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Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... - Family - Nairaland

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Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by lickylicky(f): 9:55am On Jan 10, 2020
Please help me o! My mother in law has taken over my wifey duties. It all started over two years ago when I just gave birth, I noticed my husband doesn't bother about taking breakfast or lunch to work. I thought he didn't want to stress me, it was later I discovered his mum who doesn't live with us has being cooking lunch for him though he didn't tell me. I was thinking it will stop but it has started again this new year. I want to confront him but I want to seek opinion first probably it's no big deal. Maybe it's me that is taking it personal. A marriage of over 4years and my mother in law thinks it's right to still make food for my husband to work everyday without me knowing.
May I add that I have two kids now and my 1st girl is in KG2 and I do make food for her every morning including lunch. He leaves home very early in the morning to go and pick the food at his mom's then come back to pick my daughter at home before going to work knowing fully well that have cooked already. When I tried packing lunch for him this new year he was pleasant the first two day but on the 3rd he came up with the argument that he was running late and can't wait for me to pack his after packing for my daughter.
Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by donbachi(m): 10:15am On Jan 10, 2020
The problem with most of you married women with mother inlaws...you people enters marriage seeing a mother inlaw as an enemy already without any form of war or battle....if na ur broda ur mama dey go give dat food,u for no see am as a problem..rather,u go say ur mum is so attached to ur bro or na mother and son love...or mum does dat to u at ur office...do ur own make d woman do her own.dat u are married to him does not mean he should stop every thing with his mum...u sef go be mother inlaw someday.

20 Likes

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by Nobody: 10:19am On Jan 10, 2020
^^^

What da fucćk you saying??



Your husband is a baby chihuahua, just be careful with the mother.

Buy another sim and text him to man up, that why he go dey chop for him mama house when he get wife at home. Advise him like one of his male friend. then burn the sim.

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by caz01: 10:22am On Jan 10, 2020
Why worry yourself. It's the mum for Peters sake.

You should even be happy your husband still have a good connection with his mum after marriage. Your peace of mind in your marriage is slightly connected to your MIL.

Just thread careful. Don't light that fire in you.

6 Likes

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by yomi007k(m): 10:28am On Jan 10, 2020
You're not happy it's not another woman doing the cooking. wink
Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by izzou(m): 10:35am On Jan 10, 2020
donbachi:
The problem with most of you married women with mother inlaws...you people enters marriage seeing a mother inlaw as an enemy already without any form of war or battle....if na ur broda ur mama dey go give dat food,u for no see am as a problem..rather,u go say ur mum is so attached to ur bro or na mother and son love...or mum does dat to u at ur office...do ur own make d woman do her own.dat u are married to him does not mean he should stop every thing with his mum...u sef go be mother inlaw someday.

The husband should be able to draw the line between what his mother should do, and what his wife should do

He doesn't request breakfast from his wife, but sneaks to eat that prepared by his mum. Why?

I don't blame the mother in-law in anyway. It's the man that cannot assume his husband role I blame

The moment I marry my wife, I have become the Oga of my home. Yes, I still am a son to my mum, but she can't have a say in my home.

24 Likes

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by Pavore9: 10:48am On Jan 10, 2020
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."... Ephesians 5:31


He is a married man and should be conscious to the fact that he now has his own family and going to have his meals at his mum's is not proper. If he has issues with the wife, they should both sit down and iron it out.

1 Like

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by yeyeosoronga: 10:55am On Jan 10, 2020
The only reason your mother in law does that is because your husband has mentioned it to her that he hardly has breakfast before leaving home, and he doesn't take a packed lunch to work either.
She has assumed you are starving her son, hence why she has made it her duty to feed him.
It's not your mum in law's fault, but your husband's.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by crackhaus: 11:12am On Jan 10, 2020
lickylicky:
Please help me o! My mother in law has taken over my wifey duties. It all started over two years ago when I just gave birth, I noticed my husband doesn't bother about taking breakfast or lunch to work. I thought he didn't want to stress me, it was later I discovered his mum who doesn't live with us has being cooking lunch for him though he didn't tell me. I was thinking it will stop but it has started again this new year. I want to confront him but I want to seek opinion first probably it's no big deal. Maybe it's me that is taking it personal. A marriage of over 4years and my mother in law thinks it's right to still make food for my husband to work everyday without me knowing.
Is this the same mother-in-law that wanted you to marry her son because she liked you so much?

So both of you have become enemies already.

4 Likes

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by Prettiedame: 11:27am On Jan 10, 2020
A mother marries a wife for her son who was taking forever to do it. She will be smart enough to marry one she can control

Troublemakers would always be troublemakers. What part of the story says they are "enemies"?

Heavens help who marries such nagging men
Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by CAPSLOCKED: 12:11pm On Jan 10, 2020
Prettiedame:
A mother marries a wife for her son who was taking forever to do it. She will be smart enough to marry one she can control

Troublemakers would always be troublemakers. What part of the story says they are "enemies"?

Heavens help who marries such nagging men

ONLY WHEN YOU MARRY MEN THAT HAVE BEEN OVER SPOON-FED BY THEIR MOTHERS.

FROM SOME OF THEIR POSTS ON THIS FORUM, YOU CAN TELL YOU'LL BE IN FOR A LONG RIDE IN THE HANDS OF THEIR MOTHERS WHEN YOU MARRY THEM.

5 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by Richy4(m): 1:43pm On Jan 10, 2020
I don't just understand the big deal

The question is Where u packing lunch for your spouse before giving birth?

if yes, What stopped u from doing so after coming out from maternity leave of 6 months?

Or did You deliberately ignore the fact that you should pack some lunch for him because he was not complaining only to find issues when the mother decided to do it.. Stop trying to pick up fight or issues where there are none issues.

Assuming you were concerned about your husband's food intake, u would have been preparing the food and nicely informed him that it wasn't a burden on u cooking for him...

I guess when there are too much peace at home, it's not so cool for some people. They try their very best to fish and fish until they fish out something that will make the whole house vibrate. Oya go and confront him for your own peace of mind.. it will help u to practice more on your disagreement and argumentative skills.

3 Likes

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by crackhaus: 1:49pm On Jan 10, 2020
Richy4:
I don't just understand the big deal

The question is Where u packing lunch for your spouse before giving birth?

if yes, What stopped u from doing so after coming out from maternity leave of 6 months?

Or did You deliberately ignore the fact that you should pack some lunch for him because he was not complaining only to find issues when the mother decided to do it.. Stop trying to pick up fight or issues where there are none issues.

Assuming you were concerned about your husband's food intake, u would have been preparing the food and nicely informed him that it wasn't a burden on u cooking for him...

I guess when there are too much peace at home, it's not so cool for some people. They try their very best to fish and fish until they fish out something that will make the whole house vibrate. Oya go and confront him for your own peace of mind.. u that to practice more on your disagreement skills.

That's it.
Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by Nobody: 2:23pm On Jan 10, 2020
izzou:


The husband should be able to draw the line between what his mother should do, and what his wife should do

He doesn't request breakfast from his wife, but sneaks to eat that prepared by his mum. Why?

I don't blame the mother in-law in anyway. It's the man that cannot assume his husband role I blame

The moment I marry my wife, I have become the Oga of my home. Yes, I still am a son to my mum, but she can't have a say in my home.

And that is how it starts. Very soon he will be sleeping over. From sleeping over to keeping one shirt one trouser.
And sleeping all weekend. ( If u understand the type of sleeping over I meant)

When men refused to be men and want to continue as mommy's boy.

This momma can go to their house and cook with the wife sometimes or cook and bring to them.
Why this. It's very unhealthy pls.
That is a form of emotional control.

And the boy that don't want to grow up, I give up undecided

She is creating room for conflict in that house.

3 Likes

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by Nobody: 2:35pm On Jan 10, 2020
crackhaus:

That's it.
Do condemn this pls. It has all shades of wrong.
What that lady is doing is emotional control.

Wifey don't prepare food again, what stops the man from helping or asking her to continue as he enjoys that rather he flew to his mum.
If the mum isn't in the same state, he will go to his aunt's.

I saw her post you qouted before, but let me correct one thing,
That somebody loves u dearly doesn't mean the person can't manipulative and abuse you. Some possessive spouses are abusers yet they love their other halves dearly.
Mothers are the worst abusers in this world and I'm a mum so it's not a gender thing here.
And the culprit of their emotional abuse especially in a culture like ours are their sons( worst, first sons).

There are many ways to involve his family in this taking care off than what she is currently doing. And the boy cos he don't wanna grow up see nothing in it

Very soon or it has already started, he will start comparing. Everything that happens in his house, momma will know and chip in. Conflict will set in.
Yet she is by the side acting all pure and caring momma.
Afterall what wrong in feeding my son, since the wife isn't up to it.

There is everything wrong with it!

Don't she has a husband?
If she dont have, she should look for a man nd let her son breath or do she want her son to marry her too?

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by Richy4(m): 3:14pm On Jan 10, 2020
crackhaus:

Is this the same mother-in-law that wanted you to marry her son because she liked you so much?

So both of you have become enemies already.

hahahahh.. Some people don't just fancy peace at all... They always want to be current at all times..... what's that word they call it this days.... Yes 'trend'

if there is peace in the home, it's as if they were not relevant hence they look for something to say or do. is this supposed to be an issue. when she was supposed to be praising God

2 Likes

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by cococandy(f): 3:19pm On Jan 10, 2020
Unless he absolutely refuses to eat what you cook whenever you do cook or you guys have underlying issues that causes you concern apart from his mom cooking for him , then it may not be a cause for concern as you think.

Question is; is it just food or is your relationship with him strained in any other form? If it’s just food, then I’d consider it as a case of her trying to help. Maybe she could have asked you what’s going on since you said it’s been about two years.

or maybe he you could have asked you about it ?

Even though I absolutely love to cook, I don’t consider cooking a wife’s duty, so I’m having a hard time seeing it as a case of someone (MIL) infiltrating your space.

Maybe your husband thought you had your hands full with the new child (which you probably do) and him most likely not knowing how to cook asked his mom for help.

The simple solution (if you may) would be to tell him that you’ll pack his lunches henceforth. If he says no, then maybe you have a case. Until then, I see it as small issue.

5 Likes

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by cococandy(f): 3:21pm On Jan 10, 2020
Also I hope your husband gives her money for all that food and grocery . Can’t be easy feeding a grown man for that long.
Food is expensive you know.
Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by lickylicky(f): 3:34pm On Jan 10, 2020
I appreciate every comment... May I add that I have two kids now and my 1st girl is in KG2 and I do make food for her every morning including lunch. He leaves home very early in the morning to go and pick the food at his mom's then come back to pick my daughter at home before going to work knowing fully well that have cooked already. When I tried packing lunch for him this new year he was pleasant the first two day but on the 3rd he came up with the argument that he was running late and can't wait for me to pack his after packing for my daughter.
Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by crackhaus: 3:45pm On Jan 10, 2020
sassysure:

Do condemn this pls. It has all shades of wrong.
What that lady is doing is emotional control.

Wifey don't prepare food again, what stops the man from helping or asking her to continue as he enjoys that rather he flew to his mum.
If the mum isn't in the same state, he will go to his aunt's.

I saw her post you qouted before, but let me correct one thing,
That somebody loves u dearly doesn't mean the person can't manipulative and abuse you. Some possessive spouses are abusers yet they love their other halves dearly.
Mothers are the worst abusers in this world and I'm a mum so it's not a gender thing here.
And the culprit of their emotional abuse especially in a culture like ours are their sons( worst, first sons).

There are many ways to involve his family in this taking care off than what she is currently doing. And the boy cos he don't wanna grow up see nothing in it

Very soon or it has already started, he will start comparing. Everything that happens in his house, momma will know and chip in. Conflict will set in.
Yet she is by the side acting all pure and caring momma.
Afterall what wrong in feeding my son, since the wife isn't up to it.

There is everything wrong with it!

Don't she has a husband?
If she dont have, she should look for a man nd let her son breath or do she want her son to marry her too?
See I already figured out what is going on here, although I would still like the OP to confirm if her mother-in-law is the same woman who wanted her to marry her son. Check her previous topics.

If it's the same man and his mother here, then it follows that he is the type of man that follows his mother's direction which the OP should already be aware of.

Obviously, the OP stopped preparing his breakfast/lunch while she was nursing her child and for some reason, she never resumed when she should have. Her husband who married her because of his mother's insistence (her previous topics suggest he wasn't really into her that much) and does not want to cause any issues between himself and his arrangee wife, then informs his mother about what her so-called perfect DIL is now doing.

The mother who still likes the OP very much explains to her son that he should not make an issue out of it, that it's possible the OP is no longer used to getting up early enough because she's tired from doing other things like child-care, so she decides to pack his breakfast/lunch on behalf of her sweet perfect DIL.
As far as I can tell, the woman is even helping the OP.

Damn, I should be nominated for an Oscar for this deciphering stuff I always do.

Back to the topic; the OP has no real issue here.
The simple solution is for her to start preparing his breakfast/lunch and everything will be normal again. She can just tell her husband, babe I'm not comfortable with your mom cooking for you, so I'll start packing your breakfast/lunch like I used to. Easy Peasy.

But of course, she wants to create unnecessary enmity with the same woman who campaigned for her to marry her son.
If her MIL was so troublesome, she would have come to her matrimonial home to cook the food for her son inside their own kitchen, then the OP can jam her head on the wall if she likes. grin

6 Likes

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by crackhaus: 3:49pm On Jan 10, 2020
lickylicky:
I appreciate every comment... May I add that I have two kids now and my 1st girl is in KG2 and I do make food for her every morning including lunch. He leaves home very early in the morning to go and pick the food at his mom's then come back to pick my daughter at home before going to work knowing fully well that have cooked already. When I tried packing lunch for him this new year he was pleasant the first two day but on the 3rd he came up with the argument that he was running late and can't wait for me to pack his after packing for my daughter.
See, something is telling me you like stress.

5 Likes

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by Nobody: 3:57pm On Jan 10, 2020
With all due respect aunty, let me teach you an equation:

To any given man (m), no wife (w) can ever cook food (f) better than his mother (M). This is especially true for wives of this generation, who use paracetamol to tenderise meat; and who seem to think that a hurriedly prepared plate of over Magginated indomie with diced pepper and half raw onion 'garnish' constitutes a majestic banquet.

Let the man enjoy the mother's cooking that he grew up with. One sad day, his mother will be no more and he will be forced to come back to your 'cooking'. For now, keep your Maggi, diced pepper and onions in the freezer.

3 Likes

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by crackhaus: 4:03pm On Jan 10, 2020
Richy4:


hahahahh.. Some people don't just fancy peace at all... They always want to be current at all times..... what's that word they call it this days.... Yes 'trend'

if there is peace in the home, it's as if they were not relevant hence they look for something to say or do. is this supposed to be an issue. when she was supposed to be praising God
I don't know what God put inside women to make some of them so restless and seek out issues willy-nilly.

I tire on their behalf. grin

5 Likes

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by blank(f): 4:29pm On Jan 10, 2020
I won't lie, cooking is something i wish i can delegate. If i find out he is collecting lunch and still stressing me to make lunch for our kid, we go quarrel. I will ask him to collect for all of us and we will be sending mummy money to buy groceries. That will free up my time for things i feel are important to me.

Anytime i visit my mum/MIL, i pack enough soup that will last us 1 week and they always have fresh soup waiting for me. More than enough incentive to visit very often.

7 Likes

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by Nobody: 4:59pm On Jan 10, 2020
crackhaus:

See I already figured out what is going on here, although I would still like the OP to confirm if her mother-in-law is the same woman who wanted her to marry her son. Check her previous topics.

If it's the same man and his mother here, then it follows that he is the type of man that follows his mother's direction which the OP should already be aware of.

Obviously, the OP stopped preparing his breakfast/lunch while she was nursing her child and for some reason, she never resumed when she should have. Her husband who married her because of his mother's insistence (her previous topics suggest he wasn't really into her that much) and does not want to cause any issues between himself and his arrangee wife, then informs his mother about what her so-called perfect DIL is now doing.

The mother who still likes the OP very much explains to her son that he should not make an issue out of it, that it's possible the OP is no longer used to getting up early enough because she's tired from doing other things like child-care, so she decides to pack his breakfast/lunch on behalf of her sweet perfect DIL.
As far as I can tell, the woman is even helping the OP.

Damn, I should be nominated for an Oscar for this deciphering stuff I always do.

Back to the topic; the OP has no real issue here.
The simple solution is for her to start preparing his breakfast/lunch and everything will be normal again. She can just tell her husband, babe I'm not comfortable with your mom cooking for you, so I'll start packing your breakfast/lunch like I used to. Easy Peasy.

But of course, she wants to create unnecessary enmity with the same woman who campaigned for her to marry her son.
If her MIL was so troublesome, she would have come to her matrimonial home to cook the food for her son inside their own kitchen, then the OP can jam her head on the wall if she likes. grin
Didn't go through her previous posts except the one u posted up there.

If that is the case, why can't she start preparing food again as she does before?

Then go and thank the MIL for helping when she was all burdened over child care( though I don't know how that will stop somebody from preparing food anyway).
Something more than this is the problem.

But, Can't the man prepare sandwiches etc?
Who does that for him when he was single?

@op are u a housewife?
Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by Nobody: 5:06pm On Jan 10, 2020
Please allow a mother feed her son. It's only lunch ba? It's all good. Let peace reign abeg.
Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by APCNig: 5:12pm On Jan 10, 2020
My wife will not even raise such an issue with me because my reply will be very toxic. Anyway,y parents live about 20 kilometers away, I so this cannot happen.

You wives should stop separating mothers and their sons. God is waiting for you with appropriate payback.
Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by crackhaus: 5:14pm On Jan 10, 2020
sassysure:

Didn't go through her previous posts except the one u posted up there.

If that is the case, why can't she start preparing food again as she does before?

Then go and thank the MIL for helping when she was all burdened over child care( though I don't know how that will stop somebody from preparing food anyway).
Something more than this is the problem.

But, Can't the man prepare sandwiches etc?
Who does that for him when he was single?


@op are u a housewife?

Well he's not single anymore, he has a wife. And what is sandwiches?
What man eats sandwiches for lunch? grin

Yes there might be a bigger problem, but it's definitely not her MIL which has been my point all along.

4 Likes

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by ZIMDRILL(m): 5:31pm On Jan 10, 2020
donbachi:
The problem with most of you married women with mother inlaws...you people enters marriage seeing a mother inlaw as an enemy already without any form of war or battle....if na ur broda ur mama dey go give dat food,u for no see am as a problem..rather,u go say ur mum is so attached to ur bro or na mother and son love...or mum does dat to u at ur office...do ur own make d woman do her own.dat u are married to him does not mean he should stop every thing with his mum...u sef go be mother inlaw someday.

why are you twisting what has been said ?

face the facts stated than diverting to your own version of the story

picture this, does your father leave food home and go and pick up food cooked by his mum every working day of the week?

they say "Good food is a way to a men's heart " the mum-in-law is depriving her daughter-in-law to win her husband's heart with her cooking
a good cook is one of the qualities that a man look for in a wife, if the mother-in-law takeover the cooking how do you expect the wife to feel ?

another angle how would you feel if every family decision that your wife should make, she has to tell her own daddy, would you feel as the head of the house ? or you would think your wife doesnt take you as the head of the house ?
Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by Nobody: 5:38pm On Jan 10, 2020
crackhaus:

Well he's not single anymore, he has a wife. And what is sandwiches?
What man eats sandwiches for lunch? grin

Yes there might be a bigger problem, but it's definitely not her MIL which has been my point all along.


He can make sandwich in the morning while wifey is preparing lunch.
That's why I asked if she is working.

He should stop going to his mum for food. Even though it may look harmless now but the mind is capable of anything so it's good to take precaution.

1 Like

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by izzou(m): 5:41pm On Jan 10, 2020
sassysure:


And that is how it starts. Very soon he will be sleeping over. From sleeping over to keeping one shirt one trouser.
And sleeping all weekend. ( If u understand the type of sleeping over I meant)

When men refused to be men and want to continue as mommy's boy.

This momma can go to their house and cook with the wife sometimes or cook and bring to them.
Why this. It's very unhealthy pls.
That is a form of emotional control.

And the boy that don't want to grow up, I give up undecided

She is creating room for conflict in that house.

I don't see why my mum would prepare lunch for me everyday. And the funniest part is I don't ask my wife for it, and I did not even inform her

But I guess we all have different moms smiley

My mum won't even do that sef. grin

3 Likes

Re: Mother In Law On Wifey Duties... by LadySarah: 5:44pm On Jan 10, 2020
donbachi:
The problem with most of you married women with mother inlaws...you people enters marriage seeing a mother inlaw as an enemy already without any form of war or battle....if na ur broda ur mama dey go give dat food,u for no see am as a problem..rather,u go say ur mum is so attached to ur bro or na mother and son love...or mum does dat to u at ur office...do ur own make d woman do her own.dat u are married to him does not mean he should stop every thing with his mum...u sef go be mother inlaw someday.

Sense is far from you.

Nne, just stop cooking let everyone go to mama's house to eat ni. Big burden off your shoulders.
She will get the message.

7 Likes

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