I am planing on getting married to my Fiancee Ishan Girl, we have dated for more than 2 years. And we have done introduction and planing to get married. I am really worried about getting married to this lady because after our marriage she will be in another city and can only visit my house (Matrimonial home) only for two days during weekend because of her newly secured job in Irrua as a Nurse.

She is an Ishan (Esan) Lady and i am from Delta state but reside in Benin City.

She stays in Irrua Edo state and i reside in Benin City, we are both two hours apart. Her family house is just 45 mins away in Irrua from her place of work in Ishan (Esan).

My major concern is, i will prefer us as partners to be together with our future kids. As it's now if we eventfully get married the kids we certainly be in the lady home town with her family while i am in Benin City expecting to see my wife only at weekend when she is off duty And seeing her doesn't mean i will be able to see my kids often since they will be taken care off or being breastfeed by her or being going to school there.

Note: Her government Job was secured by her Father which am not against. And Beside i have a good Job as an Engineer who travels for work once in a while.

[b]Guys please i really need your advice on this issue. [/b]Should i proceed to marry a lady that will distance away from me for more than 20 years due to her job, because transfer is not guarantee and it could take 4-6 years to work out.

My major concern, its best couples brings up a child to together instead of just the mother. I dont want my kids to see me as their uncle.

Yes

Tough decision on a round table meeting.money is not everything,also you can never have it all in life.In marriage sacrifice is needed from both party involved,shalom.

Thanks for your response. I just pray i take the right decision.

NoLotty7:
Tough decision on a round table meeting.money is not everything,also you can never have it all in life.In marriage sacrifice is needed from both party involve,shalom.

what is stopping u from moving to where she is since ur work has no location

Abfinest007:
what is stopping u from moving to where she is since ur work has no location

That town is a village and i would not want to spend my live there or bring up my kids there.

Ishilove is an ishan girl...let's wait for her response

You travel for your own work, no problem.
She travels for her own work, plenty problem.

Well, your concerns are valid. However, what is in Benin City for her? Would she resign to come stay jobless in Benin? Some women have done it and it only leads to resentment and anger when they get nothing doing there. Especially "career" women.

If she resigns the job her father pressed buttons to get, to come stay with you. You have bought her father's market o. Not like you will be taking care of her family without nagging.

I don't even envy your situation. Talk to her about it. I will suggest you move to her location (if it is developed), since your own job is a traveling one. Couples need to be together in the early stage. When they are tired of each other, they can start their long-distance-marriage.

Or just find a girl in Benin City ehn.

Can she not work for a transfer since its government job.

greatme2good:
Can she not work for a transfer since its government job.

I heard transfer takes time in government agencies. That is if it works out sef.

naijafinder:
I am planing on getting married to my Fiancee Ishan Girl, we have dated for more than 2 years. And we have done introduction and planing to get married. I am really worried about getting married to this lady because after our marriage she will be in another city and can only visit my house (Matrimonial home) only for two days during weekend because of her newly secured job in Irrua as a Nurse.

She is an Ishan (Esan) Lady and i am from Delta state but reside in Benin City.

She stays in Irrua Edo state and i reside in Benin City, we are both two hours apart. Her family house is just 45 mins away in Irrua from her place of work in Ishan (Esan).

My major concern is, i will prefer us as partners to be together with our future kids. As it's now if we eventfully get married the kids we certainly be in the lady home town with her family while i am in Benin City expecting to see my wife only at weekend when she is off duty And seeing her doesn't mean i will be able to see my kids often since they will be taken care off or being breastfeed by her or being going to school there.

Note: Her government Job was secured by her Father which am not against. And Beside i have a good Job as an Engineer who travels for work once in a while.

[b]Guys please i really need your advice on this issue. [/b]Should i proceed to marry a lady that will distance away from me for more than 20 years due to her job, because transfer is not guarantee and it could take 4-6 years to work out.

My major concern, its best couples brings up a child to together instead of just the mother. I dont want my kids to see me as their uncle.

Have you always lived apart from each other?
How come you're having doubts at this point ?

Seriously your point her valid. Moving to her is a bit of problem because since my job makes me to travel the route i applied when traveling are through Warri or Asaba because my job takes me to all South -South and SouthEast state.

Finding another girl hmmmmm.......she go really feel bad.
New couples really needs to be together.

pocohantas:
You travel for your own work, no problem.
She travels for her own work, plenty problem.

Well, your concerns are valid. However, what is in Benin City for her? Would she resign to come stay jobless in Benin? Some women have done it and it only leads to resentment and anger when they get nothing doing there. Especially "career" women.

If she resigns the job her father pressed buttons to get, to come stay with you. You have bought her father's market o. Not like you will be taking care of her family without nagging.

I don't even envy your situation. Talk to her about it. I will suggest you move to her location (if it is developed), since your own job is a traveling one. Couples need to be together in the early stage. When they are tired of each other, they can start their long-distance-marriage.

Or just find a girl in Benin City ehn.

I have try to findout for transfer i heard you need to no sombody and if its going to workout it could take 4-6 years, but by then nobody go send again

greatme2good:
Can she not work for a transfer since its government job.

How do you mean lol?

H2ho:
Ishilove is an ishan girl...let's wait for her response

Yes we have always be apart from each other since we are not married. My concern is since she is in her hometown, i wouldn't want her parent interference in our marriage or decisions making.

Mariangeles:

Have you always lived apart from each other?
How come you're having doubts at this point ?

naijafinder:
Seriously your point her valid. Moving to her is a bit of problem because since my job makes me to travel the route i applied when traveling are through Warri or Asaba because my job takes me to all South -South and SouthEast state.

Finding another girl hmmmmm.......she go really feel bad.
New couples really needs to be together.

She should put in her transfer request. You never can tell, hers might not go the usual civil service way.

The getting another girl part was a joke. It should never get to that. Nigeria is hard and jobs are hard to find, I don't think anyone should be resigning theirs for things people have found a way around in ages.

H2ho:
Ishilove is an ishan girl...let's wait for her response

pocohantas:
You travel for your own work, no problem.
She travels for her own work, plenty problem.

Well, your concerns are valid. However, what is in Benin City for her? Would she resign to come stay jobless in Benin? Some women have done it and it only leads to resentment and anger when they get nothing doing there. Especially "career" women.

If she resigns the job her father pressed buttons to get, to come stay with you. You have bought her father's market o. Not like you will be taking care of her family without nagging.

I don't even envy your situation. Talk to her about it. I will suggest you move to her location (if it is developed), since your own job is a traveling one. Couples need to be together in the early stage. When they are tired of each other, they can start their long-distance-marriage.

Or just find a girl in Benin City ehn.

His major concern is with the distance.... This your feminism stance is really ruining your level of reasoning.



OP, you have to discuss with her and then both of you can decide on the way forward.

But, it'll not be easy as new couples staying far from each other. There will be lots of road risk during those traveling moments to quench konji.

I don't support distance relationship... Whether it's 40sec drive like tontoDike's entrenched husband or not.

My bro with time something will come up,a better opportunity,that will make her leave or you leave where you are,marriage can never be foretold the journey.
I am in the road of marriage for 8 years now.

yanabasee:




His major concern is with the distance.... This your feminism stance is really ruining your level of reasoning.

Is feminism a word Nairaland guys come up with when their brains fail to come up with a reasonable rebuttal?

I am really struggling to see the sense in your post. I doubt there is any, honestly.

His major concern is the distance, what do you think will be her major concern and that of her father who got her the job? Is he going to be alone in the marriage that only his MAJOR concerns should be addressed? You think OP is silly for adding those details? Use your brain as often and actively, as you use your dick. Jeez!

My concern is since she is in her hometown, i wouldn't want her parent interference in our marriage or decisions making.

I guess this is a MINOR concern. All these bebetos on NL sef.

I won't do a thing like that. I'll rather not marry.

Its not easy especially in this economy. If her FG job has a branch in Benin, she can seek for transfer there. If not, 2 hours drive isnt that far, after all its same state.

Thanks @pocohantas for your understanding and input. I try to add as much information so that the situation will be very clear. Really my major concern is the distance and she being in her hometown where are parents reside, with that being said that will make her parents have much say in her activities or decisions even when she is married.

Is more like getting married, wife and kids are away while you wait until she comes around or when i visit them..

pocohantas:


Is feminism a word Nairaland guys come up with when their brains fail to come up with a reasonable rebuttal?

I am really struggling to see the sense in your post. I doubt there is any, honestly.

His major concern is the distance, what do you think will be her major concern and that of her father who got her the job? Is he going to be alone in the marriage that only his MAJOR concerns should be addressed? You think OP is silly for adding those details? Use your brain as often and actively, as you use your dick. Jeez!

pocohantas:


Is feminism a word Nairaland guys come up with when their brains fail to come up with a reasonable rebuttal?

I am really struggling to see the sense in your post. I doubt there is any, honestly.

His major concern is the distance, what do you think will be her major concern and that of her father who got her the job? Is he alone in the marriage that only his MAJOR concerns ahould be addressed? You think OP is silly for adding those details? Use your brain as often and actively, as you use your dick. Jeez!

You're still thinking like a deprived, depressed, forsaken feminist...

The OP gave the details with respects to his considerations and his plans for his kids.

If you will stop thinking with your empty brain... You'd read where he stated that the locality isn't conducive to raise kids there or for him to risk relocating from the city to the sub-area.

I hope you will support her, when he create a thread about his wife cheating on him with other men because of distance marriage.

naijafinder:
Thanks @pocohantas for your understanding and input. I try to add as much information so that the situation will be very clear. Really my major concern is the distance and she being in her hometown where are parents reside, with that being said that will make her parents have much say in her activities or decisions even when she is married.

Is more like getting married, wife and kids are away while you wait until she comes around or when i visit them..

Are you already seeing signs of interference from them? Or you are mistaking support for interference? Because if she is there and you are in Benin, it is only normal they stand in, help her out and "interfere".

I have a problem with that fellow talking shit about feminism, because he fails to understand this is a whole lot more than distance to the other parties involved. A Nigerian father who goes out of his way to get his daughter a job, wants her to work. If she resigns that job to go be a housewife in Benin- you would have other MAJOR problems and it'll definitely not be distance this time.

You have to ensure while trying to solve the distance problem, you don't create other issues with your would be in-laws and wife.

yanabasee:



I hope you will support her, when he create a thread about his wife cheating on him with other men because of distance marriage.

-I hope you will also support her when she creates a thread on how her husband is cheating and not taking care of her and her kids.

-Or when he leaves her homeless for another woman.

-Or when he creates a thread on how his in-laws are always begging his wife for money and she has to come beg him.

-Or when she creates a thread that her husband doesn't have time to knack her well. Then some teen boys will come blame it on her joblessness and unproductivity.

I am sure you won't support her in any of the above situations. We have seen it play out here over and over. Whichever way it goes, the woman gets the shorter end of the stick.

Hit me with your best shot. Try not to use feminist/feminism this time. Can you surprise yourself? Pfffttt!

wisdom is profitable to direct,bro.you both should work one year, save enough to establish either chemist or pharmacy for her in Benin city where you are based.marry a woman who loves you more than you love her,that's when you can have upper hand in decision making.what about if she marry from a different and far state?please,don't ever leave your work to move over to lrrua,discuss with her and watch her reactions over what she choose either her job or the marriage within a period of time before your final marriage's rite.All these female nairalanders that wrote some things here they feel like let support our own,maybe their relationships in life are different from online,some are too bossy,peace.

Mariangeles:

Have you always lived apart from each other?
How come you're having doubts at this point ?

It's a common trend. I have noticed that a lot of men only start thinking straight when it's time for marriage, before then, sex is the driving force.

pocohantas:


-I hope you will also support her when she creates a thread on how her husband is cheating and not taking care of her and her kids.

-Or when he leaves her homeless for another woman.

-Or when he creates a thread on how his in-laws are always begging his wife for money and she has to come beg him.

-Or when she creates a thread that her husband doesn't have time to knack her well. Then some teen boys will come blame it on her joblessness and unproductivity.

I am sure you won't support her in any of the above situations. We have seen it play out here over and over. Whichever way it goes, the woman gets the shorter end of the stick.

Hit me with your best shot. Try not to use feminist/feminism this time. Can you surprise yourself? Pfffttt!

You are a feminist..... And it's obvious that you are depressed and forsaken.

Btw, The OP doesn't sound irresponsible like the guy who dumped you last...

He created this thread because he's very considerate and wants nothing of the lame things you've listed above to happen in his marriage.


You need a chill pill to wake your brain up.... I'm done educated a sorry-ass feminist.

pocohantas:


Smh. Shots as weak as your erectîons.

Bungalow brain with nothing upstairs. You can't give what you don't have.

And your IQ is miles below the weakest erection any man has ever gotten.... Including your slowpoke boyfriend!

Lol@ set up chemist/pharmarcy.

Thegamingorca, are nurses allowed to run the above?

yanabasee:



You are a feminist..... And it's obvious that you are depressed and forsaken.

Btw, The OP doesn't sound irresponsible like the guy who dumped you last...He created this thread because he's very considerate and wants nothing of the lame things you've listed above to happen in his marriage. You need a chill pill to wake your brain up.... I'm done educated a sorry-ass feminist.

Smh. Shots as weak as your erectîons.

Bungalow brain with nothing upstairs. You can't give what you don't have.

pocohantas:


-I hope you will also support her when she creates a thread on how her husband is cheating and not taking care of her and her kids.

-Or when he leaves her homeless for another woman.

-Or when he creates a thread on how his in-laws are always begging his wife for money and she has to come beg him.

-Or when she creates a thread that her husband doesn't have time to knack her well. Then some teen boys will come blame it on her joblessness and unproductivity.

I am sure you won't support her in any of the above situations. We have seen it play out here over and over. Whichever way it goes, the woman gets the shorter end of the stick.

Hit me with your best shot. Try not to use feminist/feminism this time. Can you surprise yourself? Pfffttt!

When it comes to the choice of marriage, a typical man will try to seek for maximization of his own benefits usually at the expense of the woman's desires, they expect her to be satisfied with their average of 25000 Naira gold plated wedding band. They can't stand the sight of women who actually want to make enough money to be able to afford ten of those. They call them "feminists". There is more to life than breeding kids and putting up a show of conjugal bliss.