Your Uncle should, for both. Kudos to him.

seriously?

I'm surprised people are even advising her to go ahead and let her uncle collect her bride price.

Bride price sef na how much wey you want use put yourself and future family for potential wahala.

Irrespective of your father's behavior, he deserves what's his.

You don't become one's father by training them alone, your uncle is your foster father and not your biological father. He doesn't deserve your father's rights.. Even if your father is dead, his people(brothers etc) have a better claim to all that.

Don't be stupid to follow people's advice, advices they won't follow when push come to shove.


Do the right thing and be free for the rest of your marriage.

Question again, how much brideprice? it won't wvwn reach 1 million yet you want take risk

It's against the tradition. Your father must receive your bride price

Give bride price to your father.

I'm Urhobo. I have a cousin who married an Urhobo as well. His wife's mum was mentally unstable and never raised his wife and actually tried to kill his wife as a baby (post partum depression). When marriage reach na so the maternal people burst come out o. Nobi small film that day. Picture of couple with brides parents photographer no believe hin eye when he see papa and two "mothers".

Your mother's people if they are traditional they will not accept the bride price

No... you can forego the bride price! Or have your uncle collect a symbolic token as bride price

Or tell him to donate to your local church or pastor

Born2Breed:
You mentioned two important things here.

Walking down the aisle and bride price collection.

Your maternal uncle can walk you down the aisle.

The bride price is for your father cum paternal family.(bride price and list is not much in Edo state,i guess you are owan or etsako or igarra?)

Also,marriage can take place anywhere,bring your father and few relatives(1or 2) to your location to perform the necessary rites then go back home.

In all these, you must plead with your maternal uncle to please allow your biological father collect his bride price and go. I always advice my fellow ladies not to offend any side of the family when getting married.

but sister, what happened to your siggy? “If you obey the rules, you miss the fun”?

You own the pride price not your father







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Well,I don't know about your tradition but the truth still remains that for peace to rain,allow your biological father to perform what he is supposed inrespect of the traditional wedding but your uncle can walk you down the aisle.Another thing is that you should also try to find out exactly what happened between your dad and mum so you don't be carrying any grudge against your dad. I'm not saying he is innocent but just a fact finding. It happened to a friend and by the time he found out the whole truth,he lost his father. He still regret it till this day. Cheers.

If I were your husband to be, I will do the traditional things for your biological father not because he deserves it. But because I want to fulfill all righteousness.
When it comes to the Church wedding, your maternal uncle can walk you down the isle.
Life is simple. But we always choose to complicate it.

Please my sister make sure u resolve this issue before u think of saying I do atleast d traditional part. ur uncle can walk u down the aisle for the church wedding but traditionally it's not his place to collect bride price when u have a father... it may b unpalatable buh seek out ur father and give him d honour so as to fulfil all righteousness then after the traditional u may not even invite him for the white wedding if u like. Buh let ur maternal pple also participate during the traditional atleast an aunt can stand as ur mother cos they have their tole to perform.

ednut1:
Do what you like tradition was not there when bills needed to be paid . Who tradition help

Gbam! Fvck tradition . Who created these useless traditions? Men.

Anybody that wanna get married should do statutory marriage and rest.

QuintessentialW:


Of course, I wouldn't be confused if he was late... but the situation now is that he's alive, so I'm wondering if it's against tradition to have someone else perform those rites.

But I get your point. Thanks a lot.

Sis, the past is the past. Forgive and move on. It's not easy, I know. Just give him whatever he wants.

Always remember you are YOU because he mated with your mum, his wife.

Please, I beg of you.

Different strokes for different folks. Many people fall under this category. The truth is not always sweet at all times but in my own opinion & based on my faith, I'll say:
Even though 1 has an irresponsible father who hated u & even drove u out of his house, I think it's best He not only gives ur Husband-to-be the bride price list, but also collect it (which in turn is shared by both his family & ur mums family as Na 2 pple get pikin). But in a case where the father refuses to play his role, I think the mothers family have every a reason to take d bride price.
Bride price I believe will be taken by mums family when the father is unknown.
I've even seen a situation where d girl wants her trad in her father's house but d mum refused & says it will b in her own house. Now d groom says he doesn't mind paying bride price to both father & mother but the father who was never there says that will b over his dead body. (The matter tire everybody)

MedicH:


he abandoned u guys when u needed him most and now he's coming back to reap where he sowed nada but some sperm cells. i'm sure u will be thinking differently if you were mexican or colombian. I hate such men with deadly passion. My dad still give me money each time we meet and he has no idea how much i'm worth. you will be ok sha.

Correct guy, na better Papa you get. My father still gives me money too. Even if na small thing. He will still tell me to hold this one. Meanwhile na still the money wey I dey send to am end of the month

I don't know if he forgets or if he thinks it's my other brothers' money because we dey fo competition on who sends more money sef... But codedly

As long as your father is still alive, give him the honor of the bride price and walking you down the aisle for your wedding.
Then at the wedding, publicly call your call your mother's brother to pray for you in the church and at the reception, the declare him as the Father you know and the one who was responsible for you becoming the woman you are today.
Give honor to whom honour is due.
You are honoring your biological Father, not because he deserves it, but because it's an uncontextable ordained divine position.

The day we Africans start to disregard useless and unprofitable traditions, they will die naturally.
Useless traditions that have taken us nowhere and left us at the bottom of the food chain in the world.

There are Nigerians living abroad that do not even do any form of traditional wedding and they are happily married and such unions are lawfully recognized cos that is all that matters in our laws of today.
Your uncle can give your hand in marriage, it does not matter.

Your father's attitude is shaped by his belief systems. It's a common thing for SOME Urhobo men to be irresponsible. That land is by large the only place in Nigeria where old women ride bicycle, farm heavily, and fry garri all day while their men tie wrapper, sit with dry gin and Punch Newspaper! Forgive him, he wasn't exposed enough to discard that belief system.

Not a must to involve him in your life and marriage, but find a way to deliver the bride price to him. His presence isn't necessarily needed to make that happen. As per walking down the aisle, who cares really? Shebi na who wan do white man wedding will care about a British tradition.

dfrost:


Sis, the past is the past. Forgive and move on. It's not easy, I know. Just give him whatever he wants.

Always remember you are YOU because he mated with your mum, his wife.

Please, I beg of you.

The question is does he deserve it?

As long as your father is still alive, give him the honor of the bride price and walking you down the aisle for your wedding.
Then at the wedding, publicly call your mother's brother to pray for you in the church and at the reception, then declare him as the Father you know and the one who was responsible for you becoming the woman you are today.
Give honor to whom honour is due.
You are honoring your biological Father, not because he deserves it, but because it's an uncontextable ordained divine position.

Elder0001:


Gbam! Fvck tradition . Who created these useless traditions? Men.

Anybody that wanna get married should do statutory marriage and rest.

I agree totally with you.

I had already advised her to allow the old man if she wants to do customary marriage else, make she fashe and move on.

Enough of intimidating us with parents' blessing or not.

NoHoper:
Your father sounds absolutely like mine. Was a failure as a father, still remorseless and acts all entitled.

Get an uncle to act as a father during the whole wedding thingy. Also, to hell with his impotent curses.

Same thing with my dad, he provokes me with that attitude.

your father is strictly the avenue through which you came into this world. Irrespective of whatever he did, give him that honour. You won't understand, these things are laws in the spirit.
Don't listen to wrong advice

I remember American preacher Joyce Meyer was molested sexually by her Dad for years as a young woman.
When she became successful in later years God instructed her to buy a very good house for her Dad. It was tough, but she obeyed and it brought wholeness, freedom and more success for her.
Our parents that brought us into this world may have done badly to us but we still owe them honour.

One of the ten commandments goes like this honour your father and mother, that it may be well with you, that your days may be long on the earth. Long life is associated with honouring our father and mother.

Charleys:


The question is does he deserve it?

Quite tricky. Because of his past, he doesn't. But how long will she hold on to the pain? Maybe this is the opportunity to forgive him and clear her mind and heart.

E no easy to grow up in a dysfunctional family, honestly. I have an experience in this and I can tell you, it is disastrous if the offended party doesn't let go.

QuintessentialW:


This makes a lot of sense. Not Owan or Igarra... from Igbanke.

Thanks a lot for your contribution.

I have been to your village once,
If anybody take your bride price outside your father, when he is alive,its an act of disrespect. No matter,what your father did, he is still your father. Did you change your surname all this while,he left you guys?

Get a marriage counselor, pray to God and have faith in him, that every evil plans of the devil concerning your Marital life,that God will destroy and annual their plans in the mighty name of Jesus.

bujebudanu1:
With what have seen. Just like your case

My cousins did their traditionals in Lagos.mum and dad and not lagosian and they are separated, but they grew up in lagos. Where u do doesn't matter shit.

Anybody can walk you down the aisle.take a case of if your have a late dad.
You will go the aisle with your younger,elder brother, uncle , anybody u like in your family

poorly constructed sentences

My sorry for your predicament. I suggest you let your maternal uncle wslk you down the aisle and get a paternal uncle take your bride price....dont let a maternal uncle take your brideprice as you father never disowned your mum and you guys. So actually you are still members of his village.

QuintessentialW:
Hello house, good morning.

I have a real concern and I want to know what is permissible from mature and discerning individuals in the house.



Candid advice, please. Thank you.

Weak man

Gbam! Fvck tradition . Who created these useless traditions? Men.

Anybody that wanna get married should do statutory marriage and rest. [/quote]

Gurumaharaji:
Regina Daniels father doesn't even know she get married.... so ur responsible Uncle dat train u can conveniently act as ur father during d occasion

Regina is not married as long as the aniocha custom is concern. Ned is a shameless man who thinks being rich is enough to disrespect the man. No matter how bad and irresponsible a man is, as long as he is alive you must seek his permission and pay the bride price which is much anyways. She should give the man the bride price. In Edo/Delta, the price is usually less than 20k

QuintessentialW:


This makes a lot of sense. Not Owan or Igarra... from Igbanke.

Thanks a lot for your contribution.

Everyone should be happy with this arrangement, I wish a happily ever after to you and your boo.

Nowenuse:
The day we Africans start to disregard useless and unprofitable traditions, they will die naturally.
Useless traditions that have taken us nowhere and left us at the bottom of the food chain in the world.

There are Nigerians living abroad that do not even do any form of traditional wedding and they are happily married and such unions are lawfully recognized cos that is all that matters in our laws of today.
Your uncle can give your hand in marriage, it does not matter.

You’re wise. All these useless and senseless traditions created by men themselves (I don’t really understand what men of old stood to gain that made them create these useless customs) , the most pitiable are the people still observing the said customs or taking them seriously.