I see no sense in all what this op he's saying bah ankali

Tales by moonlight. Lies, lies and lies. What did you think will be the consequences of your continuous lies? You are destroying lives. Stop it and live a life of truth. And don't bring your mess on Nairaland for people to clean. Clean it yourself.

Hmm guy na you cause all your troubles, with ya own hand.

First and foremost you were not prepared for marriage and commitment, you went ahead and did skin to skin with her (na so the thing sweet reach)? When you got her pregnant you allowed yourself to be pushed into having a traditional and white wedding. Guy, you are legally married. Go and learn how to love that girl you impregnated. Develop the feelings you had for her when you two were dating.

As for the new chick, bone dreams. She has seen the girl somehow, maybe in your phone or somewhere. She dey bobo you and want you to be the one to admit it.

In summary, leave this new gal alone or else you will see Karma visit you.

baby124:

The idea not to live together to her own understanding and what you made your wife believe is because of distance! You never even gave that relationship a chance because you felt *trapped*. I know you did not want that pregnancy or to get married at this time which is the grudge you are carrying against your wife! I advise you to forgive yourself, forgive her and try to make it work. Stop fighting everyone because you are the one that did the gbenshing and put the baby there. So, obviously, you liked her a lot at some point.

One thing that struck me is your girlfriends statement that the child looked like you. Which you then noticed!!! Were you at any point disputing paternity and, was that one of the stories you told madam girlfriend to get in her pants? You are a funny guy. You can bond and fall in love over chess but can’t love your own wife because she tied you down.

Your wife must be an angel to even rate you after all your bullshit behavior. Just look at the lunatic behavior your so called girlfriend displayed after finding out you were married? Compare that with your wife after all you have done to her You sure your girlfriend is really an angel? LOL

my dear some men don't like good women, they prefer wild girls like the girlfriend. just make una live him next few years he will come back with chronicles. I pray that the pastor daughter get a man who loves her. we don't pray for this kind of man that doesn't know it takes responsibility to be married not stupid love that easily fade in marriage.

FreemanTJ:
I'm Confused With The Way Forward With My Relationship And Marriage

2 years ago I met a lady through a colleague. We got really close and became friends, few months later we got intimate and eventually she got pregnant. She was so scared and devastated and pleaded that I not only accept the pregnancy but marry her as well.....her parents are both pastors and she didnt want to bring shame to them by having a child out of wedlock.

The truth is, I wasn't ready for such commitment but I couldn't bear to see her depressed and so devastated, so I succumbed to getting married to her. Within 2 months we had to do a rushed traditional wedding and white wedding but before that I told her I felt trapped and we had an agreement we weren't going to be living together. This was because we both had different apartment at that time and due to proximity to work I wanted to stay on the island while she stayed on the mainland. She's an entrepreneur and since she was pregnant it wasn't going to be easy for her shuttling between island and mainland

She was ok with the agreement and all the while we lived apart. After the wedding I never wore the ring as I never considered myself married. My parents were the only ones that showed up at my wedding, all my sibling were really disappointed.

Anyway, to cut the long story, while I was with this lady before she got pregnant I met a lady at an event and immediately we connected. We would chat for several days and play chess game for long hours. We shared alot of common interest in our profession, games and all. She's not the reading type so I always recommend books for her to read and we reviewed together. After about 3 months of communicating online she asked if I was seeing someone, at that time my wife (it feels odd using the word wife) was pregnant, I stylishly dodged the question but she another she insisted I answered and I just had to confess I had a gf.


She thanked me for telling the truth, we continued playing chess but it wasn't as often. One time we were playing and started teasing sexually, she played along and was surprised I even mentioned anything sexual. Few months after, I got married but never mentioned it to her. I fear I might lose her while going through a marriage I never wanted.
During this period I withdrew from all form of communication, I was trying to figure out my life yet distracted. She kept sending messages on WhatsApp which I ignored until after about 2 months, I responded and she was upset that after connecting so well I suddenly withdrew.
She asked if I had a meltdown or emotional breakdown which I denied. Just told her I was detoxing from social media but I was back for good. So we continued chatting for another 3 months and decided we saw a movie together. After the movie I told her I wanted to see more of her. Eventually after some weeks, I invited her over and we got intimate. It wasn't the best of experience for her as she claims to have been celibate for over a year.

When she got home that night we discussed our sex extensively and she said she has never experienced orgasm and has always had painful. I felt I could change that experience for her. The next time she came over she asked if I truly had a gf since we spend alot of time communicating online, this time around I said I did but due to the distance we had issues and the rship isnt heading anywhere. I knew it was selfish of me but I wasn't ready to let go. After the third attempt she had her 1st orgasm and i could tell she wasn't ready to let go either.

After a while she got suspicious, she would tell me she had a dream of a short black lady chasing her out of my room and I kept reassuring her it was impossible but she kept insisting this dreams were recurring but I kept denying I had a gf or wife. She described my wife perfectly and I just wondered how some people are gifted with the ability to see things in dreams. All through the while she insisted on protection as she couldn't trust me completely. She grew more suspicious daily and I got defensive everytime and this started causing a strain in our relationship.
During this period we were dating and I asked her if she publicizes her rship on social media and she mentioned no, then later she asked me what I was hiding but i got defensive and we had a major argument.

you're a pervert son of a b!tch. You deserved to be hanged by your sisi balls.

That's if this st^pid story of your is true.

Nonsense

Lol OP

I pity your life.... you are playing them all thereafter what you felt for this lady will hit the stormy weather and you will pay the consequences!!!

You playing with there mind and brain!!! All I read so far is rubbish... you are married and you are married ni yen, all those aside plan won't work!! If you not into a lady why not use protective measures?? You will end up giving this one belle again and same thing will occur!! Guy you are playing with your LIFE

Op go and work on your marriage and stop living a wayward life.

See how people get demselves into trouble. Anupama go and finish wat you have started o.youre not a serious human being Nd very wicked.

baby124:
She knows you have a wife. She has done her research but she wants you to deny it. You are man enough to see your wife, be intimate with her unprotected, attracted to her and impregnate her. Work on your marriage and stop looking for the coward way out. What a cheap excuse all over this thread. Shame on you OP.

Real big shame. He is obviously a player.

But that wife didnt do well...how will you threaten suicide to force somebody to marry you and then cry foul when the man cant stand you again?

The wife is also to blame in this in my opinion. How can you beg somebody to marry you what type of marriage was she expecting? Because shes a pastors daughter, did she remember she was a pastors daughter when she was doing rubbish with you behind closed doors?

He should leave the second girl alone, she too doesnt seem to have a respect:

FreemanTJ:
She was unhappy and just wanted some privacy. She said she didnt want our wedding picture out there since it showed she was pregnant and told me to tell my gf to bring down the page on IG. I reached out to my gf but she insisted on leaving the page out there so that no one would fall prey to me. She also mentioned my wife reached out to her to bring down the page but she wouldnt as she was part of the problem. She insisted if my wife at least gave an hint she was married to me on social media then maybe she would have save alot of single ladies falling prey to married men.
I asked her to drag my if she wants but to leave my wife out of it but she claimed to have forgotten the password.
She said in fact she's helping me save my marriage that I should fix it and put my wedding pictures on social media.

For this act alone, you should be able to tell that the girlfriend is no good. You told her to take the instagram down and she refused and insisted on humiliating your wife who had nothing to do with her frustration. Who the hell is she to dictate to somebody how they should display their marriage on social media? You cant possibly defend this to yourself or anybody reading it.

Go and sort things out with your wife, divorce her if it gets to that but just make sure you take care of your daughter in this

And you need to work on your habit of lying and evading the truth. All of this could have been avoided if you had let your yes be yes and your no be no

you are fickle minded. jumping from one babe to the other. this is my advice. break your relationship with the babe you chat with often over the internet and start nurturing the one with pastor's daughter. and hold unto to God. lack of fear of God has made you to indulge in Fornication and adultery. desist from them and live a better life.

If you sincerely want a way out stop contacting the second girl. By doing that you have reduced your head aches. Then take your mind off dating and focus on work and family by that I mean your daughter, if your relationship with her mum don't improve then you can consider separation. But your first move out of your confusion is stop every communication with the second lady

FreemanTJ:


I actually ensure both of them are very okay. I actually gave her my car during the period she was pregnant and she still has it. I'm just unhappy in the marriage and no it wasn't just a church certificate, her parent ensured of that.

Do you think maybe if you just make a determination to give the union a chance, it could work out. As I see it, you have written the marriage off before it began, you still want to explore. You have closed your mind to the fact that it could work out. Believe me, this lady you don't value presently might be your blessing. My advice is, give it a chance. You don't know the value of what you have until you lose it.

Your major problem is your hunger for sex or attention. While you were sleeping with your now wife, you were enjoying the attention and sex, forgetting the fact that you don't love her. She got pregnant then suddenly you remembered you don't love her. Then you started the same process with the other lady. I'm pretty sure you don't love her too. You only think you do cuz she's not pregnant yet. She's technically not your responsibility. You're a very irresponsible man bro, you should retrace your steps. Leave both women alone and try staying single for a month then you will come here and tell us you've found a woman you're in love with again. Your love sense is triggered by your hunger for sex.

You see your life!
When they tell una that the essence of a romantic relationship is marriage, una go dey argue. How could you be dating someone you don't find worthy to wife, tell what's the essence of that relationship? Fuckery?

The 300th Like for a perfectly composed reply. He's still a baby and age has nothing to do with that.

donstan18:
You got a lady pregnant, you married her.
Next thing, you connected with another lady while playing chess.
What next? You've started discussing orgasms with her after you both went to see a movie.
Now a short black lady has been chasing her in her dreams



TBH, Never in my life have I seen a BOY as so confused, wayward, deceitful, irresponsible and promiscuous as this OP.


Thanks.

FreemanTJ:
I eventually put up my daughters picture then I noticed she brought down the fake page but she said she was still depressed and it would take the grace of God to help her heal. She told me the baby looked exactly like me which I began to notice too when I went to visit them this weekend. My wife claims she can't continue the marriage which I'm supposed to be happy about but I didnt want it to be around this type of circumstances.
The other lady is so confused and devastated and is probably still in love with me.

I didnt wish to be in this mess. If I stay in this marriage I'll be unhappy for the rest of my life. I'll be there for my child whenever she needs me. For the other lady, we could have been perfect but now that her family is against it, it seems a no go area. I've always been financially supportive to my wife and baby even though it wasn't the type of marriage I planned for.
I dont know how to make it up to the lady as she has insisted she wont forgive me for lying to her while my wife cant stand me either.

I don't think you are looking for our opinion. You only needed a place to pour out your heart and admit your shortcomings.
You are a weak man, to be forced into this kind of marriage. You could have put your foot down and said NO! I will take care of you and the child but I won't get stuck in a loveless marriage.

You lie too much, you could have told the new girl the truth from day 1 and allowed her to make her decision to stay with you or not. But you kept lying and pushing the doomsday. Did you think she would never find out? Do you think she is a fool?

You don't deserve a woman until you be a man and grow up

I stopped reading after the first part. Na novel?

'detox from social media', why have I never thought of this excuse. My God!

FreemanTJ:


We weren't dating. We were just friends and the marriage isnt based on love. I was trapped, she begged for the marriage. The plan was to take care of the baby once she delivers her but she insisted she would kill herself if I didn't marry her before the baby comes.

The truth is both of you are responsible for the pregnancy and both of your are free to make choice (especially if it is the one that would affect your life permanently). No sane girl or upthink reasonable girl would blackmail herself into marriage. Taking responsibility for the pregnancy is a point for you and promising to take care of the child is another. You shouldn't have gone further to marry her out of self pity because in the end it will always end bad for both party. Passion of love is overrated but it the only path to long trust, loyalty, honesty and stuff that comes along in a good relationship.
Don't push the marriage thing with your wife, that ship should have sail if not help it sail. Try ask for forgiveness from your gf and try(if the impossible can be come possible) to mend the relationship. In all mend fences, ask forgiveness in the best possible way from both of them and move on with your life YOLO

Pataricatering:
Keep quiet abeg - nonsense talk ! Men do far worse to each other - this is her personal opinion but you had to stupidly bring your archaic , bigoted nonsense ! Women hate each other yen yen yen - men that kill each other , backstab each other etc that one is love abi ? Keep ur nonsense to yourself abeg .

Brainless shameless lunatic!! Even the fellow I quoted showed maturity and ignored me. And an idiot apears from nowhere to rage like a mad dog.

Go and take your psychiatric pills before you run mad on an issue that has nothing to do with you. Animal!

A shotgun wedding isn't the price to pay because of an unwanted pregnancy. The love child is the punishment. You did not have to marry her if you did not love her enough.

From your statements, it's obvious she still loves you. You were evasive mentioning this in your writeup. That's why you're feeling guilty. Deep down you feel you're cheating on your wife and it is striking your heart just like David's heart kept striking him when he wanted to kill king Saul.

Deep down, I sense you feel or know that you can make the marriage work if you just put in some effort or more effort. Your feel you have been deprived of a fairytale romance and wedding.

For your conscience to be clear, find out if your wife is cheating. That's grounds for divorce.

I can hear a voice in your head saying, "I'm a married man, I am a married man. I already have a wife. I can make this marriage work".

FreemanTJ

bukibabe:
Sir leaving your wife will be the greatest mistake of your life. Try and live with your wife and daughter at least for 6 months then make your decision. You have spent more time with the other lady than your wife try to spend quality time with your family too

FreemanTJ listen to this...

Give your wife a chance,from your write up,you've rarely spent time with her...You have so many things in your head that you've made yourself believe..

*Before you got her pregnant,you didn't know you guys were just friends

*After getting her pregnant,you then realized she's not your kind of girl

*You agreed to marry her 'Legally' on all ground

*You kept lying to yourself all through the whole arrangement, went through with it and came up with your wicked plan to stay apart,claiming you were 'trapped' by your p.enis and 'forced'..

*You 'trapped' another lady and kept lying up n down till she caught you,now you are seeking for help..

*You are Wicked!!!!!!

*Your siblings didn't attend probably because they know what you are capable of..

You think getting married to the other lady is where your happiness lies? Hmm...put on your thinking cap and be a responsible man for once!!!!

donstan18:
You got a lady pregnant, you married her.
Next thing, you connected with another lady while playing chess.
What next? You've started discussing orgasms with her after you both went to see a movie.
Now a short black lady has been chasing her in her dreams



TBH, Never in my life have I seen a BOY as so confused, wayward, deceitful, irresponsible and promiscuous as this OP.


Thanks.

U got it right there, perfect description dough.

I'm amazed to read this coming out from a "supposed" lady. Shit happened already. No need pointing accusing fingers. I don't think and agree that's a good enough advice coming from you.

ifyalways:
A pastors daughter does not care about pre marital sex, even her Pastor parents that consented to the awkward marriage.

If it's just one of those church weddings and certificates and no registry certificate, its easy for you to walk out of the marriage now. Tell her how you feel and If she wants to keep wearing wedding band and stay married to herself just so she can keep up appearances, that's her own wahala.

Your child though should not suffer for your indiscretion. Make she s/he is well taken care of.

[quote author=Gforce2015 post=83954478]
No responsible man petronise whores

maybe ur story has part 2, and for part 2 we go know weda ur wife catch u guys or the girl ran into trouble.

or u still impregnate her

for part 3 either them kill you or run away for ur life...... Ur amu always raises anytime u see women

Mumu man, you felt caged? Nonsense talk your penis couldn't wear a condom abi? Accept it you are married. Continue sagging left, right and center, keep chasing after fleeting shadows.

For lasting marriages:
responsibilities transcends love.
Commitments rates higher than feelings.
Sacrifices greater than romance.
Quietness more than response.
The other person is more important than myself


If you or anyone can uphold the above stated marriages will last.

If you can sleep with her you can marry her

FreemanTJ:


I actually ensure both of them are very okay. I actually gave her my car during the period she was pregnant and she still has it. I'm just unhappy in the marriage and no it wasn't just a church certificate, her parent ensured of that.

if I were you, I would look past the imperfections of my wife that seems to make me not like her enough to settle down with her for life and beg her forgiveness and for the sake of the child make a peaceful home with her.

You have hurt both women and their families deeply.

You are already married with a child. Stick with it.

Love is not a matter of emotions, it is a matter of the will. You, deciding that this is the person i will love no matter what.

apologize to the two women for being the world's greatest asshole and stick with your wife.

with time, you will come to love her and cherish her.

FreemanTJ:

To be honest I have no feelings for her. There's no guarantee we would both be happy in the marriage. The other lady may be dramatic but I dont blame her in any way.

u don't have feelings for her but you had feelings for her when your prick was standing and you got her pregnant? It's better u start having feelings for her now and allow the love to grow because u never know what the next lady have in stock for you. But if u insist then u can Keep misbehaving until u meet a wife that will make you want to commit suicide then you will know your current wife is nothing but an angel.