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I Think My Husband Scammed Me - Family - Nairaland

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I Think My Husband Scammed Me by Mrsabuh1: 10:46pm On Nov 21, 2019
Please I seek advice from experts here as I'm lost and devastated over this issue, please bear with me as my story is a little bit long.

This is the 7th year of my marriage and the union is blessed with three kids, hubby and I stayed in UAE, but whenever I'm pregnant I come down to have my kids due to cost and also I ll be needing helping hands after delivery, it happened that when I came down to have my last child 3years ago as usual, I was preparing to return to UAE , I discovered that my Husband had canceled the resident visa for myself and our two kids, when I confronted him he said he is making plans to leave UAE and there was no point for us coming back and also business isn't moving as usual so taking care of us will cause a strain on his finances. At first I felt bad and cried about it but later I accepted my fate and moved on.

First plan was for me to apply for Canada study visa, the plan was to go with my last child and after sometimes hubby and my other kids can join me later, I got admitted into a Canadian college but when the time for visa processing hubby pulled out that we should go the express entry way, I accepted and started with registering for ielts tutorials which I did for 5 weeks, and to God b the glory I aced my exam. It was left for him to write his as he ll be standing as the primary applicant since he has lots of job experience but along the line he pulled out again and said everyone is going to Canada and he ll work out something different.

Last year he applied for US visa he was denied, he applied for Germany too, still denied. While he was doing all this I was alone in Nigeria with the kids while he stays in UAE but visits every 5 months. This year June, we had some issues that would ve resulted to divorce but we settled it with the help of some elders so he said he was going to make up for his mistake by applying for UK for both of us so we can just take a vacation to London, of course I was excited and looking up for the trip.

He applied for UK visa for both of us and lucky they granted us 6 months, I was already getting set and looking forward to the trip when he said he needed to rush down to UAE as he has some unfinished business, two days after he left I saw him updated his fb and the location was showing UK, he left without me and he didn't even inform me that he ll b going until he got there. When I confronted him he came up with the excuse that he needed to meet with some companies over investment so that way he can process resident permits for everyone at home so we all come over there at once, two days later he told me he got a job.

it's been 2 months over there already, we filed our stay for 10 days when applying for the visa and I know what he has done is messing his future chances up, now he doesn't do video call, won't pick my calls when I call at my own time, from 7pm he isn't active as no way I can reach him, before now the only time he put a call across is when he is in a bus .. I confronted him over all this and guess what,he has stopped talking to me, Wont reply my chats or even talk to me yet he reads them, our sons bday was 4 days ago and he couldn't even call to speak with him or wish him happy birthday.

I'm so confused, this is the man that I have lost lot of jobs opportunity for simply because he doesnt want me to work, I learnt fashion designing so it won't be like I'm staying at home doing nothing, I run a fashion store but trust me I'm not feeling it because its not what I'm meant to do ..

In two months time I will b 30 and you know how Nigerian systems works, the older you get, the lesser chances of getting a job I dont even know what to do with myself, please advise me what to do?

I'd also like those who ve an idea of how the system in UK works to tell me how long it takes for one to b granted residential permits in the UK so I ll know when all this will end or if it ll ever end so I can make my next move
also how possible it is for one to land UK and in two days he is already working .

I feel used, I feel like hubby used me to secure a visa and I was never in his plans..I reported the issues to our family already and he Told them all he did was for the future of myself and the kids and I shld endure but I do not know for how long..,I'm tired of this distsnce marriage ,its been 3years in distance marriage and its been hell for me.

MOD please help me post this

104 Likes 12 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by Officialgarri: 10:49pm On Nov 21, 2019
Mrs Abu, your issue is not one that conclusions could be made hastily.
Infact many wives would have set all hell loose.
I personally would have advised that you should have retailiated by seizing his international passport, or just cause some kind of havoc that will hold him back in Nigeria .... or restrict his freedom

But while I acknowledge and appreciate your tolerance according ''to your own side of the story", it would be easier if we could hear your husband's side of the story.

I mean, there are things you could be doing that's making your hubby abhor and avoid you.

How's your attitude like around him?
Does he complain about you being stubborn?
What exactly has he tried to stop you from doing but you wouldn't listen?

137 Likes 8 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by babythug(f): 10:52pm On Nov 21, 2019
It’s really tricky!

Some spouses can be quite a handful some of the issues you’ve tabled does arouse some suspicions but to unravel the mystery of now the tricky part!

Ensure you have a financial back up plan for your self and children.

Good luck

16 Likes

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by Larryfest(m): 10:59pm On Nov 21, 2019
Which kind husband be dis naa

226 Likes 10 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by subtlemee(f): 10:59pm On Nov 21, 2019
At 30 you are too young to die of hypertension and age is still on your side ......it may not be easy but become a widow overnight , instead of wallowing in self pity look for ways to improve yourself get a job or business and step up your level your husband will come running back when he comes give him a hard knock to reset his brain before accepting him back

119 Likes 6 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by Munzy14(m): 11:05pm On Nov 21, 2019
A lot of things going wrong... And it's centered on financial issues.He might be running out of cash or needed a move. but what I found funny is how u two can't trust eachother even with three kids...

74 Likes 3 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by chosengocap: 11:06pm On Nov 21, 2019
Attention to all mods! push it to front page for a wider audience.

3 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by samdede(m): 11:10pm On Nov 21, 2019
My 1 cent advice to you is to get busy with your fashion design work while looking for other opportunities.
Please focus on your children and the fashion design work (a bird at hand is worth more that millions in the bush).
I pray God to see you through this phase.

33 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by extremelygolden: 11:18pm On Nov 21, 2019
Hmmm. Please try the Canadian stuff again, for you and the children. When he hears you have immigrated, he'll try to contact you.

302 Likes 20 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by thorpido(m): 11:21pm On Nov 21, 2019
Indeed your hubby is scamming you.He's into something he's not open about.I'll hate to think he has another woman.

What you can do now is get and improve your finances.Work on the fashion design job and also look out for a permanent job.

175 Likes 5 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by NOC1(m): 11:34pm On Nov 21, 2019
I think he is into street, but relating with his family on phone is not way out, in fact that’s the ideal thing to do.
I know those on street don’t like having their family close to them but many try to let them know what they are doing and why it should be like let’s talk whenever I am not busy

30 Likes

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by obiekunie2: 11:48pm On Nov 21, 2019
he suspects u r cheating on him. he feels that last child is not his own undecided

7 Likes 4 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by baby124: 11:49pm On Nov 21, 2019
Just reapply for the Canadian visa. Don’t tell him about it till you get to Canada. Please take all your kids with you. God will make a way. Try to hustle go at least make sure you are able to travel and take care of yourself and kids without his help in Canada. That’s if your parents have the means. You can take a loan from them and pay it back installmentslly. Your husband is not open or reliable.

Start making your own plans. He obviously is in a contract marriage in the UK or deceiving some girl. Reason why he can’t pick up after 7pm, he’s home with her. I feel so sorry for you. Goodluck in all your endeavors and I wish you well.

288 Likes 15 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by sotall(m): 11:50pm On Nov 21, 2019
This is complicated and risky


Take heart ma

3 Likes

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by MrBrownJay1(m): 11:59pm On Nov 21, 2019
miss, you have to face reality, this man is "single" and has forgotten about you. it is so obvious that he doesnt see any future with you, and the divorce was just a piece of what he was thinking. he will only use you and use you until he has no need for you. you better face reality.

if he cant even be fully honest with you, how can you trust such man? consider yourself single and live your life because i am 100% sure that man is living in the UK as a single man, not caring one bit about you guys.

there comes a time when you have to stop trying to cross oceans for people who wouldnt even jump over gutter for you

98 Likes 10 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by Nobody: 1:53am On Nov 22, 2019
What sort of wicked man is this?

-Canceled the UAE resident visa for you and your two kids,
-Prevented you from traveling to Canada after passing the IELTS,
-Lied that he was going to the UAE but secretly went to the UK instead,
and has ceased communication with you and the kids since.

You can tell how someone feels about you by their consistent actions towards you and this is one of those situations. From your post, it seems he wants out of the marriage, or perhaps he has another family somewhere. It's also VERY obvious that he cannot be trusted and that he does not want you to succeed in life. I would advice you to start thinking of the way forward for you and your children; start planning your life and that of your children's without him (he has removed himself from the picture anyway) and without telling him a thing/involving him in the plans. Good luck.

123 Likes 4 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by cenaman(m): 4:41am On Nov 22, 2019
grin
Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by cococandy(f): 4:43am On Nov 22, 2019
In conclusion....
theButterfly:
What sort of wicked man is this?

-Canceled the UAE resident visa of your and your two kids,
-Prevented you from traveling to Canada after passing the IELTS,
-Lied that he was going to the UAE but secretly went to the UK instead,
and has ceased communication with you and the kids since.

You can tell how someone feels about you by their consistent actions towards you and this is one of those situations. From your post, it seems he wants out of the marriage, or perhaps he has another family somewhere. It's also VERY obvious that he cannot be trusted and that he does not want you to succeed in life. I would advice you to start thinking of the way forward for you and your children; start planning your life and that of your children's without him (he has removed himself from the picture anyway) and without telling him a thing/involving him in the plans. Good luck.

OP if you believe ANY OTHER THING except what’s in this post I just quoted, then I’d say it’s clear why he’s able to get away with continuously mistreating and deceiving you.

Wake up and get wise for yourself and your children

He has another family somewhere else. It’s time for you to move on. And fast too.

104 Likes 11 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by cococandy(f): 4:44am On Nov 22, 2019
Na them. undecided

Officialgarri:
Mrs Abu, your issue is not one that conclusions could be made hastily.
Infact many wives would have set all hell loose.
I personally would have advised that you should have retailiated by seizing his international passport, or just cause some kind of havoc that will hold him back in Nigeria .... or restrict his freedom

But while I acknowledge and appreciate your tolerance according ''to your own side of the story", it would be easier if we could hear your husband's side of the story.

I mean, there are things you could be doing that's making your hubby abhor and avoid you.

How's your attitude like around him?
Does he complain about you being stubborn?
What exactly has he tried to stop you from doing but you wouldn't listen?

78 Likes 6 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by yeyeosoronga: 4:59am On Nov 22, 2019
You're a single mother dear.
Do what will be to your benefit and your children's from henceforth.
Go back into the job market if that will be a better financial decision for you, and employ a designer in your shop as a side hustle.
Relocate to Canada/ Australia if that's also better for your family
Of course keep it all a secret from him. We're not sure who's side he's on, but it's obviously not yours.

44 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by tundeblack: 5:13am On Nov 22, 2019
Call me on 07014771303. You deserve better, plan b and c

6 Likes 4 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by femi4: 5:40am On Nov 22, 2019
Mrsabuh1:
please I seek advise from experts here as I'm lost and devastated over this issue , please bear with me as my story is a little bit long.
this is the 7th year of my marriage and the union is blessed with three kids, hubby and I stayed in UAE, but whenever I'm pregnant I come down to have my kids due to cost and also I ll b needing helping hands after delivery , it happened that when I came down to have my last child 3years ago as ,and as usual I was preparing to return to UAE , I discovered that my Husband had canceled the resident visa for myself and our two kids, when I confronted him he said he is making plans to leave UAE and there was no point for us coming back and also business isn't moving as usual so taking care of us will cause a strain on his finances ..at first I felt bad and cried about it but later I accepted my fate and moved on .
first plan was for me to apply for Canada study visa, the plan was to go with my last child and after sometimes hubby and my other kids can join me later , I got admitted into a Canadian college but when the time for visa processing hubby pulled out that we should go the express entry way , I accepted and started with registering for ielts tutorials which I did for 5weeks ,and to God b the glory I aced my exam , it was left for him to write his as he ll b standing as the primary applicant since he has lots of job experience but along the line he pulled out again and said everyone is going to Canada and he ll work out something different .
last year he applied for US visa he was denied, he applied for Germany too, still denied . while he was doing all this I was alone in Nigeria with the kids while he stays in UAE but visits every 5months .. this year June we had some issues that would ve resulted to divorce but we settled it with the help of some elders so he said he was going to make up for his mistake by applying for UK for both of us so we can just take a vacation to London , of course I was excited and looking up for the trip.
he applied for UK visa for both of us and lucky they granted us 6months, I was already getting set and looking forward to the trip when he said he needed to rush down to UAE as he has some unfinished business , two days after he left I saw him updated his fb and the location was showing UK , he left without me and he didnt even Informed me that he ll b going untill he got there , when I confronted him he came up with the excuse that he needed to meet with some companies over investment so that way he can process resident permits for everyone at home so we all come over there at once , two days later he told me he got a job .
its been 2months over there already, we filed our stay for 10days when applying for the visa and I know what he has done is messing his future chances up , now he doesn't do video call, won't pick my calls when I call at my own time , from 7pm he isn't active as no way I can reach him, before now the only time he put a call across is when he is in a bus .. I confronted him over all this and guess what. ,he has stopped talking to me , Wont reply my chats or even talk to me yet he reads them ,our sons bday was 4days ago and he couldn't even call to speak with him or wish him happy birthday.
I'm so confused ,this is the man that I have lost lot of jobs opportunity for simply because he doesnt want me to work, I learnt fashion designing so it won't be like I'm staying at home doing nothing, I run a fashion store but trust me I'm not feeling it because its not what I'm meant to do ..In two months time I will b 30 and you know how nig systems works, the older you get, the lesser chances of getting a job I dont even know what to do with myself ,please advise me what to do ?
I'd also like those who ve an idea of how the system in UK works to tell me how long it takes for one to b granted residential permits in the UK so I ll know when all this will end or if it ll ever end so I can make my next move
also how possible it is for one to land UK and in two days he is already working .
I feel used, I feel like hubby used me to secure a visa and I was never in his plans..I reported the issues to our family already and he Told them all he did was for the future of myself and the kids and I shld endure but I do not know for how long..,I'm tired of this distsnce marriage ,its been 3years in distance marriage and its been hell for me.
MOD please help me post this
Its what it is.....A man has to do just what he has to do

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by queenfav(f): 5:55am On Nov 22, 2019
God help women in marriage o!Please and please, never let an opportunity to better your life pass you by because your husband said no. Op I really feel sorry for you. No Job,three kids and a husband that has checked out of the relationship emotionally and physically . It's very easy for a man to move on. As he is in the UK, he can easily marry a 21 year old girl. Why? He is now a free man that has started his life afresh. Does he have kids there with him to tie him down? It's still you the woman that suffers most when things like this happen in marriage.

.
.
This is a lesson to women. Don't be comfortable sitting at home, eating, popping kids yearly, watching dstv and idling away. Have a business or job that gives you your own money. Secure your own bag! Anything can happen in marriage. Don't let one man pull the rug from under your feet like op's husband.The man has absconded not even caring about how his wife and kids will cope financially. Anyone can shock u. Having your own money in the bank and a source of income insures you and your kids from having to suffer when things like this happen.
.
You should be able to take decisions that will better your life, because when push comes to shove no man will sit at home or turn down a juicy job because his wife said 'NO'. "Love and honor your husband, but be very wise in marriage.. Men can be unpredictable" . That's what one of uncles said to me when I was getting married. @op,you are now a single mother, start looking for a means to fend for your kids and yourself. God be with u!

95 Likes 4 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by egwekwe: 6:02am On Nov 22, 2019
This is your side of the story.. If we ask your husband I'm sure he'll as his as well .

But as married couple, you're meant to be honest with yourselves.

He should have told you he's going to UK. There's no excuse for that but then he might be struggling financially and not able to fund your travelling . Some african man feels egoistic about this type of issue.

Anytime he's back in Nigeria, tell him how you feel.. Tell him you're completely fed up and depressed.


His reaction should answer you.

In the meantime, get a job and continue with your life

4 Likes

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by sisisioge: 6:08am On Nov 22, 2019
Hmmm...my heart just wants me to send you special prayers. Good luck dear...good luck.

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by cococandy(f): 6:09am On Nov 22, 2019
queenfav

You should be able to take decisions that will better your life, because when push comes to shove no man will sit at home or turn down a juicy job because his wife said 'NO'. "Love and honor your husband, but be very wise in marriage"

14 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by cococandy(f): 6:10am On Nov 22, 2019
So his best way to convey that is to leave her in the dark and travel out to the country?

You make sense to yourself like this?

egwekwe:
This is your side of the story.. If we ask your husband I'm sure he'll as his as well .

But as married couple, you're meant to be honest with yourselves.

Your husband might be struggling financially and not able to fund your travelling . Some african man feels egoistic about this type of issue

Anytime he's back in Nigeria, tell him how you feel.. Tell him you're completely fed up and depressed.

His reaction should answer you.

62 Likes 3 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by cococandy(f): 6:11am On Nov 22, 2019
femi4:
Its what it is.....A man has to do just what he has to do

Who’s raising you people?

96 Likes 3 Shares

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by egwekwe: 6:16am On Nov 22, 2019
cococandy:
So his best way to convey that is to leave her in the dark and travel out to the country?

You make sense to yourself like this?


Stop been emotional. I agree that was careless on the husband part and I already edited my post.

This is the wife version.what do you expect her to do? Divorce the husband?

It seems like the hubby is still providing for her and kids.

It's hard to judge family matters without getting all the facts

In the meantime op, you can get a job or something to keep yourself busy .

Build yourself up.

5 Likes

Re: I Think My Husband Scammed Me by alfa0: 6:18am On Nov 22, 2019
@Mrsabuh1

There are so many mystery around your marriage that one needs to unravel before advising you.

1. For the period you lived with him on UAE,what was the relationship like.
2. What job does he do.
3.You said you have successfully travelled down to Nigeria to give birth on two occasions before this third one.please tell us what happened during this third trip.
4.You said you guys almost went the divorce way.Why...What happened.....How was this issue settled ,if it was actually settled.

Note that some men are very rigid when they take decisions.i strongly believe something must have transpired.
But whatever that have happened,I still feel he should have come out clean and clearly on the situation instead of running away from his shadows. Of course ,he can never run away from. His Shadow

7 Likes 2 Shares

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