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Is My Decision Right Or Wrong - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by Belafonte(m): 1:54pm On Mar 11, 2020
SmileDance:
well, its my opinion tho but there are still ways to manage the situation without the op appearing to be weak, the op can change the younger kids school and explain to his wife that he's doing it for peace to reign, trust me its not easy as a woman not to feel jealous in cases like this. Personally I won't marry a single father because I don't like trouble in my life.

It is easy for her not to feel jealous if she trusts her husband’s judgement and respects his decisions. There is no reason for her feel her own child has been treated shabbily, both children have no basis for comparison.
Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by Belafonte(m): 1:57pm On Mar 11, 2020
fuzzywuzzy:
The most irritating thing about Male hypocrisy is that should the tables be turned their brains would start functioning and they will tell the truth.

If a woman was openly treating her out of wedlock child better than her husbands child and telling her husband she would treat him better when he is older the fools supporting OP with stupid epistles would sing a different tune altogether.

Men are so selfish and self centered its irritating honestly.

You’re not even the wife and you’re ready to burst an artery. How is the OP treated his first daughter better than the 2 year old?

If this topic furthers your opinion on the selfishness of men, God help whoever marries you.

5 Likes

Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by Nobody: 2:31pm On Mar 11, 2020
hasyak:
I totally understand your position, 2 years old, what are they really teaching them in school, most can hardly Express themselves, ideally, they should be at home playing, instead of wasting money just to belong,

They will never understand, if money isn't a big issue, for the sake of your daughter's sanity and safety, and peace to reign in your house change his school.

But if money is an issue and can you can protect your daughter from their weakness, then stamp your feet


This would be my post if I could detail things as well as you!

1 Like

Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by TheArchangel(f): 7:43pm On Mar 11, 2020
undecided
RisenPhoenix:


Not that I would have dignified your unreasoning rant with a proper response, but you impugned my integrity. For the records, if my sister came to me with this kind of objection about her husband and his child from another wife, I will rapidly blast that stu.pid shit out of her head, and if I see any signs of her victimizing that small girl, which you seem to believe is reasonable; I will personally introduce him to the lawyer that will help him divorce her; and I'll be his witness.

And there is nothing wrong with putting a 2 year old child in a government school. It is the same ABC they will teach him. All nursery schools have practically the same 'curriculum'. The op even tried for putting him in a good school.

And yes, if a woman knows that she is too wicked to care for another woman's child objectively, she should stay off any single dad and his money that she made up her mind to eat when she married him.
Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by ImaIma1(f): 9:46pm On Mar 11, 2020
RisenPhoenix:


It takes 5 minutes if everybody is ready to agree with the decision taken. It takes weeks, months or forever if they must reach a consensus before acting. If everyone is already in agreement with thr other's decisions, then there is no need for consultation, especially in issues that concern only one party. In this case, do you think the op's wife would have agreed if he had taken her opinion first? So this whole issue of consulting is academic. He is the man. He has the right to run the household as he sees fit. If she does not trust his capability to do so, then she had no right to agree to marry him.

As for informing after taking the decision, I am absolutely ok with that, and I presume that the op informed his wife. It was still better than letting her find out by herself, because knowing women, she will probably have started wondering what else he is 'hiding' from her and letting her imagination run haywire. But objectively speaking, just look at the outcome in this case. Telling her; whether before or after taking the decision; would have made no difference here. She would still have felt jealous and taken it out on the girl.


Your summation would have been valid if the OP had discussed with his wife first. Then we would have known if it would have taken weeks, months to reach a consensus. But he didn't. Besides, it's about putting her in the know

4 Likes

Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by ImaIma1(f): 12:00am On Mar 12, 2020
Belafonte:


You’re not even the wife and you’re ready to burst an artery. How is the OP treated his first daughter better than the 2 year old?

If this topic furthers your opinion on the selfishness of men, God help whoever marries you.


But she has a point.

If a woman had come here with a story about how she upgraded her daughter that she had before in one way or the other, leaving the kids from her present husband out, would the guy take it? Even if it is for supposed good intentions.

And won't the guys on this forum be blaming and back lashing her for not letting her husband know?

It's common in this forum.

7 Likes

Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by DontBullshitMe: 2:35am On Mar 12, 2020
RisenPhoenix:


@bolded. Explain this to the op's wife. She's the one who is trying to force and blackmail the op to put their son in the same school with his daughter and needlessly spend the extra money, or else...

Being on the same page does not necessarily translate into undergoing a lengthy bureaucratic procedure before decision making; especially when women think with their emotions. I am a better decision maker than my wife; hell, I make a living out of decision making If I require her input in a decision that directly affects her I would always ask. However, this is hinged on the fact that she gives sensible reasons for her responses and advice; other than petty jealousy and other unproductive emotion. Once I suspect that the above two are her main decision making criteria, I will stop seeking her input.
Do you trade stocks? Lool
Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by Belafonte(m): 8:38am On Mar 12, 2020
ImaIma1:


But she has a point.

If a woman had come here with a story about how she upgraded her daughter that she had before in one way or the other, leaving the kids from her present husband out, would the guy take it? Even if it is for supposed good intentions.

And won't the guys on this forum be blaming and back lashing her for not letting her husband know?

It's common in this forum.

This is not true. Men have been lambasted when they have clearly erred or been unreasonable. The man with the wife found with mycoten cream readily comes to mind.

There is no reason a 2 year old should even be in school talk less of increasing his tuition fees by a whopping 50k because of mere jealousy. If he really needs that change of institution, the wife should have made that request before his step sister’s school was changed. Moreover, the OP has assured her her son’s school will be changed when he graduates. What more does she want? So, when he starts buying her sanitary pad, he must buy for her son? Is that not madness?

He doesn’t need it and she’s doing this for purely selfish reasons. This is how parents cause strife between siblings.

6 Likes

Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by frozen70(f): 4:43pm On Mar 14, 2020
Mrperfecto:
I have 3 wonderful children 9,2, 5 months. My first daughter is from my previous relationship. I recently changed her school to an expensive one 50k more than her old school. My son still attending the old school which is a good school with expensive fees too. My wife is not happy and accused me of loving my daughter more than her kids. I love my children equally and told her I don’t see the point of changing his school Now , he is only 2 in primary one and has promised to change him to the new school when he is in primary one. She has been acting funny and treats my daughter like her worst enemy , which I reported the matter to her mother. She supported my wife and said I should change his school for peace to reign, I was shocked I taught she would talk to my wife and makes her understanding instead she sided her. Anyways I still stick to my decision of not changing his school and my wife is still mad. Is it worth it to move him school ? I hope I’m not wrong with my decision ?

In as much as your son is still in KG he can be closer home because your daughter who is nine years will soon enter secondary school and your son will be left alone there

Where I will blame you is if you don't buy for three of them anytime you are buying for all

Tell your wife to take it easy over the matter of your first daughter because you can as well still keep in touch with her mother and she won't do anything

She should be concerned about uniting the children and stop looking for faults

1 Like

Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by frozen70(f): 4:44pm On Mar 14, 2020
EliteDude:
Wow...didn't you see any sign that your wife might not be comfortable with your daughter before marriage?

That alone won't even stop him from marrying her if she is not comfortable with his daughter

If she Can't cope she can as well leave and her mother will come in
Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by EliteDude(m): 4:48pm On Mar 14, 2020
frozen70:


That alone won't even stop him from marrying her if she is not comfortable with his daughter

If she Can't cope she can as well leave and her mother will come in


Why do petty and non essential issues hamper marriages?
Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by frozen70(f): 4:50pm On Mar 14, 2020
EliteDude:



Why do petty and non essential issues hamper marriages?

That's why us called marriage, where women feels that they should be given fair hearing and consideration
Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by EliteDude(m): 4:53pm On Mar 14, 2020
frozen70:


That's why us called marriage, where women feels that they should be given fair hearing and consideration

I dont understand, can you rephrase that?
Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by frozen70(f): 4:58pm On Mar 14, 2020
EliteDude:


I dont understand, can you rephrase that?

Don't worry, whw you get married you will experience better and get the logic well
Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by EliteDude(m): 5:10pm On Mar 14, 2020
frozen70:


Don't worry, whw you get married you will experience better and get the logic well

Wow!
Ok then, you seem to speak from experience !
Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by Microwhy: 7:37pm On Mar 14, 2020
Don't change any school bro..
Tell her to try doing nasty thing to your boy (her son) and see if you love your children so much or not.
Let her learn to love your girl unconditionall if she want peace to reign in the house.. please don't give in on this matter.
Don't make her let you choose between your daughter and her wishes. They are all your blood, it's she that is not your blood and she can walk away anytime. So warn her never to let such thing ever come up again. You're their father and you love them more than anything in the world.
Please.man-up bro. God forbid! If anything should happen to you, she might decided to go and leave you with the children she claim she's fighting for now.
Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by Water9430(m): 6:35am On Mar 15, 2020
Ginaz:
Oga if you think people here would side with you and call your wife names you are wrong . Clearly what you did asassa unfair somehow sha, you should have discussed it with your wife first before taking the step you did.

Nobody is saying you shouldn’t take good care of your daughter but then it’s not easy for your wife too. Try to calm her down oga... you didn’t try at all.
Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by Omar09(m): 6:46am On Mar 15, 2020
Mrperfecto:

Well in that case I know what to do. My daughter comes first she will stay and I will send my wife back to her parents

This is very good. Don't mind others saying otherwise, because the moment you give in to her tantrums, that is the beginning of more tantrums. Don't worry she will quiet down once she sees that your stance is firm! And she will rarely bring up tantrum to get what she wants. She will device other means. Still you have to stand strong.
Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by MZrapper(f): 6:55am On Mar 15, 2020
freecocoahubby:


This right here is a MAJOR sign that your wife has mental issues and will potentially abuse your daughter in your absence!

I mean what right thinking human would treat a little kid as their "worst enemy" for a decision her father made? Smh.
And you just had to insult another man's wife?? What sort of animals do we have on this forum sef? Would you die if you didn't label her wife foully?
Grow up sissy.
Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by MZrapper(f): 6:56am On Mar 15, 2020
cococandy:


Sigh

Troll. Should have known. Probably isn’t even married.

grincheesy
Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by Amya(f): 7:33am On Mar 15, 2020
Belafonte:


This is not true. Men have been lambasted when they have clearly erred or been unreasonable. The man with the wife found with mycoten cream readily comes to mind.

There is no reason a 2 year old should even be in school talk less of increasing his tuition fees by a whopping 50k because of mere jealousy. If he really needs that change of institution, the wife should have made that request before his step sister’s school was changed. Moreover, the OP has assured her her son’s school will be changed when he graduates. What more does she want? So, when he starts buying her sanitary pad, he must buy for her son? Is that not madness?

He doesn’t need it and she’s doing this for purely selfish reasons. This is how parents cause strife between siblings.


Like I seriously can't believe what some women are writing on here. How in the world can a woman feel jealous that a 9 year old (almost in secondary school) and her two year old kindergartener isn't in the same school. And I see many women siding with her.

Isn't he just 2 years old? or am I mistaken? And the guy even promised to change his school when he gets to primary 1 and this woman is still acting out. Wow. Did she feel the need to change his school before then or she's putting her 2 year old in competition with a 9 year old? And people keep justifying the nonsense? That woman isn't a nice woman if something like this is distressing her.

If both kids were in the same age range, I'd have accused the man of favouritism, but they aren't even close in age. See what's disturbing this woman. We we women we have wahala sha...

2 Likes

Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by Belafonte(m): 8:50am On Mar 15, 2020
Amya:


Like I seriously can't believe what some women are writing on here. How in the world can a woman feel jealous that a 9 year old (almost in secondary school) and her two year old kindergartener isn't in the same school. And I see many women siding with her.

Isn't he just 2 years old? or am I mistaken? And the guy even promised to change his school when he gets to primary 1 and this woman is still acting out. Wow. Did she feel the need to change his school before then or she's putting her 2 year old in competition with a 9 year old? And people keep justifying the nonsense? That woman isn't a nice woman if something like this is distressing her.

If both kids were in the same age range, I'd have accused the man of favouritism, but they aren't even close in age. See what's disturbing this woman. We we women we have wahala sha...

It’s just amazing to see people suspend logic to score points for their gender. If they really wanted this woman to be happy in her home, they would give her advice that sees her act fair and reasonably.

But in the interest of peace, I advise the husband to enroll the 2 year old in Harvard, there’s no way his wife won’t be convinced of his love for her then.

1 Like

Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by Keemsleek005(m): 1:26pm On Mar 15, 2020
Ibeze:
Don't change your position or your wife and her mother will believe you can always be made to change your mind, when she acts funny.


God bless you
Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by Resurgent2016: 1:43pm On Mar 15, 2020
Mrperfecto:
She lives with me

For the sake of the welfare your daughter, do what your wife says. Jealousy/envy can bring out the worst in women character
Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by Misscongenialit: 8:00pm On Mar 15, 2020
Mrperfecto:

To be frank with you I had no issue with her old school she started there since nursery2 until she left in primary 5. My elder sister enrolled her kids at the new school last year and I just like everything about this new school and because I could afford it that was why I have changed her. The amount that I’m paying for her in primary 5 it’s very fair to me but for a 2 years old I think it’s waste of money. It’s not like my 2 years old will be at the old school forever , like I said earlier I promised my wife that he will join his sister when he is in primary one but my wife still not satisfied with my decision.

My friend, you need wisdom having to live with a woman and a child thatd not hers, dnt get me wrong its not difficult but its not that east, the best way to look at this is put urself in her shoes.

Where i fault you is taking the decision to change school wothout carrying her along, afterall its this same wife that has been catering for her? Or have u been the one cooking, feeding, and doing home chores for her, No?
Then suddenly u take a decision without informing her who has been takinģ care . It simply means shes just a caretaker, whereas she has put herself in a motherly position. You did wrong there and if u allow this to linger it will be disastrous for all of u.
.
What you can do , u need to keep aside ur ego now its not needed! Find a good time , lovingly call your wife and sit her down. Let her know u have no intentions to hurt her feeling and u re sorry if ur actions hurt her. Ask her to forgive u and going forward you will carry her along.
So long as she remains under ur roof she is her child and she should be carried along justblike for other kids.
Pls not that carrying her along does not reduce ur position as a man but it shows that u value what she does even for a child that's not her

Pls go amf make peace with your wife, u need it to live long
Re: Is My Decision Right Or Wrong by Anguldi(m): 12:44pm On Feb 24
dominique:
You have started sowing seeds of resentment in your wife towards your daughter by placing the girl in a more superior school to your other kid. If the girl was her biological daughter, she would have understood but she's not and there's no way she won't think you're giving your daughter unfair preferential treatment. Sadly it's the little girl that will suffer for this not you

Thanks for this, Same op topic at FP

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