Nairalanders I will like to go straight to my point in order not to waste your time. I'm married with children, my wife is the only child of her single mother, we used to have little issues since our wedding which I believe it's a natural thing in marriage and I have been managing them. My wife is not a wayward type which I've confirmed to some extent but a very stubborn one. Straight to the point now! last three weeks she traveled for an exam and I went to work that morning after 3 hours that she left,she called me to challenge me that I've not deem it fit to call her to know how she is doing and she dropped the call immediately she accused me, I picked my phone Immediately to apologise to her which decided not to pick my call till she came back. Since then she has started to behave arrogantly at home and I didn't want to report the issue to her mother. Three days ago I went to a friend's party/ceremony which she knew about and I came back around 9:25pm only to meet my house door locked and my wife was no where to be found, I decided not to call her because I was quite sure she has gone to her mother's house to sleep (first time since our wedding though) She eventually came back the following morning and went straight to her shop which I built for her in front of the house without even coming inside if I'm there or not. I just kept my calm, expecting her mother's action about it because I believe courtesy demands her mother to ask me why her daughter could do such but up till now the mother has not asked me anything which I told a friend which my friend told me to exercise patient but I'm not convenient of her arrogance at home. Please advise me because I don't want do any stupid thing but I'm infuriated which I'm finding difficult to calm.

1. When you marry a woman raised by a single mother, you need to read some special books, take on some special training/lessons, and exhibit special characters. The modalities required for living with one with a father figure are completely different bro. With a father figure, she wouldn't even dare to leave your house in the first place. This is why some men avoid women like your wife.

2. Are you sure she actually slept in her mother's house?


3. It is possible she lied to her mother as per her reasons for sleeping over at her place. So keep calm till you get the details.

Communication is lacking. She was right to have charged you with not calling her when she was away and you should have apologized when she returned.

As much as you think she is matured and old enough to take care of herself when she goes out, as her husband, you should have called to find out how things were going. Be that as it may, your relationship is too young to be having unnecessary issues as this one.

I'm sure you understand her love language. Speak it at this point and make peace. While she is her mother's only child, if she finds solace in her mother instead of you, it means you are failing in your role as a husband and a man. You won't find it easy and it won't be.

Don't expect the mother to call and don't go and explain anything to her lest she becomes the counsellor of your home. You already know she is stubborn, which is good. I'm sure you don't talk because there's an unresolved issue. If it is about you not checking up when she left home, get her a gift and apologize. If it is not, find out and let peace reign.

[quote author=Acidosis post=84339704]

1. When you marry a woman raised by a single mother, you need to read some special books, take on some special training/lessons, and exhibit special characters. The modalities required for living with one with a father figure are completely different bro.

2. Are you sure she actually slept in her mother's house?[/quot

I asked my son of 8 yearls where her mother slept and he told me it was grandma's house

SendAbroad:
How are you guys caring for the kids in this scenario?

I think your wife likes attention from you if her complain was you didn't call her 3 hours that she went for exams..

You guys should improve communication.

Thanks! we used to communicate well whenever we are in good terms. she's too stubborn

SendAbroad:
How are you guys caring for the kids in this scenario?

I think your wife likes attention from you if her complain was you didn't call her 3 hours that she went for exams..

You guys should improve communication.

What kind of thing is this? Lack of communication for 3 hours is enough to leave your husband's house??


3 hours?

Acidosis:

1. When you marry a woman raised by a single mother, you need to read some special books, take on some special training/lessons, and exhibit special characters. The modalities required for living with one with a father figure are completely different bro. With a father figure, she wouldn't even dare to leave your house in the first place. This is why some men avoid women like your wife.

2. Are you sure she actually slept in her mother's house?


3. It is possible she lied to her mother as per her reasons for sleeping over at her place. So keep calm till you get the details.

Thanks so much! my friend said the same thing that how am I sure she told the mother truth about the matter

Sanchez01:
Communication is lacking. She was right to have charged you with not calling her when she was away and you should have apologized when she returned.

As much as you think she is matured and old enough to take care of herself when she goes out, as her husband, you should have called to find out how things were going. Be that as it may, your relationship is too young to be having unnecessary issues as this one.

I'm sure you understand her love language. Speak it at this point and make peace. While she is her mother's only child, if she finds solace in her mother instead of you, it means you are failing in your role as a husband and a man. You won't find it easy and it won't be.

Don't expect the mother to call and don't go and explain anything to her lest she becomes the counsellor of your home. You already know she is stubborn, which is good. I'm sure you don't talk because there's an unresolved issue. If it is about you not checking up when she left home, get her a gift and apologize. If it is not, find out and let peace reign.

Thanks

akoraye:


Thanks so much! my friend said the same thing that how am I sure she told the mother truth about the matter

True, bro. So keep calm o till you get the details.

Acidosis:


What kind of thing is this? Lack of communication for 3 hours is enough to leave your husband's house??


3 hours?

I don't understand

Acidosis:

True, bro. So keep calm o till you get the details.

Thanks

are you sure she slept in her mother's place bcuz even rev sisters are getting pregnant these days oh.secord point try to find out what she is up to

Abfinest007:
are you sure she slept in her mother's place bcuz even rev sisters are getting pregnant these days oh.secord point try to find out what she is up to

Alright thanks

This may sound offensive but I can't marry a lady raised by a single unmarried woman.

A girl needs a father unless she has an elder brother who is very active in her life. In a case where the dad is dead, then she needs to be allowed to gather enough experience in the hands of boyfriends before marriage.

Man/marriage is like a degree course, a wise lady needs to do some prerequisites before enrolling.

You will have to manage the stubbornness.You signed up for it.
If you marry most girls raised by a single mother,you will have to deal with many issues.

Apologize to her again and try to pacify her.

J111333:
This may sound offensive but I can't marry a lady raised by a single unmarried woman.

A girl needs a father unless she has an elder brother who is very active in her life. In a case where the dad is dead, then she needs to be allowed to gather enough experience in the hands of boyfriends before marriage.

Man/marriage is like a degree course, a wise lady needs to do some prerequisites before enrolling.

I'd like you to be these three things: sensitive, sensible and mature. Ladies who are raised in broken homes or by their mothers alone didn't choose the life.

I know ladies who grew under both parents and can barely stay in a relationship for six months. I know ladies who never grew up with both parents and can hold their own in a relationship.

True, broken homes, for most part, tend to affect people psychologically but I have come to understand that it either makes become a better person and correct the ills of your parents in your own union or stay bitter and carry on the curse.

We can't tell our parents whether to live together or go their separate ways as kids. The disaster in all of this is getting hooked to a lady who sees men as scum or one greatly poisoned.

If you judge a girl because her father is irresponsible or that he died before she came of age, then it is a huge miss.

I honestly don't know the experience most guys have in the name of boyfriend other than sex and entitlement. You should recommend counseling sessions, gatherings, strategic programmes as a way of bringing out the best in a lady from a broken home, not one pencil-legged boyfriend.

@OP the issue at hand is between you and your Mrs. Why on earth are you expecting your mother in law to intervene?
You haven’t brought the matter to her how is she to know something is amiss?

Find a way to resolve things with your wife, if you feel you require third party intervention ask you MIL to step in but I don’t think the matter requires such.

J111333:
This may sound offensive but I can't marry a lady raised by a single unmarried woman.

A girl needs a father unless she has an elder brother who is very active in her life. In a case where the dad is dead, then she needs to be allowed to gather enough experience in the hands of boyfriends before marriage.

Man/marriage is like a degree course, a wise lady needs to do some prerequisites before enrolling.

You're right

Acidosis:


What kind of thing is this? Lack of communication for 3 hours is enough to leave your husband's house??


3 hours?

This is why I love being around people with a very peculiar orientation.
If that woman was married to some people I know, she will continue sleeping in her mother's house until the same mother calls to ask what is going on... then the family meeting can commence from there.

The first question they will ask the mother is, what kind of responsible mother receives her married daughter into her home for the night without at least calling up her son-in-law to confirm his knowledge of it?

thorpido:
You will have to manage the stubbornness.You signed up for it.
If you marry most girls raised by a single mother,you will have to deal with many issues.

Apologize to her again and try to pacify her.

Alright

akoraye:


Thanks so much! my friend said the same thing that how am I sure she told the mother truth about the matter

I'm sorry but the issue in your home is bigger than imagined. Like you have friends whispering nonsense to you after writing the below in your post?

My wife is not a wayward type which I've confirmed to some extent but a very stubborn one.

I am almost 100% certain you are more interested in where she passed the night and not what made her do so. She has her fault just as you have yours in this.

Entrusting your marital affair in the hands of your own friend is an indication that you and your wife aren't close.

If you are so interested in knowing where she slept the day she left, apologize, make up and ask while making up. I'm sure she'll tell you freely and playfully. Friends, MIL or any other third party counseling you about your home shouldn't have happened.

She hung up the phone on you and you were the one who called her back to apologize to her, LMAO. You are obviously enabling her bad behavior. By the way, you cannot be blaming her mother for anything. She's an adult and should be held responsible for her own actions.

babythug:
@OP the issue at hand is between you and your Mrs. Why on earth are you expecting your mother in law to intervene?
You haven’t brought the matter to her how is she to know something is amiss?

Find a way to resolve things with your wife, if you feel you require third party intervention ask you MIL to step in but I don’t think the matter requires such.

Thanks but I'm talking about is the my wife passed a night in her mother's house and the mother did not deem it fit to ask me why

crackhaus:



This is why I love being around people with a very peculiar orientation.
If that woman was married to some people I know, she will continue sleeping in her mother's house until the same mother calls to ask what is going on... then the family meeting can commence from there.

The first question they will ask the mother is, what kind of responsible mother receives her married daughter into her home for the night without at least calling up her son-in-law to confirm his knowledge of it?

Thank you

Sanchez01:

I'm sorry but the issue in your home is bigger than imagined. Like you have friends whispering nonsense to you after writing the below in your post?

I am almost 100% certain you are more interested in where she passed the night and not what made her do so. She has her fault just as you have yours in this.

Entrusting your marital affair in the hands of your own friend is an indication that you and your wife aren't close.

If you are so interested in knowing where she slept the day she left, apologize, make up and ask while making up. I'm sure she'll tell you freely and playfully. Friends, MIL or any other third party counseling you about your home shouldn't have happened.

Where she slept is not my problem because I confirmed she slept I'm her mother's house but the question is why has her mother not asked me why she came to sleep over in her house!

theButterfly:
She hung up the phone on you and you were the one who called her back to apologize to her, LMAO. You are obviously enabling her bad behavior. By the way, you cannot be blaming her mother for anything. She's an adult and should be held responsible for her own actions.

Just trying to make peace because of my marriage. I'm not that calm!

Your wife could have given an impression that all was well and it’s not unheard of for married folks to
Spend the night at their parents place anyway!

I feel you should focus on resolving things with mrs and not why your MIL has not reached out to you!

akoraye:


Thanks but I'm talking about is the my wife passed a night in her mother's house and the mother did not deem it fit to ask me why

babythug:
Your wife could have given an impression that all was well and it’s not unheard of for married folks to
Spend the night at their parents place anyway!

I feel you should focus on resolving things with mrs and not why your MIL has not reached out to you!

Yeah right, except that when married folks spend the night at a parents' home, a phone call is usually made as a form of acknowledgement of arrival.
And it is hardly an unexpected visit even when it does happen.

This is how responsible people behave.

akoraye:


Just trying to make peace because of my marriage. I'm not that calm!

That's not a bad idea but it should be a mutual/joint effort. You're clearly the one who always tries to make peace when she's at fault, which is why she'll continue to behave in this manner. You should be more concerned about nipping her bad behavior in the bud before it worsens and holding her accountability for her actions, otherwise you'll always be the one apologizing when she's wrong. Your attempt to apologize after she hung up on you instead of her calling you back to apologize or at least give you the same courtesy, and to shift the blame to the mother shows you're the one who has been encouraging it. When people become adults, they likewise become responsible for their own actions. You cannot be blaming her mother for being a single mother or for not asking you why the daughter passed the night at her place. It's not the mother's responsibility to be asking you why she was there [she could've even assumed you knew about it] or giving you any explanation.

akoraye:


Where she slept is not my problem because I confirmed she slept I'm her mother's house but the question is why has her mother not asked me why she came to sleep over in her house!

Like I earlier mentioned, it is your home and you shouldn't even be bothered about why the mother hasn't called you.

She probably painted a picture that all wasn't well with you guys, which was why she went over there.

You waiting for your MIL to call you is almost the same as you wanting her to step in and resolve the situation. She shouldn't. For all it's worth, she might have been rebuked and even cautioned by her mother for acting the way she did, who knows?

Kindly make peace and settle whatever it is with her. She should be your focus, not your MIL or your friend.

If this was what really happened, then you married a first class brat sorry to say it aloud.I don't know the word to use because it's annoying .. She should be very happy that she met and married a level headed guy who has the decency to apologise to her even when you were not wrong.. I don't know why I have the feeling that you were always quick to apologise that's why she was always waiting for it.

Just being curious, was that an Oxford or Cambridge exams that she went to write?

She must be really really beautiful for u to take this nonsense.. I don't know if u truly know the meaning of locking someone out deliberately. It means whatever happened to u, I don't care. U deserve what comes to u.. just so you know. U can take all the crap but don't take when someone wants to in danger your life in the name of love.

I will suggest that you sit her down and let her know that the sun those not rise and set because she said so.. In a cool but steady voice let her know that you will never tolerate that kinda behaviour especially the one of locking u outside.. After saying that storm inside the bedroom, take your car keys and drive to the ocean, river or stream. Water has a way of calming people down.. Don't go to the bar..

If she doesn't apologise when u get back, Ignore her to register your displeasure... If she serves u food eat it, after eating wash the plate yourself without a word...For the first time, this situation warrant 1 day of silent treatment.. let her initiate the talking this time around.. Don't jump into talking to her yet and observe what her reactions would be. If she apologises, take it immediately. If she doesn't ignore her and observe her some more.
This is how to Educate a brat who thinks the world revolves around her.

Also try and make another copy of the house keys.