BRATISLAVA:

Thankfully you get my point. I'm not saying women are angels, but most of these family issues are caused by men full of the stubborn male ego who believe they can never apologize and that they are always right.

BrutusOj:
Walahi..that lady sounds so pained like she is a single mom suffering all alone. This forum is a place to learn alot from other people, like the Op became a changed man due to a nice quote here. So many bitter souls here trying so hard to harden the minds of other ladies who naturally soft at heart. Bad influence is written all over her posts since.

kallmemrB:
That's nice.... Some parents don't deserve any relationship with them.. Just forgive and move on


Even deadbeat fathers have levels ... Some are just total deadbeat that won't have an iota of care for the children left behind.... The Op is healing for himself not his family or mother... Am sure there will still be some resentment... Just 6yrs ain't much.. Imagine if he's gone for 20-30yrs.pls what relationship is there to build. There's no way he will fit into ur life

TheFacelessMan:


Nothing from my posts show misogyny. Everything about you reeks of father hatred. Read your own posts slowly.

No matter how you hide it. Hear the side of your dad. Maybe the cycle of hatred would stop.

From my first mention, anyone with minimal IQ would see clearly I said BOTH SIDES MIGHT HAVE THEIR SHARE OF GUILT.

Only an abject fool would listen to one side of the story and hurriedly jump to conclusions that it is the gospel truth.

Good luck about your dad.

PS - Mothers and Fathers are great.

pocohantas:


Naso.

KanuSE:


People like BRATISLAVA are bad losers...

Easy to spot.

IceColdVeins:
Dont be quick to judge.
I am the only one at loggerheads with my dad, my other siblings are not. And I neevr demonised my mom, I love her and I have showered my care on her. I'm just trying to make peace within myself and make the family balanced. MY mom and dad are still together and happier than before. But the wounds dont ever heal.

Ryan03:
lol, you even had a dad that provided for the family, your own good. My dad never contributed anything, I grew up to know he always tell us to go and meet our mum when ever we ask for anything even to our school fees. He was a womanizer (six wives), had fourteen children (he didn't cater for any of them). When I was 8, mum got fed up ( due to continuous beatings that sometimes lands her in the hospital) and moved out with us. He never looked for us till I was in js2. He tried forming a bond with us but wasn't successful because he was staying in another town. He died just before I could resume js3. How exactly do I forgive? Where do I start from? I try to act like it doesn't matter, peharps my mum did a good job, hustled for me and my sisters to the point where we are today but I know how difficult it was, I know how we go somedays without food, how we a were sent away from school because of books or exam fees, how we do trek long distance because we dont have t.fair and we couldn't afford a house in town hence we stayed in villages without schools, how we sometimes dont eat rice on Christmas day, how we dont usually wear Christmas clothes, how we depend on others to outgrown their clothes so we could have them. I try to forget those stuffs cause now we live more comfortably thank God mummy did her best to educate us so we could have jobs, I just can't lie to myself that I have forgiven him. It hurts, still hurts badly cc Luminouz

BRATISLAVA:
and you know everything about me because of posts? What is there to hide? You take nairalamd too serious. I stick by what I said about you. You should iron out your issue with your mother and the other females in your. You sound bitter about anything that you feel is against men. You can call me a father hater if it helps you reconcile. Good luck with the females.

Sorry about what your mum claim your dad did. Your rants sound envious. Your jealous vituperations wouldn't stop the OP from reconciling with his father.

I pray you find peace like the OP. Good luck with that. I am done with you, so pour your frustrations elsewhere

OP, congratulations. I hope both parents LEARNT from the experience.

ibkayee:
I’m kind of annoyed that you even apologised

ibkayee:
I’m kind of annoyed that you even apologised

TheFacelessMan:


Sorry about what your mum claim your dad did. Your rants sound envious. Your jealous vituperations wouldn't stop the OP from reconciling with his father.

I pray you find peace like the OP. Good luck with that. I am done with you, so pour your frustrations elsewhere

OP, congratulations. I hope both parents LEARNT from the experience.

Pavore9:
No matter how "provoking" a man feels the mother of his child(ren) is, there is no excuse for paternal negligence. Always find a way to provide and be there for them.

I recall a classmate back in secondary school, she swore she and her younger sister would not marry a Nigerian so that their father who neglected them to go live a carefree life will not get even a kolanut in the name of tradition when getting married. She kept to her word and now married to a Dutch and with kids, she came down and got wedded at the Ikoyi Marriage Registry and returned to Europe while her father's side of the family have been pressuring her to come "home" to formalize the marriage.

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord"... Ephesians 6:4

Personally, I feel a parent who neglected his/her child has no blessings to give.

Ryan03:
lol, something to learn? I was a child but suffered because of it. They had their quarrels and the next thing he won't drop feeding money for us, there was never a time we go to dad for anything when he won't direct us back to our mum, what was out crime? Were we there when they for married? Are we the cause of the problem? Why take it out on us? And you say something to learn? I am not saying both parties dont have their flaws but taking it out on us was a very stupid thing. He even blocked us from using the hospital we were registered on after my mum left with us, really? Abeg eh, everyone have their issues, nobody should force forgiveness down my throat

chriskosherbal:
Easier Said than done, op first of all I want to use this medium to say you are a man, for trying to make peace with your Dad, there is a particular blessing that biological father's carry that NO man on earth no matter how highly placed in any field can give to you..Am quoting you because you are still trying to condemn and Judge his Dad, the OP said we never listened to his own side of the story cos men just know how to suck in emotions.

Being the last male in the family I stayed with family for a longtime before I left, and I must say mother's are wonderful but can choke a man to death sometimes if that man lack emotional shockabsolver when things start to fall apart especially finance, Seeing my mum cry complaining to me sometimes you will think Dad is just heartless until I grew to understand that mum most times just want things to go her way always forgetting Dad feelings, and the fact he still the head of the home, irrespective of finance and mum sometimes couldn't just be submissive.

You see when you grow older in life you will definitely love your mum but tend to appreciate your Dad's effort so far in trying to raise a family ( we were 8 in number, even though we lost 2), providing for everyone's need, food, academics, name it, and coping with mums constant nagging sometimes can be really frustrating and unbearable, you will see it practically clear when you start to have kids..

It takes God and a man that is determine to keep his family together irrespective of trials/temptation to still keep going, sincerely I love my mum no doubt but my RESPECT for my Dad have skyrocked when I came face to face with real life ...I love you DAD.

BRATISLAVA:
redundant thus useless post.

BRATISLAVA:


How can you tell this, if not through assumptions? You are the worst loser. You support bad behaviors in men. And for that, I don't value your input.

KanuSE:


Like I always say, when you grow older you will process these things better coz you would be wiser. You will clearly see things from different perspectives with a better sense of judgement coz LIFE has a way of confounding us in our craftiness.

Ladycewhy:
that is the part i am yet to get,like how do you apologize for being abandoned ,lol .

IceColdVeins can you tell us why you are apologizing? Maybe if we know the reason you are sorry for hurting your dad we too can learn

IceColdVeins:
Never. I learnt a lot of lessons and its working for me. I cherish every loyal woman

KanuSE:


Please point out where I demonstrated support for bad behaviour in men?

You see, you need to calm down & learn to love... regardless.

IceColdVeins:
"How could we not talk about family, when family's all that we got?"
Charlie Otto Puth (2015)
CC: KanuSE thanks bro

This write up was inspired by a random thread https://www.nairaland.com/5396187/children-deadbeat-fathers-time-think/4#82028618 that was created about a couple of months ago. Its was based on the effects of parents exhibiting apathetic attitudes towards their wards. Lugubriously, I was a victim of that on the father's part. I had lots of rifts with my dad owing to constant loggerheads and maltreatments that I could percieve my mother received from him(I was only acting on my mother's emotions). I suffered a lot due to paternal negligence........If I start penning down my chronicles, it would be easier stopping a herd of stampeding wildebeestes on the Serengeti than making me stop typing.

Without further Ado, I saw the thread and I decided to make my own opinions known as attached below, then a guy quoted me and that changed everything. I started seeing things in the other perspective and I decided to initiate a communication with my dad that I had gone incommunicado on for over six years (200 level in the unversity). Good heavens, it felt like dreams came through when he replied(photos attached). Now I'd be going home this December for the christmas break, I'm thinking of buying him a very fine wine and an exquisite wristwatch, which his colleagues would ask about it and he would reply ''My son got it''.

Finally, I can say I had gone through thick-thin of life and still moving. I'm an independent 26 years old bloke now and I was able to get here with the help of the very limited finances from my mother, while my father kept buying cars and building houses. I'd implore fellow nairalanders with similar backgrounds with mine to take a clue from this thread and let the old things pass away. Forgive your parents and move on.

"Children begin by loving their parents, as they grow older they judge them, sometimes they forgive them"
Oscar Wilde

Regards.
Mynd44 lalasticlala

This may kill your mother. You have been her strength, she can not lose to men at the same time, I think the first and the best thing would have been to talk to your mother first on the need for this reconciliation because I believe this was all about your mother. You write deep English, but it appears you do not reason as deep as our English. Stop acting instinctively

BRATISLAVA:


Why would I be vexed? I am just worried at how easily we permit bad behavior from fathers then go on to repeat it. This permission is only because he is the father, not for any logical reason. I don't see why a man would be so wicked to the OP to the point where he can't mention it, but because he is afraid it will happen to him he is apologizing to the oppressor. It cannot happen to him if he cares for his own wife and family. This is the new age, we can't keep at old crude family methods and expect love. It's a pity that Africans rever even the most wicked men. Out there you kick them out of your life and move on.

blank:
I'm just wondering. How will the expensive gifts you want to buy for him make up for the parental neglect you suffered from him? He had a disagreement with your mom and decided to take it out on the kids by not providing for them. Sounds like a douchebag. But what do I know?

IceColdVeins:
I have had a face off with him quite a number times and I feel guilty.

KanuSE:


My argument is that this young man is trying to salvage what's left of his family (fatherly love) the missed moments etc - hope you gerrit?

CHoccolaTE:


@bold,
Na real wa

Leave them to continue blaming their mothers for everything
Ungrateful souls

pocohantas:


It is okay that he apologised, but his father's response shows no remorse on his own part. Looks like the response of a man who feels he can do no wrong. Na him sabi sha...