me he's not in a high place because I don't pray for him regularly. That he used to think I was a badluck but the present job is making him have a rethink. He also recently told me that his mum said he shouldn't do any wedding until he's very comfortable. But, this is a mother that comes up with all sorts of reasons to collect money from my husband because he's always telling her his plans.

Our plan is to finish his building in less than 5 years time but my hubby appears not to stick to this plan.
Recently, I told him to pay a debt he owed his dad for his building (about 150k) and his mum told him to send the money to her for her business. He sent it and told me afterwards. I was angry with him that that wasn't part of our plans and it's not his first time of doing something like that. He doesn't even regard my opinion.

My husband drops 500 naira as feeding and always question me when I ask for more than 5k. I work from home and get only about 30-40k monthly and he expects me to drop more than half of my money like before but I can't do that again because he doesn't give me money for hair, clothes or shoes. I have to get them myself.

Then when I ask him money for the kids clothings, he won't drop until I'm forced to get them myself or he will get them one or two by himself. He is earning well and saving big for HIS building project and the savings are always with me cos he knows I won't touch it( I said HIS project because he once said he might have to give a house to his family if he has two and he used his brother as next of kin). So, I don't want to take chances. I'll rather buy my own land and build for my children. He always tells his people that he's taking good care of me even when he knows what he's doing.

I've made peace with my sister and my uncle and I even assisted them with money a few months back. I've forgiven her because she's yet to give birth until now and I know what she must be going through. That, to me, is enough punishment and I can't bear to keep malice. It's not in my nature.

Now, we had a fight a few days back and he started insulting my family again, telling me to move out if I want to. He begged me the next morning ( as usual) but I don't even know what to do cos I'm confused. He continues to disregard me without remorse and he will apologise after. He doesn't remember my birthday every time and even when I remind him, he just tells me happy birthday. This year, he didn't celebrate me online and even when my sister chatted him up to celebrate with him, he didn't reply. But, he celebrated his mum on her birthday shortly afterwards and some of his friends.

Where did I go wrong? I've endured a lot just because of my family's attitude towards his' and I'm beginning to think that I need to quit. When he made about 400k from work, my hubby never credited my account with anything. He only gave me 50k for baby things (then) and he sent money to his friends and.
mum. I overlooked it because he also did the baby's naming from the money and used the balance for his project. He also complains a lot and get angry easily and whenever I tell him that, he'll tell me I'm not the only one that tells him that other people tell him that too..

He's really trying but there was a time that we depended on my 30-40k monthly and it was hell. I'm just happy that he could get a job through me and i believe it's the best way to reward him. I also thank God for making that possible. I've stopped discussing with him since the "pack out" incidence again because I'm very sad.

I don't know what to do but I guess i love him too much. I've been crying and I don't even know what to do. I think the foundation is the problem and I'm beginning to think that the best solution is to leave since I'm not loved here. But, I don't want to because of my kids. I don't know how best to address the situation. I can't even report him to anyone. He's stopped talking to me too after the apology since I didn't answer him unlike before that I will forgive and forget immediately. This is getting too much and I'm tired.
Hmmmmmm. What do I do?
Re: My Husband Hates Me by madridguy(m): 1:22pm On Nov 08, 2019
When my uncle came back and my father-in-law told him they were offended, his reply was " I can't stay at home because of one girl's introduction. I need to work". Since that day, things haven't been the same between me and my hubby and his family.

My sister, firstly you should forever be grateful to God for the type of husband he blessed you with. From your explanation this man loves you very much and reason he sacrificed alot for you from your days in school.
Your family did not embarrassed him alone but his entire family. How could your uncle, his wife and your sister packages such embarrassment for them. You're lucky they even accepted you in the family, some families will never accept you again even with your baby.

First impression they say last forever. Your sister is your greatest enemy.

My advise, continue to exercise patience maybe someday God Almighty will touch your husband's heart.

11 Likes

Re: My Husband Hates Me by Omojudy: 1:28pm On Nov 08, 2019
So sorry but only you can get tired with your situation and take a drastic step by yourself the way I did last week In the post with link below!
Till your camel’s back breaks nothing any of us can say will make a difference.

https://www.nairaland.com/5501185/domestic-violence

1 Like

Re: My Husband Hates Me by xendra: 1:29pm On Nov 08, 2019
nawa o
Re: My Husband Hates Me by ahnie: 1:34pm On Nov 08, 2019
Why she cum deactivate ?

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Re: My Husband Hates Me by Born2Breed(f): 1:35pm On Nov 08, 2019
This story get k-leg sha. You can't write a two page story and exonerate yourself.

You must have done something to make everyone dislike you this much.

That's by the way, I tell you this sis,you are not a wife but babies mama and you better start making plans for yourself and kids. That man will bring another woman home soon.

Don't let one idiot man tell you that you are not beautiful after two kids. Start looking good always,have time for yourself,make friends,spend time on phone and deny him sex most times.

How you go let one man turn you to baby factory.

Also avoid that your uncle and sister like plague.

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Husband Hates Me by madridguy(m): 1:43pm On Nov 08, 2019
Probably afraid of NL FBI grin and she don't want to entertain questions. I'm sure she will be following the thread as a guest.

ahnie:
Why she cum deactivate ?

1 Like

Re: My Husband Hates Me by ahnie: 1:53pm On Nov 08, 2019
madridguy:
Probably afraid of NL FBI grin and she don't want to entertain questions. I'm sure she will be following the thread as a guest.

Or probably amongst one of those feighing happily married and boo boo on line.

Truth z marriage has it's challenges..most times you just felt like running away ...I mean it's crazy.
Wetin person dey shame for?

I won't advise her to leave or stays...she knows what to do.
I believe her family sold her self esteem cheaply to her inlaws hence their harrassing her like that.

4 Likes

Re: My Husband Hates Me by Nobody: 2:09pm On Nov 08, 2019
Mehn things dey happen for this life sha. Please don't try to have any more kids until things are back to normal like before the family issues and let him choose a date for the marriage. Abi na you dey talk say you no want lowkey wedding?

Your family members are the first problem you had or still have tbh. they did lot of things wrong that I won't go into.

As for your bf turn to husb. he never pay dowry so he's not husband yet lol. What most people don't understand about relationship and marriage is that if you and your partner are not in sync on all levels or almost all. Outsider go enter easily and bring everything down.

Gone are those days when they say beware of friends, nowadays na beware of everyone. your husband mistreated you and he let the pressure got to him. I doubt if he still loves you at all, probably if una no get kids he for don move or send you packing.

His family members too get fault, although na general 9ja reasoning. we don't seem to want issues like this resolved nor do we care about anything other than our ego. Your husband should be the one in charge of what his family knows, he must have been telling them your favorite séx positions and all and they see you finished.

well to wrap up, I'll advise you to work on your husband if you think he is still worth the stress. let him know that you love him and would not stop. even tho he's not worth it but you probably will lose a couple of things but not everything. think about your kids and all the mumu people that will be saying thrash up and down. I hope you're the strong type and won't give af.

It is not like if una leave each other anything go change, life goes on and your kids will still do whatever they want when they grow up. tons of people are single, divorced etcc and they still happy.

3 Likes

Re: My Husband Hates Me by madridguy(m): 2:20pm On Nov 08, 2019
Her family messed up big time.

ahnie:

Or probably amongst one of those feighing happily married and boo boo on line.

Truth z marriage has it's challenges..most times you just felt like running away ...I mean it's crazy.
Wetin person dey shame for?

I won't advise her to leave or stays...she knows what to do.
I believe her family sold her self esteem cheaply to her inlaws hence their harrassing her like that.

Re: My Husband Hates Me by ahnie: 2:22pm On Nov 08, 2019
madridguy:
Her family messed up big time.

the chronicle of her woes!
And she's still mumu lishly rolling with them and who knows updating them with happenings supping in her home.


Cut them off...they laid this foundation of see finish that's ravishing your present ordeal... she's even dashing them money sef.

4 Likes

Re: My Husband Hates Me by baby124: 2:25pm On Nov 08, 2019
Your sister is a beast. I don’t know how you allowed your family destroy you like this. If you were the one having child bearing challenges I bet she would have mocked you. Please stay away from your sister and ensure she has no access to your husband. Sometimes the fire burning you can be from home. You already know what she is capable of. Stop giving her money.

As for your so called husband or boyfriend. Please and please stop giving him your money and start requesting for money from him for the kids. Make sure he pays for everything for his children and then start saving for your exit. He has no plans on making you happy, I am sure you have explained all to him but he’s the type to exploit a vulnerable person. Instead of being your support system.

You have taken so much abuse and you need to start looking out for yourself. Sometimes when you are too quiet people take advantage of you! Please and please, take care of your physical and mental health. Also, try to do other things to improve your income.

Your boyfriend is an idiot, my mummy and daddy said... yen yen yen. Ask him one day when he will grow up and stop using outside influence to destroy his family. He’s still a baby at his age and not qualified to be called a man.

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Re: My Husband Hates Me by Nobody: 3:10pm On Nov 08, 2019
.

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Re: My Husband Hates Me by Nobody: 4:27pm On Nov 08, 2019
Change the title to my boyfriend hates me.
Re: My Husband Hates Me by IceColdVeins(m): 4:54pm On Nov 08, 2019
Your comment here reeks of utter inanity, even your long epistle exhibits no sagacity.
Why the name-calling though?

Lalasticlala mynd44, This lady here needs help, kindly move to FP.

Op,
I can smell a dead-end to your mysteries if you are not pro-active enough! Your man is your problem and he alone is the solution. Either by hook or crook, he needs to be compromised and his settings returned to default before things swerve outta control.
Use your head! Don't take this lightly, I have seen a situation like this and the nigga later abandoned the lady with three kids and no source of income.
Act!!
baby124:
Your sister is a beast. I don’t know how you allowed your family destroy you like this. If you were the one having child bearing challenges I bet she would have mocked you. Please stay away from your sister and ensure she has no access to your husband. Sometimes the fire burning you can be from home. You already know what she is capable of. Stop giving her money.

As for your so called husband or boyfriend. Please and please stop giving him your money and start requesting for money from him for the kids. Make sure he pays for everything for his children and then start saving for your exit. He has no plans on making you happy, I am sure you have explained all to him but he’s the type to exploit a vulnerable person. Instead of being your support system.

You have taken so much abuse and you need to start looking out for yourself. Sometimes when you are too quiet people take advantage of you! Please and please, take care of your physical and mental health. Also, try to do other things to improve your income.

Your boyfriend is an idiot, my mummy and daddy said... yen yen yen. Ask him one day when he will grow up and stop using outside influence to destroy his family. He’s still a baby at his age and not qualified to be called a man.
Re: My Husband Hates Me by Osyxcel(m): 6:12pm On Nov 08, 2019
xendra:
nawa o

Your signature. New and refreshing. I hope it's sincere though.
Re: My Husband Hates Me by 24kmagic: 7:07pm On Nov 08, 2019
The story long true true.
Re: My Husband Hates Me by yeyeosoronga: 7:16pm On Nov 08, 2019
Even if you guys were married, it doesnt mean you will still be happy or his behaviour will be better towards you. Find a way to get a better job to support yourself and your children. Don't depend on his money or even expect him to help you with it. But make sure he's responsible towards his children as much as it's possible
The same energy you used in applying for jobs for him, use same for yourself, and be financially stable.
Build yourself up.
Many married women are even in worse situation than yours, so no big deal. If however you can't take his BS anymore, its easier for you to leave as there is nothing like marriage binding you guys. Just make sure you look after yourself

1 Like

Re: My Husband Hates Me by stepo707: 1:47am On Nov 09, 2019
Once a father is not in children's life it tends to happen that way.
Fathers please always think of your kids and stay in their lives no matter what.
The whole issue you are having bis as a result of lack of fatherly figure in your life.

3 Likes

Re: My Husband Hates Me by Tocynone(m): 10:02am On Nov 09, 2019
My advice: just avoid your own family members for now and you'll gain your husband's attention again. This may sound foolish, but you'll thank me later

1 Like

Re: My Husband Hates Me by StrikeBack(m): 10:13am On Nov 09, 2019
Kunle Afod and Ibrahim chatta.

Abeg ooo come do justice to this
Re: My Husband Hates Me by Nobody: 10:40am On Nov 09, 2019
w
Re: My Husband Hates Me by ednut1(m): 10:51am On Nov 09, 2019
He never marry you. You open leg for another child. Most of our misfortunes in life are self inflicted .
Re: My Husband Hates Me by LOWLIFER: 11:16am On Nov 09, 2019
s
Re: My Husband Hates Me by cococandy(f): 11:28am On Nov 09, 2019
It’s so sad that your family does not love you.

Your fiancé (let’s call him that) is probably still resenting you because he feels that you didn’t do enough to stop your family from disrespecting him and his family. I tell you those feelings can run deep and they do linger. As you can see, That’s when things started going bad between both of you.

Your family needs to apologize to him. Wholeheartedly.
If family meeting has to be called for it to happen, then so be it. Your sister, uncle, mom, all y’all.

From your narrative, he was the only one who was there for you when your family turned their backs on you and you guys paid him back with ugliness. He might have gone ahead with the introduction to save face at the moment but became emotionally detached afterwards .

YOU PEOPLE NEED TO APOLOGIZE!!!

9 Likes

Re: My Husband Hates Me by bukatyne(f): 1:16pm On Nov 09, 2019
cococandy:
It’s so sad that your family does not love you.

Your fiancé (let’s call him that) is probably still resenting you because he feels that you didn’t do enough to stop your family from disrespecting him and his family. I tell you those feelings can run deep and they do linger. As you can see, That’s when things started going bad between both of you.

Your family needs to apologize to him. Wholeheartedly.
If family meeting has to be called for it to happen, then so be it. Your sister, uncle, mom, all y’all.

From your narrative, he was the only one who was there for you when your family turned their backs on you and you guys paid him back with ugliness. He might have gone ahead with the introduction to save face at the moment but became emotionally detached afterwards .

YOU PEOPLE NEED TO APOLOGIZE!!!


kiss kiss kiss kiss

What I see here:

Her baby daddy is a 'my family, my family' person.

The OP's family disgraced (provide a deeper word?) the guy's family which the guy has not forgiven.

Unfortunately, he wanted to give her marriage and a home for kids.

She has given him the kids, no incentive to give her the marriage anymore.

OP should seek his and family's forgiveness, start all over again and they will be fine.

She also needs to bone her family to show that it wasn't a game plan.

I doubt that family of hers would apologize, she shouldn't count on it.
Re: My Husband Hates Me by emmaodet: 2:34pm On Nov 09, 2019
madridguy:
When my uncle came back and my father-in-law told him they were offended, his reply was " I can't stay at home because of one girl's introduction. I need to work". Since that day, things haven't been the same between me and my hubby and his family.

My sister, firstly you should forever be grateful to God for the type of husband he blessed you with. From your explanation this man loves you very much and reason he sacrificed alot for you from your days in school.
Your family did not embarrassed him alone but his entire family. How could your uncle, his wife and your sister packages such embarrassment for them. You're lucky they even accepted you in the family, some families will never accept you again even with your baby.

First impression they say last forever. Your sister is your greatest enemy.

My advise, continue to exercise patience maybe someday God Almighty will touch your husband's heart.

Lol.
Package embarrassment
Re: My Husband Hates Me by baby124: 2:48pm On Nov 09, 2019
IceColdVeins:
Your comment here reeks of utter inanity, even your long epistle exhibits no sagacity.
Why the name-calling though?

Lalasticlala mynd44, This lady here needs help, kindly move to FP.

Op,
I can smell a dead-end to your mysteries if you are not pro-active enough! Your man is your problem and he alone is the solution. Either by hook or crook, he needs to be compromised and his settings returned to default before things swerve outta control.
Use your head! Don't take this lightly, I have seen a situation like this and the nigga later abandoned the lady with three kids and no source of income.
Act!!
Wetin this one de talk? Werey Alaso. You think this your outdated Oyinbo that oxford dictionary has retired makes you somehow sound intelligent?

3 Likes

Re: My Husband Hates Me by arinpe16: 1:29am On Nov 10, 2019
Nothing wey person no go see for Nairaland. Different strokes for different folks.
@Mynd44 @Lalasticlala, this woman needs urgent advice. Please move to front page. I want to read people's opinions. Nairalanders are wonderful people.
Re: My Husband Hates Me by mankettle(m): 3:42am On Nov 10, 2019
There is a saying that one can marry a bad wife but not a bad family. What your family did to their in-laws on the date of the introduction was wrong just because of the sister.
Anyways you need a looong break from all your relationships both husband and family and you will critically think of who will have your back when all is gone, whoever it is, invest your time and efforts on same..
As for the money kept with you for the project that your kids and you have no say inside, borrow from it for their welfare, Las Las na d same insult

1 Like

Re: My Husband Hates Me by xhaka999(m): 12:27pm On Nov 10, 2019
o

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