The Love I Never Had - Romance - Nairaland
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| The Love I Never Had by RealLordZeus(m): 12:12am On Jan 19, 2020 |
This post might be lengthy, apologies in advance to lazy readers, but it is just an experience i will like to share I have always believed that “ A problem shared is half solved” but my present situation seems to defy that rule cos I’ve tried sharing this issue with the few friends I have hoping that I will be less bothered by it again but this was not the case. Hence I think if I share the issue here and read peoples comment, yabs, and insult, probably I will have a straight head. Early life I met Lady B (name withheld) as a kid, we were both kids, attending the same primary school. We are kind of the brightest bulb in the class then, always trolling each other at the end of the term. I saw her as a competition ( although she later told me she was not aware of this) because the first position was usually rotated between the two of us. There was a time, after getting the second position, I cried home and insisted my mum must get a big gift for our class teacher because I saw lady B’s mum giving the teacher a gift during the academic term and this was probably the reason why she was given the first position. (kind of funny) After primary education, she continued her secondary education in the school (Note the school is a standard private school for middle class) but I opted for a public secondary school which was one of the best in Ibadan then and far more respected than most private school then. (Infact it was usually said that student below 75% in the common entrance exam cannot secure admission to the school). This is when the feelings started to develop, although still young but I missed not having to compete with her and this created a yearning in my young mind and at such I will leave my own sch immediately after closing time skipping extra lesson most times and heading for my previous sch which is like 2 hrs walk for my short leg (I can’t take buses because I would have spent my tfare stipend on some naughty stuff, like fried fish head). Most time she will have left sch before I got there and even when I got there, I would only stand afar to watch her go home. This went for like 3 years, however, when I got to senior secondary, I was more exposed, so I started telling common friends that I like her, started saving funds during third term to spend on her during their end of the year party performance(this is usually done codedly). But I can only put up this act for just one year, before things started to deviate, she was getting matured but I was not. I do appear before her once in a while but even then, I’m always ashamed of myself coz I ve taken up some bad habit then that I usually look like a pig at the end of the closing hour every day, always dirty and this kind of put more between the already existing gap we had. I just refused up then. (She later told me that she had to dodge me one day when she saw me coming her way looking very dirty). After secondary education, she gained admission to a private university while I was not able to cleared my WAEC then, we were caught up in a crisis, that we have to write the exam during Teacher Strike action in my state and this affected the state performance that year. We lost contact after she gained admission but later meet again on facebook, however, based on her several questions on what I am doing about how to further my studies, It got to a point that I deleted my facebook account vowing not to open another one or chat with her until I got admission (I actually wrote O’level six times, both waec gce and neco gce, and also jamb 3 rtimes, I always pass jamb with the lowest score being 215 but O’level no just gree me). In her third year in sch, I was able to secure admission in a state polytechnic, and the first thing I did then was to open a new facebook account, and looked her up. But no matter how hard I searched, I couldn’t found her. 1 Like |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by RealLordZeus(m): 12:27am On Jan 19, 2020 |
The Search During my ND days, being more conscious of my feelings, I searched for her in every possible way, I went to her former house, but I was told they have packed to their own house (the former being rented). I looked up all our common friends but no one could provide her contact. Since we usually discussed that we will study medicine in the uni, so I found a link to student studying medicine in her school, I asked about her details but the person did not recognize her, I even ask the person to check other related dept like biochem, pharmacy and microbiology. The guy later blocked me when he’s tired of my issues. It was during this period I met Lady D(Name withheld also), she is that perfect girlfriend , caring, no wahala etc. etc. But my mind was on Lady B, and only plan to make a short time relationship with Lady D. I completed my ND programme, still on the lookout for Lady B while in relationship with Lady D |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by RealLordZeus(m): 12:43am On Jan 19, 2020 |
I found her After my Industrial Training, I opted to work for a year or two more to raise funds in furthering, Lady D also felt the same way, we were working in different company in lagos but cohabiting to reduce housing expenses. By then Lady B has already completed her programme, served and completed her NYSC around the time I completed my ND programme. It was during this period I saw a research paper on academia with her name on it, I have started my web designing hustle along the line and was searching for a tutorial when I found the paper. So I sent her a mail on academia asking for her phone number or email address. I waited for response for weeks, month until I later gave up hope, yet I’m still in a relationship with Lady D. About eleven months after, I got a reply, with her phone number, I couldn’t believe my luck and rushed off to call her number only to sound like an idiot as I struggled to put up a meaningful conversation. I later ask her for a date 3 days later, and I had to travel back to my state to accomplish that but that doesn’t deter me. On the date, being a direct person and already learned from past mistake, I told her about my feeling and she gave the typical Nigerian girl response that she will be thinking about it. I felt like I won a jackpot those days 1 Like |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by RealLordZeus(m): 1:19am On Jan 19, 2020 |
The Dilemma I later got to know that she was still looking for job after graduating for like 2-3 years, so I encouraged her to move to Lagos for better prospect and she agreed. 2 weeks later she was in lagos, managing a job and I visited her again to remind her of our discussion. After some dribbling, she went straight to the point, that she can’t be in a relationship with me knowing that I already had someone. Apparently she has make some searches about me and dug out my relationship with Lady D. She told me that She’s not having any issue at her end as she’s breaking up with her current bf due to medical issue (genotype) and I also have a stable job that can give us a simple life,, plus we both have better prospects. So I told her I will break up with Lady D and come back to her. However, Lady D has proven to be unlike those usual girlfriends, perfect wife material (10 yards), and we have been planning our life together before the sudden show up of Lady B, faithful, loyal and loving almost faultless. But I was ready to throw that away to unite with my old love, I talked to her about ending the relationship but she was not having any of it asking me to cite reasons for the breakup which I sincerely do not have. I even offered her some cash she can used to move on then but she just did not complied. I ended up having sleepless night for 3 days that it started affecting my composure and work morale. My heart and head were saying different thing. My heart choose to break up and unite with my old love but my brain was telling it is not the logical thing to do since I have known all about Lady D’s and a known devil is better than a strange angel. In the end, I followed my brain and stick with logic, I told Lady B my decision, and started avoiding her. I was very hurt although I’m not that type sissy guy in fact the only person I ever loved is myself not even Lady D that we ve spent some years together. But those days after the break up was hellish for me, it muddled my thinking and charisma. I later resigned from my job and went back to school to complete my studies. During my Penultimate Semester, Lady B called me that she’s getting married, I promised her to be there, but on that day I cant just go out. The feeling was intense as if a part of me was being ripped off. I jogged more than 5 hours to have a clear head that day. After the wedding, her hubby moved her to the north… 1 Like |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by RealLordZeus(m): 1:43am On Jan 19, 2020 |
Present After completing my studies, I started running my own show, still in relationship with Lady D, and maintaining contact with Lady B. Once in a wile, I will invite her to join in an new I am starting or just ask her about some advice about a project, things I can easily sort out elsewhere. However after I started avoiding her the other time, I started experiencing a kind of strange condition, anytime I thought about her, no matter where I am, or what I am doing, I would felt my chest getting heavy and started contracting, on rare cases there will be difficulty in breathing, I will not be happy or okay until I called her, just a minute talk or less, asking whether about her welfare, then I will be okay as if a load has been lifted off me. I will be happy that she is happy. And this is what my issue is, I believed she has moved on and I have also moved on, why am I still being bothered by her thought. I am not the covetous type, and I don’t envy people no matter how the circumstances is. I’m also set on tying the knots with Lady D soon in few months’ time but this issue always come up and I know it is been disturbing Lady D too, she’s just not complaining. Sometimes I will found myself reminiscing on what I will do if she decided to come back to me (Note she has delivered a child for her hubby), Such thoughts are very dangerous and portray a dirty mind, because there is no way a married woman will be with me unless she is divorced or widowed and I rebuke that for her. Moreover, I am not thattype of person and I always cautioned myself on such thought. All I want is a happy life for her and for me to also move on. I have limited our contact to necessities not even birthdays but only when I needed to hear her voice which might up to 3 month sometimes Note: i‘m not that idle to be thinking of someone infact I’m usually engrossed in one work or the other but when my thought stray to her, the chest occur. So pls guys, how do I stop this or did you think it is medically related 1 Like |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by frubben(m): 3:39am On Jan 19, 2020 |
Waiting for the elders to come and answee |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by RealLordZeus(m): 6:53am On Jan 19, 2020 |
frubben:I'm also waiting for them! Thanks |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by Ayanfe666: 7:34am On Jan 19, 2020 |
RealLordZeus:. I've gotten some chairs, let's sit while we wait for them |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by jogsman01(m): 2:22pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
Where are those elders nau? |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by MrCork: 2:27pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
RealLordZeus: Bro... Jewessgratitude is going to appear from No were & start advising u for no reason & we so feddddup. ..so please please please please please please please please please...can u please date her. She need urgently need man, please!! (Please save us sir)  |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by ebenezary(m): 2:43pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
You are just partially emotional attached to her and if she has not married, you wont feel much of those dealing but try to get yourself together and settle down as a man too. You feel like a heavy burden is taken off you |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by Nobody: 2:45pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
MrCork:you and Jewessgratitude are meant for each other |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by Nobody: 2:51pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
Lostz: Holy Ghost fire! Dash him your sister or one marijuana babe in your area. Those are people that can relate well with him. At his age see how he goes about messing himself up. I chosen to ignore him. So please dont ever mention me with him again. |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by mujiboy(m): 2:51pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
You win some You lose some That’s how it happens, just move on” Appreciate Lady D, leave Lady B thoughts. She is gone for good Stay happy and Shey jeje! 1 Like |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by mimimile93: 2:53pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
Jewessgratitude:see who is talkin. tribal bigot like u |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by Clinghton: 2:53pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
I feel you man, if you can't control your thought and feelings a psychologist should be consulted am happy you took the right decision to follow you brain and not your emotions. Lastly, avoid frequent contact with her get married to lady d and focus on your family. 1 Like |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by Nobody: 2:54pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
Jewessgratitude:my sister is married. I see a lot of similarities between you guys. You guys will make a good home |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by RealLordZeus(m): 3:14pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
ebenezary:Thanks for the contribution! I m settling down soon but I just want to sort this emotions once and for all. Sometimes I do compared Lady D with Lady B which is not fair on her part, like expecting her to think this way or act that way. It's messed up but I'm trying. |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by RealLordZeus(m): 3:15pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
MrCork:Lol |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by EMEKUSBOY9(m): 3:29pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
Op..... Please you don't know what u want. I know if you have the chance to marry both of them., you will! |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by CosmicJames(m): 4:43pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
RealLordZeus:Stop the comparism! They are two different human beings. Your thought images is the problem you are having! You have thought about Lady B all your life and nothing! Worst still, you are still thinking about her!! Just stop it. You can stop it. It is not a medical condition, no. It is just your thought. And because thought are things, it has power to hurt or help you. Depending on how you channel it. What you are doing is allowing Lady B to control you from a distance! That's very bad. If you don't get rid of that thought, it will create more problems for you than you are thinking. Do you think lady D will continue to tolerate that condition after marriage? You must perish the thought of lady B now. How? Delete her contact first. Erase anything that can help you get in contact with her. Secondly, speak to yourself so your subconscious mind can hear you. Tell yourself that you longer have feelings for lady B. (Mention her name). And that you don't want her or want to think about her again. Say it loud so you can hear yourself. You will have to replace the thought of Lady B with Lady D for this method to work. Now in the same manner, say to yourself that you love lady D (Mention her name). That you want to be thinking about her, and to make her happy. Thirdly, you have to do a conscious switching. Any time the thought of Lady B enteres your mind, make a conscious effort to forget about her by switching immediately to thinking of Lady D. Remember that the more energy you give to a thought, the more life you give to that thought. And by thinking more about lady D and not spending a second thinking about lady B again, Lady B thought will gradually leave you. After a little while of practice, Lady B thought will first lost it intensity and will finally die a natural death. Remember that you created this condition through thought processes, and only you you can uncreate it through the same thought processes. Medicals can even help in this case. Let me just stop here. I be na me send you? 1 Like |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by Nobody: 5:31pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
Sounds like you are having anxiety for a woman who is out of your reach. That's human nature and it isn't your fault. It is normal to think of 'what if'. But lady B, made her decision and so did you. The adult thing to do is to live with the choices you made. Contentment is very key to your peace of mind. Let me ask you, if Lady B left everything to be with you today? Will you still want her? Did lady B truly love you? I doubt that. Learn to be content with lady D, not everyone can marry Beyonce. Tell yourself everyday or whenever you think of Lady B this "Lady D is my woman of choice, she has what I need in a lifetime companion" 'I don't make bad decisions I regret" "I am a man who follows through my choices and keeps commitments" With time you should be fine RealLordZeus:this is a psychological issue that's all |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by Nobody: 5:32pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
Wisdom CosmicJames: |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by RealLordZeus(m): 6:22pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
CosmicJames:Thanks much for this! I will follow every advice to the letter Although the below may not work, coz they are bearing the same name, the name is part of what attracted me to lady D in the first place, but I'm trying all my best to make her happy as you suggested Now in the same manner, say to yourself that you love lady D (Mention her name). That you want to be thinking about her, and to make her happy |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by RealLordZeus(m): 6:27pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
funmisticqueen2:Thanks so much! Let me ask you, if Lady B left everything to be with you today? Will you still want her? This is one serious question I used to ponder on most times and I don't really trust myself with the answer. But with all the advice I'm getting from here, I'm sticking my head out of the mess and putting a lid on everything. It is going to be hard but I will make the repetitions a mantra, with time I hope to be fine 1 Like |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by CosmicJames(m): 10:47pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
RealLordZeus: In that case, use Lady D pet name. I mean the romantic name you use to call her. I be you no get a romantic name for your girl? It is important you avoid anything that will make you remember lady B until you completely eliminate her thought. Any interference at this time will waste your efforts. My ex coincidentally bears the same name with my current girl. And I love that my ex like crazy! But you see, I have no biz thinking about my ex because she is now in the past. All that's on my mind now is my current girl. I gave her a new name. A romantic name that reminds me of my love for her. That's a deliberate effort to focus on the new girl and forgetting about the former one. Love is a very strong emotion. If you don't control or know how to control and direct it well, can turn you into something else. I see you have some real love residing inside of you! Direct all that love to the Angel that was imported from heaven just for you!! You will be happy you did. 1 Like |
| Re: The Love I Never Had by CosmicJames(m): 11:39pm On Jan 19, 2020 |
RealLordZeus:You sound very weak! Don't say and I quote "I hope to be fine" Say: I will be fine! Let me inform you that mere repetition of words without will power and a strong desire to do away with the thought of Lady B will be rejected by your subconscious mind. And you will be unable to stop thinking of her! There is a reason why I said you should speak loud to yourself so your subconscious mind can hear you. All the memories of Lady B are stored in your subconscious mind. Occasionally, your subconscious mind flash those memories in the form of thought to your conscious mind and you start thinking of her. Your subconscious mind is not yet aware that you no longer need those thoughts. You have to inform your subconscious mind that you no longer need those thoughts. And you can only achieve that by saying exactly what you want to yourself. You have to give your subconscious mind some command regarding what you want to achieve. Haven't you say to yourself that you like lady B before? You have even told your friends that you liked lady B. All that time, you were giving your subconscious mind orders to accept lady B. Although it was unknown to you. But now you know. And you have to consciously undo what you have done. You also need persistence. Don't expect to undo what you did in over 15+yrs in One week. Give it some time, believe that you can you will 1 Like |
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