1.
A few years ago, my French bf-at-the-time took me to Paris to meet his family....His mother, a haughty Parisienne who believes that her only son is GOD, and that no girl could possibly be classy enough to deserve him.

Their regard is mutual - he worships her as much as she worships him.

One evening after a champagne-soaked dinner, she left to go to the theater.

Expecting that she'd be gone for several hours, we started having regular sex, and then anal sex, on a couch adjacent to the table at which we'd had dinner.

Things kept getting hotter, and my b.f. started f*cking my ass with the slim end of a champagne bottle. This felt good at first... but then I realized that something felt off.

I slowed him down in an attempt to understand what on Earth my body was doing, and I realized that my bowels were moving. And I kind of realized that it was too late to stop what was happening.

At this already Godforsaken moment, we hear a key in the door and his mother pops into the room. The bitch had forgotten her shawl or something.

So there I am, naked, on her couch, while her son, also naked, is holding a champagne bottle that is obviously deeply embedded in my ass. We shriek, and he yanks out the bottle.

And immediately out comes a LARGE, dark brown, smelly piece of poop. It just rolls out - this felt like it was happening in slow motion, and I kept trying to stop it but I couldn't - and lands on her couch.
The French boy and I broke up shortly thereafter. I dumped him - pun intended.


2.
I met some guy at a party, and ended up going to his house... Mid-thrust, he started laughing manically and yelled "I am fucking an alien princess! I am fucking an alien princess!" I, far too sober, immediately stopped, and then had to listen to him say, with wide eyes: "your vagina looks like the fridge scene in Ghostbusters."

I fell asleep and woke up in the morning to him eating a whole key lime pie in bed.

Not even looking over at me, he said: "you can't have any." I walked home.


3.
While riding me cowgirl, an ex bounced up too high, I partially slid out, she came back down and my penis kinked in the middle, to the left. I felt the snap echo through my entire body.
Horrible screams.

A shame, it was pretty fun up until that point.It stayed like that for nearly a year when one day it miraculously straightened itself.


4.
It was the first time I had sex with this guy, and he was hitting it from behind on his big brass bed.

At one point, I was getting tired, so I went to turn my head to make eye contact (I had read that that made guys crazy) and I realized that my head was stuck between the brass posts.

I was like a kid in a banister, and kept imagining firemen having to save me. My date sure couldn't save me - he, in fact, laughed so hard that he peed on the floor.


5.
He wouldn't stop trying to make me deep throat. So I threw up on his dick and left. The end.”


6.
I met a guy on eHarmony. After our second date, we went to his apartment to, basically, get drunk and have sex.

He goes down on me and after a few minutes, I end up in excruciating pain. I look down and see blood everywhere. He bit off a piece of my fucking vagina.


7.
I was with this girl and she was kind of an emo chick. I can deal with that. She also liked it kinda rough which I was also kind of okay with.

Then we are having sex one night and she wanted me to choke her. So whatever cool I do a little choking and try to make her happy.

She keeps saying she wants to be choked harder and harder. I keep doing this and she finally tells me to choke her until she taps me on the shoulder. She wanted to be fucking choked out practically. I finally start choking her the way she wants but at this point I’m scared this girl is going to die. I release my death grip and she slaps me in the face and says, “choke me harder you bitch.”

So I just start fucking her and choking her as hard as I can and I’m about to cum. I want to get this shit over with and nope the Bleep out. Apparently she could tell I was about to cum and she told me to cum inside her. NO FUCKING WAY was I cumming inside this fucking crazy girl.


more on the story as it get weirder
http://www.soundlala.com/news.php?id=1386