DoubleEngine007:
The man must have his own side too.. There was one thread in this section or family section some time ago.. The woman told of us how she and the husband built a house together with the proceed from the business idea she brought. And when they started having issues, d husband wanted her to leave d hux ,but she refused. So d husband ran away from the house leaving her and the kids. We start curse the innocent man o. Someone who knew the husband very well saw the thread, and informed the husband.. The man had to register on this forum to tell us his side of d story. And when the man told us his side of the story,we discovered the woman was at fault.. I can't conclude if actually the man is a beast or not now,until i hear from both side.. Cuz most times ,na women dey cause the problem,but they will want people to pity them ,so that say things that will justify them,covering their own side when bad. Have a nice day bro...

my brother from the way she present it, the story is scanty, u will know that something is fishing, u went to private university, that shows that ur family is well to do, now ur telling us he abuse and so on, baba she is not telling us the truth simple

Kindheartedd:
I don't even know this post was taken to fp.

I will pursue this legally. Starting from tomorrow, no going back on this.

He begged me this morning, and this night he said the worst.

I did not enter into a contract marriage with him in any way, but he keeps saying we are in a contracted marriage.

We did just court and traditional marriage. No church, no church because I attend a different church from the the one my parent attend. Being the first to get married in my family, the rules they set played hard on me unlike now that my siblings do their wedding in the church they attend. So his belief of court wedding is contract marriage.

Court wedding is a form of wedding as church wedding. Why is he having a misconception of what a court wedding is. This is a social studies class, every one did this in school.

He grow up in the street and he's very disrespectful and stubborn. He doesn't regard anyone. I don't know why, I've allowed this for too long some one he reported me to blamed me for allowing him take advantage of me for too long when I opened up to him. I don't even say much I just related the recent issue and that he's always doing it and the man blamed me. The man begged me not to leave but that fell on a deaf ear.

I have video proof of some of his abuses, so I can testify anywhere that I had to run to save myself from his abuses and then continue working on divorcing him. He is not courteous at alllllll, he said we should live like couples in the advance world, each one pays his/her bills. Kids schools fees 50/50. I've got no issue with that cost I've always being paying part of the fees and do so many things at home plus I've being so foolish in so many areas I can't mention here cos everyone will blame me do much.

He is playing the 'Omo eko' attitude on me.

Am certain it will be all well with me, I don't need to stay with him.

I'm just wondering, how did you end up with him? Marrying him. It appears he's just one street, local, unpolished, bush, unenligtened, not self respecting, classless dude. In fact i lack the right suiting adjective. If he's reading all your nairaland posts and not objecting then you must be right. So how did you, a well educated, enlighten, reasonable, cool headed girl find and fall and end up with him? I'm not just saying this as a diss but you could actually be helping outage even save some innocent girls out there. They could learn from your story or mistakes or tips.please if its not going to be too intrusive I'll love if you could share your story.

benjijosh:


You have very small mind with a big mouth. What a shame you have made of yourself with this post of yours.

It's a marriage and not a bondage. We Nigerians should drop this sense of our husband own us shit. He is human just as she is human. She is entitled to her own self peace.

I went through your previous posts to know if you are a parent with a couple of female children so I can know what to tell you but I was so stunned to discover that you are just headed for NYSC. So most-likely, you are not even in a marital relationship to have a full in-dept knowledge of the scope you are commenting on.

It just reminded me of how I was so forward back then on marital issues, few years after my youth service. Because I felt it was another general discuss like politics, football, etc where I needed to show off my analytics. Back then, I said more than this comment of yours. In fact, my dad called me one day and told me to stop putting mouth in marital affairs until I put a woman under my roof as a wife and not a come-and-go lady (girlfriend). I felt slighted but didn't feel bad since it came from my dad.

It has been years now, and I can say categorically that my dad (Blessed Memory) was so correct. I truly didn't have any business putting my mouth in marital affairs back then. Gosh! I didn't. Inside marriage is totally different from outside marriage. The funny part of it is that, no two marriages are the same. So you can also take my dad's counsel if you are currently unmarried.

Regarding the lady, I never meant to be hard on her. Seriously. But as my dad would say, both rain (softness) and sun (hardness/toughness) grows the plant (individual). I could easily have commented "Oh dear, take heart. Sorry. Just stay strong" and sign out but deep within me, I know that would merely be cosmetic. Also, I'm not against going to church. In fact, people should go to church and learn the true word of God on marriage. They would see that it approves Yoruba Culture on Marriage. Also, I don't want her husband to divorce her. I only said that directly to her from the point of reverse psychology to make a stubborn wife to do "B" when she actually thinks you want her to do "A". Who knows, that could shut down the crazy thought of running away with the kids. Imagine she and those innocent kids get involved in a ghastly motor accident while putting her plan in motion? God forbid! But whose misery would such have been the most? Certainly her poor husband.

Finally, regarding "Husband owning...". I don't know your tribe but here in Yorubaland, our forefathers carefully put some structures in place for the sustainability of marriages in Yorubaland. I understand US Democrats are trying to impeach Trump for distorting what they believe their founders (forefathers) had in mind. See, I never believed in old-school stuff concerning marriage before, until I discovered that those forefathers were actually not foolish that I was the foolish and arrogant one back then.

Yourbas believe that marriage tantamount to societal peace and overall prosperity and expansion of the Yoruba race. But that cannot be possible if their daughters are not grounded in humility particularly for the family she would eventually be given out to in marriage. So wise fathers and mothers carefully raise the daughter for this particular purpose amongst other trainings; same way, her school raise her for career purposes. Whatever entitlement or inheritance the daughter is given (including proceeds of her education/businesses), she is particularly instructed, that the gifts are for increased blessings in her husband's household and not for her to use any as a medium of being unruly or lording over her husband. Of course, there are lazy husbands who abuse such privileges but Yoruba has structures for such abuse as well. Moreover, the pride of an average Yoruba man will not make him to stoop so low wanting to take from his woman as a source of income except the very lazy ones (particularly gold-diggers). So much to say but no time. In all, the lady in question will really enjoy herself o, if she can try to stay humble and give sex to her man regularly. Seriously, she will have peace of mind in that same house (marriage). Yoruba men are generally deceptive but they are the nicest, particularly with humble ladies. Ah, Yoruba men are nice I've got to get back to work. If you are a lady, please don't plan to marry a Yoruba man if humility no dey ya dictionary o. Their niceness fit turn to wickedness o

The lord s your strength. Do not loose hope.

Kindheartedd:
I opened a thread sometime ago about my husband's attitude.

I won't just go into details but all I need now is leave, leave him for good.

My plan is to totally leave the state we live now to a different state to start life all over with my kids. I work, I will make sure they have the best. I won't let my family know my whereabouts. Change my phone number and live a new life.

I do not want any one to link me up with him again. I hate him now. I have heard enough, enough of abuse. He's done more damage to me than good. His is proud and ungrateful.

He is owing me a lot of money but I can let go.

I want to teach him a hard lesson by leaving with my kids before he return from work on Monday.

My advice to young ones especially God fearing ones, don't marry a man who is just a casual Christian, who answers on paper 'Christianity' when asked which religion.

He never believed I can move forward, I struggled to raise my status by hard work n prayer, I went to a private uni, he even insulted my dad to my face that he waisted money on my for sending me to private uni, Haa, my ears twingled when he said it all because I was earning about 100k, he was earning way more than me and he'd never give me peace because he earns more. Named me all sorts of names. I saved little n resigned since there was no hope of earning more money where I worked.

When I asked to open a joint account his response was my income was meant for eating not saving. And ridiculously told me to hide my face for trying to measure him to my standard. That we don't earn the same amount and we can't jointly run an account. For days, he shamed me with that.

I boldly took a decision to resign and I almost end it all but I was putting things in place to get the best in life no matter what. Alas, God helped me and now, I'm doing well and my monthly income is daily getting more than his. I painfully went for a training and have decided to get an office and employ more hands because I can no longer handle tasks alone due to work load and he is killing the dream.

I know him, he wants to frustrate me, he knows the sky is not my limit again even, but I want to teach him a lesson that in his next life he will never talk any human being down.

He is getting worst daily by being abusive, I won't know peace if so stay with him. Now he wants to do what I do, so jealous and unsecured.

I live in a recluse due to my work and I have an abusive man, if not for my belief on God maybe I would have taken my life since.

I was abused as a child, I think the best for me now is live alone. Human beings are not worth it, I hate relationships and marriage now, like it's all a scam. I just want to be alone with my innocent kids.

Am just weak, it's going to be a shame, my friendd n family won't like my decision but I want to send a message to this man. He must learn to respect me, called my brain fish brain,? My own father waisted money on me? I will surely break grounds to send him a message.

Am just in pain, am soo so so sad. Once I leave him I will be a celibate for life. I will never allow any man to make me experience abuse again. Never!!!

Kindheartedd:


I was abused as a child, I think the best for me now is live alone. Human beings are not worth it, I hate relationships and marriage now, like it's all a scam. I just want to be alone with my innocent kids.


Am just in pain, am soo so so sad. Once I leave him I will be a celibate for life. I will never allow any man to make me experience abuse again. Never!!!

well i dont support abusive relationship in any form, but at the above, dont let any body stop you of living. if you want to celibate, do it because you want to not because somebody made you so, by so doing he won and you lose. because while you live in his shadow, he will live his life to the fullest, so live your life to the fullest but just be careful.

i am an atheist but i was once a Christian and i must confess today's so called Christian are an insult to Christianity

koyyes:


Your point?

You prefer that your mum dies or becomes mentally unstable just so you don't have to pick up your phone to remind your dad of his responsibilities as a father?

my point is two people should've been sure they can live together before bringing children into this world .

mind you I take care of my father and paternal grandmother financially d little way I can.....don't pick up your phone to make conclusions

I found out about my brother's 100L project when my father called me to send money to him in school and told me what they discussed

Kalixx:


U better dont mind that awkaetitibabe of a girl. The other one is that pocohontas abi wetin b their name? And that useless onyi22(f)

These expired feminists are w*tches in human form and their frustrations in life stinks from my monitor screen right up to my face. They form advisors online to their fellow women but if you read their writeups well, they can't hide their delight when a woman is going through marital stress and pains. They are so happy to welcome a woman into their kingdom of pains and trauma in the guise of 'many women stay in their homes until their husband commits homicide' bla bla bla.

Yet at the same time, they make so many comments online from Monday to Sunday, usually on front page, that one has to wonder if they have jobs or other forms of engagement. My guess is theyre advertising themselves online to have a false sense of appreciation in order to alleviate their plummeting depression, and at the same time, hope to find hookups from the same gender they bash day and night. I know their ploy.

No mind them jare.

U sound so pain and frustrated, hope am not the cause?

Onyi22:

U sound so pain and frustrated, hope am not the cause?

Mumu, why use adjectives on me that you and I deep down know better describe u?

Kalixx:


Mumu, why use adjectives on me that you and I deep down know better describe u?

E pain am

rawfact:
Kindheartedd, this is going to be very long and deep so don't just scan through. My guess is that you are married to a Yoruba man. I can't tell the tribe you are from. But whether you are also Yoruba or not, you need to know who a Yoruba husband is, whether he is in church or not. Because church or whatever will never take his culture away from him. "Husband" according to Yoruba Culture is know as Ade Ori (Crown) of the Woman, and not just Head as declared in the bible. You can't afford to raise your voice back at him or those other nonsense I read from your previous post. He must have tolerated all that while waiting for you to outgrow them. Because such is for Boyfriend/Girlfriend Stuff - never a Yoruba Marriage. You will have to learn on how to humbly follow his lead. After all, you trusted his leadership before saying yes to his marriage proposal.

With that said as an introduction, you will permit me to abuse you where necessary despite the fact that you seem to hate such. Meanwhile, learn that abuse from a loved one that is above one (parents, elders, husband, uncle and co) is for one's good and never an evil nor intended as such. This is Africa for goodness sake and not some white man's land, where the wife throws out the husband out of his house while his kids calls him by his first name or even shuts him up. Even some good friends can abuse someone to stop one from making a wrong decision. No wonder your bible recorded that the sting of a friend is better than the kiss of an enemy. Anyway, I took out time to read many comments on your thread and I really commend the likes of Newguyhere, Triniti, TheRedpillguy, PrinceMajestic, tunjilana and a few others who were not timid to serve you raw facts. The rest commenters literally boosted your pride.

If you are Yoruba, certainly you will understand those that are mocked as "Iyawo Asiko" (modern wife). I am going to give you an excerpt of your words and remark each, not for you because I dare say that you will resent each remark but it is particularly for the single ladies you could dare advise.

My plan is to totally leave the state we live now to a different state to start life all over with my kids. I work, I will make sure they have the best. I won't let my family know my whereabouts. Change my phone number and live a new life.

You bear "Kindheartedd" as moniker but this plan of yours alone reveals the opposite. Firstly, you want to abscond from a husband (not a boyfriend). Meaning of that culturally is running or deserting the one that paid dowry over your head and received you into his lineage (not just family), not as a girlfriend or baby mama but as the glorified (wife). Aunty, I hail you! Secondly, you used the expression "my kids". Very laughable. Culturally, those children (particularly the male) belongs to your husband's lineage which you are now part of if you are genuinely in it. Therefore, those kids belong wholly to your husband first, before your very self who happened to carry his sperm (child) for 9 months before delivery. You claim to be a christian but you certainly have no idea of the spirituality of marriage nor acknowledge fatherhood or headship of your husband over your household. Who will fix that rot in your mind? Certainly not God, aunty but your very self if you would. Finally on that, you plan to have the best not minding if it will destroy lives (your husband and the kids), changing phone number and living a new life. Some commenters that chose to be honest with you labelled the act selfish. I particularly recommend you get natural therapy for mental health.

I do not want any one to link me up with him again. I hate him now. I have heard enough, enough of abuse. He's done more damage to me than good. His is proud and ungrateful.

Listen, followers command the leadership they get. Whether family, company, state, or nation. Mere humility from you will change this same statement of yours to "He is loving, caring, wonderful though difficult to understand at times". Also, know that many Nigerian husbands really get cocky when denied sex by their wives. Too much testosterone in the body as some puts it. Some manage it well while some really get cocky and wouldn't tell the woman. But give your man good sex regularly and stay humble and watch that statement change. Never forget this: Yoruba husbands get very cocky on arrogant wives.


He is owing me a lot of money but I can let go.
Your "Ade Ori" is owing you money? As in your husband? Who owns you and your money? Or are you building another family outside the one he is heading? Sister, you are not ready for Yoruba marriage yet o. Listen, if your husband that is carrying the weight of the house as the head, whether you are supporting or not, borrows money from you, particularly for that household, in your mind, settle it that you contributed and not that you borrowed him. Even if he ended up using the money on himself. Lots of girlfriends looking forward to a guy having serious relationship with them or even marrying them do lots for the guy without feeling owed nor trumpeting it around. Abeg, give yourself peace in your head because it's obvious you carried lots of garbage from Telemundo, feminist and other "fake lives" into your marriage (reality).


I want to teach him a hard lesson by leaving with my kids before he return from work on Monday.
Your Husband (Ade Ori) o. Not even just a lesson but a hard lesson. Aunty, you need serious mental checkup. Your brain is filled with explosive pride. At this point, I think your husband should just release you back to your people through divorce so that the court can oversee the issue of child custody because it's obvious your brain cannot be humbled. Your stubbornness and arrogance is something else. Even the verbal abuse (though not the best) your husband use regularly to check/reduce the depth of those bad-luck characters is also taken wrongly. For you trying to even change your number from friends and family that could change your heart also confirms that your husband can never succeed over you. This is why fathers shouldn't spoil their daughters before giving them out in marriage. They become a pain in the head of the gullible men that marries them. Daughter wey dey shout back at hin papa, go do more for hin husband. Some wives will be competing with their husbands rather than complementing his leadership, causing unnecessary problems, particularly for the kids. See, you practically want to lead yourself, and your financial capability is also strengthening you in your rebellion. This is why a humble woman that has no money cannot really be termed humble. In fact, you entered into that marriage mistakenly, maybe for the wedding dress, ring or kids - never for the mission marriage requires, that is, if your husband ever communicated that to you. And if he did, I dare say your type will gladly rebel.

I don't want to quote others again because I know it is worthless for you and several of your supporters. But I know one graceful lady out there whether churchy or not will pick wisdom from my remarks when it is time for her to build her own home. Your bible records that a foolish woman destroys her home while the wise one builds it. Not a foolish man o. Go and search for where it is in your bible. If you hurt or destroy your home as a woman, you will be the chief beneficiary. Same way, if you avoid satan building a castle in your mind and heart through stubbornness and arrogance, you will certainly be the most beneficiary of a happy and joyous home whether u dey go church or not.

It disgust me to quote you, to quote rubbish.

Your mum is late righr? Because she suffered loneliness, pains and resentment from your father and his generation.

You paint Yoruba marriage so bad, your type van never live with one woman. You will claim women are bad and fail to see yourself in the mirror. You are full of pride and rotteness, any woman who marry you will suffer pain.

I read this your response about 3 days back but waa so busy to response to it.

I bet you know nothing about the yoruba culture.

Your pride will ruin you soon.

Kindheartedd:
I opened a thread sometime ago about my husband's attitude.

I won't just go into details but all I need now is leave, leave him for good.

My plan is to totally leave the state we live now to a different state to start life all over with my kids. I work, I will make sure they have the best. I won't let my family know my whereabouts. Change my phone number and live a new life.

I do not want any one to link me up with him again. I hate him now. I have heard enough, enough of abuse. He's done more damage to me than good. His is proud and ungrateful.

He is owing me a lot of money but I can let go.

I want to teach him a hard lesson by leaving with my kids before he return from work on Monday.

My advice to young ones especially God fearing ones, don't marry a man who is just a casual Christian, who answers on paper 'Christianity' when asked which religion.

He never believed I can move forward, I struggled to raise my status by hard work n prayer, I went to a private uni, he even insulted my dad to my face that he waisted money on my for sending me to private uni, Haa, my ears twingled when he said it all because I was earning about 100k, he was earning way more than me and he'd never give me peace because he earns more. Named me all sorts of names. I saved little n resigned since there was no hope of earning more money where I worked.

When I asked to open a joint account his response was my income was meant for eating not saving. And ridiculously told me to hide my face for trying to measure him to my standard. That we don't earn the same amount and we can't jointly run an account. For days, he shamed me with that.

I boldly took a decision to resign and I almost end it all but I was putting things in place to get the best in life no matter what. Alas, God helped me and now, I'm doing well and my monthly income is daily getting more than his. I painfully went for a training and have decided to get an office and employ more hands because I can no longer handle tasks alone due to work load and he is killing the dream.

I know him, he wants to frustrate me, he knows the sky is not my limit again even, but I want to teach him a lesson that in his next life he will never talk any human being down.

He is getting worst daily by being abusive, I won't know peace if so stay with him. Now he wants to do what I do, so jealous and unsecured.

I live in a recluse due to my work and I have an abusive man, if not for my belief on God maybe I would have taken my life since.

I was abused as a child, I think the best for me now is live alone. Human beings are not worth it, I hate relationships and marriage now, like it's all a scam. I just want to be alone with my innocent kids.

Am just weak, it's going to be a shame, my friendd n family won't like my decision but I want to send a message to this man. He must learn to respect me, called my brain fish brain,? My own father waisted money on me? I will surely break grounds to send him a message.

Am just in pain, am soo so so sad. Once I leave him I will be a celibate for life. I will never allow any man to make me experience abuse again. Never!!!

Take a bold step...put your kids first please.

healthserve:





Where do you ladies meet these kinds of men..

And the ladies are always good? You are not supposed to be judging a matter you don't the complete knowledge of.
Thanks
Proverbs 18:13

Tunagee:


wow! I love this. Best so far. No be everything be divorce! divorce! or seperation. Nonsense

Will they hear, we have a lot of egotistic ladies here advocating and promoting divorce in this forum.

Tunagee:


wow! I love this. Best so far. No be everything be divorce! divorce! or seperation. Nonsense

the context of my response on the referred issue is completely different from what we are discussing here.

Thank you