DeeMain:


See the problem, when you respond to provocation with violence, there is no human thinking involved. It's purely letting the animal instinct within us shine. No marks there. A murder charge, life sentence or a lighter sentence. Or a broken home where trust is shattered.

Humans can think of purpose, of consequences, can begin with the end in mind and allow it guide their responses. We can pause and educate our animal side before we respond.

If I beat up my wife for verbally abusing me, I've given up leadership on how to behave right in my home. I haven't thought about the effect on the home, the fear and tension it can unleash in the home or the examples I want to set for my kids. There is no vision. This home is visionless.

Where there is no vision, the family perish, children suffer, love becomes comatose. That is the recipe for a dysfunctional home, sir.

If your wife knew better she would behave better. So you can teach her through example. Example is better than precept.

Emotions can be educated. Emotions can become intelligent.

DeeMain:

Exchanging physical violence for verbal abuse? I see two mad people. How many mad people do you see?

crackhaus:

Is there human thinking involved in being verbally abusive to your own wife/husband?


Lol, I like your comments because you're strutting on both sides and making a good case for each.

So going by the bold text, for a 'human' who is verbally abusive, has that person thought of the purpose, of consequences?
Let me rephrase: When a person is being verbally abusive, what exactly is the end goal and how has that end goal guided their behavior?


Let me guess, it's ONLY your job to behave right in your home and set a good example for your kids, not your wife's job.

So what example is your wife setting when she's raising her voice at you, shouting and verbally abusing you in front of these same kids?
Do you honestly believe that if you slapped her right there, your kids did not see & understand what led to it?


This is exact message I am passing to you.
A woman who knows better will not be verbally abusive in the first place because her emotional reaction to displeasure should be intelligent and well educated enough to understand there is really no positive outcome that can come from it - it's either her husband will completely ignore her and she ends up making a shouting idiót of herself, OR she will be bítch slapped in return so her shouting can turn to crying.

Like I said, no positive outcome can come from being verbally abusive, so why would it be okay. If the idea is to maintain peace, to behave right in the home, and set a good example for your kids, then there wouldn't be verbal/emotional abuse as well as physical abuse.

No self-aware person tries to mitigate problems by dealing with outcomes, problems are mitigated by dealing with causes.

crackhaus:

This guy sef

So you already know that the provocateur (using verbal abuse) and the agitated (responding with physical abuse) are both mad people in equal degree, but for some reason, only the latter must take responsibility for their madness.

DeeMain:


Whoever said verbal abuse is okay? I already said it can kill here!!!

Responding to verbal abuse with physical violence is equally evil.

There are two mad people involved in both.

There is a better way.

That's the summary of all I wrote prior.

crackhaus:

Which is a better way in your opinion to remove the madness completely?

To eliminate the verbal abuse (cause), or to eliminate the physical abuse (outcome)?

DeeMain:


I was talking about providing leadership with an educated emotion.

Read all my posts prior on this thread.

crackhaus:

An educated emotion is trained to de-escalate by not provoking, NOT fanning the embers of tension on the probability that the other person is more educated emotionally to ignore.

This is why provocation is recognized by law as a suitable defense, even in cases as serious murder.

Plead:
Hmmm

Y’all are just deflecting from the OP

DeeMain:


crackhaus

This debate is going round in circles.

If A fails to provide leadership B should. No need for 2 mad people. It's a recipe for chaos and dysfunction.

Prettiedame:
Save the energy for people ready to indulge you. Some people live on Nairaland arguments and insults. Know them and ignore them

That is how to handle a verbally abusive spouse, which someone here seems to be

DeeMain:


crackhaus

This debate is going round in circles.

If A fails to provide leadership B should. No need for 2 mad people. It's a recipe for chaos and dysfunction.

bukatyne:


How about we teach people not to be verbally violent in the first place?

Anyways, I teach people not to run their mouth because the intent is also violence.

bukatyne:
Funny thread.

Like men also do not get labels.

If been called bitchy for instance gets to you, review your behaviour and change.

If you don't care, dust it off and move on.

I wonder why you want to legislate people's opinions of you.

24kmagic:
God help me never to find my self in that kinda situation, cos I'm scared of what I will do.

If my partner slaps me first, I think I will kill her.

I will so beat her to the point that she'll lose consciousness.

But I pray never to be in that kind of awkward position

Mindfulness:




https://www.nairaland.com/5568013/5-labels-need-stop-giving#84680385

Fountainofyouth:



Thank you for this, I wanted bringing it up, seems she has forgotten her comment, goes to show that people don't practice what they preach.

Cc Crackhaus

midnighter:
Lol I tried reading through this thread but I don't understand what's going on

What I know is that if you slap somebody you can't be sure of whatever comes next so it's better for you if you just don't go there

You can't imagine what will pass through the other person's nervous system at lightning speed while they process your action

Except if you know you're going to slap and run

Mindfulness:

midnighter:
Lol I tried reading through this thread but I don't understand what's going on

What I know is that if you slap somebody you can't be sure of whatever comes next so it's better for you if you just don't go there

You can't imagine what will pass through the other person's nervous system at lightning speed while they process your action

Except if you know you're going to slap and run

24kmagic:
God help me never to find my self in that kinda situation, cos I'm scared of what I will do.

If my partner slaps me first, I think I will kill her.

I will so beat her to the point that she'll lose consciousness.

But I pray never to be in that kind of awkward position

crackhaus:

You know what, I will attempt to engage you just for today so you can at least disprove my theory about your intelligence level since it's obvious you are totally incapable of ignoring me as you said you would.


Question:
What's the similarity between verbal abuse in a marriage setting involving a husband and his wife who must have mutual respect for each other, and abuse in a social setting involving strangers who don't know or care about each other?

Mindfulness:




https://www.nairaland.com/5568013/5-labels-need-stop-giving#84680385

liberalchick:
Legal based post.

Physical abuse: The only way to avoid an assault and battery charge is if you can convince the courts 1. You were in fear for your life; 2. You have no way to escape or walk away 3. The force used is comparable to the force you received.

If your 5’2” girlfriend slaps the face of your 6 feet frame in an open park, then you slapped her back and she faints, you’re going to jail.

Verbal abuse: Verbal abuse is rarely considered as a defense, if it is, it will be used as a mitigating factor for a prosecutor as to what charge or a judge for sentencing. Verbal abuse is only considered if 1. The verbal abuse is sustained over a period of time and the person snaps; 2. At the time of the altercation, the verbal abuse uttered is a physical threat, e.g “I will stab you”.

If your life is not threatened it’s advisable to always avoid situations that causes you distress. If you have a belligerent significant other than remove them from your life.

bukatyne:


@Mindfulness, I believe you understand there is something called context.

If a lady is called a bitch on SM or by random people and it gets to her, she should review her behaviour and change if it is bitchy.

If not she should move on.

If her husband repeatedly calls her a bitch, then it is a different kettle of fish altogether.

bukatyne:


@Bold, what happens to the girlfriend?

Or it is ok for her to slap her boyfriend because she will considerably do less damage?

How do we also prove that the verbal abuse has gone on long enough for the person to be allowed to snap?

Fountainofyouth:



Thank you for this, I wanted bringing it up, seems she has forgotten her comment, goes to show that people don't practice what they preach.

Cc Crackhaus

Mindfulness:


1. Your point was that verbal abuse is violence so people calling a lady bitch/wh.ore/slut should be considered violent, not so?

2. And when you were telling us all the stories that touch about a stammering student and how your teacher didn't consider you to be the sharpest tool, it perfectly fitted the context, not so?

crackhaus:


Apparently, it's perfectly okay to return violence for violence but very bad to use violence as a response to verbal abuse.

The logic behind this is, you are only permitted to control yourself & set a good example in the latter, but with the former it's fair game - destroy the bítch if possible.

Also, the courts will definitely jail the person responding in the latter scenario, but will encourage the spouses to kiss and make up in the other scenario...assuming one of them is still alive.

bukatyne:


I think carefully before I type so no, I have not forgotten.

I also do not have anything to prove so I provide my opinions on matters that interest me whether they are politically correct or not.

The way I treat offense from people close to me is different from the way I treat it as a family member.

And no amount of idealizing would tell people what to do when they can no longer accommodate people's acidic tongue would make people stop chopping slap.

Why we don't think we should caution people to watch their tongues beats me.