daddytime:
Yet, another.

Madam, there is nothing anyone on here (a faceless forum) can advise you that'd matter any, or have any meaningful impact on your sham marriage because, from the get-go, you knew love was non-existent amongst anything else that must have attracted him to you.

You knew how you felt about him during courtship, into marriage, and up until now. I'm very certain that the only thing that had changed has been a progression in how much he disgusts you.

I feel so sorry for the poor naive man. He is indeed naive and a mugu. If he wasn't the previous and the latter, trust me when I say, even someone who was blind, deaf and mute, would be just too sensitive to the much hate you have and exhibit for this poor man.

On a side note, does anyone notice how relationships are gradually losing everything relationship about them?

The good old heart2heart or tete a tete between lovers and couples is being daily trashed on the alter of social media, where people now come to bare their minds on issues bordering on their lives and well beings, while hoping to get advised or validation from complete strangers who have zero to no idea how it truly seats with them on the whole.

Everything for the life just dey get k-leg dey go anyhow...

Na wa

Lol, dear joro my boyfriend say I should pass street A while coming but I like street B. What should I do?

Dear Joro, my wife said she prefers cooking beans to stew. What should I do?


I wonder how people solved their relationship issues before social media.

Your last paragraph is why I've decided I'll reduce the advice I give people on social media except it has to do with domestic violence. A relationship has so many facets to it that a single story cant vampire what a person is going through.

healthserve:



Elder remove the apology you were accurate. Don't dilute the truth i beg you. This is a wicked heartlesss soul here

What happened to choosing people who want you?

The guy messed up going through her family and not wooing her first.

Never use external forces to try and convince someone to love you. It backfires.

Girlwhocares:
Please help me,I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad i will make them feel,also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant,we hardly have any conversation,we do things differently,we share different rooms,no sex for the past 3years!even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage i can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday,we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, i hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best,which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times,I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely,bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because i know i might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.


Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind,my heart is heavy,I need someone to talk to,I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly dont need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through alots all i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

Your heart is longing for it's idealized version of what love it.

Girlwhocares:


Yes,have been dating my bf for (15yrs)he was my first nd the only one have ever loved,our problem started when my dad said he witnessed where exhibited an unruly characters to some elders and also cos of the friends he moves with recently as at then and that he wasnt comfortable with our relationship (which i pleaded and made him understand everyone deserves another chance but cos how principled my dad was he insisted he won't consent to our union)
To be candid,this is the guy have share all my life with,he's all i wanted in a man but my dad opinion ruined our relationship.

I think seperation from my husband is all i need just for clarity sake but honestly,the more I try to make the marriage work the more I drift away from him and I don't know how to go about it.

I have visited two marriage counselors without informing my husband all in my effort to work things but not yielding results as expected

You said you have visited two counselors and have tried for four years to make your relationship work right?

Well, let me tell you, you are making the same mistake you made from day one by bringing your issue here for us to decide for you.

If you had not let your family decide for you or advise you to marry him, both of you won't be miserable by now.

Your mind is still fixated on the "what if"

"What if I had remained with my boyfriend"
"What if my boyfriend had not offended my dad" and so on.

As long as your mind is fixated on the "what if" you would only paint an idealized happy picture of what your relationship would have been like if you remained with your boyfriend.

As long as your mind is fixated on the "what if" you will never have a complete grasp on the reality staring in front of you.

I'm sure your ex is still single or both of you are still communicating and he has promised to break up with his woman for you.

This open invitation can fan the embers of your desire.

I don't like seeing people who are miserable in their marriages. Marriage is not a cage. In your heart, you know you've tried your best to make things work and love him.

Why did you marry him? How long did you date for?

generationz:


What happened to choosing people who want you?

The guy messed up going through her family and not wooing her first.

Never use external forces to try and convince someone to love you. It backfires.

This one is a foolish woman my dear sister. Adultery is in her heart and would not let her cede to rational thinkin. Na her towtow create this thread becos e dey itch for wetin e dey itch for


Weij dey her mind na him dey her mind. The mental imagery in the heart is fixed. The head and mind is sick. This one think sya she be lan to do tge choosing and is still psychologically sick from a process that ends years ago. Her brain is stolen and i won't mince hard wordw on her. How can an adult be this silly, evil and narcissistic


Where are my sisters Frozen70 Ujujoan2

Love is built gradually..
Nothing like Love or No love in marriage.
Marriage is for two mature people that come to have offsprings.
Don't be deceive about Cinderella love or audio love.
Open your heart and find a place in your heart to start appreciating your husband.
Without no doubt, you'll want to comeback if you leave him. I just pray by then, he finds who will truly love him.
Everybody gets tired of each other at some point in every marriage but maturity and commitment keep it moving.
Stop comparing yourself with anybody, every marriage have its own issue. No perfect couple..
Stop complaining and leave if you're tired. This life is just for once and forever might be too long for you to leave in pains.

Imagine if it were to be the other way round, most people calling her names will turn to preachers. Madam poster, I am going to tell you the truth, you are a very horrible woman. You care so much about the society at the detriment of your home. You will rather please friends and family while you are busy dealing with an innocent man. Where is your conscience? Why do you want to eat your cake and have it? You should be very careful of the consequences for your actions, whatever a man sows, that he will reap. Women like you make other women suffering in marriage not to have voice. How are you doing it? Looking at him suffering and covering it up with you find it hard communicating. Why not free this guy, why? Imagine the wickedness, are you sure you are human at all? Counselors can not help you, you need to begin by seeking for forgiveness from this man. Look at how you are wasting another woman's son. You are a shame to motherhood.

Dyt:
@girlwhocares

Have you tried DECIDING to LOVE him?

Like someone told me
Love is a decision
And I realised it is too

The advices you got are people's present opinion
Some could be brutal other days and some could be nice too

In all honesty
No one treats someone that loves and respect you that much in the way you treating that man.

If you know you can't reciprocate, pls end the torment
You both are going through shit

Dyt which decision did you make o

Mods

Dominique Lalasticlala Mynd44 Farano Rocktation Please come and help this marriage by pushing this thread to front page to attract wider audience

Girlwhocares:


He's highly intelligent which is a great turn on for me in any relationship,we never dated,but we were good friends!
The issue of us getting married was as a result of making his intention known to my people which they accepted all cos he was a good guy whom my mum said he knows he will never treat me wrong!
Yes,i accepted to marry him not for love cos all through our friendship i never see us as lovers but i thought i will overcome all the anxieties and will grow to love him as we grow together(what my mum made me understand)now
I have been struggling with feelings of loving him and its isnt just adding up.

You never dated and the love wasn’t there from the start n you were comfortable marry him, smdh. You can’t force love, it’s either there or isn’t. If no love during courtship, don’t marry the person, simple! I dated my husband for some years before marrying. Many people in Nigeria are rushing into marriage now not bothering to set the proper foundation. The other day my friend in Nigeria was telling me 6 months is enough to date and marry someone and I was like huh?

merahki:

Does her honesty and self awareness not matter?
Or the fact that she is taking every responsibility for her bad marriage? She even acknowledged the man’s goodness
She is just unhappy being married to the guy, she is not the devil (not to me at least)
I acknowledge that the husband deserves a better married life though, but with someone who can do it with him. It is selfish and wrong to not free him IMO. He would hurt initially, but be better off for it. She also deserves to be happy

Back to this, I feel you judge her too harshly
I am really curious, me cat? What would you tell your sister or daughter if she laid her heart bare like this about a bad/failing/failed relationship?
(Is it still the same as your submission here? Do let me know)
@ topic? Marriage is not for everyone. There are people who are disempowered, trapped and or obliterated by marriage. They really do exist
Dear OP, I might know exactly how you are feeling. It is okay. What’s not okay is making your husband suffer for the way you feel. Free him for someone else to love (if you can’t make it work)
Wish you a happy life ahead (however you want it)

Her honesty and self-awareness is a well constructed mask to cover her selfish emotions, self-pity, and conceited attitude regarding the overall situation of the marriage.
All I see here is someone who is feigning responsibility but still finding a way to talk about how she's in this position because of her family and husband. It's blasphemy!

Oh yes I'm a bad wife, but it's not really my fault you see...because I never really loved him, I always preferred him as a friend, my family liked him and I'm a good daughter, so I went with it and that's how I got here...bla bla bla bla yada yada yada... Lol

I'm surprised you bought this amateur theatrical show by the OP..

About my sister or daughter in this same situation...if by devil's chance they were silly enough to go into a marriage with someone they never wanted to marry and started bītching about it a few years down the line, then by God I would be saying this same thing to them.

healthserve:
What wizardry is this for fvcken sakes. Crackhaus are u seeong her fvcken responses

The more she types responses, the more I don't regret being too hard on her.

She's that gift that keeps on giving.

crackkhaus:

The more she types responses, the more I don't regret being too hard on her.

She's that gift that keeps on giving.

I feel sowwire for many of the menfolk of our generation. Some of these bad ladis are making the good ones be looked upon as bad

Girlwhocares:


Yes,have been dating my bf for (15yrs)he was my first nd the only one have ever loved,our problem started when my dad said he witnessed where exhibited an unruly characters to some elders and also cos of the friends he moves with recently as at then and that he wasnt comfortable with our relationship (which i pleaded and made him understand everyone deserves another chance but cos how principled my dad was he insisted he won't consent to our union)
To be candid,this is the guy have share all my life with,he's all i wanted in a man but my dad opinion ruined our relationship.

I think seperation from my husband is all i need just for clarity sake but honestly,the more i try to make the marriage work the more i drift away from him and I dont know how to go about it.

I have visited two marriage counsellors without informing my husband all in my effort to work things but not yielding results as expected

This is why men should never allow themselves to be the fall back guy like OP's husband.

Clearly, aside his intelligence (whixh I even doubt sef), OP doesn't find anything interesting or fascinating in her husband. Its a shame!

Sad tale of another Beta male

kpolli:


Dyt which decision did you make o

For?

TonyeBarcanista:

This is why men should never allow themselves to be the fall back guy like OP's husband.

Clearly, aside his intelligence (whixh I even doubt sef), OP doesn't find anything interesting or fascinating in her husband. Its a shame!

Sad tale of another Beta male

You words painted such a gloom tale

Sixfeetbelle didn't i say she wants to capsoze this union because there was one aside somewhere she has eyes on.


This is the answer to why Jesus says whoever marries them committs adultery.

Because 80% of times women would initiate divorce in these cases is die to emotional infidelity and false promises by someone on the outside which is why she has built mental and psychological blocks to suffer this one.


Now this is the mind of this narcissit we have here


My dad didn't allow me marry my teen love so I'll not give the one with me any goodness to frustrate him so he can suffer the decision of my bad


Don't be shocked this Op has "killed", her heart wih my husband an is having all sorts of shady emotional love relationship with the side guy and coded sex and she only yearns for divorce so they can fvck uncodedly.


Cc


Crackhaus

Franchasng

Sixfeetbelle

Martinez39s

Ericsmith

Jonnyspute

Ubunja

Please quickly leave the guy so he can experience true loving before he dies and you can legitimize your adultery

healthserve:




This one is a foolish woman my dear sister. Adultery is in her heart and would not let her cede to rational thinkin. Na her towtow create this thread becos e dey itch for wetin e dey itch for


Weij dey her mind na him dey her mind. The mental imagery in the heart is fixed. The head and mind is sick. This one think sya she be lan to do tge choosing and is still psychologically sick from a process that ends years ago. Her brain is stolen and i won't mince hard wordw on her. How can an adult be this silly, evil and narcissistic


Where are my sisters Frozen70 Ujujoan2

My her God help her

frozen70:


My her God help her

The matter tire the law. Even the law sef no get power talk

You guys are brother and sister at this point.

Tallesty1:
Please sit down so that rest of us at the back can see the OP.

what kind of perverted carpenter is this.

healthserve:




You words painted such a gloom tale

My brother, abeg no.blame.OP! Her husband caused his problem!

From onset OP never wanted the marriage but her friendzone husband passed through the backdoor to see her parents and planned the wedding instead of going through the person he intended to marry first to.know his fate.

Secondly, OP clearly informed her aunt before wedding but that one dismissed her objection with "what will people say"

The fault is 90% her husband, 8% her family and just 2% OP.

TonyeBarcanista:

My brother, abeg no.blame.OP! Her husband caused his problem!

From onset OP never wanted the marriage but her friendzone husband passed through the backdoor to see her parents and planned the wedding instead of going through the person he intended to marry first to.know his fate.

Secondly, OP clearly informed her aunt before wedding but that one dismissed her objection with "what will people say"

The fault is 90% her husband, 8% her family and just 2% OP.

You're enouraging her.Wait till you hear her parents reason for not consenting to marry the thug she's planning to elope with.

healthserve:




You're enouraging her.Wait till you hear her parents reason for not consenting to marry the thug she's planning to elope with.

Bros dem no de force person stay marriage. She obviously doesn't want and it is in the best interest for both parties to go their separate ways.

TonyeBarcanista:

Bros dem no de force person stay marriage. She obviously doesn't want and it is in the best interest for both parties to go their separate ways.

Bros they don't force people to get married. This would have been done before this bus stop. Abi dem dey point person gun for head marry.


You're missing the point. The attachment to teenage lust(a fantasy) is what it is. A lust. Read up Votrex368 comments above


One does everything yet is never liked let alone loved. But yet the same individual is fvcking and wants to elope someone else that isnt worth half the other being. Its nore internal than blame game. The ability to love is as innate as the ability to desperatey prevent oneself from loving a person.

Marriage is an institution that involves constant work from both parties involved and most times we get married without fully preparing ourselves for married lifestyle.

We have spent the most of our lifes thinking about number 1 [/b]YOU[b] and that's why it's difficult switching our mindset to [/b]US[b]

Also we marry due to pressure from our families, friends, and a secure net. We should only marry when we are emotionally ready and have full prepared.

Dear Poster, it pains that a your marriage like yours is about to come to an end but I believe you and hubby can try and fix this, so hit me up and we can start to revive your marriage.

healthserve:



Bros they don't force people to get married. This would have been done before this bus stop. Abi dem dey point person gun for head marry.


You're missing the point. The attachment to teenage lust(a fantasy) is what it is. A lust. Read up Votrex368 comments above


One does everything yet is never liked let alone loved. But yet the same individual is fvcking and wants to elope someone else that isnt worth half the other being. Its nore internal than blame game. The ability to love is as innate as the ability to desperatey prevent oneself from loving a person.

You miss the key point here; attraction!

See ehn, as I am, no matter how good a girl is, no matter her character, status etc, if I don't find her attractive enough, I will never find her attractive! If she likes let her do everything in the world for me, I will only like her but not love her enough.

Similar case is ongoing between the OP Girlwhocares and her husband! She never found her husband attractive enough to give her heart to him despite his good nature. Her husband also didn't even play his card well by ensuring that he get married to a woman who loves him rather than a woman whose family loves him.

See, as for the ex, lemme tell you, when I broke up with my first GF, I was still in love with her but never found her worthy enough (after the breakup) despite her numerous attempt to have us together (she is a very good and beautiful girl). Yet, I told myself that I won't date just any good girl but a girl that catches my fantasy in addition to her good character. I'm sure OP would have open her heart if she had met someone that catches her fantasies and appeals to her even after breakup with her ex.

See eh, the only solution is for OP to do deep introspection and decide what she really wants.

There is no sentiment! Her husband is the root of his problem

TonyeBarcanista:

You miss the key point here; attraction!

See ehn, as I am, no matter how good a girl is, no matter her character, status etc, if I don't find her attractive enough, I will never find her attractive! If she likes let her do everything in the world for me, I will only like her but not love her enough.

Similar case is ongoing between the OP Girlwhocares and her husband! She never found her husband attractive enough to give her heart to him despite his good nature. Her husband also didn't even play his card well by ensuring that he get married to a woman who loves him rather than a woman whose family loves him.

See, as for the ex, lemme tell you, when I broke up with my first GF, I was still in love with her but never found her worthy enough (after the breakup) despite her numerous attempt to have us together (she is a very good and beautiful girl). Yet, I told myself that I won't date just any good girl but a girl that catches my fantasy in addition to her good character. I'm sure OP would have open her heart if she had met someone that catches her fantasies and appeals to her even after breakup with her ex.

See eh, the only solution is for OP to do deep introspection and decide what she really wants.

There is no sentiment! Her husband is the root of his problem

You missed it completely. That's lust. Childish love. Marriage here. Child involved. Friends opinion. Side guy. Adultery

healthserve:




You missed it completely. That's lust. Childish love. Marriage here. Child involved. Friends opinion. Side guy. Adultery

No, it is not lust, it is love. Lust actually has to do with sexual desire ONLY and it is never long term. Lust clears after either party has gotten what they want (sex) to their satisfaction.

Love entails attraction and affection. This is what last and it is long term. Attraction and Affection are what separate love from likeness.

Marriage involve love (attraction and affection) as well as other attributes for it to blossom. Once that attraction and affection are missing, what will happen is a loveless situation where one or both partners feel scammed into the union.

Now she never loved her husband but only liked him as a friend. That the husband made her enter into the relationship through the backdoor (family) makes her feel scammed and waylayed.

I support her on seeking the way forward. She absolutely deserve happiness and not live for societal opinion. Her husband is his own problem

Girlwhocares:


Well,he's not taking care of my bills,i make my own money but he's responsible in his own lil way.
Thank you.

Now I understand why u are not Inlove with him

He's not takingcare of you and my dear that's the origin of the problems u are facing.

We women, we love it when our men take care of us, even in little ways, let him spend some money on us, even when we are billionaires. He has to spend.

And such thoughts it's not bad. That's how God created us.

You don't even have any issues.

Quote me anywhere, if your man starts spending on u, surprising u with gifts and u do same. U will see how the feelings will flow and love will creep in. Simple!
Both of u are like two strangers living in a house, going to work and coming back home.

Your problem is not even a problem.