There she was, lying down lifeless on the bed, almost naked now. I can see her buttocks and thighs staring up at me, urging me on as my erected penis rose up to the occasion. I moved forward to the bed, sat down at the edge away from her and stretched my hand slowly, and started caressing her thighs gently.

No movement from her and so spurred and encouraged, my confidence pushed me on to do more. I checked her face to see if there was any reaction, none. It was blank almost lifeless. Now my confidence has grown although my hands still shook, I touched her exposed buttocks and rubbed it, God this is so wrong and yet it feels so good. Arrrrh, God, what am I doing.

“Tom, what are you doing?” I heard my inner voice asking me.

“Are you sure you want to do this, think about what you are doing to yourself, your family, think clearly about what you are about to do.” The voice persisted.

I was so turned on and yet scared at the same time, gently I removed my hands, unzipped my trouser and lay down on the bed beside her and as my head touched the pillow, I was taken back to the beginning, when I was small, when I was innocent. I was taken back to the beginning.

Tom! Tooooom! Thomas!

“YES MUMMY!” I screamed in response.

“Are you deaf, I have been calling you since morning?” My mother angrily scolded.

“Sorry mummy, I didn’t hear you, I was outside playing.” I sheepishly replied, eager to go back outside and join Jesse and kabiru who were busy chasing the dragon flies and killing them with brooms, our favorite sport that season.

“Play play, c’mon go and call your sister for me, remind her to come with the ledger book now because I want to go out to the shop.”

“Ok mummy. Sister Faith mummy is calling you.” I replied dashing out of the room in a flash.

“I’m in the bathroom” sounded the quiet response from my elder sister.

“Sister, mummy is calling you.” I knocked on the bathroom door.

“I’m in the bathroom tom, come inside, it’s open.” She replied.

“But sister daddy said I should not be entering the bathroom when you are inside.”

“Is daddy here, come inside jhoor and tell me what you want to tell me. I don’t have strength to shout.” She replied.

And so I walked into the bathroom with my sister bathing and delivered the message.

My father has always been against my mother and elder sister undressing in my presence, or even being totally nude. My mother always countered this argument by claiming that I was a baby and it doesn’t matter if I saw her or my elder sister unclothedness and so my sister was caught up in the same trend, she often undressed and even asked me to apply lotion on her back and when her female friends came over, they all walked around nude not giving a care in the world whether I was there or not. I was 5 when it started but I figured it started long before then, I can only start recalling bits and fragments of naked episodes that wouldn’t just go away and so I was exposed to the female body at a very tender age. Thanks to my mother and elder sister.

10 Years later I was fifteen when I had my first girlfriend, she was 21, my sister’s friend and the first girl that made me a man as she was responsible for taking away my virginity. She was Faith’s closest friend, and usually came to spend their semester break with us or if school was on strike. She lived in Port Harcourt and so most often instead of travelling back when ASUU went on strike, which was usually the case, she stayed at our house with my sister. They were like twins always moving around and they even looked alike. Our neighbors usually called her my daddy’s other daughter. Her name was Maryann and she was very beautiful, even more than my sister but my sister was taller and had bigger endowments.

That was my sojourn to this despicable life that I am living. I am 18 years old now and a 200 level micro biology student in one of the higher institutions here in the west, and within the time I had my first sexual experience and now, I have dated over 15 women, most of them older than me. I have slept with three of my seniors and two of my teachers back then in high school, one was a youth corper and the other was my chemistry teacher. I have dated a female lecturer in my school and two of my neighbor’s wives and one single mother who lived in the neighborhood. I have two sugar mummies, my best friend and course mate’s mother; of course he is not aware of this escapade and my mother’s closest friend and business partner.

Despite all this women in my life, I am still not satisfied. There is one I love so much infact it has become an obsession. I dream about her all the time and fantasize about her every day and even worse, I see her almost every day infact she lives in our house and it’s no other person than Faith my elder sister. Yes, I know what you must be thinking; I am crazy, abomination, incest. Yes I know but I don’t care. I have been in love with my sister right from my childhood days, lusted over her even before my small mind could understand the concept of lust, I have loved her, and she is my first love and possibly my only true love.

We are so close, till now she still goes nude in my presence, unaware of the effect it has on me. I have her naked pictures in my phone although heavily coded, pictures I took whenever she was undressing in my presence while pretending to be chatting, I would secretly take shots of her for future sexual rendezvous in the toilet with my bathing soap. My first solo sexual experience was at the age of 13, when I masturbated to her nudity. I had just come back from school, when she came out from the toilet and walked into my room stark naked, asking me what I was going to eat. Then she went ahead and even dished the food still naked, that night I masturbated so many times I fell asleep exhausted to the core. That was when I started masturbating until I had my first real sexual encounter two years later.

I love my sister so much, the slightest chance or opportunity I have to get close to her, I seize it, romancing and caressing her whenever I can. She calls me her first and true boyfriend, and whenever we are together I always ask for a kiss which she playfully obliges, if I’m going out or if she comes back from a trip or an outing, I ask for a kiss. It’s now a tradition. When I wake up, I make sure she gives me a morning kiss and before I go to bed, I must get a good night kiss. To her, it’s just brotherly and sisterly love, but to me, it is much more than that. Whenever we sleep on the bed, I make sure I touch her when she is fast asleep of course. Either I handle her boobs, or I place my hands on her thighs and rub gently careful not to wake her up.

I have become lean and sick due to this obsession and the fact that I can’t have her kills me. It has affected most of my relationships because the others feel I am cheating on them, well, they are right but what they don’t realize is the fact that I am cheating on them with the thoughts of my blood sister. One time an ex saw a naked picture of my sister in my phone, my saving grace was that she had never seen my sister before or else, it would have ended much more badly than the screams, insults and bad break up that resulted from the pictures. Since then I have doubled, no tripled my phone security to avoid future occurrence.

There was a party although I was invited but I declined because I knew I was going to get jealous seeing my sister with her boyfriend. I decided to stay at home; of course my parents were out of the country as usual for one business trip or another. So it’s just I and my sister. She came back around 5am, drunk to stupor and passed out immediately on the sitting room couch after throwing up all over her body and the floor. I had to strip her naked, clean her up, mop the floor and carried her to the bed, covering her with her white blanket.

“Tom, what are you doing?” I heard my inner voice asking me.

I’m back to the present now. This is the chance I have been waiting for all my life. My sister is passed out alone and naked with me. I have removed my trousers and boxers, and I am lying down beside her, holding my condom in my hand. This is it, there is no going back. God please forgive me for what I am about to do but I cannot help it. It is not my fault, she caused it herself, and she exposed me to this kind of life. If I had not been exposed to the female anatomy at such a tender age, maybe I wouldn’t be in this mess today. If only my mum had listened to my dad and kept me away from seeing their unclothedness, maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t find myself in this present situation but now there is no going back, this is my chance and I must do what I have been fantasizing to do for a long time and afterwards ask for forgiveness. God help me.

What do we learn from this ? We are meant to control our feelings not our feeling controlling us.

This is very bad, parents need to train their wards very well.
Thanks for the enlightenment