Good afternoon, fellow Nairalander I would like to seek your advice on best way i can deal with a disobedience wife. The issue we had started yesterday when i try to correct her for something she done wrong, she flared up on me instead of her to explain things to me in a polite manner....... fast-forward to this morning after she prepared our children's for school, and they are about to go out, she came to me that she will be travelling from Sagamu where we reside to Lagos to buy some items for her shop as she used to go before now without informing ahead. I quickly told her i have no hand in it that she should not go today again as she refused to inform me ahead as she used to do before now, she immediately rebuffed and promise to embark on the travelling.... she pick up her phone and call her dad that his husband has started that they should warn me bla bla bla and cut off the phone conversation, i call her after some hours to know if she thoroughly went ahead with the journey, i found out she was already in Lagos where she used to buy her goods. i needed everyone advice on what should be my next line of action. Thanks

Calm down as two wrongs don't make a right.

My suggestion is that you overlook this act of disobedience when she returns. Try have a real conversation to get to the root of why she is acting the way she is. I am sure if she hasn't been like this in the past, there is something eating her deep you need to uncover before things go further south than this.

Above all, I pray the God you serve grant you the wisdom and patience you need to navigate this.

Is there a reason you didnt want her to go or were you just trying to exercise your “Authority ?

If there was a reason, why didn’t you tell her. Eg I wouldn’t want you to travel because blah,blah, blah, instead of NO.

Note: you are dealing with an adult, not a 6 year old child.

Don’t let anger get the best of you when she comes home, you shouldn’t confront her as exchange of words may occur, you guys may quarrel which would do no good to the already strain tension.

I don’t see your wife apologizing to you one bit for her disobedient act so don’t bother to confront rather be calm and try to find a way to make this not happen again.

As the head of house , your authority is very important . There can’t be two captains in a boat. Tell her in a calm and cold manner to never repeat such acts or she will face the consequences or see the stuff you’re made of as the man of the house.

There’s something about a stern and cold voice that always send chill down my spine when I’ve overstepped my boundaries .

Men , you guys don’t know this . Authority won’t have any effect when it’s gotten through force or punishments . When you give an order as the head of house , be calm while saying it, walk away , go chill and relax.

When you come back and your wife still did what she has said she would , smile , go inside and say nothing. Eat and sleep. Give her the money for house maintenance, give her the money for the kids but give nothing to her , buy treats for the kids but buy her nothing. If she’s the working type, buy everything yourself , making sure you 10 kobo won’t be left for her to use.

Don’t care about a dime when it comes to giving her money. If she like she should carry her hair for 3months don’t care. Women love money, they love eating money not theirs, believe me she won’t be comfortable.

She will start nagging , complaints here and there but don’t say anything. Until she bursts up her emotions then you tell her that this is the repercussions of her disobedience.

Believe me , she will think twice before she acts disorderly towards you.

How do you think rich men control their wives? do you think they will exchange words and fight up and down?

They simply cut off the financial backup from every angle . You see rich men wives are always humble to the point of death .

Cos they know what they stand to loose and they can’t afford to.

Ginaz:
Don’t let anger get the best of you when she comes home, you shouldn’t confront her as exchange of words may occur, you guys may quarrel which would do no good to the already strain tension.

I don’t see your wife apologizing to you one bit for her disobedient act so don’t bother to confront rather be calm and try to find a way to make this not happen again.

As the head of house , your authority is very important . There can’t be two captains in a boat. Tell her in a calm and cold manner to never repeat such acts or she will face the consequences or see the stuff you’re made of as the man of the house.

There’s something about a stern and cold voice that always send chill down my spine when I’ve overstepped my boundaries .

Men , you guys don’t know this . Authority won’t have any effect when it’s gotten through force or punishments . When you give an order as the head of house , be calm while saying it, walk away , go chill and relax.

When you come back and your wife still did what she has said she would , smile , go inside and say nothing. Eat and sleep. Give her the money for house maintenance, give her the money for the kids but give nothing to her , buy treats for the kids but buy her nothing. If she’s the working type, buy everything yourself , making sure you 10 kobo won’t be left for her to use.

Don’t care about a dime when it comes to giving her money. If she like she should carry her hair for 3months don’t care. Women love money, they love eating money not theirs, believe me she won’t be comfortable.

She will start nagging , complaints here and there but don’t say anything. Until she bursts up her emotions then you tell her that this is the repercussions of her disobedience.

Believe me , she will think twice before she acts disorderly towards you.

1. Only you claimed authority has no effect when it's gotten through force or punishments, then you went ahead to advise withholding money as a deterrent for bad behaviour.
Is this not a form of punishment?

2. You also assumed that this wife in the OP or every wife survives solely on stipends from their husbands...which is quite funny considering that if a male had said this, some of you will start claiming independent frogs in your own pond kingdom.
Anyway, you only exposed your mindset and the stage you are in life.

3. In a situation where the woman actually survives totally or partially on this monthly stipend from her husband, what if she uses the opportunity to begin her hoe moves on the excuse that she's not getting her fix?
Will you still not turn around to blame the man?


See, just relax and stick to discussing length of hair extensions, and different shades of make-up. These kinds of matters seem too complicated for you.

crackkhaus:


1. Only you claimed authority has no effect when it's gotten through force or punishments, then you went ahead to advise withholding money as a deterrent for bad behaviour.
Is this not a form of punishment?

2. You also assumed that this wife in the OP or every wife survives solely on stipends from their husbands...which is quite funny considering that if a male had said this, some of you will start claiming independent frogs.
Anyway, you only exposed your mindset and the stage you are in life.

3. In a situation where the woman actually survives totally or partially on this monthly stipend from her husband, what if she uses the opportunity to begin her hoe moves on the excuse that she's not getting fix?
Will you still not turn around to blame the man?


See, just relax and stick to discussing length of hair extensions, and different shades of make-up. This kind of matters seem too complicated for you.

The matter tire me I swear ... o.p can hopefully find other suggestions that suits him or sound reasonable cos they don’t put mouth for husband and wife matter o.

For night na serious drilling for bed go end am. while we are here fighting and stressing ourselves over suggestions , they are busy Making peace under the sheets.

I don wash my hands off this matter .

Just take things easy with her when she return

Its not a good thing to make your wife feel like the marriage is one form of regiment. U don't have to win every time. Take things calmly and u will see the best in your wife

Mixfeeling:
. she pick up her phone and call her dad that his husband has started that they should warn me bla bla bla and cut off the phone conversation, i call her after some hours to know if she thoroughly went ahead with the journey, i found out she was already in Lagos

You said she called her dad to tell him her husband has started again. That means you both have been at logger heads before (probably about you trying to remind her "I am the head of this house".

Being that as it might, if you were my brother... I would tell you to make sure immediately the woman is back in Sagamu, she and the goods she bought in Lagos moves to her father's house... Since she already called them to warn you not to exercise your authority on your wife

If you let this slide by handling it with a cold voice and kids gloves, it will b the beginning of your sorrow. Make sure you stand your ground make sure she sleeps in her father's house.

Op. Don't listen to anyone telling you to calm down. Give a woman an inch and she'll take a mile.
Imagine she's calling her father for you after outrightly disobeying you.
When she comes back, pack her things and tell her to go and live with her father.


Women don't like nice guys. Even the ones that will read this comment may say they do, but in their subconcious minds they don't.

A woman will only love and respect you when you act like a villain.

Dear OP,
Are you coming from a place of love or from a place of authority?
I suspect you constantly and forcefully like to assert your lordship over your spouse ! It never does any good and only serves to stir up strife and contention in the home.

Like some one has pointed out above she’s not a toddler.

Relate with her like you would someone you genuinely love and cherish.

Yes your wanting to be pre-Informed of her trip/whereabouts/movements is good but there’s no need to be forceful about it. Also do your expectations of her match your own behaviour ie do you pre-Inform her of your movements?

When she returns surprise her by giving a warm welcome and moving past your annoyance.
At peace time let her know what your expectations are and so on.

It’s more expedient to be at peace in your family than to constantly and forcefully insist on asserting your authority over your spouse!

Good luck

Ginaz:
How do you think rich men control their wives? do you think they will exchange words and fight up and down?

They simply cut off the financial backup from every angle . You see rich men wives are always humble to the point of death .

Cos they know what they stand to loose and they can’t afford to.

You mean "rich" men who married liabilities?

OP sounds like a man who only feels like a man when he's up-turning people's will.

How can you tell someone going to shop for goods for her shop not to go ??
You are supposed to show positive support in this kind Nigeria economy! So you would have preferred she stayed at home gloating over what just happened? Isn't the profits to be made for the family?

Please leave the poor woman and show her love.

"""Her husband has started again ""
Red flag sir. A lot you are not saying. Waiting for the other side of the story

She will do much more if you do nothing about these excesses. She must submit to your authority or at least show u some respect otherwise u are a sissy husband.

When she comes back play some cold war for some time after which you call her and tell her with a Stern face that this is the last time she will disrespect you in this manner else she will go back to her father. She may raise voice on u just ignore until it happens again then take the drastic action.

Women only respect action men

Well done headmaster, OP do not listen to advices like this if dont want to ruin your home with your own hands.

ogawisdom:
She will do much more if you do nothing about these excesses. She must submit to your authority or at least show u some respect otherwise u are a sissy husband.

When she comes back play some cold war for some time after which you call her and tell her with a Stern face that this is the last time she will disrespect you in this manner else she will go back to her father. She may raise voice on u just ignore until it happens again then take the drastic action.

Women only respect action men

zeb04:
Is there a reason you didnt want her to go or you just trying to exercise your “Authority ?

If there was a reason, why didn’t you tell her. Eg I wouldn’t want you to travel because blah,blah, blah, instead of NO.

Note: you are dealing with an adult, not a 6 year old child.

You're an idiot

Why didn't you want her to go buy her goods for her shop?
Does she stop you from also going to your own workplace?
If you don't have any genuine reasons for asking her not to buy her goods, then you are the devil sent to derail her destiny .
Not every union is for one's progress afterall.
Your wife needs to be careful, and watch out for the enemy within.

Buy koboko and give her 24 lashes or kill her. Women Don see something ontop marriage.

Adult like you is who you want to punish for disobedience.
I guess she is also a breadwinner like you. When other men open shops for their wives and they sell everything with padlock you are here saying your hand no dey for going to Lagos.
An enterprising wife knows when to restock her goods. She should not go as if you had something important for her to do for you.

Sir Horseband, hoard ur penis . That is all.
Mtcheww.

Learn to lead your wife instead of ruling her like a dictator.

Go and apologise for the way you treated her and explain The Reason why you wanted her not to go.

You’re a big FOOL. That sounds lovely innit! You better learn to air your views without insults. You’re an adult now.

Goodplace:



You're an idiot

I think you read where the Op said because she corrected her for something she done wrong yesterday and she was being misbehaved, i quess that is the reason she refused to tell her husband until this morning. The more reason while her husband saud no when she did not tell him until she is about to go out, i am a human and it is bad. We should not be one sided

solite3:
Learn to lead your wife instead of ruling her like a dictator.

Go and apologise for the way you treated her and explain The Reason why you wanted her not to go.

I think you read where the Op said because she corrected her for something she done wrong yesterday and she was being misbehaved, i quess that is the reason she refused to tell her husband until this morning. The more reason while her husband saud no when she did not tell him until she is about to go out, i am a human and it is bad. We should not be one sided

LadySarah:
Buy koboko and give her 24 lashes or kill her. Women Don see something ontop marriage.

Adult like you is who you want to punish for disobedience.
I guess she is also a breadwinner like you. When other men open shops for their wives and they sell everything with padlock you are here saying your hand no dey for going to Lagos.
An enterprising wife knows when to restock her goods. She should not go as if you had something important for her to do for you.

Sir Horseband, hoard ur penis . That is all.
Mtcheww.

you are taking it too far...... and you are married? Smh

Some people just rush to comments without read and understand op write up. Are you saying it is good for not informed her husband ahead when they are leaving together. I won't do such to my husband

"Disobedience" in that context should be "disobedient"

Abayabeauty:
I think you read where the Op said because she corrected her for something she done wrong yesterday and she was being misbehaved, i quess that is the reason she refused to tell her husband until this morning. The more reason while her husband saud no when she did not tell him until she is about to go out, i am a human and it is bad. We should not be one sided

Although her actions were wrong but he should handle it with maturity.

She called her father to report you and the Father didn't call you back to find out what the problem is and settle it? That's a big signal that all is not well in your home.

Anyways,calm down. Don't escalate the issue more with her,since she had already reported you to her father,call him and tell him what the daughter did and you are not happy about it.

If he tries to settle the matter fine but if he showed no interest,then it's either they are tired of the constant querrel between you and your wife or there is a conspiracy against you.

But please don't lay your hands on her. If you do,you will loose the case.

Better don't allow some of these ladies confuse you. You deserve to be angry for as long as she acted differently from the NORM in YOUR HOME What works for A won't necessarily work for be. If the norm in YOUR HOME is to give a prior notice, then you deserve to be worried.

There are homes where fathers don't know the whereabouts of mothers and children. Someone from this kind of home may have advised you wrongly on this thread.

If I were you, I wouldn't bring an issue like this to Nairaland. It's best managed internally. Even in my most distant relationship, it is a MUST/NORM to discuss our plans and whereabouts.

It has nothing to do with age. Don't let any kid confuse you here. Go to the root of the matter and make resolutions.

crackkhaus:


1. Only you claimed authority has no effect when it's gotten through force or punishments, then you went ahead to advise withholding money as a deterrent for bad behaviour.
Is this not a form of punishment?

2. You also assumed that this wife in the OP or every wife survives solely on stipends from their husbands...which is quite funny considering that if a male had said this, some of you will start claiming independent frogs in your own pond kingdom.
Anyway, you only exposed your mindset and the stage you are in life.

3. In a situation where the woman actually survives totally or partially on this monthly stipend from her husband, what if she uses the opportunity to begin her hoe moves on the excuse that she's not getting her fix?
Will you still not turn around to blame the man?


See, just relax and stick to discussing length of hair extensions, and different shades of make-up. These kinds of matters seem too complicated for you.

. This guy,you no kill me with laugh here.Lol

Communication and understanding is required here.

[what kind of advice are you dishing out?what did he type here to warrant such from you??is she his childi sorry for who go marry you if u aint married yet
quote author=Ginaz post=86563279]Don’t let anger get the best of you when she comes home, you shouldn’t confront her as exchange of words may occur, you guys may quarrel which would do no good to the already strain tension.

I don’t see your wife apologizing to you one bit for her disobedient act so don’t bother to confront rather be calm and try to find a way to make this not happen again.

As the head of house , your authority is very important . There can’t be two captains in a boat. Tell her in a calm and cold manner to never repeat such acts or she will face the consequences or see the stuff you’re made of as the man of the house.

There’s something about a stern and cold voice that always send chill down my spine when I’ve overstepped my boundaries .

Men , you guys don’t know this . Authority won’t have any effect when it’s gotten through force or punishments . When you give an order as the head of house , be calm while saying it, walk away , go chill and relax.

When you come back and your wife still did what she has said she would , smile , go inside and say nothing. Eat and sleep. Give her the money for house maintenance, give her the money for the kids but give nothing to her , buy treats for the kids but buy her nothing. If she’s the working type, buy everything yourself , making sure you 10 kobo won’t be left for her to use.

Don’t care about a dime when it comes to giving her money. If she like she should carry her hair for 3months don’t care. Women love money, they love eating money not theirs, believe me she won’t be comfortable.

She will start nagging , complaints here and there but don’t say anything. Until she bursts up her emotions then you tell her that this is the repercussions of her disobedience.

Believe me , she will think twice before she acts disorderly towards you. [/quote]