Hi guys

I made a topic here about how I keep thinking my family are about to die a couple months ago. A lot of people email me but I just felt too ashamed of having those thoughts and I still do.

I really don't know how to put this because I feel very ashamed of having this thought but I can't help my self. I suffer from depression and panic attack, have had it since I was 14, almost everyday I sit at the back of my house crying and wishing I was dead. I keep myself awake thinking how death will feel like and how peaceful it may be. I don't like going out which my mom usually praise me for but she doesn't know it's because I don't want to be around people, I don't want them to see how vulnerable I am. I feel so ashamed of having this thought has I hear my peers talking about how good life is but I don't just feel it. My siblings keeps calling me a sadist because I always want to be alone. I tried talking to my mom about it but she doesn't understand, she just absent minded. I tried looking for antidepressants online, saw a couple ones but couldn't see any one in pharmacist and chemists stores. I know it's wrong to be taking drugs without a doctor prescription but I just wanted the pain to stop. I need help. I just keep facing one problem to the other. I read online about how joining activities help ease depression but it didn't help either. I want to stop feeling this way but I can't help myself, I keep doing things to make me sleep so that the pain can go away but once am awake it comes again. Am tired please help me

So sorry sis, please, find a way to always banish the thoughts from your mind by replacing them with everything positive you know. Continuous practice of this will make it become second nature to you as well.

You can also see the help of a counselor.

Wish you strength and we'll.

I feel you need a friend that you can talk to - and share these thoughts with.

I may not be in your shoes, but trust me this can be overcome!

It is well with you, no one is perfect.

#Death is not the way forward.

Abetterperson:
Hi guys

I made a topic here about how I keep thinking my family are about to die a couple months ago. A lot of people email me but I just felt too ashamed of having those thoughts and I still do.

I really don't know how to put this because I feel very ashamed of having this thought but I can't help my self. I suffer from depression and panic attack, have had it since I was 14, almost everyday I sit at the back of my house crying and wishing I was dead. I keep myself awake thinking how death will feel like and how peaceful it may be. I don't like going out which my mom usually praise me for but she doesn't know it's because I don't want to be around people, I don't want them to see how vulnerable I am. I feel so ashamed of having this thought has I hear my peers talking about how good life is but I don't just feel it. My siblings keeps calling me a sadist because I always want to be alone. I tried talking to my mom about it but she doesn't understand, she just absent minded. I tried looking for antidepressants online, saw a couple ones but couldn't see any one in pharmacist and chemists stores. I know it's wrong to be taking drugs without a doctor prescription but I just wanted the pain to stop. I need help. I just keep facing one problem to the other. I read online about how joining activities help ease depression but it didn't help either. I want to stop feeling this way but I can't help myself, I keep doing things to make me sleep so that the pain can go away but once am awake it comes again. Am tired please help me

The best way to heal and get out of depression is to say it out especially to a friend. What exactly is the problem? here, I'm offering a shoulder to lean on.

Abetterperson:
Hi guys

I made a topic here about how I keep thinking my family are about to die a couple months ago. A lot of people email me but I just felt too ashamed of having those thoughts and I still do.

I really don't know how to put this because I feel very ashamed of having this thought but I can't help my self. I suffer from depression and panic attack, have had it since I was 14, almost everyday I sit at the back of my house crying and wishing I was dead. I keep myself awake thinking how death will feel like and how peaceful it may be. I don't like going out which my mom usually praise me for but she doesn't know it's because I don't want to be around people, I don't want them to see how vulnerable I am. I feel so ashamed of having this thought has I hear my peers talking about how good life is but I don't just feel it. My siblings keeps calling me a sadist because I always want to be alone. I tried talking to my mom about it but she doesn't understand, she just absent minded. I tried looking for antidepressants online, saw a couple ones but couldn't see any one in pharmacist and chemists stores. I know it's wrong to be taking drugs without a doctor prescription but I just wanted the pain to stop. I need help. I just keep facing one problem to the other. I read online about how joining activities help ease depression but it didn't help either. I want to stop feeling this way but I can't help myself, I keep doing things to make me sleep so that the pain can go away but once am awake it comes again. Am tired please help me

this problem seems to be affecting you deeply judging by the fact that it's all over your profile.

Well, I'd like to help you (counsel oo) in my little way. And that's my aim. there's no ulterior motive here. I hope you can trust me.

So If you don't mind and you are fine with it, you can reply the PM that I'll send you.

pls don't go anywhere, I nid u 4 me

Abetterperson:
Hi guys

I made a topic here about how I keep thinking my family are about to die a couple months ago. A lot of people email me but I just felt too ashamed of having those thoughts and I still do.
I read online about how joining activities help ease depression but it didn't help either. I want to stop feeling this way but I can't help myself, I keep doing things to make me sleep so that the pain can go away but once am awake it comes again. Am tired please help me

Is it a terminal illness or something??, Really sorry dear, just live the moment, even those that are healthy may die sudden death or slum or something...it is well, hang out with good people, have fun

@Abetterperson Get a friend or two and be close to them. That doesn't mean that you should go wayward. Banish thoughts of death if you don't, that thought form will manifest! "as a man thinks in his heart so he is" says the scripture. Whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are of good report...." think about it, says the scripture.

Abetterperson , How old are you? What state are you in?

Abetterperson:
Hi guys

I made a topic here about how I keep thinking my family are about to die a couple months ago. A lot of people email me but I just felt too ashamed of having those thoughts and I still do.

I really don't know how to put this because I feel very ashamed of having this thought but I can't help my self. I suffer from depression and panic attack, have had it since I was 14, almost everyday I sit at the back of my house crying and wishing I was dead. I keep myself awake thinking how death will feel like and how peaceful it may be. I don't like going out which my mom usually praise me for but she doesn't know it's because I don't want to be around people, I don't want them to see how vulnerable I am. I feel so ashamed of having this thought has I hear my peers talking about how good life is but I don't just feel it. My siblings keeps calling me a sadist because I always want to be alone. I tried talking to my mom about it but she doesn't understand, she just absent minded. I tried looking for antidepressants online, saw a couple ones but couldn't see any one in pharmacist and chemists stores. I know it's wrong to be taking drugs without a doctor prescription but I just wanted the pain to stop. I need help. I just keep facing one problem to the other. I read online about how joining activities help ease depression but it didn't help either. I want to stop feeling this way but I can't help myself, I keep doing things to make me sleep so that the pain can go away but once am awake it comes again. Am tired please help me

You are the architect of your problem

Are you sure there isn't a spiritual angle to this?

Your mum shouldn't be praising you for being idle/lonely/depressed at home but you said she is. "Kokoro to oun je efo, ara efo ni o wa" translated that means " the insect eating vegetable towards death is always on the vegetable.
It is a proverb used to stress the proximity of Sources of spiritual attacks to the targets.