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I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me - Family - Nairaland

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I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by speed90: 11:10am On Feb 20, 2020
Greetings everyone, My post is going to be quit lengthy kindly take you time to read through. I seriously need healthy input.

My parents relationship is not worthy of emulation though it was super smooth while i was growing up until they both cheated on each other... I get concerned about ever getting a soul mate made from heaven. No doubt they've been one of the supportive pairs in my life. Although they're still together but living as flatmate. My parent relationship has made me have a lot of trust issues i didn't know about until i got a girlfriend.

I have this relationship with a girl but lately i found myself loving her more than i can ever imagine myself doing and it's starting to make me crazy like I'm always looking out for her messages on whatsapp, Not talking with her in a day can make me feel down. It wasn't like this at first. We were friends before we started dating last year June. She's my first girlfriend. Moreso,we aren't having sex I don't know why I'm this attached to her, We are both virgins too.

The thought of her ever cheating on me makes me scared coupled with the things i see ladies do to their boyfriend... (Screwing someone els while in a relationship). I don't want to go through that pain which might shut my feelings out entirely for years the thought of losing her alone makes me weak.

I'm don't want to lose the remaining faith I have in love and family . P. S. Telling me to face my work/ go to school is totally irrelevant. thanks to everyone dropping their advice for me

Bukatyne , lewsTherin
Re: I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by TheGiftedOne(m): 11:12am On Feb 20, 2020
The relationship might end sooner than it began once you get intimate. Tell her your status as a virgin and tell her you want the both of you to get married as virgins.

Fornication is a grave sin against not Just God but one's self even though the tens of people that will quote me for typing this lacks self control. Trust when broken can never be amended.

Act like you really learnt from your parents situation and make the most of your good start to avoid stories that touch.

8 Likes

Re: I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by speed90: 11:34am On Feb 20, 2020
TheGiftedOne:
we are both aware of the fact that we've not had a sexual history and we've decided to wait till marriage. Trusting has just being difficult for me anytime i see how someone was betrayed .

1 Like

Re: I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by LewsTherin: 11:45am On Feb 20, 2020
I'm really wondering why I am mentioned in this. I don't know if I should be flattered, worried or miffed. Bukatyne, what do you think? You were also mentioned.

First question I will ask is this. How old are you? I'm not trying to be insultive here. But young love especially for the first time is usually strong but fleeting as it tends to be shallow. Not to say there are not couples that met as kids and lived as husband and wife deeply in love to their 70s.

So what you may be feeling could be nothing more than a strong hormonal reaction that has little or no foundation for deep affection. Sex doesn't make it any better by the way. In fact, most relationship of this sort are damaged by sexual relations.

So how old are you? What's the range? Teenage? Early twenties?

2 Likes

Re: I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by speed90: 11:51am On Feb 20, 2020
I do read your post on several occasions I'm in my mid 20's Lewstherin
Re: I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by Liliyann(f): 4:53pm On Feb 20, 2020
Don't let your parent relationship dictate for you, you can still have an amazing relationship despite what you might have seen around you!
Congrats on you keeping your virginity!!
Sex is over rated, irrespective of what people might say, Formication is a great sin, those that had it before marriage all wished otherwise!
It's OK to be in a relationship and not have sex, once you get intimate, the feelings starts going and you may find out you don't even like her anymore.
Trust your partner, be open to her, tell her your fears, once you start doubting and comparing her,you start analysing every of her actions and that's where problem sets in.

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Re: I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by speed90: 5:27pm On Feb 20, 2020
Liliyann:
Don't let your parent relationship dictate for you, you can still have an amazing relationship despite what you might have seen around you!
Congrats on you keeping your virginity!!
Sex is over rated, irrespective of what people might say, Formication is a great sin, those that had it before marriage all wished otherwise!
It's OK to be in a relationship and not have sex, once you get intimate, the feelings starts going and you may find out you don't even like her anymore.
Trust your partner, be open to her, tell her your fears, once you start doubting and comparing her,you start analysing every of her actions and that's where problem sets in.
Thank you i appriciate your candid advice
Re: I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by Oluneutral: 6:08pm On Feb 20, 2020
I really want to commend you for maintaining your chastity in this sex-starved generation. The generation in which even a twelve years old child can hardly boast of being a virgin anymore.



As for your feeling concerning your girlfriend, just ensure you tell her your feelings and fears, then, help each other with encouraging words and never give room for distractions. Avoid corrupted movies, association, friends and help each other to avoid being alone together in a secluded place. Pray for and with each other.
One reason why you have to be careful is that, once you are tempted to have sex with each other, your fears may come to pass, which may lead to fire burn-out and energy-leak in your relationship.


As for your parents relationship, that should serve as a wake-up call for you to try as much as possible to make your marriage work and better.

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Re: I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by bukatyne(f): 7:30pm On Feb 20, 2020
LewsTherin:
I'm really wondering why I am mentioned in this. I don't know if I should be flattered, worried or miffed. Bukatyne, what do you think? You were also mentioned.

First question I will ask is this. How old are you? I'm not trying to be insultive here. But young love especially for the first time is usually strong but fleeting as it tends to be shallow. Not to say there are not couples that met as kids and lived as husband and wife deeply in love to their 70s.

So what you may be feeling could be nothing more than a strong hormonal reaction that has little or no foundation for deep affection. Sex doesn't make it any better by the way. In fact, most relationship of this sort are damaged by sexual relations.

So how old are you? What's the range? Teenage? Early twenties?

I will be back.

Happy new year smiley
Re: I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by LewsTherin: 2:12pm On Feb 22, 2020
speed90:
I do read your post on several occasions I'm in my mid 20's Lewstherin

Ok. Then you should be old enough to think with your head and not let emotions overrun you. Loving a girl with all your heart is not a crime. It's a good thing, a beautiful thing. Letting your heart and emotions overule reason and logic, now that is the crime. Even the Bible says to be gentle as doves but wise as serpents. So love her all you can. But do not be blinded by it. Love with both eyes open.

And if things go wrong, take the pain as one more experience from life and move the heck on.

But let's pray nothing goes wrong.

1 Like

Re: I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by Nobody: 3:25pm On Feb 22, 2020
You aren't having sex is the reason why you feel so attached to her. You're technically her girlfriend bestie but you crave more. This is making you reason with your smaller head instead of your main head; a symptom of sex starvation. As someone else pointed out, once you get rid of your urges by having sex, you will no longer have the destructive emotional feelings and she will no longer be able to manipulate you as I'm sure she must be doing now.

She on the other hand, is likely having her sex with or without you. Sorry to tell you this, but your parents' relationahip is the typical average type of relationship. Keep both eyes open.
Re: I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by Newyam: 3:31pm On Feb 22, 2020
Just wake up to the reality. 9ja babes go must cheat on you. grin grin grin and you will cheat on them after you have gone through their posts on whatsapp and discovered she's been cheating on you with a married man.

Three questions you should always ask any 9ja lady:

1. you don vog/date married men before?
2. you be 9ja feminists?
3. you get besty?

Her response will tell you what next to do.
Re: I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by speed90: 11:25pm On Feb 22, 2020
RisenPhoenix:
You aren't having sex is the reason why you feel so attached to her. You're technically her girlfriend bestie but you crave more. This is making you reason with your smaller head instead of your main head; a symptom of sex starvation. As someone else pointed out, once you get rid of your urges by having sex, you will no longer have the destructive emotional feelings and she will no longer be able to manipulate you as I'm sure she must be doing now.

She on the other hand, is likely having her sex with or without you. Sorry to tell you this, but your parents' relationahip is the typical average type of relationship. Keep both eyes open.

I believe there are great marriage out there thank you.
Re: I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by speed90: 11:29pm On Feb 22, 2020
RisenPhoenix:
You aren't having sex is the reason why you feel so attached to her. You're technically her girlfriend bestie but you crave more. This is making you reason with your smaller head instead of your main head; a symptom of sex starvation. As someone else pointed out, once you get rid of your urges by having sex, you will no longer have the destructive emotional feelings and she will no longer be able to manipulate you as I'm sure she must be doing now.

She on the other hand, is likely having her sex with or without you. Sorry to tell you this, but your parents' relationahip is the typical average type of relationship. Keep both eyes open.

So you think having sex with her will make me love her less ? Sex is not the problem here, if i want it i know where to get it.
Re: I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by LewsTherin: 5:53am On Feb 23, 2020
speed90:


So you think having sex with her will make me love her less ? Sex is not the problem here, if i want it i know where to get it.

Dude! Don't go down that path. If you have principles, don't bend them for anyone. Not for what people say, not for what she says.

You have time to build a foundation with her or to start affresh if she fails. You can only be responsible for what you do so do the right thing at all times.
Re: I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by Nobody: 8:13am On Feb 23, 2020
speed90:


So you think having sex with her will make me love her less ? Sex is not the problem here, if i want it i know where to get it.

Yes. You don't really love her. You are just filled with a natural male desire to possess her body. Just look at all those married couples who profess to love themselves and pretend that they have found their soulmates. After they've had their fill and gotten down to the routine work of housekeeping, the supposed love all disappears. Goes to show that it was never really there.
Re: I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by Nobody: 8:16am On Feb 23, 2020
speed90:


I believe there are great marriage out there thank you.

On paper. Married couples mostly just pretend that they are happy and in love to show the outside world. Behind the scenes, there are other things going on.

Not important anyway, you will not accept or understand until you experience the disappointment yourself, so this whole thread is useless. Men are hopelessly romantic and always falsely believe that their particular 'angel' is a different type of woman; and that is why women are able to destroy most of them at will.

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Re: I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by speed90: 9:21am On Feb 23, 2020
RisenPhoenix:


On paper. Married couples mostly just pretend that they are happy and in love to show the outside world. Behind the scenes, there are other things going on.

Not important anyway, you will not accept or understand until you experience the disappointment yourself, so this whole thread is useless. Men are hopelessly romantic and always falsely believe that their particular 'angel' is a different type of woman; and that is why women are able to destroy most of them at will.

I totally understand, thank you for your time

1 Like

Re: I'm Falling Too Deep And It's Unhealthy For Me by speed90: 9:22am On Feb 23, 2020
LewsTherin:


Dude! Don't go down that path. If you have principles, don't bend them for anyone. Not for what people say, not for what she says.

You have time to build a foundation with her or to start affresh if she fails. You can only be responsible for what you do so do the right thing at all times.

Thank you..

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